Guruphiliac

Handsy Guru Pukes Gold

2011-12-08T21:28:00.009-07:00

File under: Hands Where They Don't Belong and Satscams

Sai Baba copycat fauxru Swami Vishwananda had to dissolve his spiritual organization in 2008 after it was discovered he was using his brahmacharis (novice renunciate monks) as a personal sex slave service. But pretty much like any other guru caught with his hands where they don't belong, he has managed to stay in business, and indeed, seems to be thriving. Because now, he miraculously vomits gold on YouTube.

Sri Sri Called Out As RSS

2011-11-07T12:55:00.008-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The RSS is the Indian equivalent of the Ku Klux Klan; its founder admired Adoph Hitler and emulated the methods of the Nazi party of WWII Germany. Now, guess which popular guru in India has been called out as a prominent supporter… [Ed.note: correct answer: pretty much all of them.]

Congress general secretary Digvijay Singh on Friday fired a fresh salvo at Art of Living guru Sri Sri Ravishankar, saying the spiritual guru is the "C grade worker of the Rashtriya Swayamsewak Sangh (RSS)".

While we realize this is just politics, let us point out that this is just politics, not spirituality in any form that we care to recognize. It's just another par on the course for the famous fauxru on his seemingly insatiable charge for more money, power, and influence in Bharat.

Very Little Enlightening, A Lot More Mad

2011-10-02T18:01:00.007-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Andrew Cohen's "truth," by a kind and talented reader. (click to enlarge)

The Continuing Decline of the United States

2011-09-12T18:39:00.005-06:00

File under: Satscams

The evidence:

I sincerely hope this car's driver doesn't step in my lunch, which I was involuntarily compelled to deposit on the curb.

This Is Not Holiness

2011-09-08T08:56:00.005-06:00

File under: Satscams

This morning, a particularly astute reader ("you're doing a great job") sent a link to this Tehelka article, revealing that the great scammiji, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, is squatting on land he could probably buy with his laundry money (it takes a lot—a WHOLE lot—to keep those robes white):

THE ‘GURU of joy’ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has been found guilty of encroaching more than five acres of government land worth Rs 50 crore in Karnataka. The land meant to be distributed to the poor and landless has been illegally acquired by Sri Sri, who has constructed an Art of Living meditation centre on it, violating the law.

The law? What law can guide the behavior of such an exalted holiness like this? A living "god" can choose to take whatever he wants from whomever he wishes. After all, it's all his, right? You know Sri Sri thinks so.

On Ammachi

2011-08-30T20:09:00.002-06:00

File under: Amma All-Over-The-Planet

Amma is a symbol of the Shakti, but she herself is nothing more than a woman who seemingly cares about others and found a way to do that. The idea that she has special powers is what draws the most people to her; their faith is based on the belief that being in her presence is being in God's presence, and that their problems might be solved as a result. It's on her website. You could call it a crass manipulation, but even if she honestly cares about these people, their folk ideas of enlightenment—endorsed and enjoyed by Amma—translate into occluding notions that kill understanding rather than promote it.

The fact that she hugs so much is no proof of her divinity. There are folks who can run a hundred miles in a day. Amma's talents as a hugger are comparable to those of any leading athlete. We may treat them as gods, but nobody in sports is actually thought of as God. Is a simple white dress, good endurance, and a smile for most all it takes for a talented human being to be seen as God? It actually takes much less … just look at Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. ;)

The Highest Loka An American Criminal Can Hope For

2011-03-25T09:13:00.003-06:00

File under: Hands Where They Don't Belong and Gurus Doin' Time

Swami Prakashanand Saraswati is still on the run, but we have a feeling the U.S. marshalls are closing in. Enjoy it while you can, Swamiji. You are now one of America's Most Wanted.

PrakashakaBOOM Is On The Lam

2011-03-07T19:11:00.008-07:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and Hands Where They Don't Belong

Swami Prakashanand Saraswati, recently convicted of 20 counts of child molestation, didn't show up at his sentencing hearing this morning:

A warrant has been issued for the 82-year-old Hindu guru convicted on all 20 counts of indecency with a child after he didn't show up for the punishment phase of the trial Monday morning.

Hays County sheriff's officials believe he is in the company of a woman named Vishwambhari Devi.

While PrakashakaBOOM is off playing Bonnie and Clyde, we wonder how Peter Spiegel is feeling. He's the sucker devotee who put up 10-million dollars in bail money for the slimy swami. The infomercial king made most of his money suckering folks with cheap products on TV. Whiplash karma, ye retribution is swift and deep.

Swami PrakashakaBOOM Will Fondle No More

2011-03-06T21:12:00.004-07:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time

Justice took the scenic route, but finally arrived for the victims of Swami Prakashanand Saraswati of Barsana Dham ashram in Austin, TX:

Prakashanand Saraswati, known to his devotees as Shree Swamiji, was convicted of all 20 counts of indecency with a child by sexual contact…

The jury of eight men and four women returned its guilty verdict after deliberating for less than two hours. The announcement by District Court Judge Charles Ramsay was met with muffled sobs by the women, who exchanged hugs. Beyond saying they were pleased with the verdict, they declined to comment…

Jurors will reconvene on Monday to decide on a sentence. Each of the 20 charges carries a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison.

Meanwhile, the creepy guru's even more creepy guru, Kripalu (Kreepalu) Maharaj, himself accused several times of the same sin, sits free somewhere in the world, thanking his lucky stars he's been able to get away with it so far.

We've Moved to Facebook

2010-12-01T20:57:00.002-07:00

Same great insightful critique about gurus and the selling of nondual awareness (or load of rubbish, YMMV), new venue on Facebook:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Guruphiliac/170255186340026

Whacking "The Work"

2010-08-06T19:00:00.003-06:00

File under: Gurus Clockin' Dollars

We don't know who this person is, but we're all about this analysis of Byron "Big Bucks" Katie's "The Work":

There is a subtle nuance in the language of the facilitators of "the work" which reveals a deep, internal contradiction between what is practiced and what is preached.

Ostensibly, the work began as an "I" realization, one where Katie saw her own thoughts as projections and the outside world as a reflection of those projections.

From all accounts I have heard of people who experienced some sort of enlightenment, that experience came about from and inward collapsing of something that was blocking perception, and an emerging clarity. This seems to occur spontaneously after a period of disturbance. I have never heard of anyone having an enlightenment experience from performing some method (other than pure meditative concentration/contemplation), especially not from one that involves making noise inside the mind with more words and questions. Words and thoughts are forms of mind activity. The pain of mental activity is not resolved with more mental activity. It is resolved with listening and feeling, which lead into inner silence, stillness, and clarity.

In the application of attempting to teach "the work", a facilitator is immediately violating one of its own principles, namely, to "stay in one's own business." By now, how many other people's business has Byron Katie gotten into? It's difficult to take her preaching seriously when she herself is doing precisely what she recommends to her students not to do.

Furthermore, the moment I try to teach you that your thoughts are a projection of your mind, the idea that you need to learn this, and that I need to teach you, are projections of my mind. If I'm saying to you, "it's all about you", I have stepped outside of the circle of what is true about me, the circle in which I have a real say. It would seem disrespectful and presumptuous for me to delve into your inner dialogue and try to get you to see something about yourself, when my job is to listen and respond from my own truth. I see Byron Katie attempting to impose her own views over and over again in the conversations in her books. It is as though when you are expressing a judgement, it is a projection, but when she is expressing a judgment, she's seeing and telling it like it is. The idea that I know something you need to learn, and that I need to teach you, is a projection of my mind. There is no humility or respect in trying to teach you the "truth", since everyone is born from the truth, dies and returns to the truth, and is the truth. No special courses are required to learn honesty. Life experience and just saying what is on the heart is enough!

We realize that some folks are helped by the Work. Others only lose lots of money. Caveat emptor.

Finally.

2010-07-03T00:27:00.003-06:00

File under: Real True Gurus

We doubt Alan really goes for the title "guru," but this is the best video about enlightenment we've ever watched, so it sticks if you pin it on him.

How to experience enlightenment from Alan Chapman on Vimeo.

The Little Kracki Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

2010-06-28T20:37:00.006-06:00

File under: Satscams

After being lambasted in the Indian press for drugging his devotees and making off with their money, it looks like the discredited Kalki Bhagavan and his Oneness Movement are trying to rebrand themselves as the One World Academy, an organization which appears to be run by his son Krishna and daughter-in-law Preetha. The last time we heard about these two, they were summoned to the court to explain their shady financial dealings:

The [public interest litigation] was filed in the Madras High Court in November 2002 and apart from the ‘godman’ and his wife, several relatives including his son, NKV Krishna and his daugher-in-law Preetha were made respondents…

The report goes on to say that of this sum, Preetha had invested Rs 1.38 crore in the acquisition of shares. The report states that in a list that Krishna gave the Income Tax department, he has admitted that he, his wife and their companies and trusts owned as many as 33 vehicles. Giri also stated in the report that he had received gifts worth [over $1,000,000] and that they were mostly from abroad and “that he could not say exactly that they were for the movement”. The donations were further given as gifts to various persons, as loans to various companies and he had also used a major part.

And now, they have a new enterprise, the One World Academy, and lookie who's the "inspiration" for it all:

One World Academy draws its inspiration from Sri Bhagavan, the founder of the Oneness Movement. Our Faculty forever cherishes and acknowledges the unique blessing of learning directly from Sri Bhagavan over two decades. His wisdom and love have touched our lives and we express deep gratitude to him.

Since the media and authorities came and burned his last pasture, the Kracki and his family have just gone and fenced in a new one, and according to a recent tip, they are looking for more sheeple to fleece in Aspen, Colorado.

Too bad Hunter S. Thomson isn't there to deal with it anymore.

1000th Post! Crooked Christ Still Crooked

2010-06-25T16:36:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: For those who care, this is the 1000th entry on this blog.]

Today, a Kaleshwar insider sent a revealing comment about this notorious satscammer:

Kaleshwar knows little humility himself anymore. Last year he told many of us that he has now achieved greater power than Kali herself.

He's praying upon those who are desperate to believe in something. His teachers will eventually relate to you that he, (or deferentially Shirdi Sai Baba), chose you to become a student through some divine knowledge of your soul's readiness… but really this is psychological warfare against your natural doubt.

You are meant to think... "What if he's right? What if I am special. I will miss something."

…and suddenly, you'll be spending another $1008.00 for a process, or a useless blessed trinket.

Wackadoo guru, scheming flimflam man, or both? Whichever, he's not worth your time, and most definitely not worth your money.

How To Be A Bigtime Guru

2010-06-09T14:48:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Step 1: Make up a fanciful mythology about your youth:

Kaleshwar did not speak for the first seven years of his life and would often accept only a single drop of water as his daily sustenance. When asked years later the reason for this unusual behavior, he said, simply, that he was absorbing cosmic energy. Miracles occurred around him: once his grandfather observed the divine appearance of the Goddess Saraswati standing guard over him while he slept; another time, it was a king cobra, its mantel spread, that shaded him as he napped soundly on the ground in the backyard at his grandfather’s farm.

Don't be fooled, folks. This guy is a crook.

(Thanks, Semblanceji!)

Assassination Attempt Becomes PR Boon For Sri Sri

2010-05-31T00:27:00.009-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Our own guru of gurubusting just informed us that last night in Bangalore, after returning from giving satsang, someone took a shot with a .38 handgun at the car Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was riding in. An attendant sustained a minor graze, but there were no other injuries. Nobody saw the attacker.

While we are sincerely glad he "survived", we wonder if we'll be the only one to consider the fact that this "setup" has resulted in a huge PR boost for Sri Sri. As one might expect after observing him for a few years, he's already playing it up as the spiritual hero and has "forgave" his attacker(s).

Like other brilliant self-promoters throughout history, Sri Sri has managed to turn this sour vinegar into a fine wine.

Update: As forecast, it's turning out that Sri Sri just may have brewed this vinegar himself:

It seems like this fell far short of a serious attack on one of India’s most revered religious figures.

The director-general of police of Karnataka, Ajai Kumar Singh, held a press conference Monday morning. Among his revelations: The bullet was fired from more than 700 feet. That’s more than 200 yards. With a .32-caliber pistol.

He also refused to call it an attack. Or an assassination attempt. Or, indeed, anything beyond “an incident.” He noted that the incident appears to have taken place five minutes after Mr. Shankar left the place where it happened.

Home Minister P. Chidambaram, at a press conference later Monday in New Delhi, also said it was his understanding that Mr. Shankar was not there when the incident took place and that it stemmed from a disagreement between two of his followers.

This assassiscam has been brought to you by the Art of Living.

Buddhist "Monk" On The Town

2010-05-04T21:09:00.003-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

This guy is showing Swami Nithyananda how it's done:

With his heavily lined face and thin graying hair brushing his shoulders, the guru didn't quite blend with the Cielo scene, though he did his best, boogying down with a young Chanel-clad Russian girl. Erin Vaughan, another yoga teacher there that night, was shocked. "He was on the dance floor, and there was nothing enlightened about it," she says.

It's amazing how far down the path of the ridiculous one's grandiosity will carry one. There, but for the grace of the fact that most folks think we're full of crap, go we.

Our Man In The Garage With The Goods

2010-04-28T21:31:00.003-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Doin' Time and Hands Where They Don't Belong

For those still interested in the ever-increasingly sordid affair of Swami Nithyananda, we would like to point out that our man in a parking structure somewhere deep in Bharat, Deepam Throat, just keeps coming up with the goods in the comments section of this blog. Here's a sample of some of today's latest:

The State Criminal Investigation Department (CID) sleuths have stumbled upon a personal bank account of self-styled godman Nithyananda with a leading private sector bank in Bangalore in which he has a whopping total deposit of around Rs 32 crore.

The bank has frozen the account at the behest of the CID which is looking into all the financial transactions –– accounted as well as unaccounted –– of the godman who is now under police custody for interrogation.

At least three other bank accounts where two trusts run by Nithyananda maintain a deposit of around Rs 20-25 crore have already been frozen. The CID is analysing these accounts and the sources of the funds. Efforts are also on to trace whether money from these accounts has been transferred to undisclosed banks abroad.

While we were overcome with Nithy fatigue weeks ago, DT is still going very strong, so keep your eyes on the comments section here for the latest in the saga of the sex tape swami.

Straight-Up Pimpin' Swami Nithy

2010-04-23T01:03:00.003-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and Hands Where They Don't Belong

Our turban has now been placed at the feet of the recently-arrested Swami Nithyananda. The man was clearly a superstar womanizer, a veritable Himalaya of seduction as an "enlightened master" employing his "powers" as a lure for the pretty, curvy things he was desiring to ravish.

One might ask the question, why didn't we hear about this sooner? One possible answer: this sex god had each of his conquests sign a non-disclosure agreement (NDA), one that pretty much covers all the bases:

One clause of the agreement, accessed by TOI, states: “Volunteer understands that the Program may involve the learning and practice of ancient tantric secrets associated with male and female ecstasy, including the use of sexual energy for increased intimacy/spiritual connection, pleasure, harmony and freedom. Volunteer understands that these activities could be physically and mentally challenging, and may involve nudity, access to visual images, graphic visual depictions, and descriptions of nudity and sexual activity, close physical proximity and intimacy, verbal and written descriptions and audio sounds of a sexually oriented, and erotic nature, etc."

It further says: "By reading and signing this addendum, Volunteer irrevocably acknowledges that he/she is voluntarily giving his unconditional acceptance of such activities and discharges the Leader and the Foundation, and anyone else not specifically mentioned here but directly or indirectly involved in the organization, management or conduct of any such programs from any liability, direct or indirect, arising from such activities."

Swami Nithyananda was clearly getting his fill of guru groupie love, and as someone who knows no such thing, we must salute him. But we remain staunchly opposed to the idea that nondual understanding renders one a God rather than just a person who can see clearly that they are not one bit different in essence from anyone else on this planet. Nithy used the idea he was more God than you to fleece and to f**k. Now, he's paying for it with quadruple-interest and his own exposed receiving end.

Swami Nithyananda Is Now Behind Bars

2010-04-21T20:15:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time

Despite all his miraculous healing powers, Swami Nithyananda could not make his cellphone activity invisible to the police:

[The swami was] arrested after the authorities tracked a mobile phone having a Himachal Pradesh sim card to establish [his] location, Superintendent of Police, Solan, Prem Kumar Thakur, said.

Now the game becomes: which of the arrested suspects is going to flip first on the others. This saga has only just begun. Get ready for months more of Nithy, his lies, and those who both like and dislike him on your screens.

Itchie Leeves His U.S. Nest, Still Supreme Leader of Dahn

2010-04-09T21:58:00.004-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Dahn Yoga founder Ilchi Lee has resigned from the board of "the group which advised Dahn Yoga and other affiliated entities," in the U.S. He's still very much in charge of his org in Korea, and almost certainly so in the U.S., despite what Dahn recruitment personnel may be saying.

Turban tip to Yogadawg for the link.

Deepam From The Garage

2010-04-06T19:37:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting

[Ed.note: This was slipped into our email box late last night. Just when you thought it was over, the Nithyananda onion gives up another layer.]

Dear Friends of Guruphiliac,

In the interest of truth, I am coming forward as a source of information on the empire that was Nithyananda. My name is Deepam Throat, and I suggest you follow the money with me. All of those flimsy charges of "corrupting the minds of believers" are really nothing compared to the possible violation of Indian, International, and U.S. financial and tax laws. Here is the information I have found easily on the web:

According to Lenin Karuppan, who broke the scandal wide open:

The Nithyananda Dhyanapeetam, fugitive godman Nithyananda's so-called abode of healing and spirituality, was also the centre of a thriving business which his younger brother, Nithyeshwar Ananda ran. The Nithyananda Imports & Exports company is "registered in the name of Nithyananda's brother and another ashram member."

Nithyeshwar, who is believed to have fled the Bidadi ashram along with Nithyananda on March 2 when the scandal broke, is in charge of all accounts for the Dhyanapeetam's India operations since 2004. According to Karuppan, who was a Dhyanapeetam insider since 2006, "all books, gift article, statues (made of wood, stone, marble and metal) etc are sent to the United States and other countries through this company."

Karuppan admitted he did not have access to all financial records of the Dhyanapeetam. "But I have firsthand information with regards to Galleria department accounts, of which I had direct knowledge, and through my close association with other top department heads and inner circle members I have indirect knowledge.

(Mangalorean April 4)

By doing a simple search, I found a bill of lading for a shipment totaling 17,031 kilograms from Nithyananda Exports & Imports to "NITHYANANDA DHYANPEETAM TEMPLE & CULTURAL CENTER." (This confirms what Lenin was saying.)

The Temple is a non-profit corporation which is not required to file tax records. The weight of that one shipment was over 17,000 kg! This is a shipment from one company registered in India to a non-profit in the U.S. A tunnel, so to speak, of tons of tax-free goods that was resold at exorbitant prices.

There are at least 7 corporations in the US, in California, associated with Nithyananda. A simple search on the California web site resulted in this list:

INTERNATIONAL GOVERNING BODY COMMISSION OF NITHYANANDA DHYANAPEETAM AND NITHYANANDA MISSION

NITHYANANDA ANNA MANDIR

NITHYANANDA DHYANAPEETAM OF SAN JOSE

NITHYANANDA DHYANAPEETAM TEMPLE & CULTURAL CENTER

NITHYANANDA FOUNDATION

NITHYANANDA YOGA & MEDITATION UNIVERSITY

NITHYANANDA YOGA FOUNDATION, INC.

Why does a simple monk need so many corporations? Even SYDA has only one!

As you can see from this investigation of public records, Nithyananda, Inc., was doing a brisk and lucrative business for at least 6 years. This may be just the tip of the iceberg. Or perhaps the tip of the Himalayas, if you prefer.

Just follow the money. That is all. Meet me here again in the future. I will contact you. Until then, be blissful!

Regards,

Deepam Throat

Swami Nithyananda Down For The Count

2010-03-30T14:15:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

We have to admit a tinge of sadness for the guy:

The 32-year-old said in a statement that he was resigning as the head of his organisation, Dhyanapeetam (Knowledge Centre), and from all the trusts associated with him.

His organisation has branches in several countries, including the US and Europe.

"If required, I will return and talk about all that had happened as an independent witness to my conduct with a clean heart and pure soul and in a less prejudiced atmosphere," he said.

He said he had decided to live a "life of spiritual seclusion for an indefinite time".

We don't think for a minute that it's over. These kind of conditions are perfect for generating a phoenix.

Nithy's Naughtiness Reaches California

2010-03-28T23:35:00.006-06:00

File under: Gurubusting

The sky keeps falling on Swami Nithyananda's head. Now it's a case filed in California by another of the now many disgruntled devotees:

In his complaint to California state Attorney General Jerry Brown on March 25, McKellor [former Swami Nithya Praba] has brought serious charges of sex, fraud, financial irregularities and physical abuse of devotees in the US against Nithyananda. Copies of the complaints are in the possession of Deccan Herald.

Like Lenin Karuppan, who exposed the sex videos featuring Nithyananda and a Tamil actress and also accused him of "raping" or having sex with other women in his Bidadi ashram, McKellor has claimed that at least on one occasion he "was placed as a guard in front of the door to make sure that no one, repeat no one, disturbed him and his lady guest".

While McKellor has not disclosed the date when he was asked to guard Nithyananda's room, he does mention that it took place when the godman headed a two-day workshop in a Sanatan Dharma temple in Norwalk, California. McKellor, who is a Hindu, alleges that Nithyananda "ate his meals or rested alone with young attractive (women) followers" in his private quarters at the cult organisation's Norwalk and Montclair ashrams.

Wow. Like Elin Woods or Sandra Bullock, the bad news just keeps coming for those devotees who gave their all to Nithyananda. It now seems all he really ever had to offer was a booby-trapped bhakti. May their pain soon resolve itself into wisdom.

Swami Nithyananda Keeps Falling

2010-03-19T18:41:00.010-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time

The gobs of counter-propaganda lobbed into the internets by his devotees have been unsuccessful. Swami Nithyananda is in some serious shit now:

Police said the charges were slapped on the basis of details filed by Central Crime Branch (CCB) police of Chennai and Coimabatore and also statements given by a former devotee of Nithyananda, who surrendered before the Tamil Nadu police earlier this month.

Based on these statements, police said two cases have been registered with other accusations under sub-sections. The sections included cheating, rape, defiling place of worship and public nuisance among others.

The depth of the pit that Nithyananda has fallen into is utterly astounding, epic, even almost divine. As high as he placed himself on his multiple gold thrones, as many times as he put his own picture higher than that of Ramakrishna and the other saints he was piggybacking on; all this seems to have gone into the formula which has determined the measure of his crash back to Earth, making the karmic geometry of this thing is off the chain.

PS: It just occurred to us that all this might not be as serious in India as it is in the States. Perhaps greening the right palms can be an adequate remedy for the swami. Please correct us if we're wrong.

An "American Guru's" Sleazy Steering

2010-03-12T01:14:00.006-07:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

It is being alleged that Andrew Cohen is using sleazy SEO tactics to divert folks from William Yenner's American Guru page.

Excuse us for a sec so we can suddenly fall out of our chair in disbelief.

Two More Old Scammijis In the News: Kreepalu and PrakashakaBOOM

2010-03-10T20:21:00.005-07:00

File under: Backroom Gurudom and Gurubusting

[Ed.note: We fear this fine effort by our Barsana Dham correspondent about yet another two gurus in trouble with the law, Kripalu Maharaj and Prakashanand Saraswati, might get lost in the haze of exploded guru mist floating over India right now.]

By a former resident of Barsana Dham

Is it karma, or kaliyug, or simply the tipping point of a growing intolerance for the overabundance of fake Hindu gurus?

My bet — and hope — is that it is the tipping point: And that the intelligent people of the world will rise up and kick these fake holy men to the curb — that is if the cowards don’t run into hiding first, as is the case with the dastardly duo: Kripalu Maharaj and Prakashanand Saraswati.

Along with all the other intriguing scammiji scandals making the headlines these days, it’s interesting to find that these two partners in crime hit the news within hours of each other (Kreepalu in a BIG way). We’ll start with Prakasha-boom.

Prakasha-Boom Gets Criminal Trial in Texas Delayed — Again
It was never a question of IF Prakashanand would pull a last-minute health crisis to evade justice for 20 counts of indecency with children in Texas: It was always a question of WHICH “health crisis” he would choose. Now we know. “Back surgery.” As reported by the Austin American-Stateman, a “doctor” in India claims that Prakashanand “shouldn’t sit for more than a half-hour at a time.”

As such, his lawyers asked the Hays criminal court for a delay, which was granted Wed.

Awwwwww. Poor guy. Darn the luck. And all he’s ever wanted was his day in court.

But, seriously, I don’t understand the problem. It’s not like he ever SAT for very long anyway. He does most of his work lying down (if you get my drift). Also, the guy flies first-class. I never have, but I’ve seen photos. Don’t you like get a bed and five-star treatment in first-class? Sounds pretty comfortable to me. Also, I’m sure the Hays County Court would have no problem bringing a bed into the courtroom. I’m just saying, there are ways around this “health problem” if you just think outside the box a little.

Curiously, for 20 years Prakashanand received the vast majority of his medical care in the United States — from dental care to neck surgery. Call me skeptical, but it just seems a tad strange that now, at this time, he would receive such major medical care in India. I mean, his “doctor” didn’t even have the wherewithal to say it was “emergency” surgery. Hmmmmmmm.

The fact is, this guy is never coming back to U.S. soil. I know it. You know it. He knows it. So let’s just end the farce: Let the Hays county court collect its $10 million bond, let Prakashanand be labeled a fugitive from justice, and let the world know he’s a lying coward.

Kripalu Shows the World His True Colors — He’s an Orange-Bellied Coward, Too
Speaking of cowards, they must run in packs: Because Kripalu showed himself to be the jagadguru of pathetic cowards.

This is actually a very sad story. If you haven’t heard, approximately 65 people died and dozens more were injured in Kripalu’s main ashram in Mangarh India this past week. They were all women and children who had gone to receive free food and handouts. The ashram had announced the event to all villagers in the surrounding area. The turnout was huge, as expected. News reports conflict a bit, but the bottomline is that Kripalu and his people did not plan for proper crowd control. Something happened to scare the crowd (either the gate collapsed or an electrical wire fell), creating a stampede. Dozens of people were crushed and some killed.

While the world’s heart was breaking for the innocent victims, Kripalu and his organization, Jagadguru Kripalu Parishat (JKP), were blaming the victims.

JKP-Barana Dham in Austin Texas released a statement on Friday saying: “unruly crowd causes injuries and death.” One word: Pathetic!

Interestingly, Kripalu went into hiding two hours after the disaster, according to several news reports: “Kripalu Maharaj, whose ashram witnessed a stampede killing 63 people, fled from the complex two hours after the tragedy and is untraceable, a district official said today.”

In a telephone statement from an “undisclosed location” (who is he Vice President Cheney?), Kripalu tried to say that he never invited any of the people to his ashram. Which is, of course, ludicrous.

The ashram has claimed it is going to give some money to the victims: But it’s a pittance compared to how much they spend on cars, homes, food, and other luxuries for their own comfort and desires. It’s a disgrace that they have the nerve to call themselves a charitable organization.

The local police are hoping to lodge an FIR against Kripalu or his organization under Section 304 (A) of the IPC that covers charges of causing death due to negligence.

In a press conference yesterday Kripalu finally appeared, but said nothing: “Claiming he was ill, Maharaj appeared before mediapersons but did not answer questions fielded by them.” This is a man who normally will not shut up.

Meanwhile, his ashram spokesperson admitted Kripalu was guilty: “The spokesman of the hospital at the ashram, K.P. Singh, said God was responsible for the deaths.” Ummm, hello … Kripalu says that he himself is God!

All I can say is that the real God will bless the poor women and children — who are only the latest, and most visible, victims of this particular fake Hindu holy man. And now, at least, the world is seeing Kripalu’s true colors.

[Ed.note: Our sincere thanks to our correspondent for taking the time to put this hard-edged piece together. It's just the way we like it.]

Rancorous Ramdev On A Rampage

2010-03-10T19:55:00.005-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

With Sri Sri Ravi Shankar remaining relatively silent during the great guru gotchas of the last few weeks, the rancorous Swami Ramdev has stepped to the line and let loose with both barrels:

Yoga guru Swami Ramdev… has sought [a] death sentence for fraud 'babas' who indulged in wrong doings in the name of religion.

Expressing the need to keep a check on fraud religious gurus, Ramdev prescribed a minimum qualification to prevent everyone from becoming a 'baba'.

We imagine he'll have most of his own frauds grandfathered in.

Nithy Leads India's Lewd Godmen

2010-03-08T09:52:00.003-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Look who made the top of the list of naughty (and some downright nasty) gurus:

In the complaint filed with Chennai City Police Commissioner T Rajendran, Lenin, who claimed to be an inmate of the ashram in Bangalore since 2006, said the swami used to lure young women devotees claiming that he was the reincarnation of Lord Krishna.

That's Kreepalu (Kripalu) Maharaj's conceit. He's number three now.

Nithy Couldn't Give Up The Gold For The Woman

2010-03-08T00:00:00.003-07:00

File under: Gurus Clockin' Dollars

In one of Mother Kali's more elegant karmic pas de deux, Swami Nithyananda turned down his Tamil actress girlfriend's proposal to marry so he could hold on to his loot:

After getting intimate with the swami, she is understood to have asked him to marry her and even got a positive response.

Ashram sources say she could have convinced him by giving the instance of Vidyabhushan of Kukke Subramanya Matt, who renounced his sanyas to marry a medical student.

Lenin Karuppan, a close aide to the swamy, who owned up his role in taping the sexual acts, was also close to Ranjitha and used to call her 'anni' (sister-in-law) occasionally. Although Nityananda assured Ranjitha that he would marry her, he was worried about the property worth several hundred crore rupees that he would have to give up along with his sanyas.

Eventually, the swami not only turned down her proposal but also made things worse by seeing other women. A possessive Ranjitha pleaded with him several times and could have turned vindictive when her pleas fell on deaf ears.

So, he just kept up the boinking surreptitiously, and then even expanded the harem. But then the scorned woman brought hell, and thus the rest is history.

Nithyananda's Girlfriend

2010-03-05T01:14:00.004-07:00

File under: Gurus to the Stars

He defrauded his devotees by claiming to be a sannyassi, but we can't be mad at him for doing it with this goddess:

Consider us rabid fans of the diva Ranjitha now.

The Wages Of Sin

2010-03-04T11:03:00.003-07:00

File under: Gurubusting

link

The Kracki Has Crashed

2010-03-02T01:30:00.004-07:00

File under: Satscams

Looks like the 2012 apocalypse has come early for the Kracki (Kalki Bhagavan) and his greedy consort and family:

Yet another scam of another godman has come out and this time, it is in our state. Yes, we are talking about the Kalki Bhagawan which arose like a mania and now it has become a haven for the drug mafia. The media channels have been digging each and every detail about the Kalki ashram.

While enough evidence is being shown, it came as a shock to see that some of the politicians are still extending their support to the man who claims to be Bhagawan. Apparently, allegations such as land grabbing, drugs, sexual escapades are making strong rounds in the ashram.

While the politicians are backing Kalki bhagawan, reliable sources say that a nexus has been formed between the godman and the [political] leaders, hence this support.

We guess with the Kracki now spreading his wealth to the local authorities, we shouldn't count on any justice being done here. That would be a shame, for not only did the Oneness Movement take millions of dollars from people to advance the construction of a monument to the Krackster's grandiosity, they have confused every one of their members about the truth of the Atman by way of their "deeksha" scam, which is nothing more than the greatest spiritual pyramid scheme to hit the modern world, something we have been saying for years.

Pimpin' Guru Nabbed In Delhi

2010-03-02T01:02:00.005-07:00

Gurus Doin' Time

39-year-old Shiv Murat Dwivedi is Delhi's stone-cold pimp guru:

Police believe that Dwivedi was in close association with some notorious pimps, including Sonu Punjaban and two others who was arrested in November 2008, and were running the racket along with them.

Turns out the Shiv ain't so smart. He recorded his activities in diaries now in the possession of the authorities:

Half a dozen diaries were recovered from Dwivedi's possession which contains a large number of names, including some politicians.

As much as we're amused by the juxtaposition of the roles of a pimp and a spiritual guru, we can't find any sympathy for this Shiv, who we imagine is in a lot of shit for it.

Thanks to Manoj for the tip.

Cohen Leaves Lenox For A Less Spoiled Pasture

2010-02-23T23:36:00.005-07:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Apparently, some folks in Lenox, MA are pissed off that Andrew Cohen is shipping out with his EnlightenNext org, and they've got fingers pointed at American Guru author William Yenner. But based on Yenner's 13-year sojourn as an inner-circle member, Cohen has no business teaching nondual realization at all:

During my 13 years with Andrew Cohen, as a member of his inner circle of students, manager of Foxhollow, and a member of the Board of Directors, I was witness to countless instances of abusive behavior toward students on a regular basis. The strategy at EnlightenNext has always been to "destroy the ego", believing it to be the main obstacle to spiritual "evolution". Andrew's tactics are largely based on ever increasing levels of demands and psychological pressure on the "ego", which is often how the abuse results. I have witnessed such treatment escalate in some cases to emotional, financial and even physical abuse. In far too many cases students were coerced to behave in ways that violated their own dignity, privacy and good sense, all in the belief that only a self-limiting ego would resist their guru's instruction.

Can you say ego-fixation? And that whole idea of destroying the ego is so 2000 and late.

Not that it's going to stop everyone from going. Cohen has rendered himself a star, and there will always be folks who want to catch some of that "shine." His being an asshole isn't likely to hobble his appeal to that reflex. In fact, it's just as likely to enhance it with some folks.

Are T & M Headed For Splitsville?

2010-02-13T23:46:00.005-07:00

File under: Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: This is the sort of thing we want to post now. If we got more tips like this, there'd be more good content on this site. :::hint:::]

CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE

Girish Varma is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's nephew. He runs the TM Movement in India.

Although King Nader Raam (an MD from Lebanon) was appointed by Maharishi as his official successor, he is hardly recognized as such by Girish who obviously fashions himself as the next Maharishi (my gosh, the family resemblance is eerie!). See the following link for more details:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/message/241161

Nader is now happily ensconced in a beautiful home in a fashionable section of Paris with a wife and two children (a fact he has kept secret until recently) and this has really pissed off Garish who fully expected to be the successor. Girish's reasoning is that since he, Girish, is a celibate AND Maharishi's blood relative it simply isn't fair that someone who is living inthe decadent West and has two daughters and a wife and all the creature comforts gets to be boss! The top position should be kept in the Family Business, seems to be Garish's reasoning.

A year or so ago, one of the higher-ups in the TM organisation, Bevan Morris, started to question Girish's fealty to Nader when private emails were released but this was quickly hushed up. Bevan's doubts were raised because Girish had started an entirely new major project in India without ever mentioning Nader or any of the "official" TM catch-words that were in vogue at the time. Work of a real rogue element.

Girish is on the precipice of separating himself and the Indian TM money (Maharishi sent the bulk of the TM fortunes to India to be under Girish's watchful eye before he, Maharishi, died) from the international organisation and starting his own TM Movement. It is a full time job for the TM higher-ups to appease this guy and continually please him so he doesn't bolt, which is what they had to do in a major way with the Bevan dust-up.

But one look at the photographs Girish enables to be taken of himself pretty much tells the whole story. Odds are that it is only a matter of time when an official scism occurs, Girish flies the coup, and the spoils divided. Of course, Girish has absolutely no idea what that will do to the already greatly diminished credibility of the TM organisation in the West. He simply doesn't understand that it will be on the order of what happened to the then 13-year-old Guru Maharaji back in the '70s when his mother disowned him, effectively destroying their worldwide movement forever.

70,000 Miles Of Nothing: Nithyananda Caught In Huge Lie

2010-01-12T18:55:00.008-07:00

File under: Gurubusting, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

Nithyananda claimed to wander for 6 years between 1994 and 2000, covering over 70,000 miles of India. It turns out he spent at least 5 of those years as a failed novice monk of the Ramakrishna Order in Chennai and Belur Math:

"Nithyananda probably joined the monastery in Madras (Chennai) in 1994 or 1995... He attended the monastic training college in Belur Math in 1999 (or 2000), and left the Order from there within a few months."

The other shoe just dropped, and it's a size 108. The man is a fraud, it has now been proven. Buyer beware.

Kudos to the folks at The Truth About the Cult of Nithyananda for launching this nuclear fact missle. The cold hard truth of this lie exposes a seamy underbelly to the enterprise of Nithyananda's satsang. Nor does it bode well for what seemed a guaranteed future as a great satguru and possible avatar, unless folks are willing to accept the advent of the Lying Avatar.

And while the spinners have undoubtedly already begun to spin these facts to preserve their personal delusions about their space-daddy, it's now too late to stop the clear light of honest truth from piercing this fraudster's back-story for good.

"Holosync" Harris Holohammered On Twitter

2009-12-29T16:31:00.014-07:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and The Siddhi of PR

As the regular reader of this blog knows, we generally go after spiritual teachers who claim to be God and use this claim as their primary marketing conceit. Woo-woo noise peddler and "The Secret" star Bill Harris doesn't appear to quite fit that bill, but like most others who make your spirituality their business, it has become quite clear that he's all about the money. At the moment, he's threatening legal action against Gp pal Duff McDuffee, a personal development industry critic and partner with Eric Schiller in a blog called Beyond Growth. A post McDuffee made on November 13 this year criticized the way Harris markets his "Holosync" sound meditation cds, also noting that up until the Death Lodge incident of October 8, 2009, James Arthur Ray was an enthusiastic endorser of Harris' products, (as well as being his ex-partner.) [Ed.note: As it turns out, James Arthur Ray had Holosync sessions scheduled during the days leading up to the Death Lodge tragedy.]

The result of all this is now a cease-and-desist letter demanding the removal and retraction of McDuffee's blog post, all at the approval of Harris and his lawyers. The heavy-handedness of the move belies a man desperate to protect a shaky business, and while it's definitely not pleasant to receive a letter like this, its claims appear to have more holes than a 20-year-old tin pail at the bottom of Lake Erie. [Ed.note: According to those in the know, Harris did about 20-million last year, so the shakiness isn't preventing him from getting his grind on.]

Since this gauntlet has been dropped there has been a Kelvin wave of support for McDuffee and against Harris on Twitter. The viral nature of this bad PR has the potential to do a lot more damage to the claimant than the defendant, but somehow, we don't think Harris has enough of a view around his own self-image to recognize bad PR if it took him out to an expensive dinner and then back to a hotel room for an all-limits-transgressed romp.

Another AoL Inner Circle Defection

2009-12-05T17:46:00.003-07:00

File under: Gurubusting, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

A few days back, we were notified about this fine work: Confessions of a Guraholic, the stories of an inner circle follower of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar who just got fed up being fed horse manure by Sri Sri, in what is apparently an ever-increasingly desperate effort to keep people from leaving him. We'll let these words speak for themselves:

Sri Sri taught one had to transcend the intellect in order to reach the Self. It is in all the Hindu scriptures. However, unlike the scriptures, the AoL regarded the intellect as the cookie monster. If one questioned or doubted anything regarding the movement or the Master, one was accused of being “too intellectual. Drop the intellect!,” or “too in the head.”

For example, if someone raises questions about something that makes no sense, that person is considered to be "too in the head, too intellectual!" The person would be told to drop the mind. "You think too much. You have such a big ego. You will never transcend the ego like that.”

In fact, Ravishankar accused me several times of many things I did not do, not even in my dreams! He even accused me of encouraging a “poor boy” leave the organization when in fact the boy was encouraging me to leave!

In one occasion, I confronted him about these false accusations, without any hold back. He got violently upset (he does not like to be confronted). It became “bloody”. Someone else who was in the room, later confessed he wanted to hide under the table. He could not understand how I could speak to him that way. I gave him a dirty look. He instead laughed and said, “Don’t you see? I know it is all lies! He knows they are lies! Don’t you see? He just wants you to agree with him!”

The Kracki Hive Thrives Despite Clouds

2009-11-27T20:35:00.007-07:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars, Gurus Doin' Time, Satscams, and The Siddhi of PR

India's best newspaper dishes the dirt on the Bhagavan Kalki's money habits, which are largely about siphoning off donations to buy things like cars, houses, and dummy companies for your progeny in the States:

The report dated January 24, 2003 states that MM Giri alias Acharya Anandagiri, who was a student at the Jeevashram School where the ‘godman’ was earlier employed as the administrator, admitted in his fund flow statement (from 1998 to 2001) “that he had made gifts of Rs 2.53 crore” to Krishna and Preetha, Kalki’s son and daughter-in-law

Of course, the Kracki and his wife/co-conspirator are doing better than ever as a result of this latest brouhaha. There's definitely something to be said for the power of denial as a zeal-inducer in the empty-headed. Apparently, the authorities have been less than anxious to investigate the Krackster. Who is surprised about that?

Whatever, we're bored of the lame huckster and his faux goddess sidekick. Let those who believe, have them. Maybe a glimmer of civil responsibility does exist somewhere within India that can be brought to bear on their operation. It doesn't hurt to hope, as long as you don't expect. The turban is tipped to Tehelka for putting it out there.

Prakashaka BOOM!'s Latest Legal Bust

2009-11-21T17:44:00.004-07:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time, Hands Where They Don't Belong and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: Once again, our valiant Austin correspondent has the scoop on the continuing legal saga of Swami Prakashanand Saraswati of the Barsana Dham ashram and temple in Texas, who is accused of molesting underage females in his room.]

By a Former Barsana Dham Ashram Resident

Nov. 19th, 2009 — At the junction of Darden Hills Road and Rural Route 1826, you can see the 90-foot high tower of the 35,000-square-foot temple built by Swami Prakashanand Saraswati (not with his own hands — or money — of course: it’s just an expression) rising above the hills and trees two miles away to the east.

Less than a mile to the west of this intersection, Mr. Saraswati resides in a home that looks to be about 2,000 or 3,000 square-feet on maybe one acre of land. To get to Austin and all points east, he has to be driven right past his 220-or-so-acre Barsana Dham ashram, which abuts RR 1826.

By Texas law he has not been allowed to enter his ashram since May of 2008.

Despite multiple requests made by his lawyers on his behalf to return him to his kingdom, Saraswati has been told “no,” not just once, but a total of four times — twice by a Hays County judge, once by the Texas Third Court of Appeals, and Wednesday by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals.

You KNOW that has got to bite the big one for him.

If you’ve ever followed a “guru,” you understand that “No” is not a word he or she hears very often. Certainly not from his or her groveling minions.

Having lived in his ashram for one and half decades, I'm pretty sure I can guess the party-line Prakashanand and his inner circle are feeding the others to explain his inability to bend Texas criminal courts to his will. Terms like “kaliyug,” “evil,” and “demons” have likely been thrown around like cheap pieces of candy at a celebration.

And lest you think that the State of Texas is just being mean spirited or simply doesn’t like his face, please note that the reason Saraswati is not allowed back into this ashram is that he AGREED to this condition at his first hearing after his arrest on April 24, 2008, on 20 counts of indecency with a child. All he wanted then was his passport back so he could return to India. He got what he wanted. He said he agreed. He signed on the dotted line. And he happily flew back to India to make love to or whatever he does with his master, Kripalu Maharaj (aka, Ram Tripathi).

That was fine and dandy until he flew back to the U.S. a few months later and realized (ooops!) he might have been a bit hasty in giving up his freedom to enter Barsana Dham. Unfortunately for him he signed a contract with the State of Texas, and in this state they expect you to uphold your agreements.

But, as the experienced historical recreationist that he is, he set out to make up a big bogus legal case about “religious freedom,” which his lawyers claimed he was “being denied.” Luckily, Texas State legal officials were not born yesterday, nor are they stupid enough to be conned by a fake guru. So he has been SOL on convincing them to adopt his warped worldview.

I know it’s hard, Saraswati; but it’s time to face the facts: The answer to your request to return to Barsana Dham (the scene of your accused criminal acts of children molestation) have been and are always going to be, not just “No,” but “Hell, NO!”

It’s time for you to take it like a man! (Get used to it — you’ll be in jail soon enough!)

[Ed.note: two updates soon followed this dispatch:] Late breaking development -- JUST learned that Prak's trial date has been changed from January 11th to April 4th. Also, just learned today that he bolted back to India yesterday.

The Twisted World Of The American Guru

2009-11-17T23:22:00.005-07:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

We received a copy of American Guru a few months ago, but have slacked at actually opening it. That said, this review reveals the gist of it, that Andrew Cohen gives every appearance of being yet another personality-disordered, adoration-addicted control-freak cult leader:

Cohen mandated – directly or indirectly – actions such as slapping the face of someone for showing too much ego or pride; banishing followers, at least temporarily, for alleged misbehavior; or requiring followers to shave their heads as a form of humility. In one incident recounted in the book, Yenner says a woman who spoke up to Cohen had red paint thrown in her face as punishment.

Yenner himself kept coming back for more, getting fleeced in the process:

In 1998, he says, he gave Cohen a gift of $10,000 to thank him for being his mentor. A year later, Yenner, told that he was exhibiting too much pride, says he was banished from Foxhollow for betraying Cohen and his teachings.

Increasingly exhausted, desperate, and almost mentally broken, Yenner says, he sought to regain favor by offering EnlightenNext an $80,000 inheritance from his father. Things got only more bizarre after that – Yenner was told to go to Australia to stay with another out-of-favor follower. Six days after his arrival Down Under, Yenner says, Cohen ordered him to return to the United States.

After another cycle of banishment and forgiveness, Yenner was told he was no longer welcome at Foxhollow. “I felt nothing,” he writes. “I decided to leave the community for good.” That night, he stayed in a hotel in the tiny town of Florida in the Berkshires. “I could see for miles,” he writes. “I began to feel joy and liberation.”

Playing God takes two, someone to be God and someone to believe in them. This provides the glue that holds a cult together through each successive episode of the leader's pathological narcissism. What appears to be insanity from an outsider's perspective gets filtered as God's tough love within the group. Yenner and others were paying a lot for that love. Here's to hoping they finally get to see that they got their money's worth for having survived such a towering example of enlightenwrong.

The Cult Guru Playbook

2009-11-11T22:41:00.002-07:00

File under: Satscams

A commenter named "h" just graced us with what we're calling the cult guru playbook:

Have a set of group rules they expect the followers to adopt and self impose
Be charismatic leaders who self-proclaim enlightenment
Have a drive to recruit as many people (especially westerners) into their organization as possible. Recruitment is often labeled as sadhana, or spiritual practice to help the devotee
Enjoy tax-exempt status—hidden behind charitable works without any proof where the donations go
Insist upon dropping the mind and ego with full surrender to the leader
Brag about their devotees spiritual progress, as if in a marketing campaign for more souls
Employ chanting to Hindu deities in their meditation practices
Employ questionable breathing techniques, usually some form of hyperventilation, inducing mental foginess mistaken as altered level of consciousness
Use contracts, or fear, to ensure their meditation techniques are kept secret from the outside world
Charge money for programs while insisting they do charity work for the less fortunate. If someone can not afford to pay for the program, they are not allowed in
Encourage followers to share their experiences—a form of group control
Have their own group lingo or slang terms
Perform rituals, chants and devotional songs to not only deities, but to the guru him/herself
Questions regarding the group or leader are not allowed
Devotees all insist that their master is the true master and has the only path to enlightenment. These devotees use vague personal experiential stories as proof
Devotees believe and accept everything the guru says
Donations encouraged. A way of giving back to the guru who has given so much to the devotee
Guru quite pleasant and jovial with the newcomers. Yet easily angered and volatile in closed quarters or with the inside group
Group meditation practices, clothing styles, food choices, music, books, knick-knacks, etc, gives the group cohesion. Establishes an us vs. them dynamic
Fictitious anecdotes of the leader to ensure devotees see him as holier than them. Stories are based in myth and beliefs with no way to prove they are true
Have crazed devotees that worship them
Encourage (or don't discourage) families to break up to persue spiritual advancement under the guru
Instill a form of fear to discourage devotees from abandoning the guru/group. The devotee is basically told that to abandon the group means losing all his/her spiritual progress made under the guru
Have some form of meditation on the guru or his photo
Start with an affordable entry level form of meditation practice. Benefits of which are usually peace and health
Insist on additional meditation levels for spiritual advancement—often with higher costs
Volunteerism is considered spiritual practice and often costs money to volunteer
Have lots of stories of enlightened devotees, but you never seem to meet one
Have ties to politicians, high ranking officials and authorities. Celebrities are a bonus
Put followers through intense physical, emotional and mental challenges (i.e., sitting in painful positions for extended time, emotional sharing with strangers, fancy words with quick witted tongue), thereby lowering normal judgment process

That's a fairly comprehensive list that reeks of ex-insidership. Pranams to h for sharing his or her insights here.

More Online Trouble For Nithyananda

2009-10-30T00:23:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The siddhi of PR

Some of the best comment battles on this blog have occurred with Nithyananda devotees. But we're beginning to see the defenders become exposers, as the folks who get close can now see behind the curtain, providing the information they need to opt out of the charade, as this brave soul has done with his blog, The Truth About the Cult of Nithyananda:

For all you sweet devotees of Nithyananda's La-La Land, those who believe in this illusion and falsehood, you must read the book, “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. Pay particular attention to 217-218 on cults psychology that is applied on you by your loving master, Nithyananda.

A disgruntled ex is no big deal, but we know of three very inner-circle devotees who've split like this. It only reinforces what we saw from the start. Nithyananda's oversized personality isn't divine, it's just persuasive. Instead of a saint, he's at best, a deluded con man, and at worst, a knowing one.

Sri Sri's Slanted Health Advice

2009-10-17T15:46:00.004-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

We were more than mildly disappointed when we encountered this uncritical republication of a health article from an Indian press release service on Lance Armstrong's livestrong.com. The article in question is little more than an advertisement for Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living cult, and we find it to be almost dishonest in its claims about Art of Living health practices. For instance:

Elaborating on this, Dr. Manikantan and Dr. Nisha Manikantan, senior ayurvedic doctors at Sri Sri Ayurveda centre said, “Swine flu invades the body because of a breakdown in immunity. Ayurveda offers simple and effective remedies to boost immunity and build resistance. Tea made from Laxmi Taru (botanical name: Simarouba) leaves, Tulsi, Amla and Amrut (Giloy) acts as an immunity enhancer.

First of all, these clowns aren't medical doctors, Lance. And their oversimplification of how the flu works is very misleading. You'll get swine flu with a perfectly healthy and normal immune system as well. While a weakened immune system is more vulnerable, folks get the flu because they lack immunity to a new virus, not because they have weak immunity. But to cast the problem this way allows Sri Sri's shills to hawk their own products as the solution to the swine flu, and that could be more than a little dangerous.

The article goes on to make more completely uncritical claims about ayurvedic flu remedies:

“To counter air-borne swine flu viruses, Sambarani dhoop (loban stems) should be burnt in the house twice a day. Sambarani is a very potent atmospheric sterilser”, the doctors added.

It doesn't take a medical publisher to know there is no conclusive proof that Sambarani dhoop has any anti-viral properties at all in the air. Just because it's too stinky for mosquitoes doesn't mean it's going to have any effect on semi-alive microscopic disease particles.

You wouldn't expect this article to end without a little pranayama pimping by Sri Sri:

Sri Sri also said, “In addition, our mind also plays an important role in our immunity. Whenever we panic and have fear, our immunity level goes down. Practices like pranayama and meditation play a vital role in reducing panic and keeping ourselves calm.”

Independent studies conducted at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, New Delhi (AIIMS) and National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences, Bengaluru (NIMHANS) have empirically proved that practices such as pranayama and meditation boosts immunity at least three-fold, he said.

While we are quite convinced of the many health benefits of meditation and adjacent practices, the last sentence clearly suggests that Sri Sri's meditation products will treble the effectiveness of your immune system. What they fail to disclose is exactly what they were measuring as immune health. Perhaps meditation was shown to increase a certain chemical marker that suggests immune health. This still doesn't mean that the whole system is three times more healthy than it would be without joining the Art of Living cult.

Which is exactly what this little PR stunt is about, to use fear of the swine flu to position Sri Sri as a savior. He does this all the time, usually by showing up at the site of conflict to grandstand in an attempt to better position himself for the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

We watched Lance Armstrong win the Tour 7-times, and podium this year. We are in just as much awe as anyone else, but he really needs to tighten up his editorial policies a bit. As it stands, he's allowed his site to be invaded with the Art of Living virus, an organism that hosts all manner of myth, ignorance, superstition and one man's continuing quest to climb up to worldwide fame on the backs of the poor, downtrodden, and easily duped.

Wealth Guru Kills 2, Sends 16 To Hospital

2009-10-09T18:12:00.010-06:00

File under: Gurus Clockin' Dollars, Killer Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

Colorado gurubuster and self-help industry critic Duff McDuffee alerted us to this AP news article which details the death of two and the hospitalization of 16 after a sweat lodge run by New Age™ self-help and prosperity guru James Arthur Ray:

Two people died and an estimated 19 others were taken to hospitals after being overcome while sitting in a sauna-like sweat lodge during a Sedona spiritual retreat, authorities said Friday...

Sheriff's homicide investigators were working to determine what happened and whether any criminal actions might have been a factor in the incident, D'Evelyn said. Investigators were at the resort Friday interviewing the retreat director, staff and guests, including some who told detectives they paid up to $9,000 for the multi-day program.

That's an expensive way to go, especially when most bridges are free to jump from.

Duff has been tracking Ray for awhile, coming to the conclusion that:

The total abundance James Arthur Ray is really enjoying is an abundance of total bullshit.

And now he's in some really deep shit, which, according to Ray's own professed beliefs, he attracted to himself and is completely responsible for.

The Criminal Trial Of Prakashanand Saraswati Delayed — What A Surprise!!

2009-10-06T21:09:00.007-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Doin' Time, Hands Where They Don't Belong and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: Our Austin correspondent and former member of the tainted temple in Texas where little girls allegedly got groped and diddled, comes through with another fine report on the ongoing legal saga of the God-faking Kreepalu protegé, Swami Prakashanand, known fauxfectionately to us as Swami Prakashaka BOOM!]

By a Former Barsana Dham Ashram Resident

October 6th, 2009 — As Eric Cartman on “South Park” might say: “Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well” — if he heard that the trial has been delayed in the case of The State of Texas vs. Prakashanand Saraswati on 20 counts of indecency with a child. Originally set to start on November 2, 2009, the trial was reset today to commence on January 11, 2010, as reported by the Austin American-Statesman.

Truth be told, many who know Prakashanand are not surprised. We expected the trial would be delayed all along.

I’m mean, after all, if you were an 80-year-old man who has had hundreds of people licking your heels and kissing another body part for the past several decades, would you be looking forward to standing trial for crimes you knew you were 100 percent guilty of committing?

Before you answer, consider the fact that you most likely would have squirreled away a significant amount of cash in places law-abiding citizens would never think to look in a country half a world away. I know that I would much rather live off-the-map in some remote village in India for the rest of my days on earth than in the Texas State prison system (where, if I were a “guru,” the other inmates might not treat me with the respect to which I’ve become accustomed).

A great deal of legal paper filing occurred over the past couple of weeks preceding today’s notice of the trial delay as stated in the Statesman. Here’s a little more insight:

Prakashanand’s high-priced lawyers motioned for, and were granted, discovery evidence in the form of the testimonies of the two female witnesses in the case. This, presumably, is the first time his legal counsel has had a clear view of the victims’ side of the case. I can only imagine the laundry bill after that shoe dropped.

Next Prakashanand’s lawyers requested to subpoena another person whom they claim “is material to the pending criminal prosecution” and without whom they claim “the Defendant in this pending criminal prosecution will in all reasonable likelihood be denied his rights of compulsory process.” Meanwhile, the lawyers had not yet seen this particular person’s personal report to the Hays County Sherriff’s office. Once they did read that report I can only imagine it was another “spit-hit-the-fan” moment.

Finally, yesterday the Hays County Public Access Website reported that the District Attorney for the case filed an application for 14 (yes, that’s fourteen! subpoenas). The motion cited eight people from the Barsana Dham ashram, located southwest of Austin, including four members of the five-member JKP-Barsana Dham management team.

The only member of the management team not on the subpoena request list is Prakashanand himself. After all, he doesn’t need to be subpoenaed. He’s the Defendant. He’ll be there on January 11th, 2010, to have his day in court and prove to the world that he is innocent of child molestation. Right? I mean he will, won’t he? (I kind of like the reporter’s commentary: “If the trial does get underway then …”)

Perhaps Prakashanand will even perform a few divine miracles for those of us in the courtroom to prove once and for all that he really is a God-realized Saint. Lord knows, he hasn’t performed any miracles yet surrounding his arrest and the nearly year-and-a-half drawn out legal battle!

Nithyananda's Little Asuras Play The Terrorism Card

2009-09-27T17:04:00.007-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and The Siddhi of PR

When their threat of violence landed with a thud (ending up on the desk of a local law enforcement officer,) Nithyananda's little demons had to come up with a new plan; to whit: make fraudulent claims of terrorism, (and even more laughably, black magic,) to the FBI:

Did you guys know there are sufficient laws to put fanatics and fundamentalists like these blog posters behind bars? I have heard that there have already been complaints to FBI and there is an investigation in progress.

There is news that these posters who abuse Nithyananda and other swamis are black magic practitioners who want to destroy hindu dharma and tradition.

Your druggist and black magic background is well-known. You cant escape by feigning innocence. One of the other posters in this site is also known to practice black majic in his yard with skulls and skeletons. There is clear evidence. I know that there have been life threatening letters received and you and some other posters on this site and others are in the list of suspects. Investigation going on. Wait and see.

Can anyone prove that this website is not run by some sort of terrorist group? Already the druggist connection of the blog owner and some suspected posters is well-known. Someone should be looking into the defamation and terrorism angle on this? When then [sic] happens, the number of days these bloggers spend wallowing in filth in the name of freedom would be numbered.

Oh yeah, they also threw in some good old fashioned obscenity:

You a**ole Jody, dont you have any morals. you seem to lick your dick and live in shit and f*k your mother everyday and what else can be expected out of you.

can you also write about what your favorite position in which you f*k your mom...

and whose sh*t do you like the most....what do you think when you have your faced burried in your dad's ass with your tongue caught deep in it....

Nice, eh? That Nithyananda sure knows how to instill love in his devotees. Too bad they're dumb as paint. While we doubt that anyone has talked to the FBI, we're quite sure if we are investigated, they will see, as anyone else who actually reads this site can see, that we are merely skeptical of superstitious claims made by gurus, and we drive home the point by making fun of them. There is no hate here, let alone terroristic threats. In fact, there has never been any call to violence in a blog post, outright or implied, since we launched in March 2005.

Apparently, Nithyananda plays to the cheap seats in India, although now we are curious as to how far up the chain of command this little operation is being orchestrated. What all these folks are failing to see is that for every reaction against this site, many more people come to read it. Not that we're asking for it, but the whole thing is playing right into our hands. Here's a hint, folks: ignore us. We're just one teeny weeny voice with very little credibility, although with these latest efforts, even that is sure to be augmented in contrast to the complete lack of credibility of these attacks.

Oh, one more thing. Pray that the FBI does not launch an investigation, because if they do, they're going to be coming after you for making false statements to a federal officer. That is likely to land you in jail and result in an investigation of Nithyananda and his org, perhaps resulting in a visa denial the next time he wants to come to the States. The boy wonder guru better reel in his ranks before they blow it big time.

Defined: Hands Where They Don't Belong

2009-09-23T18:08:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and Hands Where They Don't Belong

A reader sent us an interesting photo this morning:

Now you know what we mean when we say "hands where they don't belong."

Source. Original source.

Update: According to a commenter, this is a photo of the mostly well-respected, recently-deceased yoga guru Krishna Pattabhi Jois of Ashtanga Yoga. That being the case, this is still wildly inappropriate, in our opinion.

Dahngerous "Yoga"

2009-09-06T11:44:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and Hands Where They Don't Belong

A reader turned us on to a fine piece of investigative journalism about Korean guru Ilchi Lee's Dahn Hak, aka Dahn Yoga in the States, an org that's chock full of the usual culty nastiness in which lives are wrecked while the cash gets clocked:

Shipley, now 25, is one of 27 former Dahn practitioners who filed suit in Arizona in May claiming the group subjected them to psychological manipulation and fraudulently induced them to spend thousands of dollars on Dahn yoga classes and retreats in Sedona, Ariz. and other places. The punishing techniques, they say, included forced isolation from friends and families, exercises like bowing 3,000 times all night long without breaks, disciplining members by sticking their heads in the toilet and making them lick other members' feet, and having them hold certain poses, like the push-up position, for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. On top of those charges, the suit alleges that Ilchi Lee, the 57-year-old Korean founder of Dahn and its spiritual leader, sexually preyed on young female disciples.

Dahn makes its money the traditional way, squeezing it out of hapless initiates with "money training," ridiculous quackery and straight-up pseudo-science:

Dahn centers sell a variety of products it deems healing-related. Nina Miller, a plaintiff in the Arizona suit, is seeking reimbursement for the $1,800 she spent on a gold painted "Okum turtle"--an item purportedly made from "living metallic materials" that "optimizes harmony within the body." For $450 Dahn sells a kit that includes a Brain Respiration Quotient, a transmitter that uses light and sound to supposedly stimulate the brain, and Power Brains, a brain-shaped handheld vibrator that is said to increase awareness during meditation.

Testimonials on the company's Web site claim brain wave vibration has lowered high blood pressure, corrected lazy eyes and healed the symptoms of multiple sclerosis. But the company cannot point to any independent peer-reviewed studies vouching for its effectiveness. Brian Cummings, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Irvine, says calling it pseudoscience would be generous. "Exercising, stretching and meditating may be beneficial to health. But there is no science behind the claim that vibrations in the body alter brain activity in a meaningful way," says Cummings.

And guess where all the money goes:

Dahn claims that founder Ilchi Lee is no longer directly involved in the company but instead runs a consulting firm, BR Consulting, which owns the intellectual property used by Dahn Yoga. (Lee is seeking to dismiss the suit against him on this basis as well.) But according to the plaintiffs, Ilchi Lee controls them all. They claim Dahn's profits are transferred to Lee and used to fund a lifestyle that includes a horse ranch in Arizona, high stakes gambling, a yacht and a private jet. forbes confirmed that BR Consulting owns the jet, the horse ranch and some residential properties.

In the end, you'll take it in the end for the guru and like it. This is the operating principle of almost every bit-time guru's satsang. Lee is no exception, and apparently, despite all the bad press he's generating in the States, there's still a full, rich market of the disaffected from which he can continue to steal.

Nithyananda's Love Is Coming To Get Us

2009-09-05T16:50:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurus Who Threaten

For those investigating Nithyananda, this is the type of devotee that he is attracting:

BAD KARMA has left a new comment on your post ""Nithyananda Is Not Who He Claims To Be"":

MR GURU BUSTING JODY RAZDIK..

Ur all safe here on the internet are nt you.. bad mouthing spiritual teachers and their followers..

Mr Razdik I now know everything about you including where you live.. U are not safe anymore.. I know who u are.. you dont who i am..

Do u believe in KARMA dude.. Ur going down one way or another.. someday our paths will cross and believe me you will not enjoy meeting me in person..

Nice. That's the love that Nithyananda is fostering among his devotees.

"By ye works (and devotees) ye will know him."

BTW: That's Radzik. "D" before the "z."

Hope For Enlightenment

2009-08-25T19:31:00.005-06:00

File under: Blogs of Note and Folk Theories

We began publishing this blog as a way express our frustration with common depictions of the what is called "enlightenment." Most commercially-successful gurus use these ideas to promote themselves to potential ~~donators~~ devotees. We believe these ideas are more likely preventing enlightenment, and so we harry the gurus who greedily pollute the world with this ignorance.

Over the course of the last 5 years, we've corralled these notions into a "folk theory of enlightenment." Recently, we've caught echoes of this idea in the words of Dzogchen rinpoches who are quoted by the bad-ass Buddhists of Twitter, but today we found the folk theory stated as a list of expectations about enlightenment on a blog called Open Enlightenment:

Enlightenment is the transformation into a God, and it only happens to very special people.
Enlightenment will confer specific knowledge of everything, ever. The enlightened person knows what happened at the beginning of the universe, everything that is happening now, and everything that will happen right up to the very end. The enlightened person can provide an answer to all the Big Questions, because he/she knows God personally. He/she’s in on the plan.
Enlightenment is the terrifying knowledge of Absolutely Nothing.
Enlightenment is the death of the self while still alive.
Enlightenment can only happen to men.
Enlightenment is the complete destruction of the universe, right in front of your eyes.
Enlightenment is a shocking, earth-shattering, cataclysmic, reality-tearing, mind-destroying, adrenalin-fueled mystical explosion.
Enlightenment is the realisation that the world is an illusion, and so the enlightened person can walk through walls, fly, teleport, and perform all kinds of other miracles.
Enlightenment is waking up from the dream of reality.
Enlightenment is knowledge of heaven, hell, past lives, spiritual realms, Gods, Goddesses, dead people, angels, elves, pixies and ascended masters.
Enlightenment is the end of suffering, pain, depression, despair, anger, hate, revulsion and disgust. It will heal my damaged self, and preserve who I am for ever in eternal bliss. I will never hurt again.
Enlightenment is perpetual bliss.
Enlightenment is an incomprehensible non-experience that promises nothing, and it is debatable if it actually has any benefit.

A few months ago we published a similar list, which at the time we called the folk theory of guru-based spirituality. The idea has come a long way since then, and now that we're working on a conference presentation about the folk theory of enlightenment, finding Alan's blog has been a great confirmation.

Open Enlightenment is a lighthouse spinning a beam of high-intensity clarity for those lost in the morass of myth, miracle-mongering and superstition that is the commercial spiritual marketplace today. It definitely should be read by anyone who seeks to understand enlightenment in the context of what a big-time guru is telling them. It's so good that we may just decide to retire from this blog entirely.

Sri Sri Rips Off A Rip-Off

2009-08-06T00:34:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting

Bangalore is being overrun by yuppie beggars taking courses at Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living ashram:

Men and women trying to camouflage their affluent breeding and chic clothes are going about begging in south Bangalore. People at signals were startled yesterday to find smart, English-speaking men and women seeking alms. The beggars, with grime smeared on their faces, looked like characters out of a college play. Motorists, shoppers, and pedestrians dropped small change into their hands, but continued to gape. The beggars bought food with the money they had earned from begging, and ate in public.

MiD DAY discovered that they were disciples of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who runs the Art of Living spiritual movement from his headquarters on Kanakapura. The beggars, it turned out, were well-bred professionals told by their instructors to go "lose the ego" by begging. "Our areas are frequented by educated beggars from Sri Sri's ashram," said a resident of BTM Layout.

"Lose your ego by glorifying mine" is Sri Sri's credo. And don't think for a second that these losers get to keep the cash they panhandled.

And as it turns out, Sri Sri could have cribbed this exercise from any number of sources, including perhaps this one:

Mid-March this year, I travelled all the way from Australia to the United States at a cost of around $12,000 Aust Dollars (including the workshop admission fee) to attend David Neagle’s workshop “Experience The Reality of Success”. The main thrust of the advertising which enticed me to make the very expensive decision to attend the workshop is that everyone who attends will actually Experience the Reality of Success. Here is an actual quote from one of David Neagle’s promotional teleseminars “… we called it Experience the Reality of Success, because that’s exactly what you do. You experience it for real. We actually show you how to manifest money from nothing – bang! Now you might say, it’s got to be some sort of dog and pony show. It’s a trick. No it’s not. We actually do it. You start with nothing and manifest money. You really do. And if I’m lying or exaggerating you can have your money back” (The Art of Success [AOS] teleseminar Session 4 about 1hr.12mins in).

Now as to the last part, I contend that David was both “lying and exaggerating” because whilst it’s true that we did start with nothing, what we did was to go out on the streets and beg for money. That was the way we were to “manifest” the money. There is a BIG DIFFERENCE between vibrationally manifesting money and begging for money on the streets.

Yeah. At least with street begging, you might actually get something.

One scam is called "Art of Living," the other, "Art of Success." Too much synchronicity for you? Us too.

"Nithyananda Is Not Who He Claims To Be"

2009-08-01T23:05:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

This turned up in the Guruphiliac forum the other day. It appears that another high-ranking member of the Nithyananda's inner circle has come down with a case of clear vision. All we can say is, "YIKES!"

Nithyananda is not who he claims to be

He has great videos on youtube. His talks can be mesmerizing and convincing. He does exude energy - I have felt it strongly. He is incredibly intelligent and knows how to say the right things to people. I had fallen for him quite strongly after feeling his energy throughout my body with just his touch on my forehead. I fell head over heels in love with him as much as someone could fall in love and devotion to a guru. I found myself doing everything he was espousing. I even legally changed my name, even my passport and driver's license, etc. I ran at every chance to see him, to be near him. I thought of him every minute of the day. I prayed to him and held him above all else.

But, there were too many little inconsistencies that I noticed. What he said in public and what he did in private were vastly different. He does brainwash people - if we have any doubt in our minds about him or his movement, we are told to "drop the doubt, drop the mind" lest we never reach enlightenment because of our "own fault" in not have "dropped our minds." He knows how to manipulate each person - he is master of the way people's psychology is, the way people think and believe, our psyche. He doesn't allow his ashramites to sleep - they get anywhere from no sleep to a few hours a day. He makes them work, work, work to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. He only believes in propagating his name, and acquiring money - not true religion. Religion is only a front just for outward appearance. He actually disrepects Gods in private sessions saying bad derogatory comments about them. I've seen him belittle and berate his ashramites shamelessly - it is emotional torture and humiliation. He claims it is "for their own good" to help them "lose their ego" so that they become enlightened but this is just a bogus double-speak in order to ill treat them as he wishes. He is a very sick, sick man who is egotistical, interested in fame and fortune, enjoys torturing people in a number of ways-mental, physical, emotional, and will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He doesn't mind stepping on people's toes, nay their heads, in order to get ahead. And everyone who is still in the movement are a bunch of stupid fools because they (most if not all) can see the signs but fail to acknowledge them and only believe his double-speak. They choose to stay in ignorance because they have fallen for his total crap words.

I urge those still in the movement to look past his words, and don't just believe what you see him do in public. He puts on a great humble and gracious act in public. See his actions in more private and intimate settings - this is a very dangerous man. Trust your gut instinct. Don't drop your mind - it's the only thing that is showing you the red flags to alert you to danger. Good luck to you and God Bless because now only the Real God can help you get out of this mess. I am thankful to the Real God for helping to show me the way out and save my life and my soul.

Often, bad gurus like this can work great as an impetus to come to trust your own truth apart from his/her flimflamming. That is a very big step in the life of the sincere seeker, if you asked us.

A Saintly Man

2009-07-22T00:22:00.001-06:00

Maya's A Bitch—A Blow-by-Blow Of The Latest Blow To Prakashanand's Status As Ruler of Maya

2009-06-26T23:48:00.009-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Doin' TIme, Hands Where They Don't Belong and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: We just love it when an insider comes through with the straight skinny. All are invited to fill us in on the shenanigans of their present or former gurus. Much thanks to the soul who's provided today's tasty treat covering a Gp fave, Swami Prakashaka BOOM!]

By a Former Barsana Dham Ashram Resident

How much does it cost to have some highfaluting lawyers appeal a judge's ruling in the Texas Court of Appeals? Estimates range from $75,000 and $100,000. For that kind of money you would think that maya would bend a little to a swami's demands. But no such luck. On Wednesday June 24th, Prakashanand Saraswati was thwarted for the third time in his efforts to return to his 250-some-acre, multi-million-dollar ashram southwest of Austin.

He's been blocked from entering his former sanctuary since May 3rd, 2008, by his own agreement with the court after he was arrested on 20 counts of indecency with two children who grew up there.

On the day Prakashanand's legal "team" made their plea to the Texas Court of Appeals, they repeated one mantra over and over to the three judges: "Barsana Dham has 54 adult residents and no children." (I wonder if they were using japa beads?)

What an odd refrain. And an obvious stretch of the truth. While it's true that no children "live" there, plenty visit and stay overnight in the ashram's many guest quarters. Plus, one regular teenage visitor sleeps in the temple in a room roughly 100 yards from Prakashanand's bedroom door. What's more, Barsana Dham holds "Family Camps" a couple of times a year -- during which many families, including their children, spend several nights. And there are children running around the place on any given day of the week and during holidays. The place is a kid magnet!

Is that why an accused pedophile wants back inside his ashram? I don't know the answer to that (though I can guess). But one has to wonder why he would spend so much time and money trying to get back into this particular piece of God's green earth before his trial—where he can allegedly prove his innocence and get on with his life.

After all, the man has multiple other homes around the world. He's got three suites in three ashrams in India, one in New Zealand, and one in LA. He can stay in any devotee's home anywhere he travels. Why, oh why, does he need so desperately to be back in Barsana Dham?

There is only one reason: Keeping the myth alive.

I mean, come on: How must it look that a God-realized Saint cannot control maya? How must it appear to those 54 residents that their Lord and master is so powerless? How must it look to new people that the guru can't even appear in the flesh in his own ashram?

In the motion to the Court of Appeals, filed in January 2009, Prakashanand's lawyers claimed that by not allowing him into Barsana Dham, the court "violated his rights under the First, Eighth, and Fourteenth Amendments to the United States Constitution." They cried that he was deprived of practicing his faith. Oh. My. God.

Hey, Prakashanand, I thought you taught us to practice titiksha and do our devotions every second of every day no matter if we are hungry, cold, hot, sick, or whatever. Come on, buddy. A little practice-what-you-preach would be nice.

Oh and I love that this man is suddenly so keen on his own rights under U.S. law—meanwhile, has no qualms about breaking them to suit his, uh, needs.

Meanwhile, back in May 2008, at his first hearing, Prakashanand's lawyers asked the Hays County Judge to amend the conditions of his bond, asking for the return of his passport, the reduction of his bond, and for access back into Barsana Dham. They added: "We'd like to focus on the returning of the passport and travel to India as a change in conditions."

After a few minutes of deliberation in the judge's chambers, both parties agreed that he could have his passport back, but have no further access inside of Barsana Dham (because that's where the crimes allegedly occurred). When they returned to the courtroom, the judge stated clearly: "[J]ust for the record, the passport will be returned with the additional conditions that you have agreed on, including the new bond" (which was $10 million to ensure his return for the trial). Prakashanand's counsel responded, "That's correct, Your Honor."

Famous last words. By August 20th, his lawyers were back in the courtroom begging for their client's access to Barsana Dham. The judge said "no." They tried again on Sept. 29th. The judge again said "no." So it was off to the Court of Appeals. And the resulting third blow to Prakashanand's status as controller of maya.

My favorite line of the Texas Court of Appeals oral argument is this: "Appellant's (Prakashanand's) inability to return to Barsana Dham was no less a hindrance to his ability to practice his religion or associate with his followers in May than it was in August, or than it is today."

OH, BURN! Chief Justice of the Texas Court of Appeals, J. Woodfin Jones, do you know who you just smacked down? May I touch your feet?

What I really love, what really brings a smile to my face, what is truly a great practical joke by God—is that every time Prakashanand is driven to his way-more-modest Austin-area residence (in a devotee's home 2.5 miles down the road on RR 1826), he has to drive right past his resplendent Barsana Dham ashram.

Oh what a cruel, cruel world. ;-)

[Ed.note: Check this out for a bit more exposure of the hijinks at Barsana Dham, and at the mother org, Jagadguru Kripalu Parishat.]

Amma's Love Comes To Get Us, Kali's Comes Raging Back

2009-06-25T00:27:00.008-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

This is what Amma's love is doing to us right now:

After reading through Jody Radzik’s posts on Google Groups (under his name “Jodyrrr”), it became apparent to me that he has a compulsive need to be “right”. Jody trashed and bashed anyone who dissented with him and accused them of “projecting” and having “uninformed opinions”. Although Jody ranted about realization (claiming he is self-realized), he broke down into shrieking hissy fits, labeling (or is it “projecting”) others as being “stupid and crass”. Sri Sri Jodyrrr (the self-professed Saint and Mahatma) exhibited (and continues to exhibit) the behaviors of ordinary, over-emotional and non-realized humans.

What do we keep telling y'all? Enlightened or not, we all poop on the same pot. It's interesting how the authors are accusing us of claiming to know what we're talking about as a way to attack our credibility.

Thank God we've little reason to take exception to any of this, except for this one little bit:

Apparently, Jody Radzik converses with Mother Kali on a regular basis and hears her voice in his head. Sounds rather spooky, if you ask me.

Besides being one of the only claims about us without a reference to back it up, it's just plain untrue. The author is either accidentally or purposefully conflating our description of a guru (who happened to be an Ammachi devotee) we followed for a few months in 1999, who did claim to hear the voice of Mother Kali. In fact, that was the main reason we left his satsang, we couldn't get with what "Mother" was "telling" him.

Other than that, this is a well-researched piece. We regard it as a recognition of our good work that the authors took so much care in putting it together. Truly a wonderful example of Ammachi's love in action.

PS: Swami C. isn't our guru; he's just a friend.

Update: Kali's love comes raging back to counteract Amma's love in the form of this counter-counter-protest site, just announced today:

The creation of this website which attacks the critics of Ammachi does nothing more than prove what many of us have been starting to realize: The "hugging saint" and those who follow her are not as peaceful and loving as they would have you believe. Keep an eye on that website to see how devotees of Ammachi behave toward those who have been outspoken about the organization. We will also keep track of the site and will post anything relevant here. We have read many times that critics of Ammachi have been attacked in the past, but this new website really shows and proves their behavior.

We swear on Ma's luscious Lotus Feet that we do not have anything to do with this website, and we have no idea who the author is, either. But the turban comes off and gets thrown on the floor again this week for another fine piece of work.

Update: Today we were informed that the Cult of the Hugging Saint website is back up on the net.

This Makes Our Self Peaceful

2009-06-24T16:59:00.003-06:00

File under: Blogs of Note and Gurubusting

Our Twitter pal Clara Lum turned us on to The Peaceful Self.com yesterday. What a blockbuster!

According to this 'awakened guy,' your reward for finally awakening to “truth,” is to learn how to become more "passionate" about the illusion, but only because you're "awakening" is a "non-dual state of consciousness." Now you can blissfully have your cake and eat it too, because there are two forms of "enlightenment" and "the mystics were only half right."

Stupid mystics!

Being is boring, but “becoming” is where it's at, yo!

Good grief, “Two forms of enlightenment”? Really!? I always thought enlightenment was about “awakening” from the illusion to realize truth - one and done!

But not for the “Dream Police.” In fact, for the Dream Police ('awakened guys') there are hundreds of enlightenment "forms." In fact, there are levels and degrees, stages, tiers, quadrants, states, etc, etc, etc, on and on, ad infinitum.

The Dream Police recognize that we live in a postmodern technological 'world' that thrives on conspicuous consumption and, as discriminating consumers, we should have as many “enlightenment” products that the 'dream' can offer...

It's so gratifying to encounter this kind of clarity in a world of ever-increasing occlusion and ignorance about spiritual truth. The author of The Peaceful Self.com is keeping a very low profile, which is like a spoonful of sugar on top of five scoops of ice cream. The turban comes off and gets stomped into the good green Earth for this guy.

Lord Of The Universe Failure

2009-06-16T13:54:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and The Siddhi of PR

This just in:

The Lord of the Universe (also known as Maharaji, Guru Maharaj Ji, The Anointed One, The Perfect One or quite simply as Prem Rawat) has finally lost control of prime virtual real estate. Specifically he has lost control of his beloved Wikipedia article about himself. You may remember that one of his right hand men, Mr. Jossi Fresco, managed to gain senior honcho status over at Wikiland and thus able to exert undue influence on his beloved Guru's Wiki entry. That was then and now is now. After being named and shamed back in April 2009, Mr. Fresco could not resist the temptation of interfering, this time by creating and deceptively using a different Wiki account, known in the trade as a sock puppet. But I think he has acted like a gambler just before closing time of the casino, losing all. Check out how Mr. Fresco has been rumbled.

The Lord of the Universe must be spitting nails over at his Malibu mansion. But then again perhaps he no longer cares, choosing instead to drown his frustrations in yet another bottle of his beloved cognac.

Poor Prem. We guess he's going to have to take his cognac aloft and burn another couple hundred tons of Jet A in his $60 million dollar private jet to soothe his battered image.

Speaking On The Squat

2009-06-15T20:36:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Tonight, our pal Doug Rushkoff had us on this radio show. Check it out here.

At one point in the interview, we take a stand against the "pathologization of thought" as represented by the ideas of Eckhart Tolle. For those who care, we're not denying the existence of pathological thinking, we are simply pointing out that the act of thinking itself does not impede the flow of awareness; it's attachment to thought that subverts.

At any rate, thanks to Dougji for the opportunity to spread the Gp gospel a bit.

Dahn Going Down In Arizona

2009-06-01T17:24:00.005-06:00

File under: Gurubusting, The Siddhi of PR

It was only a matter of time, after all the other trouble they've been causing, but it looks like Dahn Yoga, a breathing cult from Korea, is starting an inevitable slide toward extinction (or a radical reinvention) in the States:

Dahn Yoga claims it can ease your stress, even heal your ailments. Dahn Yoga operates more than 130 centers across the U.S.

A new lawsuit filed on behalf of 26 former Dahn members alleges the organization subjects its members to “psychological manipulation”.

Experts say this organization fits the definition of a cult, adding that the accusations made in the 53-page lawsuit are not new.

Steve Hassan is a cult expert with more than 30 years of experience. The ABC15 Investigators spoke with him on camera in 2007.

“It’s a destructive, deceptive, mind control cult,” Hassan said.

He said he’s counseled more than 15 former Dahn followers.

It's a cult that gets pretty juicy in the middle:

Former members call these rituals “spiritual surgery” in the lawsuit. According to the lawsuit, it happened at Dahn’s Sedona, Arizona Center. Retreats there also included "competitive events where losers were punished by sticking their heads in the toilet, drinking toilet water, licking and kissing the other members' feet on the floor of the men's bathroom”.

We misspoke. It's a breathing and ritual sadomasochism cult from Korea.

New Buddha Erupts

2009-05-23T14:51:00.007-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

How does one go about becoming a buddha? Hire a good press agent:

Master Wan Ko Yee Recognized as the True Incarnation of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III

WASHINGTON, April 9, 2008 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- The following was released by the International Buddhism Sangha Association...

According to the Venerable Long Hui, the publication of this precious book H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III announces to the entire world the news that a true Buddha has descended into the world. This incarnated Buddha is Dorje Chang Buddha (aka Buddha Vajradhara), who is the primordial and highest Buddha according to the lineage charts of all Buddhist sects. The entire name of this Buddha is H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III Holiest Tathagata Wan Ko Yeshe Norbu.

This is all one stinking heap of meadow pie to this nose.

The Meme Is Out There

2009-05-21T20:30:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

We don't know who om247om is, but we like his style:

People should be aware of these kind of holy hookers exploiting the innocent and gullible masses.

We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

Meeting Beth Lapides

2009-05-14T23:03:00.006-06:00

File under: Sites of Note

Today we ran into Beth Lapides on Twitter, who turns out to be a one-woman comedy industry coming straight from the heart of the Los Angeles spirituality scene. She honored us by proposing we trade links, and we "reciprocated" by sharing some of our standard pedantry about magic gurus and the delusion they employ. One of these days we'll find an off switch for that shit.

Beth has an awesome-looking website with a lot of stuff to check out, like this musing on what we suspect is L.A.'s rampant 2012ism:

The end of duality - is that's what's happening now?
Hard to understand from this duality filled place.
Or is it just cut backs, the end of manicures - two hands on two hands.
Slows down the hands on the face of the clock.
Stop touching yr face my facialist used to say.
Worry. Is. Duality.
But wait! The end of duality is a duality since it implies a begining and end.
Not a whole
Oops.

We haven't quite decided if she's just a little bit too woo-woo or very slyly poking at the indulgences of Hollywoodified spirituality. Either way, it's a really nice site and worth a visit for a joke or two, at least until she decides to turn into a magic guru herself. ;)

"What Enlightenment" Reignites

2009-05-04T19:15:00.005-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

A persistent reporter has spooked Papaji acolyte and EnlighteNext magazine founder Andrew Cohen, causing him to make public denials through lawyers to the authors of What Enlightenment, which carries unflattering descriptions of Cohen's behavior with his students. Cohen's action has caused ex-students to rally to the truth, and this truth hurts:

I would say that slapping and physical assaults were pretty infrequent. I have heard of a number of incidents over the years, but on the whole I would not say it was something that formal students came to expect. Perhaps it was more so for the very small group of “Committed Students”—the few, perhaps three to seven most senior students who led Andrew’s communities. I can personally attest to being instructed one time to go to Craig Hamilton and Carter Phipps, coeditors with me of Andrew’s magazine What Is Enlightenment?, shout an angry message, and slap them both, hard. Andrew emphasized that I must really mean it and hit them hard. I did this. He also had me do the same thing to Amy Edelstein (who sent the replies to you from EnlightenNext). For the record, I also witnessed Amy Edelstein herself slapping Craig and Carter under similar circumstances. In the incidents I witnessed or participated in, no one was physically harmed. Nevertheless, I find it abhorrent, and this event was one of the “final straws” that helped me to realize that Andrew, and now I, had crossed a line that should not be crossed.

We suspect Cohen is now wishing he'd have kept this bag closed. While his little slaparchy might have made a good episode of the New Three Stooges, it definitely also makes for really, really bad PR.

One-Year Arrest Update on Prakashanand — He Must Be Praying for a Miracle

2009-04-25T16:38:00.008-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time, Hands Where They Don't Belong and The Siddhi of PR

By a former resident of Barsana Dham

[Ed.note: This is the first of what we hope will be many stories written by the readers of this blog. This first piece about Prakashaka BOOM, longtime Gp target Kreepalu's agent in America, is excellent and sets the bar quite high at the onset. If you'd like to have your say about your ex-guru, drop us a line at tips@guruphiliac.org].

25 April 2009 — Last year on this day, Swami Prakashanand Saraswati was cooling his heels in a prison in Alexandria, Virginia. Today he is obsessively compulsively flying back and forth from India to Austin; perhaps trying to shore up his life before he returns to jail — permanently.

Last year, on Thursday, April 24, 2008, after exiting an international flight at Washington Dulles International Airport, Prakashanand was taken into custody by U.S. Marshals from the Capital Area Regional Fugitive Task Force and arrested on 20 counts of indecency with a child. From that afternoon until Saturday afternoon, he was in the custody of law enforcement officers. If justice is served, he will spend the rest of his life in their company.

However, for the past year he has been free on one million dollars bail for the case involving two female minors. He also has a $10 million bond posted by one of his wealthy followers to ensure that he shows up for pre-trial hearings and the trial. The bond was posted so that he could receive his passport back. One stipulation of his bond is that he cannot step one foot back into the multi-million dollar ashram he built southwest of Austin with followers’ money. When in Austin, he stays two miles down the road at a home owned by one of his followers.

He has spent a considerable amount of time and money trying to move heaven and earth to get back into his “magical kingdom.” But so far Hays Judge Charles R. Ramsay has said no way two times. Now Prakashanand is trying his luck with the Texas 3rd Court of Appeals.

He also appears to be fighting like hell to postpone the actual trial for as long as humanly possible. In fact, for the past year he has not had one single pre-trial hearing. In the past year, Prakashanand’s case has been set and reset eight times, according to an article published Friday by Eric Dexheimer, an Austin American-Statesman journalist following the case. He wrote: “Prakashanand’s case has been winding through the court system at an unusually slow pace.” The Hays DA said in an email to him: “It is true that cases typically are not reset or canceled this many times in my experience.”

Although the Hays County DA has not revealed why the hearings have been delayed, rumors indicate that the excuses include Prakashanand claiming illness and hiring new lawyers (who then need time to get up to speed on the case).

The main reason is likely that he is praying for miracle: Hoping that his bad karma will all just go away.

You can be sure that Prakashanand is sparing no expense (of his followers’ donations) for the most aggressive legal defense. On one recent document submitted to the 3rd Court for his appeal there were seven lawyers cited. One of his lawyers brags on his firm’s website about his history of keeping accused murders and child molesters out of jail.

Since Prakashanand’s arrest, Barsana Dham has propagated much misinformation. Most notably, they have been telling followers and new parishioners that the women in the indictment are claiming sexual abuse by Prakashanand, because “they are angry at their parents” and “mad that they had to grow up in Barsana Dham.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

The two women are, in fact, among the bravest people on the planet. They stood up to this man and his criminal behavior when so many others have left the organization quietly or turned a blind eye to the truth.

But Barsana Dham’s preachers and other higher-ups have not only committed lies of commission regarding this case. They have also omitted sharing several salient points including:

The Hays County Sheriff’s office conducted a criminal investigation before they arrested Prakashanand.

The Hays DA presented the case to a 12-member Grand Jury. This means that 12 citizens of Hays County heard the state’s case and agreed that there was enough evidence to indict Prakashanand of 20 counts of indecency with a child.

Four branches of the law were involved in Prakashanand’s arrest — which could have occurred in Austin, Texas: But didn’t.

Barsana Dham’s leadership calls former members “demons,” because they are speaking out about Prakashanand’s (and Barsana Dham’s other guru, Kripalu Maharaj’s) criminal behavior. The organization forbids current members to have any contact with them. Barsana Dham prefers its ex-members to just go away quietly — and, of course, has profited from people doing just that for decades.

Prakashanand’s lawyers are bending the truth on his filings, including the brief to the 3rd Court of Appeals. The irony is that Prakashanand’s followers treat him as if he is God. So, why aren’t they asking themselves: How could God get himself into such a mess — and, even more telling, why can’t he gracefully get himself out?

A Childhood Hell In Chinmoyland

2009-04-14T23:05:00.003-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

This is much like what you'd expect from a guru whose primary claim to fame was performing elaborately-staged demonstrations of the fact he was a musclehead:

Tamm... depicts a charlatan who masqueraded as a god and convinced hundreds of thousands to worship him. Her parents were among the first disciples. Chinmoy arranged a "divine marriage" between a Yale-educated hippie and a single mother, then told them to practice abstinence. (Most disciples, however, were directed to remain single.) When Tamm's parents disobeyed and conceived her, Chinmoy invented a myth to explain her birth. He declared her the "Chosen One," a miracle child he'd selected to be his most devoted follower...

She also says the guru controlled his pupils by pitting them against one another. He created a caste system that allowed him to demote or promote members at will. He encouraged members to keep tabs on one another and turn in rule-breakers. Tamm says he once held a fundraiser where disciples paid $25 apiece to hear him describe their worst qualities. At one meditation session, he held a contest for the ugliest girl--a young member with a boil on her face won the distinction.

That's some crazy kind of karma, your "Chosen One" being the instrument of your life's true rendering. Sri Chinmoy clearly made the right choice in Jayanti Tamm.

Lynch Takes Assault On 1st Amendment to Kentucky

2009-04-09T19:35:00.007-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

David Lynch's plan to get his religion into your kids' schools has moved into its post-concert phase. Money made at the concert will now flow to the various regional "peace palaces" of the TM™ org so that efforts to indoctrinate your children can be made on a local basis, including in the state of Kentucky:

Part of the initiative includes funding from the David Lynch Foundation for 1,000 kids in the Central Kentucky area...

In Lexington, anyone can learn the TM technique at the Maharishi Peace Palace, which offers free introductory lectures as well as further instruction to learn a seven-step program.

And a whole lot of "encouragement" to open your wallets to pay for it all.

And that's the whole plan. Raise money to introduce TM™ to children to develop paying customers and adherents to what is CLEARLY a religion.

If TM™ meditation can be in schools, why not Zen, or Vipassana, which is clearly more well-suited to the task of being secular. TM™'s tireless efforts to secularize their ideology is only a few microns thick, folks, covering up what is essentially one grandiose man's grandiose vision of a world ruled by kings (rajas) who will mete out Vedic law, but only as it was interpreted by him. In this world, we will all literally be bowing to pictures of the Maharishi!

Yeah, we know, it's effing crazy, but there are thousands of people who believe it, and those are the people who are trying to get TM™ into the head of as many children as they can.

Gp pal John Knapp has put out a call to the citizens of central Kentucky for any information they might be able to provide. Recently, he attempted to organize a web-meeting about TM™ in schools that was quashed by lawyers from the David Lynch Foundation. We encourage everyone to call their schools and raise a ruckus about this absolute assault on the First Amendment, and not just in Kentucky. TM™ is trying to get in schools from San Francisco to Rhode Island. It's likely that wherever there's a "Maharishi's Peace Palace," there's an effort to trojan their religion into your schools.

Update: For those who want to decide for themselves whether TM™ is a religion, check this out:

Maharishi is expressing this because He has felt a great opening in world consciousness. He now feels that He is ready and able to train as many governors as come forward to be real channels for the decent of Heaven on Earth, Sat Yuga. He wants to bring all the old time people to a mature state of knowledge and experience. He wants to train us to create for ourselves and for the world from within ourselves, and to know by Being, and to create from Being, so that we are masters of our own destiny and the destiny of the world.

This is sacred business for TM™. In other words, their religion.

HuffPo And RusSim Love TM™ In Schools

2009-04-05T13:13:00.003-06:00

FIle under: The Siddhi of PR

Arianna Huffington, Russell Simmons, the surviving Beatles and wackjob film director David Lynch all want religion in your childrens' schools.

While we agree that a secularized form of meditation could benefit many kids around the country, TM™ meditation is a religion that arrives with a whole float of ideological assumptions about the world and the TM™ founder, the late Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Do whatever you can to resist these dilettantes from determining what religion your children are exposed to in the context of their public education (hint: it's supposed to be none.)

Illin' Lama Getting Served

2009-04-01T20:15:00.004-06:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and The Siddhi of PR

When we last had a visit from the "Lama," Michael Lyons, aka Mohan Singh, he was just put under a warrant for his arrest on sexual assault charges in the U.K. Two years and some change later, he's getting it like he gave it from the press and the prosecutor:

Michael Lyons, 51, styled himself as spiritualist Mohan Singh and victims were convinced he was linked to the Dalai Lama, it is alleged.

But in fact he is a 'sexual predator' who raped and assaulted new or potentially new followers that he found attractive, a jury was told.

Prosecutor Philip Katz QC said: "We say the defendant, calling himself Mohan Singh, is a sexual predator masquerading as a Guru and healer.

"We say he has been systematically raping and sexually assaulting those new recruits into his group who he found attractive."

For any readers who've been closer to Mohan than they wanted to be, a reporter from London's Daily Mail is asking for help:

By way of introduction, I'm a journalist with the Daily Mail newspaper in London.

I have read with interest the many posts on your website.

Could you pass on my details to any of Mohan's victims who have contacted you.

I would like to speak to them for a newspaper investigation into him. I have been covering the court case which is currently running at Wood Green Crown Court in London.

Any other leads for investigating Lyons would be welcome. I would be particularly keen to try and track down his former wife.

Many thanks

colin.fernandez@dailymail.co.uk

We can imagine that woman has better things to do than get involved with her psychopathic ex-husband again, but all the best to anyone who wants to tell their story to Colin and the Daily Mail.

SF Says No To Deepak

2009-03-31T23:07:00.003-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The City has spoken:

Deepak is another phony. He should follow his own rule #1. What's funny is he tries to use his psychobabble to rationalize Obama acting more like a king than a president. But, Chopra is a foreigner, so he has no idea what values and beliefs made this country great.

"I'm conflicted. Deepak has introduced me to much spiritual truth over the years. There are few thinkers from who I've gained so much. But his foray into political philosophy is quite juvenile and uninformed." Oh has the world changed or have YOU changed? (Morrisey & The Smiths)

Whose the audience Mr. Chopra trying to reach out to? Like if I'm a self identified close minded person I'll be so glad to have found Mr. Chopra's "A self-help kit for closed minds" and I will heel to his advice to open up my mind!? If those people are really close minded in first place why would they bother with this??

If DC's eastern philisophical ideas are so wonderful then how come India has so much crushing, inhumane proverty, a racist cast system, sexism and a hatered of Pakistan?

Oh shut the pie hole. So tired of hearing how liberal democrats are the ones with open minds: Only if you agree with them! Most "liberals" I know, and I know many, are nano-second in-your-face if your should so much as reveal a divergent view from their own. And they have a dirth of humor.

Why is this Charlatan on the Chron ? To sell more books ? Of course. Get a real job Chopra and stop taking money from weak minded people...

So Chopra "... is the author of over 50 books..." Wouldn't you think that, if he had something important to say, he would have already said it by now?

OM (and stuff).

I don't know who this guy is but looking at his picture I wouldn't let him within 20 yards of my kids let alone my closed mind.

We guess the City of the Summer of Love isn't buying what Deepak Chopra is selling these days.

What Sri Sri Does For A Dude

2009-03-23T13:15:00.005-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Want to be an angry, foul-mouthed messenger of "peace?" Just sign up for an Art of Living course:

Shut the f*** up Jody!
U r a piece of Shit on the www

Sharadha!!!!! U r sad!!!

Wonder whether u guyz wud deserve a service like tht wen u need in!!!!!
Fortunate enuf r guyz to b not one of those affected by those terrorist or the trauma inflicted.

Sad reali sad!!!!!!
God Bless u guyz!!!

Although after that butchering of the language, we're thinking they need to change their mission and become the "Art of Spelling."

What Nithy Does For A Dude

2009-03-23T11:37:00.009-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

We'd like to direct your attention to the comments in our Nithyananda Blesses Arunachala With A New Orifice item of a few months ago. There you will see Swami Nithyananda's "Living Enlightenment" in all its full glory:

You don't have patience to even see what is said as this Jody has already shoveled all his shit on your third eye socket. Go wipe yourself clean...

I thought you don't have intelligence now you have proved you don't have memory either. Don't dare ever talk to me like that again. Go hit yourself against the wall 108 times and you will remember!

i think i wud die in shithole than getting initiated by a westerner like you! jerk? nice name you gave yourself by the way.. i love typing it jerk? remind yourself!

Hurry now, as they are deleting the evidence of their overwhelming anger and arrogance even as we write this. It's all in our email inbox at home, so perhaps we will continue to share more later.

Cricket Players Now Sri Sri Lankan

2009-03-22T23:49:00.005-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living PR assault squad have very successfully capitalized on the March 3 terrorist attack in Lahore, Pakistan, by relentlessly promoting the "trauma relief and counselling program" they comped to the Sri Lankan cricket team targeted in the attack. The stunning press action by the crack AoL team netted over 30 mentions in a Google News search this evening.

The turban gets tipped in the direction of Bangalore to the true siddhas of guru pimping.

Sri Sri Gets Spanked By Times Of India

2009-03-08T10:22:00.004-06:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Hmmm. We wonder who they are talking about:

A guru, popular for an admittedly revolutionary breathing technique that unlocks spiritual potential, organized camps across many cities on his birthday. Devotees flew in from all over the world and large crowds congregated at the allocated venues. The crowds and cars predictably kicked up so much dust that all those who attended and attempted the deep breathing technique in the middle of the dust haze fell ill. Blind devotion led to near physical annihilation for many. Is it not possible to be devoted to one’s guru and practice his teachings in the privacy of one’s home? And can this public demonstration of power and popularity by this guru signify, even remotely, his spirituality?

No. It signals his overwhelming lust to be famous (and to make his family rich.) But scratch that part about "revolutionary breathing technique." We hear it's just something Sri Sri came up with one day to give himself a head rush.

TM™ Wants To Own Your Kids' Minds

2009-02-28T11:49:00.003-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

With David Lynch and Paul McCartney out raising millions to put TM™ indoctrination programs into your kids' schools, anti-cult counseler John Knapp is organizing the resistance:

Join us for a free Web Event, April 2, 8 pm EST, to learn a side of the Transcendental Meditation story they won't tell you.

TM. Concerned scientists question research claiming benefits. Former members allege secret agendas. Clergy are unsure if TM contradicts their religion.

In this atmosphere, the David Lynch Foundation sponsors Paul McCartney & Friends in concert April 4, 2009. Reminding many of Tom Cruise's marketing for Scientology.

DLF states this "World Harmony Concert" will raise millions to introduce "TM/Quiet Time" into public schools.

We believe this violates the separation of Church & State.

Many consider meditation valuable. Our concern is religious meditation forms do not belong in public schools.

TM™ is not secular meditation. TM™ is a religion, and a destructive cult in every sense of the word. While we agree that meditation is good for all regardless of faith, TM™ meditation comes with so many strings attached to a wildly fantastic mythology (including all their so-called "science") that you may as well be dunking kids in full-on Christian baptisms.

Sri Sri Goes Metal

2009-02-26T20:14:00.005-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

This is nothing short of brilliant:

Well, maybe not quite brilliant. The subject was certainly an inspired choice, and the acting was more than adequate. And while the writing started out pretty strong, it began to lag quickly, resulting in a soggy finish.

But we don't want to discourage the Mindry.in folks from trying again. And if they ever want help with the writing, we are here to serve!

India Moves To Protect Its Heritage From Greedy Gurus

2009-02-22T02:12:00.002-07:00

File under; The Siddhi of PR

Mother India is out to save Her spiritual heritage from greedy, patent-trolling gurus [Ed.note: Remember Bling-Bling Bikram?] who try to turn yoga culture into their own, personal cash cows:

Instances of self-styled yoga gurus claiming copyrights to ancient ‘asanas', especially from the West, is now becoming rampant. This has made 200 scientists and researchers from the Council of Scientific and Industrial Research (CSIR) and Union health ministry's department of Ayush join hands to put on record all known yoga postures and techniques that originated in India.

Scientists are presently scanning through 35 ancient Sanskrit texts, including the Mahabharata, Bhagawad Gita and the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali to identify and document all known yoga concepts, postures and terminology.

Till now, 600 ‘asanas' (physical postures) have already been documented. The team plans to put on record at least 1,500 such yoga postures by the end of 2009.

That is a yoga guide we'd love to see.

John DeRuiter Update

2009-02-18T18:23:00.008-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

A reader sends us an update on John DeRuiter of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, a noted nonduality purveyor who kinda seems like a jerk, although he gets a tip o' the turban for openly pulling a pair of sisters as his girlfriends:

Well folks, it must be time for an update. It is now 2009 and where are we now with John DeRuiter? Having been around John for many years I'm pretty sure I can give a fair assessment of what is happening around him, but then again I'm a bit of a shit disturber and actually still have a brain and my critical thinking capacity.

Firstly, people commenting on JDR who have not personally sat with him are completely in the dark and are making uninformed decisions in their comments (much the same as the people who voted for George Dubyuh.)

Now 10 years later, John still has a relationship with the two woman (sisters) who he dumped his wife for. (Actually, he gave his wife the choice to join the harem, she declined.) There is no love lost between the two sisters and they are much like acid and ice cream—not a good mix. Acid, Benita, is in charge of everything. She had no people skills whatsoever when she started the job and now she has at least one or two, so she is growing. The main woman in charge at the time was dumped with the excuse that she needed a vacation. That woman probably still questions her worthiness, but now I'm speculating.

I've had many deep experiences sitting with John and will tell you that he has never bitten me, (probably because I bite back.) But I would never take some of the crap that he dishes to some people, but they invariably take it. Over all, it's unbelievably boring. We sit, we gaze, he gazes. It's all very peaceful, like a graveyard, or should I say mausoleum, as the new digs are all marble and chandeliers.

My main complaint was that if you were to ask John a challenging question, he very often reverts to silence, and that cuts out any chance of a dialogue about truth or anything else. By doing so, he chooses always to be in "Power" position and you, the questioner, become secondary chimpanzee without a voice. It truly sucks and is completely disempowering. There can be no "Real" dialogue because he's always in charge of the situation.

The majority of people in the group are pretty "John Gone," and there is no focus on critical questioning as the group has silently agreed that that is not cool. I think they call it co-dependency. The sad thing with almost any guru who answers all questions is that it basically makes you a bit stupid and you will always second guess your decisions, ("gee, I wonder what John would do?"), and John has an answer for everything. He is an incredibly intelligent speaker and master of the one liner. The problem though is that he has created an obscure language that most humans cannot possibly grasp, and in my opinion has muddied and complicated the pure field of truth.

Many who hang with John get a lot from it. They are intelligent and articulate people and some are real sweethearts. People in the group do have an opinion which they share privately but not publicly.

All in all he seems pretty benign and he ain't no Jim Jones but if you want to truly grow, get the hell out of there and take on life directly.

Maybe not a Jim Jones, but DeRuiter's from-on-high positioning of himself, especially his tendency to duck the tough questions, really only obscures more than clarifies the nondual us. But that could have been a business decision: keep them in mystery and they'll keep coming back (and paying you) for the answer.

The Real Sri Sri Revealed

2009-02-16T17:44:00.004-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Finally, a truthful media portrayal of the world fame-lusting Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

A South American TV personality has launched a television cartoon based on Indian spiritual guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s teachings, choosing him as the main character.

The cartoon, “Plim Plim”, is aimed at children between two and five years old, the Art of Living Foundation said here.

Sri Sri takes yet another page from his own guru's playbook, seeing as TM™ does, that for the younger of those in the bath, the more thorough the brainwashing will be.

Popping Pop Vedanta

2009-02-14T00:16:00.005-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

We've got to give it up for Gp compatriot, H.H. Sri Sri SRI Kevinanandaji, for going OFF at the self-glorification business in Tiruvannamalai, India, over the last few months. Today he takes his needle and pokes the Pop Vedanta bubble, AKA Neo-Advaita. And while we may sometimes veer very close to some of the same outlined sins, we enjoyed the Kevinanandajister ripping away like a mad sadhu on a Datura bender:

This is a shallow, consumeristic interpretation scraped from the retina of Ramana's teaching, which sells you abstract notions of enlightenment as the real deal: like buying on credit and never having to pay. It is the 'description of enlightenment' minus the genuine article, an enticing 'theoretical product' where body is divorced from mind. All you get is "talk" and "pseudo-awakenings" become the new benchmark. Saying it, replaces being it. Soft words and the 'language of love' masquerade as the real thing. Understanding realisation is suddenly the accomplishment. Salvation served up on a slab: consume and you're enlightened!

The upshot is that anything goes if you can argue it. In the absence of visceral experience, the slightest tremor becomes an 'awakening event'. And with the arbitary use of any 'free-floating concept', even Ramana can be castigated as a fake. Like a 1000-headed hydra, one Guru pops up only to be shouted down by another who shouts even louder (As Mr Heinz so sagely put it, "57 varieties of Mind Fuck soup!") This is why this 'Paradigm of Paradise' is so jumbled and confused. It's a hybrid monster: 'Presence', 'Being In The Moment', 'Neti Neti' and 'Mental deconstruction' to the nth degree, all in the name of 'Satsang!'

The Chi-Ting Master has spoken. While we see some value in a few of the ideas he's railing against, we are going to let this tiger's tail alone.

TM™ Psych-Ops, Then And Now

2009-02-10T21:13:00.008-07:00

File under: Gurus to the Stars and The Siddhi of PR

Gp pal John Knapp on his own experience as a hypnotized participant in the early TM™ movement:

I started that residence course as a skeptic about TM. I came out one month later as a true believer who wanted to become a TM teacher. If you had asked me back then what happened on that course to change my beliefs, I would have said that I had learned new and wonderful things, that I saw the light, and that I was convinced by the scientists. What I would not have said was, "Meditating many times a day produced something akin to a hypnotic trance, and I was given a post-hypnotic suggestion to believe in TM and to become a TM teacher."

A person very dear to me attended a similar one-month TM course in 1974, and wrote me during the course, "I have a sensation like I am holding onto a wall, and a strong wind is tearing me off the wall, moving me to become a TM teacher, and it is only a matter of time before I will give way." After the TM course, she, like I, became a TM teacher.

We know why John became a TM™ teacher: it worked for him then. Despite the shady business practices and psych-ops the Maharishi was running on his students, mediation is mediation, and meditation usually transforms. The whole thing is a great illustration of how our cognitive unconscious operates. The suggestions go in and the belief is calculated, which is translated into zeal in the experiencing consciousness. This has an effect similar to putting Vaseline on a camera lens. In the best cases, that seems to wear off after a while, at least for those courageous enough to think for themselves. But in the worst, lives are laid waste by a slavish devotion to a system that just does not suit them, although it does suit those who are receiving the fees and cash offerings.

Today, TM™ psych-ops are right back where they began: the Beatles, or at least one of them, along with a cracked-out movie director and a host of luminous dupes who have it better than the rest of us:

Sir Paul [McCartney], who is co-chairing the event, learned the Transcendental Meditation technique in 1967 and attended a course with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in India in 1968.

Sir Paul will share top-billing with Donovan, Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, Sheryl Crow, Ben Harper, Moby, jazz flutist Paul Horn, and Mike Love of the Beach Boys.

David Lynch, Russell Simmons, Laura Dern, and other surprise guests will fill out the star-studded slate as presenters.

The concert will raise funds to teach one million at-risk children the Transcendental Meditation technique, giving them the life-long tools to overcome stress and violence—and promote peace and success in their lives. Over 60,000 children in various countries have learned the Transcendental Meditation technique in the past two and a half years thanks to the David Lynch Foundation.

Apparently, one thing they've learned in all those years of hypnotizing people is that the extent of their brainwashing is inversely proportional to the age of their victims. Get 'em while they're young, David. Well-played.

Stuart Resnick On The Youtubes

2009-02-08T13:24:00.007-07:00

File under: Endorsed

We are delighted to have discovered Gp pal Stuart Resnick on video on YouTube, where he parses popular culture and his own life, picking out metaphoric assists for the illustration of zen notions. He's very plain spoken and quite funny:

Insight with humor as a reinforcing influence is a teaching tradition we are always happy to endorse.

D. Lama Back In D-Sala

2009-02-03T19:10:00.004-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The Dalai Lama spent yesterday in the hospital, admitted after a heart attack scare. Today he's back at home (away from home), getting ready for a quick tour of Europe.

We've got to hand it to the D. L., he's a trooper. And most of the time, we're pleased with the way he comports himself. There's no miracle mongering (although it's certainly built into his religion,) no predictions of the future, just a friendly smile and some words of peace. Given, we don't know the behind-the-screen scene. But generally, the D. L. doesn't seem to produce much in the way of clarity-clogging clouds of belief about the "result" of enlightenment, and that puts him way ahead of almost every other world-famous guru on the planet. The turban is off for the D. L. Here's to 30 more years of him kicking it real and clear.

Pranam To The Paw

2009-01-29T23:06:00.006-07:00

File under: Notable Quote

This was passed along by a friend today. Advice for the seeker and the guru:

How Enlightened Are You? A Test

If you can live without caffeine or nicotine
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains
If you can resist complaining
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can ignore friends' limited educations and never correct them
If you can treat the rich and poor alike
If you can face the world without lies or deceit
If you can conquer tension without medical help
If you can relax without liquor
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs
If you can have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender, sexual preference, or politics —

— then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog.

Love Guru Nominated For Razzie Award

2009-01-23T21:57:00.006-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

We're calling this proof that the Love Guru failed because it was a bad movie, not because the boycott called by self-styled Hindu spiritual leader Rajan "Z-List" Zed was anything close to a success, other than giving Zed a chance to whore himself out to the press for a few months last summer.

Our Guru Will Turn You Into A Real Sex Dragon

2009-01-20T19:23:00.009-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Now that we've sold our soul for 2 cases of Guru energy drink per month, (it's just that good, people!), we're pleased to present this Guru video promo for your viewing enjoyment:

We're still lapping up the sweet, sweet irony of seeing the term "guru" juxaposed with "real sex dragon." The folks at GED are at the vanguard of a movement that will sweep up spiritual culture into full, pop-cultural bloom. You are looking at the future, sadhaks. The walls between what is profane and what is spiritual are slated to dissolve, soon.

Updated Folk Theory Of Guru-Based Spirituality

2009-01-13T20:17:00.020-07:00

File under: Folk Theories

The universe just handed us a shiny new weapon against superstition and ignorance in guru-based spiritual culture: the idea of the folk theory. We first encountered the concept in George Lakoff and Mark Johnson's Philosophy in the Flesh, the subject matter—that all philosophies of mind in the West are dead dog wrong, and why—is a bit outside the scope of this blog. But the book is an absolute treasure of clarity about the mind and how it works, and consequently, how societies and cultures are structured as well.

A folk theory is any set of "common sense" beliefs about something we experience together in our lives. The idea that our personalities can survive death is a folk theory. To a great majority of folks, the idea that we'll survive death—going to heaven, hell, or who knows where—is simple common sense. But there is no proof of life after death beyond personal anecdote, and neuroscience is now showing us that these experiences of the supernatural can be reproduced in a lab with magnetic fields, deep brain stimulation, and simple tricks of perception.

Thus, we present our list of the ideas that make up a folk theory we've identified in guru-based spirituality. This is the tool box of any flimflamming, big-time guru. See if you can come up with some [more] of your own!

Folk Theory of Guru-Based Spirituality

• Enlightenment can be transmitted supernaturally
• Enlightenment is the culmination of something
• Enlightenment entails knowing everything
• Enlightenment causes all thought to cease
• Enlightenment is love
• Only a guru can bestow enlightenment
• The guru is within yourself
• Being God means having some or all of "God's" powers
• Because you are God, you can affect things by thought alone
• Because you are connected to everything, you can affect things by thought alone
• Everything is connected
• You are a spark of the divine
• You are guided by a higher self
• You create your own reality
• Everything in the world is an illusion
• Divinity can be subverted by the flesh
• Good and evil are forces locked in an eternal struggle
• Good always prevails
• Things will be better in the future
• Things were better in the past
• People and things can be holy
• Ancient wisdom is better
• A just, omnipotent God exists
• Everything happens according to a Plan
• You'll get back every good and bad thing you do
• Sex is a loss to the spirit
• Sex is a boon to the spirit
• Technology is harmful
• Only the heart knows what is true
• The mind is an enemy of the spirit
• The spirit is an energy
• Personality survives death

We've got a list on our desktop and are [still] itching to add to it. Please suggest away in the comments.

We Only Did It For The Free Drinks

2009-01-08T22:51:00.011-07:00

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sharp-eyed readers may have noticed the addition of some genuine ad banners on the blog. We are pleased to be now sponsored by Guru energy drinks, a product we told you about a few months ago. Actually, it was their web marketing we told you about, a series of "auditions" we wanted to hate but ended up loving. The folks at Guru were kind enough to send us a case of their product, and it was love all over again.

The main feature of Guru energy drinks (besides the fact they are delicious) is simple. They are all natural. The harshness has been eliminated but the spirit still springs. Being no stranger to energy drinks, (and having experienced the unpleasant light-headedness that some of them induce,) we took to this Guru right away. So, we told the folks there that we'd display a few of their banners if they'd put us on the comp list for product. And that, pretty much, is the story of Guruphiliac selling out.

What's also quite delicious is the provocative nature of these ads. Guru. Clean energy for dirty minds. It's the final nail in the coffin for the rigid notions of sexual purity which have pervaded much of guru-based spirituality as it has come to the West. As a culture, we never needed these notions, and they have done us little good on the whole, socially and spiritually.

So drink up, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar! Send us an email and we'll hook you up!

Nithyananda Blesses Arunachala With A New Orifice

2008-12-12T19:55:00.016-07:00

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and The Siddhi of PR

Here's proof that Swami Nithyananda has raped the holy mountain of Arunachala in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, India, beloved of the nondual saint, Ramana Maharshi, who is arguably the father of modern nondual thought. We know, that's a bullshit term and Ramana would strenuously disagree, but regardless, behold the destruction of a world treasure by a ridiculously grandiose and insanely self-promoting fauxvatar:

(Click for a larger image)
Take a look at the size of that parking lot! That's a lot of natural habit ravished beyond any ecological value to the locals, India, or the world, not to mention the many species of plants and animals, some possibly endangered, that depended on that jungle before it became a new asshole ripped into a holy mountain by the local-boy-who-made-it-big-in-the-States-as-a-saint, so-now-we're-going-to-let-him-do-whatever-the-f*%k-he-wants.

Locals are informing us that this is the closest building to the top of the mountain now, stepping Nithyananda up into a whole new, higher realm of the commercialization of Ramana Maharshi's spirituality. He's the native son who made "good", if you can consider the cultural and physical rape of a treasured spiritual landmark and the absolute pillaging of the local environment, not to mention the scarily fascist-looking marketing materials, as good:

He's the leader of the lingams here. We haven't quite decided what that really says about him, other than he's still the Peacock Guru in our eyes.

Sri Sri's Crayons Come Out

2008-12-06T23:47:00.005-07:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

The analysis which led Sri Sri to this solution to the problem of religious terrorism must be a landmark in infantile reasoning by a noted guru:

Noted spiritual guru Sri Sri Ravishankar on Friday suggested a blend of knowledge of all traditions, including the teachings of Islam, Christianity, Hinduism and indigenous faiths, to end conflicts.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the idiot-savant guru, still trying to capitalize on the tragedy of the Mumbai terrorist attacks.

PSBoomBoom Shut Out

2008-12-02T19:06:00.006-07:00

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and The Siddhi of PR

We're a little late bringing this to you, but Kreepalu (Kripalu Maharaj) protegé Swami Prakashanand Saraswati was denied permission to live at his Texas ashram as he awaits trial on child sexual molestation charges:

A state judge has again denied the request of Prakashanand Saraswati to be permitted to live on the ashram he founded near Driftwood, south of Austin.

The 79-year-old Hindu guru, known among his followers as Shree Swamiji, is accused of groping two minor girls in the 1990s. Although he has been allowed to travel freely before his trial, Prakashanand is prohibited from setting foot on the property of Barsana Dham as a condition of his parole.

Judge Charles Ramsay on Monday rejected the guru's argument that excluding him from the Hays County ashram was a violation of his First Amendment right of religious freedom and association. Prakashanand made a similar request in late August, which Ramsay also denied. A pretrial hearing in the case is set for Jan. 21.

You may recall that one of Swami's devotees put up $10,000,000 bail to ensure Boom Boom's appearance at trial. Given the current financial landscape, we imagine it's worth about half of that now. But we must tip the turban to the Swami's devotees for doing such a magnificent job with their online whitewash. You've got to scroll down pretty far to get any hints about the Swami's alleged darker tendencies.

Master Charles' Mumbai Mitzvah

2008-11-29T23:11:00.009-07:00

FIle under:Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Master Charles Cannon, recent Virgin Mary apparition scamster and former protegé of the preteen-diddling Baba Muktananada, just lost two devotees to the recent terror operation in Mumbai, India. And don't 'cha know he's been making the most of this opportunity to let the world know that these two devotees were members of the Synchronicity Foundation, on a Synchronicity Foundation-sponsored trip, doing Synchronicity Foundation business, as if any of this had any relevance at all to the fact of their deaths due to the action of the Mumbai extremists, outside of a cynical attempt to make this a public relations boon for the Synchronicity Foundation itself. Imagine if General Motors or Ford launched a public relations effort every time someone was killed in a crash in one of their vehicles. From a witness to a recent Synchronicity Foundation press conference:

The Synchronicity foundation [is] using the death of two members in Mumbai to hold press conferences all over the place pitching their spiritual leader Master Charles and their line of hi-tech meditation audio and other products. While the lady was going on about products and such, a reporter asked her how the community was feeling. She asked, "About what?" "About the death of your two members." "Oh that, we're devastated," she replied, looking thrilled at the PR opportunity. I'm surprised Synchronicity isn't having a 20% off Mumbai tragedy sale.

We'd love to be able to show you some YouTubes coverage of this particular press conference, so if anyone happens knows where we can find it, please pass along the link to tips@guruphiliac.org.

The Big One Meets The Big One

2008-11-28T00:46:00.003-07:00

File under: Final Samadhi

Adi Da has died. Our mentor Bruce Morgen says it best:

There is nothing so large
that it cannot be exaggerated,
no lily so perfect
that it cannot be gilded.

He emerged so suddenly,
so astonishingly gifted,
and died his own hagiographer.

UPDATE: Nithyananda's Lingam Isn't That Big

2008-11-22T21:20:00.004-07:00

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

The Peacock Guru's devotees are out in full force now, consigning us to hell for dissing their "Master." While we have no qualms whatsoever about where we'll end up after we die, we thought it would be fair to communicate that it appears that Nithyananda isn't going to be building a 108-foot lingam underground:

There were never plans for 108 feet Shivalingam, the plan for 21 feet lingam is fast approaching and to energize the whole place navapashanam medicines for that lingam are getting ready for the lingam.

We've taken down the original post about Nithyananda's ashram near Arunachala mountain after considering the lack of verification of the claims made by the tipster. We apologize for going with the claims without making an effort to verify them ourselves.

That all said, Nithyananda is still the Peacock Guru, grooming himself to be the next Ramana as he yokes ignorance to metaphor about enlightenment, just like any other common big-time guru.

Chi-Ting Still Galloping Along

2008-11-22T10:04:00.003-07:00

File under: Gurubusting

Our pal Sri Sri Swami Kevinandaji is still leading the charge against the many fauxrus and their fawning fans who have set up shop around Tiruvannamalai, the Las Vegas red-light district of Vedic-based spirituality for Westerners visiting India. One of these is some dude who calls himself Gaia. That's a girl's name if ya didn't know it. But what's even more amusing is this guy's girlfriend. According to Kevinandaji:

His girlfriend is a real deal Uber bitch who wears her attitude like a 'strap on' at a dyke's orgy and that's when she's being nice! She must have been spawned from the same Alien pod that Benita and Katrina Von Sass slimed out from (they're the 2 spoilt harridans who turned John deRuiter into such a polygamous figure of fun !)

And here comes Satsang Barbie again:

I am blonde, very gorgeous and have an insatiable need to spend money on ME! ME! ME! Your place in the universe is to give sustenance to my retail therapy addiction, while I spout a few spiritual platitudes and give you 30 seconds of my precious attention. As an extra incentive I will be dressed in a shimmering sari (I do so love to be ethnic!) with translucent see through qualities, so when the light is right you lucky boys will be able to see my perfectly formed pubis and vulva... So empty your wallets NOW! You know it's worth it!

Apparently, vag-flashing is the new guru blessing around there.

Finally, hanging with Radha Ma sounds like a lot of fun for a freak:

A rich American devotee of Radha Ma has built this wondrous temple as a monument to Sado-Masochism, whips and KY jelly. Do you think if I climbed over the wall I could become a sex slave and develop a life long addiction to kinky sex and general perversion.

Ah, a true aghori after our own hearts. We can't guarantee the accuracy of any of Kevinanda's claims, but who cares? It's still fun to read and regardless, these sanctimonious frauds and posers are all due for a good piss-taking, as often as possible, and Sri Sri K-ji is just the man for the job in our book.

Recycling Jody: The One Where I Break The First Person Plural Habit (On Occasion)

2008-11-15T14:36:00.004-07:00

File under: Nondualogicality

[Ed.note: I wrote these short essays on my first blog, Nondualogicality, which is the precursor to Guruphiliac. Having explored the archives a bit, (and being exhausted with the silly ignorance that is foisted by those targeted here,) I'm putting these back up in this present editorial context.]

Who is writing this?

Everything we know and do is based on the idea that we are individuals, separate people who make decisions and interact with other people in ways funny, brilliant, and terrible.

To question this is more ludicrous than making Hilter a saint or calling G.W. Bush intelligent.

It is unimaginable to think that the "person" we think we are is really only an idea, even if it's an incredibly varied, creative and complex idea.

You'd have to be crazy to think that you're not a person.

Well, I'm crazy.

This particular blog is written by no one. It comes out of this head by the agency of these hands, but the fact is--for all of us--that there is only 'this,' 'this' being what is. It can't be spoken, but we're all it, and this apparent blogger is going to blog away at that point until you either get sick of it or you get it too.

So prepare to puke or maybe learn who you really are.

Chi-Ting Takes It Up A Notch

2008-11-13T22:20:00.006-07:00

File under: Gurubusting

Our pal Sri Sri Kevinanda just caused us to take off the turban, put it out on the back fence, and blow it away with the Beretta:

Kevinandaji has set the bar quite high now for gurubusters with blogs. It's definitely set some wheels a' turning over here.

Chi-Ting Rides Again

2008-11-06T09:11:00.004-07:00

File under: Gurubusting

We're a little late getting the news to you, but "His most righteous Holiness Sri Sri Swami Kevindanda" and his Chi-Ting Apocalypse guru gossip website are back up and hastening the fall of all that is good (for cloying big-time gurus who attempt to play-out their scams in India's capital of gurudom, Tiruvannamalai.) For any of you who doubt his qualification to comment on the state of these very "highest" of beings, regardez:

By the late 70's and early 80's Kevinanda had graduated to the new frontier of credit card fraud and rampant binges of shoplifting to feed his monstrous drug habit. Finally in 1985 Mr Plod in the form of Law and Order sentenced Kevinanda to 5 years in Pentonville jail.... After some extreme psychotic fits he was transferred to The Broadmoor secure unit for the criminally insane, where he made lifelong friends with the Kray twins and Myra Hindley who became his surrogate aunty... During a period in solitary confinement Kevinandaji had his first experience of samadhi and realised the oneness of all and metamorphosised into the all loving Apostle of Chi-ting...

We tip the turban in the direction of Tiruvannamalai and its premier gurubuster and our colleague, Sri Sri Swami Kevindanda.

The Bored Guru's Tips Of The Trade

2008-11-03T22:13:00.008-07:00

File under: Real True Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

We always love us some Bored Guru. His latest story is about another devotee's silly beliefs—this time it's enlightenment radar in dogs—but what caught our eye was this helpful tip for burgeoning big-time gurus at the end of the article:

Do you want to show the world that you are potentially a universal guru?

Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living.

In the interest of empowering any burgeoning of the inner guru, we bring you all 12 (so far) of the Bored Guru's tips:

1. Allow the disciple to prattle whatever he/she wants. Listen to it with a smile and admiration on the face.

2. Sharpen your skills in the area of human psychology and brand it as 'divine power' every time you get a chance.

3. Every time a female seeker expressed her stupid love or passion for you, you will say YES. Tell her also that in the past life she could not express her love to you and now you have taken that special birth to fulfill that (without batting the eye lid).

4. Don't deny any healing powers attributed to you, accept it gracefully. Tell that it requires total surrender for total healing, so that even if the healing did not happen, you can blame it on the same person that his surrender is not complete.

5. Smile 'compassionately' and also brush aside 'gently' any aura stories weaved around you. You can also make references to your aura as to how only evolved people can see your aura and the rest may see it soon as they all are evolving.

6. Drop a word casually about how some ancient gurus are coming in your dreams and blessing you to do the same with others as a divine mission.

7. Always smile meaningfully; use often expressions like "I know, my child" if any miracles attributed to you, just shrug your shoulders and chuckle.

8. Tell people, how guru's grace can bring luck in one's life, without batting your eye lid.

9. Design your robes carefully. They should be long and flowing and even as you go to bed, make sure you are robed well. If you try out a turban and wooden sandals, you may attract lot more attention, especially at airports.

10. Project yourself as a ghost-buster with divine powers. Make sure you've learnt some ghost related mantras and shout them loudly, as you smoke out somebody's house.

11. Divide people as insider and outsider. Tell how blessed are the insiders and how unfortunate the outsider for remaining still in the outside.

12. Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living

A billion new Sri Sri's can spring forth from these wise aphorisms, now gathered up here for your and our great enjoyment... and sad reflection on the state of ignorance that is perpetuated by big-time gurus every day.