More Post-Secret Terminology

File under: Satscams

Still feeling burned by The Secret? You are not alone, and The Anti-Guru Blog author Steven Sashen feels your pain:

Successhole (suc·cess·hole; pronounciation: \sək-ˈses-(h)ōl\). noun.

1. A person who, upon achieving some dramatic change in status or income makes it abundantly clear that s/he thinks this change is primarily a result of her/his actions and discounts the role of luck, chance, and the myriad other factors that had much more to do with it;

2. A person who can’t help but tell you how they achieved some goal through the practice of influencing the particles of the universe with their thought, intention, vibration, manifestation, or some other unmeasurable characteristic (e.g. Jim won the lottery and now he’s such a successhole about how he “attracted it.” It’s the LOTTERY, Jim!);

3. Someone whose attainments should engender awestruck gratitude, but instead, continues to bitch and moan about petty things and insists on doing complicate restaurant check math so as not too pay an extra $1.00.

Related:

Sucksassful (sucks·ass·ful; pronounciation: \sək-ˈas-fəl\ or, in certain areas \sək-ˈses-fəl\ ).

1. Noun - The unpleasant emotions one experiences upon discovering that achieving a long-desired goal has not delivered the imagined and anticipated happiness. (e.g. If I wasn’t spending all those years visualizing becoming successful, I could have been having fun… instead of having spent all my weekends in workshops and now being sucksassful)

2. Adjective - The achievement of a goal that results in the above-described experience (e.g. La-dee-da, I’m a sucksasful millionaire. Now shoot me, please.)

We are SO up for experiencing sucksassfulness for ourselves, so please send your bank account and routing numbers, along with your PINs and any loose cash you have lying around, to tips@guruphiliac.org.