Guruphiliac: More Post-<i>Secret</i> Terminology

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

More Post-Secret Terminology

File under: Satscams

Still feeling burned by The Secret? You are not alone, and The Anti-Guru Blog author Steven Sashen feels your pain:
Successhole (suc·cess·hole; pronounciation: \sək-ˈses-(h)ōl\). noun.

1. A person who, upon achieving some dramatic change in status or income makes it abundantly clear that s/he thinks this change is primarily a result of her/his actions and discounts the role of luck, chance, and the myriad other factors that had much more to do with it;

2. A person who can’t help but tell you how they achieved some goal through the practice of influencing the particles of the universe with their thought, intention, vibration, manifestation, or some other unmeasurable characteristic (e.g. Jim won the lottery and now he’s such a successhole about how he “attracted it.” It’s the LOTTERY, Jim!);

3. Someone whose attainments should engender awestruck gratitude, but instead, continues to bitch and moan about petty things and insists on doing complicate restaurant check math so as not too pay an extra $1.00.


Sucksassful (sucks·ass·ful; pronounciation: \sək-ˈas-fəl\ or, in certain areas \sək-ˈses-fəl\ ).

1. Noun - The unpleasant emotions one experiences upon discovering that achieving a long-desired goal has not delivered the imagined and anticipated happiness. (e.g. If I wasn’t spending all those years visualizing becoming successful, I could have been having fun… instead of having spent all my weekends in workshops and now being sucksassful)

2. Adjective - The achievement of a goal that results in the above-described experience (e.g. La-dee-da, I’m a sucksasful millionaire. Now shoot me, please.)
We are SO up for experiencing sucksassfulness for ourselves, so please send your bank account and routing numbers, along with your PINs and any loose cash you have lying around, to



At 1/22/2008 4:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Successhole is genius. Reminds me of a tried and true three step plan to get wealthy:

1. Take extremely high risk opportunities with a high upside.
2. Be one of the one in five hundred million people for whom this pays out.
3. Attribute it entirely to your own skill, hard work, and willingness to take risks; blame others' lack of success entirely on their own shiftlessness and negative outlook.

Actually, this is a pretty serious thing in the Western tradition, they even have a name for it, "inflation". But that's something else for another time.

At 1/23/2008 11:04 AM, Blogger Zubin said...

I was getting sick and tired a year ago over all my somewhat sane friends falling over themselves to gush about The Secret. So I decided to whole-heartedly try the Secret for myself and manifest in my life the discovery of an awesome Secret-like method that I could write about and promote and get rich over.

It hasn't worked yet. But keep an eye out for it.

At 1/24/2008 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This time last year a fellow student was telling me about how the Secret worked in her life. She visualised the ideal job to comlement her studies. She looked in the newspaper and found it as a receptionist. The owner encouraged her to study during quiet periods. Trouble is, the quiet periods were soon replaced by frantic busy periods.

Anyway, upon questioning it turned out that she did nothing more than any non-Secret person would do i.e. set a goal and look for ways to achieve it. There was no magic or mystery to it.

And that's what you find when you press the Secret gurus on the topic. On the Oprah show, people kept coming up with 'Yeah, but..." until the gurus basically admitted that you set goals then work towards them - no magic or mystery to it.

I've also noticed that when you start these things they 'work' for a few days or weeks but then the freshness of it dries up.


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