Carlos And His Gurus: Book II

File under: Gurus to the Stars and Satscams

We're deluged with (and secretly delighted by) the news that a Santana Band member is suing Carlos because he was fired for not "calibrating" well according to Santana's guru, Dr. Dan:

Bruce Kuhlman, 59, said Santana's wife, Deborah, went on a campaign to terminate him after her spiritual guru, "Dr. Dan," determined through "calibration" tests that Kuhlman was too old to become enlightened, the lawsuit, filed on April 13, said.

Too old to become enlightened? That's a first. It's probably closer to: too old to be duped by Dr. Dan's poop.

Dr. Dan also appears to be stacking the Santanas' staff with female employees:

Kuhlman said Deborah Santana hired three new employees—all of them female—after asking Dr. Dan to "calibrate" them over the telephone.

So smooth! Charge for all those "calibrations" and increase the number of women who might be available for "special" calibrations.

Obviously, this is bad publicity for Carlos and his wife. They've already been through one guru tragedy. Now they've fallen for this quack, and it's going to cost them a lot more than what they've already overpayed for Dr. Dan's services.

It's the Santanas' common sense that could use some calibration here. They're 0 for 2 with gurus at the moment. Someone should get to them quickly with a clue about their inner guru before this trainwreck gets any worse, and those much more relevant pop stars Carlos has been working with abandon him—taking most of the popularity he currently enjoys with them.