Sweet Teen's Family Still Hopeful

File under: Hands Where They Don't Belong

The McMillian Family is expressing hope they'll again see sweet teen Diane back in the their safe, loving embrace. She's still in the decidedly creepy embrace of the Living Love Fellowship and their wrinkly old sex monkey UFO guru, Amadon Amadon.

Family members are convinced Diane has been brainwashed into sending disparaging remarks about her father Ian by email to the South African press. While lawyers have stopped their publication for now, Diane's sisters are chiming in with a statement of their own:

We regard these accusations as a direct attack on our father, whom they are attempting to break, because he is determined to retrieve Diane from [Amadon's] clutches. It is still to be established whether it is truly Diane behind these letters or, in fact, Amadon.

We believe we may have a plan for the McMillians. Sisters Angela and Laurie could be offered as trade for Diane. Since we imagine the freaky old pervert's grabbing hands are completely controlled by his shriveled little winkie, Amadon will be helpless and unable to resist the offer. If they meet up in a third-world country for the handoff, the local authorities could be bribed to nab the drunk "daddy" for whatever trumped up charges they come up with. The sisters McMillian will be reunited once again and the slimy sex monkey from Oregon will be left to deal with admirers of an entirely different disposition, ones who will almost certainly teach him a lesson about who the real daddies are.

By way of [Cult News]