Guruphiliac: Extravagant Guru Pisses Off The Punjab

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Extravagant Guru Pisses Off The Punjab

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Baba Gurmit Singh Ram Rahim is known to be a sartorial wonder of a guru, but lately he's taken it a step too far. The Baba has been dressing as the 10th Patriarch of Sikhism, Guru Gobind Singh. Usually, you just don't mess with the Sikhs, but when you claim to have 15 million devotees belonging to your cult, you'd probably feel empowered to do just about whatever you chose.

That didn't stop angry Sikh's from taking to the streets in riotous protest, nor did it stop the local authorities from launching an investigation into allegations of murder and a cover up. It seems the Baba has been taking liberties with the ladies.

But that could all be a politically-motivated frame-up. The Baba threw his weight behind the liberal Congress party in Febuary, which also pissed off the Sikhs, who have their own party in the Punjab.

It looks like the Baba blew it with the wrong folks to make angry, and right where they live. We're thinking a quick relocation may be in order, before the Baba finds himself forcibly relocated to the nearest funeral ghat.



At 5/17/2007 10:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wondering, Jody, if you have ever blogged about Yogi Bhajan, the MegaPimp Of ALL Time? Now THAT is a fuckin' story.

long story short:
-in the mid-sixties, an Indian customs agent comes to America and starts his own "kundalini sikhism" religion and claims he invented it all. Draws in supporters from sunset blvd. dropouts and the like.

-builds his compound, er, retreat center, in New Mexico and has all his dopey white sikh followers drive around in mercedes that they can't afford so they'll "attract success", you know, "The Secret" type stuff.

-not only starts his own mega-corporate "Yogi Teas" which you can find in most health food stores with his frightening gaze upon the label ( a picture all Bhajan followers must have on their walls so he can "see them"), BUT also starts his own security company which handles jobs for the Air Force, Treasury, FAA, etc! THEN, he staffs said security company with various folks who were busted for being in a Thai-American drug trafficking ring. Your taxpayer dollars at work! Remember: "Indian Customs Agent". You know how he rolls, baby!

-Yogi works as intelligence asset as he has connections in Pakistan and is saluted by Gov. Bill Richardson upon his death, along with Bush, the Dalai Lama, etc.

-He dies happy, living with his pile of young concubines who sleep with him every night, rich off the cash of dopey westerners.

The End!

If only Hollywood would make a movie...

At 5/18/2007 8:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow!!! I was just going to ask if anyone had any opinions/feelings on the Yogi Bhajan types here. I am taking kundalini classes in one such ashram on the East coast but I don't see any evidence of misbehaving devotees here. We take the classes, they don't try to convert us to wearing the white turbans; just those windy pranayams and funky mudras. They seem very nice and sincere. And YB is gone, he ain't bangin' anyone anymore. I thought he was married? I guess that doesn't matter?

At 5/18/2007 10:01 AM, Blogger Global Purple Orchestra said...

Jody ! I liked this piece of writing. Part informative and part speculative style.
You never fail to tickle me that way! May be you are serious but to me (or any sensible Indian living in India,) it offers some scope for subtler nuances and ticklish connotations...I know chuckji
has secret affinity with GuruNanak
singh, he must be waking up his mule for the intense kicking...

At 5/18/2007 11:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a rule I generally don't mess with guys who meditate four hours a day and carry swords all day.

I didn't know any of that about Yogi Bhajan, I assumed that his tea company was just some West Coast hippies with marketing degrees who had likeness rights or something, and a propensity to put licorice root in everything. And I generally think Kundalini Yoga is a hell of a lot of fun and actually is worthwhile from a musculoskeletar point of view--if I had a trust fund and free time I could see shelling out $300 a month for unlimited classes. But on the few occasions I've actually paid for a class and heard a teacher say that "Yogi Bhajan is present in his subtle body" I've got to wonder. It is one thing to be hallucinating and having out-of-body experiences from hyperventilating, it's another to actually think that the huckster will "enlighten" you with the siddhi fireworks you set off (that said if you are going to play with them Kundalini yoga seems relatively safe).

But not only was he a tantric master but he had his own mercenary firm, a ton of donations from suckers, and a bunch of blissed-out 22-year-old girlfriends? There was a man of my own heart.

At 5/18/2007 4:17 PM, Blogger guruphiliac said...

Jody! I liked this piece of writing.

Thanks, Semb. Sometimes I'm quite unsatisfied with my writing. This piece came out ok. I appreciate the feedback.

At 5/19/2007 8:02 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

seblance said... know chuckji
has secret affinity with GuruNanak

You are correct, sir. The man looks just like my Uncle Bubba over in Point Blank, Texas. No mule man, but a decent fellow all the same!


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