A Guru Superstar Rising

File under: Gurus to the Stars

We were overjoyed to make our acquaintance with one Bharat Thakur, the founder of Artistic Yoga and a seemingly popular guru in India. You'll know he's artistic when you check out the website, by far the slickest presentation we've ever seen a guru make. But when we read this, we had to muster all the hard-earned benefits of our sadhana to stop ourselves from blackening our eyeballs with a blowtorch:

If you want to be spiritual, a total revolution is required. Everything inside your head has to be destroyed for something new to be reborn. When you meet a master, you have two choices. Transform or walk away. You cannot be in his presence and remain the same.

The first part we can almost live with, after we allow for the Indian hyperbole. What's "required" is a total commitment to the process, as it seems a lot transformation needs to occur for things to get going realization-wise. What's getting destroyed isn't "everything," it's the primary attachment to individual identity, the ahamkara, according to Adviata.

But reading the second part of his strapline was a complete revelation. And what it revealed is that Bharat is on the make, regardless of what he knows about the nondual truth. We're still in the throes of the dry heaves after reading it a second time to a friend.

Bharat's statement poses a challenge to anyone he meets, and that challenge is to see him as a "master." If you are unable to do so, it's because you're not committed to the truth, his grandiosity notwithstanding. To put it another way: you're a spiritual punk-ass bitch if you can't hang with his clique, 'cause he's the tight shizzite, for shizzle!

But let's not forget to mention how we came upon Bharat. It just so happens that he is courting one of the lovely ladies of Bollywood. Not that we'd ever think to hold that against him. In fact, it almost makes up for his blatantly building a pedestal for himself with slick marketing know how underwritten by an obvious desire for name and fame. But. Not. Quite.

As much as we can appreciate a guru who squires starlets, we practically lose control of our bladder when confronted with some of the occluding nonsense that comes out of these narcissists' mouths. Henceforth, Bharat Thakur is on the list as a Guruphiliac dream guru. We have high hopes for this one, and we anxiously look forward to chronicling his rise, and inevitable fall, for all our kind readers [Ed.note—And of course, ourselves!] to enjoy.