Britney Reels Toward Another Guru
File under: Gurus to the Stars
Watching Britney Spears reel between different gurus like a drunk hooker reeling between cars on her corner is quite painful for us. We believe she has something in the way of shakti that her contemporaries and competitors for Hottest Pop Ingénue on the Planet seem to lack. We feel that if she could just get on a good life track, all her earlier career success would reestablish itself.
There are a few things standing in the way... starting with her unfortunate choice in a life partner. Yehuda Berg and Deepak Chopra couldn't manage to steer her from that mistake. Lately she's turned to Hinduism for solace, and now it appears a guru of the Sikh persuasion has got his hands in her Gucci bag.
Singh Khalsa is apparently administering a "sound healing" to Britney based on "ancient kundalini yoga practices" by exposure "to sound vibrations as [she lies] on a special couch." We tried to come up with a better link for him, but it seems there's half a jillion similarly named Sikh figures on the internets.
Needless to say, Britney is need of something a lot more potent than some bunkum chakra shaking. She's got to turn around and dive right straight into her shit rather than spastically attempt to escape it. That's why we recommend a 10-day Vipassana retreat. 10 days of silent sitting will familiarize her with all kinds of defective inner patternings. A good sit with a good therapist afterward will help her new self-understanding get established. Maybe then she'll be in a better position to assess both her choice in gurus and in husbands.
We're rooting for Britney, but she's going to have to be very lucky in her search for spiritual guidance. Los Angeles is a bazaar of the bizarre as far as spiritual ideologies go, and with so many star-fucking spiritual teachers on the loose there, she could be stuck going through a hundred duds until she comes to someone who actually knows what they are talking about.