Amma's Invasion—Stage Five: The Movie

File under: Amma All-Over-The-Planet

We were not surprised to find the Cannes Film Festival to be the next launching point for another stage of Amma's march toward complete global domination. Darshan - The Embrace is a documentary extracted from the astral milk-soaked brain of filmmaker Jan Kounen. Kounen began his film during Amma's 50th birthday celebration—and obviously flipped from exposure to the mind-destroying properties of her ABM—he continued to film Amma and her mother-mongering Ammabots as they seek to turn the entire population of the planet into infantile members of her 'family.'

We're always impressed by the thoroughness of the Ammabots. They are spreading out into the mediasphere like lice at a refuge camp. The crescendo is building for the final push of the North American Tour, where Amma is expected to turn the corner and capture the minds of millions more.

Guruphiliac associates attempting to counter Amma's attack have been unable to recover the mystical box of ancient mantras found in the Antarctic ice pack. It seems one of the Russian research crew who had recovered the box was already Ammaified and managed to jump overboard with the box in hand. Both have been lost at the bottom of an ocean canyon, and all deep sea exploration vehicles are presently unavailable for a salvage operation. All we have to work with now is our wits, the lysergic acid and whatever mantras we can develop on our own.

With just weeks to go before she makes her landing, it's not looking good for adults wishing to preserve their status as all grown up in the U.S. In a related development, it appears that sales of pacifiers have risen 38% over the last two weeks. The beginning of the summer rave season only accounts for 3% of the increase, so this is probably another harbinger of the impending loss of all adult maturity in North America with Amma's arrival.