The Last Real Human In India

File under: The Siddhi of PR

A kind reader forwarded a link to his blog and a funny little article he wrote called A Human at Last [Ed.note: With a bit of minor editing on our part]:

There has been such a spate of gurus, avatars, godmen, etc. in India in the past few years. My sister-in-law did some research, followed by some rough, back-of-the-napkin calculations and came out with a startling conclusion. Everyone in India was a holy something or other. Yet here I was, the one and only avatar of a human being in the entire freakin’ country.

“Whoa! We’ve found a niche for you!”

We carefully checked out all records and found that for at least seven generations, there have been no divine incarnations and such in my family. My S-I-L told me, “Bro, you are pure, a blue-blooded human. No divine contamination and shit.” Everyone looked at me with reverence.

I inched back, afraid that they would prostrate at my human feet.

But wait, I said pessimistically, “Are you sure there have been no miracles at all in my life. I mean like I haven’t had a cold in the last 5 years, and I’ve never ever farted.”.

“Shh!” my S-I-L shrieked, “We’ll keep that between us”.

There were no other divine interventions we could think of, and if anyone hears of this one, we’ll show him proof that I have piles and that I had an anal fissure 3 years back. If they don’t believe me I can show him a pile!

So now the question in the family is – how do we go about this thing. How do we capitalize on my uniqueness, and make this a billion dollar industry. How do we get the teeming population of India – the Gods and avatars and siddhas – to line up outside my apartment for my darshan, limos full of donations and shit.

Until I get answers from you folk, I have started growing a beard.

Finally, an avatar we can really get behind, for as long as we are able to dodge the piles and fissures.