Saturday, March 25, 2006

Major Deeksha Giver Dumps The Kracki

File under: Satscams and Gurus Clockin' Dollars

Major deeksha provider Freddy Nielsen, a devotee of the Kracki for 13 years, has dumped the whole scam and bolted. Apparently, the org was leaving something to be desired:
In January 2006, a person that I deeply respect, I even feel she is one of the purest and wisest one can imagine, told me she felt much has become cold and more like an impersonal institution in Golden City. She has been to GC a number of times and always been in love with it all. In Jan. she was shocked to see the sudden contrast. This was exactly what I had started to feel since some time.

My heart began to really doubt my being an active part in this Movement, for the first time in 15 years.

I can only recommend and spread something that I believe in on all levels and with 100% of my being. I am a 0% or 100% person. What I love and am passionate about, I am prepared to live and die for. If I feel that the heart is dying and mind takes over in what I support, I'll always drop it like a hot potato.

I always believed in Bhagavan and that He has the power to give Oneness to mankind. But the more and more structurized team of people around him makes it impossible for my heart to survive in an ever growing cold and boring atmosphere. I always knew I was going to be a follower and admirer of Bhagavan, but to be part of an organisation is an entirely different thing. I knew A&B were true and genuine, but organisations are often not.
Well, he almost got it all right.

The fact is that the Kracki is responsible for this "chilling" of the organization. It's called being all about the money, Freddy. The temporary states created by the context of the deeksha experience have some value. But to call that enlightenment is at best dishonest and at worst a criminal flim flam.

Kudos to Freddy Nielsen and his Living in Joy org for making a break from that cyclone of occluding nonsense known as the Kracki's satsang. The fact that he was able to do so is a clear indication to us that Freddy could be on his way to becoming a real true guru, and the Lord knows we need a lot more of those than the grandiose monsters that usually fill the pages of this weblog.

16 Comments:

At 3/25/2006 10:35 PM, Blogger arunachalesha said...

i guess the way they asked Freddie to leave, looks like the Kalki cult is not interested in cleaning up its act.

Sadly, Freddie is not very open about all that is wrong. But it is still courageous of him to (finally) leave.

Since he has been there for 15 years, it doesnt seem likely that he will be able to admit it all (that shit has been going on for long time, and he was silent) - statements like "as I am sooo sad it has changed recently" ... the stress that all this is *recent*, seems to be an attempt to cover up the embarrassment of not seeing things more clearly years back, the inability to say "how could i have been sooo stupid for sooo long?"

Others like Kiara Windrider are still stuck in there, or perhaps benefitting quite a bit (his so- called "Fire From Heaven" book almost like required reading for foreigners, plus the whopping USD 500 coordination fee *per* foreigner).

Most of the oldies i meet are either badly stuck or leaving/left.

Will Freddie give us the truth about those fantastical descriptions of his state ... those *billion orgasms a second* state, and all those higher lokas/worlds that these folk keep visiting - was it all just a lie, or were they brainwashed into experiencing this.
I could never buy all that.

Although, he still throws lavish praise at "Amma & Bhagavan" as he leaves, thankfully he doesn't call them God. Hopefully, present day devotees will notice that.

Finally, all the best to Freddie!

 
At 3/25/2006 11:07 PM, Blogger jody said...

Will Freddie give us the truth about those fantastical descriptions of his state ... those *billion orgasms a second* state, and all those higher lokas/worlds that these folk keep visiting

Having visited the "billion orgasms a second state" many times myself, I can say that such indeed exists.

But like every other state, including visiting so-called "higher worlds", it all has as much do to with the truth of the Self as my dog's ass.

To call those states enlightenment is doing a grave disservice to the tradition of self-realization and to those who strive to find it.

 
At 3/26/2006 9:00 AM, Blogger jacflash said...

It'll be interesting to see if Freddie develops some insight over the next weeks and months. That page of his is worth watching.

 
At 3/26/2006 9:09 AM, Blogger jody said...

I agree, Jacflash.

If you see anything over there worth reporting about, please let me know.

 
At 3/26/2006 9:28 PM, Blogger arunachalesha said...

Having visited the "billion orgasms a second state" many times myself, I can say that such indeed exists.

Thanks for educating me on that, but still ... Kracki sells this stuff as enlightenment, and thus claims that his enlightenment is far greater than the state that all previous sages/saints including the Buddha and Ramana have attained.

And stuff like this is what the ordinary Joe falls for, and makes huge donations for.

 
At 3/26/2006 9:36 PM, Blogger jody said...

Thanks for educating me on that, but still ... Kracki sells this stuff as enlightenment, and thus claims that his enlightenment is far greater than the state that all previous sages/saints including the Buddha and Ramana have attained.

And for that he deserves to burn in hell. It shows a complete and utter disregard for the spiritual understanding of his devotees, let alone the fact that it confirms him as being pathologically grandiose.

And stuff like this is what the ordinary Joe falls for, and makes huge donations for.

So let's keep trying to educate Joe about this.

 
At 4/09/2006 3:23 PM, Blogger V for Vendetta said...

LOL @ people not having a clue about what happend, assuming because of thier negitive ego sate it went according to thier confused way of looking at like a continuing to persecute someone they have never met. LOL @ the irony.

 
At 4/15/2006 3:02 PM, Blogger min said...

Objectivley speaking, Freddie was fired. And i think Bhagavan is capable of giving enligtenment. I dont know if it is permanent or it just comes and goes.. But people have had enlightement experience, like Freddi says...those *billion orgasms a second* state, the various lokhas and stuff like that.
Anyway, it is up to each one how they look at this. I would say, as far it helps you grow spiritually there is nothing wrong..! You exercise your common sense..!

 
At 5/09/2006 12:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi all

I too got the Deeksha after paying Rs 5,000/- but nothing happened fot the better. Years after, I am still un-enlightened. Further, I too have started feeling that the Kalki organization has a lot to do with making money. There is a cost for "Darshan" (even to look at Bhagawan and Amma ! ! ).
I do believe in spirituality but I am too confused about the Kalki Stuff. I would rather wait and watch than go deeper and go bankrupt.

 
At 5/23/2006 2:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

same same for me ;-)

 
At 5/23/2006 7:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

min:
"Objectivley speaking, Freddie was fired. And i think Bhagavan is capable of giving enligtenment. I dont know if it is permanent or it just comes and goes.. But people hd soave had enlightement experience, like Freddi says..."

Did u have enlightenment experiences? And if yes, how did it help in your spiritual deepening? and if no, how do u know that people had enlightenment experiences? Just because they told u?
I know that dasas in Oneness University, make some kind of brainwash, making u see lots of videos about people having experiences...they project 5-6 experiences everyday!
And after they give u diksha they ask u what experiences u had... every day... at the end one does not know if the experiences were induced by all those videos about experiences, or if is genuine experience...
I did the 21 day process...
I did have those experiences that Freddy talk about,... and That is not selfrealization... that is just getting High with energy. Nice feeling.
Watch up, what comes up has to come down.
Now, I shall say something: For a funny reason, in my case after comming down... very down... and see all the dissillussionment about the spiritual search... I kind of opened up to a new experience of life. Something that anyways is not permanent, but is there, to my choice.
Did Kalki did that to me?
That's a paradox. Maybe afterall, Kalki is triggering enlightenment to people,.... and maybe ... it does happen...(but i doubt that it happens because of the diksha transfer)!
Please, don't go to do this process in India,... use ur money in a more wise way,... and engage urself in silence inner work. Eat well, do sport, work and relax.And see ur mind with all her expectations and projections. And open up to pain and fear, so u can open to Love.
;-)

 
At 5/23/2006 8:27 AM, Blogger jody said...

i think Bhagavan is capable of giving enligtenment. I dont know if it is permanent or it just comes and goes..

If it comes and goes, it is not self-realization, period.

But people have had enlightement experience, like Freddi says...those *billion orgasms a second* state, the various lokhas and stuff like that.

And all of that has as much to do with self-realization as the shit coming out of my dog's ass. It's worthless, occluding nonsense.

 
At 5/30/2006 12:08 PM, Blogger Mrinalya said...

I appreciate all your work on exposing Kalki.. kudos.. I am waiting for the time when everyone afflicted by the Kalki Bug realize at some point and stand against him. I hope its not far away.

 
At 6/08/2007 8:23 AM, Blogger Oriole Stine said...

The following account is written by an acquaintance of Dr.Shankar and Vijaykumar Naidu, later to become known, to many devotees all over the world as Kalki Bhagavan. The author is sharing a lot of facts and first hand experience of Bhagavan and his first disciple, Dr.Shankar. The author met and was in regular contact with Vijaykumar in the period before he became a Guru.
It is a personal perspective and the author does not make any claims of this being the absolute truth. Readers may benefit should they empathize with the Indian style of writing.

*********************


Vijay Kumar and Padmavathy

This is a brief biography of Kalki Bhagavan, as I have come to know him over the years. I used to be a friend of Dr.R.Shankar and Kalki Bhagavan, or Vijay, as I knew him.

I feel it is my duty to share the experience that I've had with them, as they have influenced the lives of large number of people in India and abroad. I have done all I can to be as objective as possible. From my point of view I have not exaggerated or said things that did not happen, having said that, I must add that this is indeed a subjective perception of events and personalities.

When I met Kalki Bhagavan he was still called by the name his parents had given him: Vijaykumar [hereafter I shall refer to him as VK]. VK and his middle-class family speak a kind of colloquial Telugu that is neither Telugu nor Tamil. His Naidu caste has its origin in Andhra Pradesh, in the south of India. VK did not hail from an intellectual, spiritual or noble ancestry therefore his natural cultural inclination was to find security in a secure government or public sector job.

After finishing his basic education, the clever and creative VK joined Life Insurance Corporation of India [LIC] as an office clerk. When he had reached marriageable age he was quickly married off to Padmavathy, a woman from his own caste and clan. Though Padmavathy did not attend college, she could read and write but could not speak English. Padmavathy is not what we in India call a sophisticated or a cultivated lady.

She had a great female instinct and could sense her husband's appetite for other women. She often quarrelled with him when he showed excessive interest in other women. There was even a time when a friend of mine intervened to calm the quarreling couple. Padmavathy is a very straight-talking, no-nonsense woman who often unhesitatingly confronted VK in public. Her language, while shouting at VK, was rough and somewhat disrespectful.

VK was alleged to have had a relationship with the then headmistress of Jeevasharam [in the mid 80s'] and had her dismissed when he thought it would affect his launch of a promising career as a Guru.

Padmavathy is the one person capable of embarrassing or frightening him into submission. One is not at all surprised by the strategy adopted by VK in including her in the launching of Kalki Bhagavan and Amma Spiritual Company Private Limited. This would ensure that the public know of his marital status and keep Padmavathy comfortable. Her title as Amma has also given her a sense of supreme authority in the organizational hierarchy.


Vijaykumar meets the faithful Dr.R. Shankar

It was only a year, by sheer chance, that VK went to Don Bosco Matriculation School in Chennai. Here he felt like a fish out of water as most of the children in this school came from upper middle-class or class-conscious bourgeois families of Chennai. In this brief one year stint he managed to befriend R.Shankar. Shankar was a very sympathetic and friendly lad who was warming towards this rather isolated and fish out of water, VK.

VK got introduced to J.Krishnamurti's [hereafter JK] teachings as a young man. It is not clear if Shankar's mother introduced VK to JK. Shankar's mother, Mrs. Kanaka Durga Ramachandran, as a child, was educated and influenced by J.Krishnamurti. She continued to keep all his letters and showed them to those curious about this enigmatic Indian philosopher.

Shankar's father Mr. A Ramachandran studied law at Cambridge University and later practiced as a lawyer in "Rao and Reddy", a popular law firm in Chennai.

Mr. A. Ramachandran abhorred the idea of caste or class superiority and so started off as a communist sympathizer; he helped workers and fought for their rights. Shankar's parents were poles apart. Father an atheist and his mother a somewhat confused believer in everything that claimed to be religious or mysterious. VK was also quite clan and caste conscious, his initial interest in Shankar may have been because Shankar's mother's parents were of a mixed caste. Her mother a Brahmin and father of a Naidu caste. This was very unusual as Brahmans of those days were very caste conscious and almost never married out of caste.

Shankar, a studious and somewhat naive young man, studied science and went over to do a PhD in Theoretical Physics at Tata Institute of Fundamental Research. Vijaykumar, who had lost touch with Shankar, had moved on to start a little shop in Perumbur (area in Chennai) selling rice, while working in the Life Insurance Corporation of India as an office clerk.


Learning from J. Krishnamurti and Hindu Tradition

Shankar, after completing his PhD, moved on to Germany, worked there for a few years and returned to India to marry Dr. Prema, a medical doctor. Prema, a faithful and cultured lady, kept off the spiritual "fog" that surrounded Shankar. She continued her support and loyalty towards her husband through thick and thin. Shankar, like his mother, went through much of oscillation and conflict between science and belief. He found J.Krishnamurti (JK) an ideal bridge; JK satisfied his need to close the gap between his doubts and beliefs.

Shankar went to Brockwood Park in U.K. where he met J.Krishnamurti [it was not the first time he met JK] and JK being impressed by Shankar's dignified looks and scientific education was not late to invite him to join his foundation and head his school in Bangalore. It was this same dignity and grace that Shankar was used by Vijaykumar. A credible looking man can always sell a sub-standard product, this is a well known fact that any good marketing or sales expert would vouch for.

Vijaykumar exhibited some narcissism but always felt he lacked the handsome looks or charisma to attract a following. Shankar, on the other hand, was very articulate, had scientific credentials and very good looks. VK found people trusted Shankar and were prepared to donate land and offer financial support. When Shankar spoke people listened with rapt attention. Here was his ideal marketing manager; Vijay sprang at the opportunity of using Shankar.

Vijaykumar had a great ambition to become a Spiritual leader and this required no verifiable qualifications or education. Knowing how Indians think, I believe, with his looks and manners, he needed a man like Dr.Shankar to promote him. All he needed was an intelligent, trustworthy and sincere man like Shankar, a person who believed in him more than he himself did, to launch him on his brand name: Kalki Bhagavan. He mesmerized Shankar and possessed him and made use of him until he no longer had any need for him.

I often heard VK saying that we need people to do things and help our cause, and after they have served their purpose they can just go on with their lives. In short he meant he would use people and discard them when they have outlived their usefulness.

People, who know VK well, know he can be very opinionated and even rude when speaking about others. But when actually speaking with the person, he would always be very charming and friendly. After this person leaves, VK generally, among his "trusted" friends, had no problems saying anything derogative about the person. I never posed any threat to VK's ambition, he perceived me as pawn in the game and so he was always friendly to me.


Vijay Kumar works at J. Krishnamurti's school

Vijaykumar was very impressed by JK; he even named his son [Krishna] after this respected teacher. Dr.Shankar offered VK a job as an administrator in the Valley School office, (as VK did not possess teaching diplomas). Vijaykumar maintained the office files and quickly knew all the confidential information related to people's salaries and private correspondences, he even, without asking permission, read letters JK had written to Dr.Shankar which JK had specifically asked Dr.Shankar to keep private.

Vijaykumar had worked in the LIC (Life Insurance Corporation) branch offices of Kancheepuram and Coimbatore. He seemed to have had quite an unpleasant experience with his work mates. He was particularly allergic to people who hailed from Kerala. He used to call them "Malayalathaans", this aforementioned swear word is generally used by uneducated xenophobic Tamil chauvinists and thugs… … …
He often said that Malayalees, that is people of Kerala, are not to be trusted and to be watched!

Vijaykumar was rather distrustful of people and often charmed people to get things done. He was charming, treacherous, tactful and a master manipulator of events. He knew how to sideline people when they had outgrown their usefulness or have taken ideologies too seriously or sincerely and had unwittingly obstructed his personal agenda.


Bhagavan never forgives

After reading the personal letters [in 1983] of JK to Dr.Shankar, Vijaykumar felt deeply hurt as JK, in his letters, was very suspicious and dismissive of VK's various claims to have had special mystical experiences. Shankar, who totally believed Vijaykumar, had shared VK's so called mystical experiences with some colleagues, who in turn informed JK. JK then wrote to Dr.Shankar of his opinion about entertaining "mystics" or letting them work in his school. Reading this letter deeply hurt VK's pride and he never forgave JK. From then on his desire to become a guru in his own right got fully strengthened. He began visiting U.G. Krishnamurti. [U.G. Krishnamurti is considered an "enlightened" person by his followers, he used to bad-mouth JK, Buddha, and Ramana and says vile things about them]. While UG was visiting Bangalore, I once accompanied VK to meet UG. In the early 80s' he met UG and learnt the art of dealing with followers. He gradually started showing his dislike for JK and even went to the extent of always addressing JK as "Avan", a very disrespectful and derogatory Tamil term.


Foundation for World Awakening and Jeevashram

In 1983 KFI [Krishnamurti Foundation of India] was running several schools for children of the influential rich people of India. Krishnamurti was impressed by Dr.Shankar's academic background besides his culture and international experience. As JK's Valley School lacked cohesion, structure, stability and proper direction he decided to appoint Dr.Shankar as the Principal. Shankar knew he would not be easily accepted by the political heavy weights in that school. He brought in some loyal friends to support him. Vijaykumar was placed in the office. Krishnan Kutty Nair [hereafter KKN], a former IAS officer [a very respected title in Indian bureaucracy] had given up a promising career to join the KFI [Krishnamurti Foundation of India] in 1976. He was also invited in as a friend by Dr.Shankar.

KKN was educated and deeply interested in philosophy and Dr.Shankar invited KKN, another of his friends. KKN and VK often disagreed; VK could not tolerate Shankar appreciating KKN. VK maneuvered and gradually got KKN out of the way by gaining the most influential place in Dr.Shankar's mind and heart. This was also the time when KFI was going through a crisis and people were leaving. VK found KKN an obstacle and a threat to the trusting and bonding relationship he was developing with Shankar.

Dr.Shankar, KKN and others wanted to propagate JK's teachings. Many people responded to their advertisement in "India Today", a mainstream national magazine, and wanted to join this movement. JK was appalled as he was against this way of going public with propaganda. He wanted them all to tow the line or leave the organization. This led to the exit of Dr.Shankar and all who had been brought in by him.

There were several people, most of them unemployed youth, who responded to this advertisement and had came over to offer their services, and find a way of making a meaningful living, but by this time VK and Dr.Shankar had moved on to a different agenda as they were disappointed by JK's response. JK was also upset by the fact that Dr.Shankar had brought in many people who had no cultural affinity to JK's approach. A sizable section of JK's disciples are from the more educated class of India.

Dr.Shankar had in him a bit of his father's egalitarian compassion which made him want to serve the common man. VK was a very different character; he was practical, a strategist, and a quick learner. He, unlike Shankar, was suspicious of people's motives. His aim was to launch a universal programme acceptable to most people. VK wanted a mass based global movement to attract maximum number of people.

VK never revealed his real agenda. Once, when we were discussing the future, he let us know that a movement that is broad based and all inclusive would be necessary to attract large following so that followers would not feel any need for other complimentary systems, therapies, religions and could be easily weaned off from their original faith.

In 1982 there was no place for Dr.Shankar and others to go and at this time VK had been on a long leave from his LIC job. If he hadn't turned up in 90 days he would have lost his job. Luckily he went back and joined LIC on time.

But, in the meanwhile, a piece of land was available; this land was gifted by Dr. Rajasekar Reddy, a surgeon at Stanley Medical College Hospital. He met two former teachers from JK's Rishi Valley School, and offered them his land in Rajupeta. As these two teachers did not know what they should do with so much land they called Dr.Shankar to talk to Dr. Reddy. This was how Rajupeta land, near Kuppam, was acquired. After acquiring this land VK and Shankar started an organization called: Foundation for World Awakening . The land donated by Dr. Reddy was taken over on a 99 years lease period and converted into Jeevashram; a school modelled to imitate Rishi Valley School but soon it was used as a launching pad for Kalki's coming to save our world. It was here that Kalki's story from rags to riches began. Though he initially began to dream of Gurudom to rival JK, he ended up creating a hierarchy and started "enjoying" the perks of unquestioned authority and complete obedience from his devoted followers.


Ex-followers and true believers of Bhagavan

There were several other people who had trusted Dr.Shankar's belief that Vijaykumar was destined for "Stardom". This higher education or PhD in physics is no guaranty for wisdom in all fields. In fact, Dr.Shankar wasn't that balanced emotionally and sought a foster father in JK and later in VK. Most people who knew Vijaykumar are indeed very shocked to read about his claims that he and his wife, Padmavathy or Amma, had created the Universe. If people were to meet his acquaintances in Valley School or ex-colleagues in the LIC, they could learn much more about VK's evolution.

Decent people like Loganathan, Captain Kumar or Dr.Shankar would probably not dare to discuss their doubts about or suspicions of Vijaykumar publicly; there is always this fear of their own safety and that of their families. In India, it is quite common that Gurus use their thugs, hoodlums and hit-men to orchestrate an accident and kill off people who are critical of them.

Dr.Shankar was the one arranging the Movement around Kalki Bhagavan and for a long time was the only disciple of Kalki Bhagavan. He is no longer in Kalki Bhagavan's Movement and avoids commenting. Today he is living a quiet life in Chennai studying astrology.


Bhagavan's plans for the Universe

This is how a con-man transformed himself to an opportunistic manipulator of events. He called himself Acharya and gradually maneuvered to make people call him "Paramaguru" [roughly translated: the supreme teacher] and later graduated into Kalki Bhagavan [meaning roughly "The Lord God Messiah"].

In India, people tend to ignore thousands of budding Gurus, this makes Gurus go around scout for credible people [like Dr. Shankar, Judges, successful people, politicians, actors, artists, scholars], to endorse them. When Westerners gather and show devotion to a budding Guru, his Indian following increases manifold, because the average Indian thinks highly of the white skinned affluent truth seeker. Moreover, Westerners are in general unaware of the lurking greed for money and power in the Guru's mind. They themselves like the special attention and feel elated and euphoric when the Guru glances or smiles at them. Gurus are often clever, they offer very useful courses to comfort the [budding] follower. When the prospective follower finds some benefit, he/she is encouraged and made to feel a sense of hope and feel very important, he/she is told that enlightenment is not far away. This makes the fanatic follower go around scouting for new recruits to spread this " divine mission" which he sincerely believes in.

People looking for security in their not-so peaceful lives, might benefit from the courses Vijaykumar has put together. He has borrowed most of the ideas from the teachings of JK, meditation techniques of S.N. Goenka of the Vipassana foundation, several other teachers like Ramana Maharishi and yoga teachers, besides generously borrowing from the goldmine of Indian Hindu and Buddhist traditions.

These disciples, desperately longing for enlightenment or to put it differently: want ultimate power or understanding of life, or desperately seek answers to their burning questions, give their hard earned money and labour to this "Master". It would be sad if they live this lie and do not discover the real Vijaykumar Naidu behind the Kalki Bhagavan mask. If they dare to question, doubt and seek real truth they would be freed from living a lie.

These kinds of false prophets bring shame and disgrace to India! One thing common to most popular gurus today is that they do not want you to renounce the religion you were born into, all they ask is gradual acquaintance with their system and once you fully get conditioned or indoctrinated they suck you into their inner circle. After you are found to be a loyal follower they ask you to promote, spread and bring in new converts to their brand of pseudo-spirituality. When you bring in many converts you are subtly rewarded by granting you special private interviews, promotion in the hierarchy and a fast lane to enlightenment!

dictated by Mr R.P. Sivam to Rajendran


I, as a fellow traveller in search of truth, feel a compulsion to share my perceptions, it is up to you, the reader, to interpret, misinterpret or perceive as you like.

-------------------------------------------------------




Questions about the history of the Oneness Movement,
Bhagavan and the dasas – Part I
- answered by Freddy Nielsen


You have been sharing a lot about your own experience. What has been Madeleine's experience and reactions?
Freddy: Madeleine was among the few Westerners I met who behaved and believed in Bhagavan like a dasa ( Bhagavan's monks and nuns). Bhagavan had asked her to have his ashram as a base, from where she could travel the world and spread his deekshas and teaching. She wanted most of all to become a "cosmic being". Bhagavan has said that a cosmic is someone who has become occupied by gods and has become completely one with the consciousness of Amma & Bhagavan. They must live in celibacy, many of them hardly ever talk. They sit in some kind of trance most of the time and just pray for others. Many of them cannot even go to the toilet or eat. They need to be taken care of as a very old or very handicapped person. Bhagavan said he needed minimum 8000 people to become Cosmic Beings in order for him to be able to save the world.
I was continuously spreading Bhagavan's work and I worked almost non-stop. Madeleine did the mistake of trying to keep up with my speed. In USA, she suddenly got burnt out. She felt she still had to serve Bhagavan round the clock, but her body refused. She forced herself for many months to be present and help in all my courses and join me in all my private meetings with actors and other influential people. Many times she was so tired that she cried in pain simply when thinking of having to walk to the bathroom, which was three meters from the bed where she was often lying down.
Madeleine had emotionally given up the deep ties with her family. Up till June 2004, which was when she went trough the 10 and 21 days process, her family had meant everything to her. After the process, in June, Amma and Bhagavan had become EVERYTHING to her, she had completely surrendered to them (as the dasas wants us to). Madeleine's family became (for her) more like all people in the world; if they had problems she knew that her God, Bhagavan, would take care of them. She couldn't any longer discuss with her family about what mattered most of all to her now: total service and complete devotion to Bhagavan and Amma. They wouldn't have understood her in a deep way, now when she was only living to serve Bhagavan. They also did not meet or speak often anymore.
Only Bhagavan, the dasas and Freddy could understand her now. A&B had become her eternal parents. Bhagavan had also said that now Golden City was her (home) base.
Madde's life underwent a complete "Bhagavanification". She was more than 110% sure that Bhagavan is God and God is Bhagavan – period! He was the One Supreme Intelligence who had created everything, who knew everything. There was not one atom of difference between the two, exactly like we can image how Adam and Eve met God and spoke to him in person in the Garden of Eden. While Adam and Eve spoke to God in Eden, they did not think that He was ANY different from the formless God who had created the universe.
Bhagavan was exactly the same as God; she would easily bet the life of her beloved sister that it was indeed so. I can add that I have never seen two sisters being as close and loving to each other as Madeleine and her sister are.
Madeleine needed a break from our jam-packed schedule. She emailed Pragyanand dasa to ask Bhagavan what she should do as she had no more energy and was extremely burnt out. In this email, or possibly a few days later when I spoke with Pragyanand over the phone, I asked on the behalf of Madeleine if she could come and rest in the Ashram a month, without me. If anyone could cure her now, it was Bhagavan and his dasas. After a month I was anyway going to join her in India. They asked her not to come as she was not in a good shape.
She became utterly devastated and cried so much due to the decision that she was not welcome, they did not want her to come to what had now become her new home. I was also in tears when I got this unexpected answer from Pragyanand and Anandagiri – I knew they never take such decisions without asking Bhagavan. With whom could she speak about her burn out? Who would really understand her? Before she used to take up such problems with her mother, but now A&B had become her mother and father.
When I went to Golden City (or GC, Bhagavan's Ashram) with Madeleine a month later, we explained her problem to Bhagavan. I suggested to Bhagavan that she could try to join up to 50% of my courses and private meetings, at least until she got well; and maybe she always would have to work part time, as I seem to be an exception. [Anandagiri has told me that only few people can cope to work as much as I do without collapsing].
Bhagavan said that Madeleine should not miss any course or meeting; he would instead very soon give her so much energy that it would be easy for her to catch up with my speed. He even mentioned a specific date when her energy was going to be back, it was within 5 or 6 weeks. As far as I remember it was the first week of December 2005. He promised that he would give her immense energy latest by this date.
We left Golden City and Madde just got worse and worse. Her energy was lower than ever before, and she felt such guilt that she was such a useless devotee and daughter of Lord Bhagavan, now that she could not do what Bhagavan asked her to do. She kept on blaming herself, as Bhagavan was God to her; even if he would have told her to jump into a well and drown, she would have done it immediately, without even having a second thought.
My heart told me that the way Bhagavan treated Madde was totally heartless. Did he love her at all? Did he even care for her, or did he only want to make use of her till she collapsed? Why was he doing this? All this filled my mind with doubts; had I listened to my heart I would have left the Movement in December itself… However, I tried to find excuses and explanations. As he was God, he must have a good reason. Maybe it was only to test us. Finally I suppressed yet another strange behaviour of Bhagavan, as I had been doing for almost 15 years.

I have been speaking to deekshagivers who claimed that Bhagavan gives no rules or restrictions to his followers; is this true?
Freddy: Yes and no! As many other gurus, he has parallel teachings. One teaching or approach is to attract the masses, like TM did. TM wanted to be projected as a science, but followers have told me how there is guru-worship involved when you come closer to the inner circle.
The same is with Bhagavan, I feel. He follows a strategy to attract maximum number of followers and devotees. First the rope is lose, and the closer you want to come, the more will be expected from you, the rope will become tighter and tighter. Rules can be given indirectly too, through reward systems. If you do this or believe that, only then you will be allowed to meet the dasas or even Bhagavan privately, become a coordinator etc.
You cannot remain a dasa unless you believe that Bhagavan and Amma created the Universe. The dasas are not "supposed" to relate to God in any other way than in the form of Amma and Bhagavan. Even if a dasas will see God in the form of light in their heart, they will say and be told that it is A&B who have taken the form of this light. Everything, including the formless Source of life, revolves around the physical Amma and Bhagavan. In all traditions I know of it is the exact opposite: usually God has not a slightly lower ranking that the Prophet or the "Incarnated" deity.
If you have a personal opinion, different from that of Bhagavan's, you cannot really remain a dasa. The Bhagavad dasas (lit. servants of Bhagavan) are only allowed to say what Bhagavan has told them. There are various levels of brainwashing. A specialist in sects once told me the he believes the dasas have a serious form: the dasas are told to hide from the guests and seekers that they are not allowed to think freely. They should not openly show that they are not supposed to think independently, as people might discover that it is a sect or a cult.
Like many gurus, Bhagavan cannot tolerate when followers don't agree with him or disobey. He is narcissistic and controlling. All this has been my experience during 15 years of being one of his closest disciples.

Did Bhagavan ever limit your own freedom or choice?
Freddy: If he did it too openly and directly, I would have left him 15 years ago; he knows I am a freedom lover. It is possible, however, to control, limit or manipulate in more indirect ways; and in my experience Bhagavan is a skilful manipulator.
From June 1999 onwards, I started to work with Aliyah in Russia. We worked together intensely for a few years. After some time, I think it was in 2002, Anandagiri told me that it was better if I did not bring her to Golden city, though we were close friends and we wanted to go on a trip to India.
In January 2004, Bhagavan said: "I am not sure that I can give you enlightenment IF you spend time with Aliyah before the process starts".
Aliyah was not just one friend among many; she happened to be one of the closest friends I had ever had. When nobody saw it, I cried profusely, as I had been looking forward to go on a holiday with her, before my process were to start.
Bhagavan knew I was very devoted to him; he knew I would even have agreed to never more see my family because of him – IF he would say it was necessary; necessary for Bhagavan's or man's sake, or for my enlightenment.
Why did he say so? Was it because she has a tremendous gift that has touched innumerable people in a deep way? People really listen to her; she is even the greatest spiritual authority for many.
She told some Russian devotees of Bhagavan that he is a businessman who wants to get famous and rich and he is cheating people claiming to be God. When Aliyah began to share this in Russia, I tried to avoid this news spreading to Sweden. I feared that half or more of Bhagavan's followers in Sweden would stop praying to him and just leave the whole thing if they knew that Aliyah did not approve of him.
Bhagavan had, to some extent at least, given me free hands to add helpful tools, exercises and methods to my courses, as long as people were benefited and coming closer to Bhagavan and his mission.
In 2001, Bhagavan asked me and three others to start giving 7-days enlightenment retreats, the only course I ever conducted where there was no room for improvisation, each word and exercise had to be exactly as per a strict plan Radhika Bhagavaddasa had given me during my training.
As far as I know, nobody got enlightened in these retreats. I even saw that after getting high DURING the retreat, the majority went into depression some weeks after the course. Rather often these depressions were deep: people lost interest in life, nothing could make them happy anymore. Many of them also doubted that life had a deeper meaning and that there was a God.
After one of the retreats I happened to read a book that, I was totally convinced, would help most people to come out of the depression they got after the Oneness/Mukti courses.
I was very sad when people, after a 7-days enlightenment retreat, became sadder than they were before the course. I felt so sorry for people and was really looking for something that could prevent people from going into these "Mukti-depressions" (and get rather stuck there).
I couldn't wait to meet Bhagavan to share how the approach described in the book that I had just read could free his devotees from depressions. I had no doubts that Bhagavan would be mightily pleased and wonder why I did not share this with him IMMEDIATELY after getting the idea (of how to use a simple method to free devotees from depressions) when so much suffering could have been avoided.
This book had helped me during depressions that I sometimes got between the courses; so why not use it for the people who came to the retreats? From time to time I gave Bhagavan books and shared new powerful tools; pretty often he not only approved of it, he even adopted it in his own courses and teachings. He wanted to make use of the best from the already existing and effective teachings in the world. I was of course not supposed to tell others about it, and I didn't – until now.
This time the situation was different. Bhagavan asked me to never use the system from the book I'd read, as it would only seemingly help, but soon it would hinder the people from getting the real enlightenment. The system that he asked me not to use or tell about was Byron Katie and her four questions.
I was both shocked and sad when I got this short and cold reply. Some of his devotees in Sweden and Russia had had this depression for up to 7 years, almost constantly. For each course, it only seemed to get worse for them; but who am I to argue with Bhagavan? He was after all the only one on this planet who was capable of giving enlightenment.
Long time ago, in 1992, when I was an assistant in Paramacharya's courses in India, I suggested him that we use "Rebirthing" (Leonard Orr's breathing technique). After some time, Bhagavan asked us to stop doing it. He maintained that people could get damaged for life if they were to do any kind of altered breathing for more than 7 minutes.

Does Bhagavan say he is the most powerful and important Master on Earth?
Freddy: He often said that… and more. He also said that he is the first full incarnation of God in more than 20 000 years, and if mankind will not cooperate with him, it cannot get enlightened and will therefore die as a species.

What did he say about other gurus?
Freddy: It was rare that he spoke nice or approving words about other gurus or masters. He regularly ridiculed them – sometimes even in a rude way; or at least emphasizing that he is infinitely more powerful than they are. They only spoke about enlightenment. At the best they also made some efforts to give people enlightenment. Bhagavan said he is the only one that can make it happen and actually give it. The very best of these masters could give enlightenment to one or a few disciples at most. He said this about Ramana; however, some years later he had changed his mind. He now said that Ramana did not give enlightenment to anyone, what he gave was not full enlightenment.
In Bhagavan's opinion, most spiritual teachers were not actually enlightened (Osho for example), or had an inferior kind of enlightenment that should not be call enlightenment at all. The dasas has much, much higher states than Buddha, Ramana etc., he maintains.
Before my process in June 2004, he told me that he, in my process, was going to give me a permanent state that was 100 times higher than what Ramana Maharshi had.
Someone recently wrote to me that he had heard Bhagavan say in a darshan that Ramana was not 100% enlightened (I do not know if this information is correct).
Even
Did Bhagavan only say he was spiritually the most powerful, or also in other areas, such as healing?
Freddy: His disciples maintain that he has got the most profound teachings in the world. Paramacharya said in 1992 or 1993 that more miracles (incl. healing) had occurred around Bhagavan in 3-4 years than in the entire history of mankind, with all its religions and spiritual Masters.
Bhagavan said, that if he cannot heal a disease, that means that God also cannot.

Do you agree with all this?
Freddy: Not today. When I was a devotee of Amma and Bhagavan (A&B), I was inspired by them to believe and talk like that. I see it as their way of presenting Bhagavan. It is a part and parcel of this Movement. The followers often over-promise, exaggerate, project unreal images about Bhagavan.

Bhagavan is not the number one healer in the world? Could you give some examples?
Freddy: When I arranged Ananadagiri's first visit to Europe, in Sweden 2002, he had a chronic and very itching skin infection. Nothing had helped. As he is one of the two closest disciples to Bhagavan – he is almost like his son – I am sure Bhagavan must have done everything that he could to get Anandagiri healed. Bhagavan spent lots of money on Ananadgiri's expensive treatments, incl. long Ayurvedic Panchakarma treatments in Bangalore. Anandagiri was on very powerful antibiotics since many months when he came to Sweden. He had gotten no improvements from all these treatments. Sometimes he couldn't sleep for several days in a row, that is how dry and itching the skin was. In Stockholm we bought lotions in the pharmacy that reduced the itching a little bit, but still he had several sleepless nights during the week we lived in the same flat.
I always felt a special love for Anandagiri, so I kept on thinking as to how to help him. He was going to have a lecture (1200 came for it) and I wanted him to be well rested and fresh for this important event. If this event would be a success and the people would fall for Anandagiri and his message, Bhagavan would probably become number one guru in Sweden, which was my dream. Suddenly I remembered a natural simple house cure (urine therapy), and I told Anandagiri to try it out. After 3-4 days of 10 minutes daily applying urine to his affected skin, his disease was cured. He was very grateful to me.
There are innumerable examples of when Bhagavan promised sick or even dying people that he was going to heal them. Sometimes Bhagavan (in person) added that he was definitely/absolutely going to cure the person who asked him for healing/a miracle. In spite of these confident promises, healing only happened rarely. The healing results were pretty much like that of an average healer (including the placebo effect). It was a shock for these people when they realized that Bhagavan had not kept his promise; they began to have serious doubts in Bhagavan's power, even in his integrity. I was now standing between two fires. On the one hand I genuinely cared for people, on the other hand I had long ago gotten convinced that Bhagavan was 100% God in flesh and blood. Some people even died in cancer shortly after Bhagavan had given them his word that he would cure them and prevent them from dying (from the cancer).
It was not easy to accept all these broken promises that Bhagavan had made. It was a serious test to my complete faith and trust in him; and now, when he could not even heal his closest disciple (Anandagiri) of such a simple problem that urine removed in 3-4 days, I got really serious doubts that he was true in his claims to be the most powerful healer on the Planet. My inner voice gave me yet another signal that something was seriously wrong with Bhagavan's integrity, but as usual I silenced that voice.
There is nothing wrong in not healing or not making miracles. I just could not understand why healing/miracles had to be promised all the time…
I personally ONLY joined Bhagavan's movement to get enlightenment.

What about other aspects, apart from healing?
Freddy: There was a man, Nirmal Parija from Orissa, who worked in the school when Bhagavan suddenly emerged as a Guru/Avatar. He was spiritually very close to Bhagavan; a few years later he became the personal secretary of Bhagavan's only disciple: Paramacharya. For almost 2 years I was living in the Ashram near Chennai (250 km from Jeevashram) with Paramacharya as well as Anandagiri and a few more students from Bhagavan's school. After a year in that Ashram we went to live at Bhagavan's place: Jeevashram. I felt like the most blessed person on earth: I was meeting Bhagavan many hours daily until he, five months later (September 1993), asked me to start spreading his message to the rest of the world.
Bhagavan had started his spiritual work with the students July 19 th 1989, and soon Jeevashram became an ashram too. 1,5 years later Bhagavan went public and I came to the first course they did for the general public.
In 1989 Nirmal had many mystical experiences around the creation of the universe. Nirmal told me in 1992 that Bhagavan said that they were the three incarnations of the Hindu Trinity: Bhagavan was Vishnu, Paramacharaya was Shiva and Nirmal was Brahma (God in the aspect of Creator).
After some time Bhagavan made some changes in the hierarchy of the deities. Amma, Sammadarshini ( the most prominent devotee student from Bhagavan's school) and Krishna (Bhagavan's son) became the special deities ( =gods), whereas he himself became the one Lord God, the one Christ and Muhammed used to pray to. After a few years, Bhagavan decided to change it again – Amma emerged as the new Goddess. Now she was as much God as Bhagavan.
Nirmal told me in the end of 1991, when I was living in the Somangalam Ashram with him, Paramacharya and some assistants, that the teachings of Bhagavan are the most profound ever.
I had a lot of faith in Bhagavan as I had gotten profound experiences in Paramacharya's courses. But this time I protested. I told Nirmal that I had read much more profound teachings and heard of more effective techniques: "A Course in miracles", Jerry Jampolsky, Ken Keys Jr. etc. offered a much deeper understanding of the mind and ego, I told him. I added that I agreed that the spiritual power of Bhagavan was by far number one in the world.
I must add that in 1991, Paramacharya did not go as deeply into teachings, as they do today. The 21 days courses today have so much more profound and developed teachings compared to back then.
When Bhagavan decided to have a monastic order, I think it was in 1995, Nirmal soon left the Movement. The official version was that he got upset that his ex-subordinates (students from Jeevashram who now had become dasas) suddenly were above him in the hierarchy.
Some years before Nirmal left, Bhagavan had told him, me and the other disciples (Anandagiri, Sammadarshini) that we should marry. Nirmal was the first one to follow Bhagavan's instruction and he married Ms. Sanjaya Reddy. Bhagavan approved of Nirmal's choice of wife and he and Amma arranged their marriage in Jeevashram.
Sanjaya and her parents were devotees of Bhagavan from Tirupati town. After getting a child, Nirmal soon got divorced [a very rare thing in India]. I met Nirmal a few years later. He was poor and it seemed to me as if he did not care about his outer appearance anymore, he seemed indifferent to life. He said he felt abandoned (mainly by the Movement), he was financially bankrupt, having no real place to live. Sanjaya and her mother soon became nuns in Bhagavan's order, after Vijaykumar Reddy (Sanjaya's father) had died.
A girl from the courses openly told the assistants that she was in love with me and had decided to marry me. The other disciples made fun of me, and asked me to go for it (jokingly). Amma might have thought that I had taken the girl's offer seriously, and, lovingly and with genuine care for me, she told me to please not marry this girl as she was not good-looking and that I deserved a much better wife.
Before the rest of us were married off, Bhagavan changed his ideas about us getting married.
Apart from getting married, he had also told us to let our hair and beard grow long, like the rishis ( Vedic prophets) in the olden days. When all this later changed and I cut my beard and long hair, many people did not recognize me. I looked 10-20 years younger without my long and untrimmed beard, I even joked with some of the devotees, saying that I was not Freddy, that he was my father, and some believed this. When they believed this, I told the next person that Freddy is my grand father, but nobody bought into that one J.

Did Bhagavan initially have only one disciple?
Freddy: Yes. When I joined them in 1991, it was often mentioned and emphasized that nobody but Paramacharya was Bhagavan's disciple. One or two years later, I think it was in 1992, Bhagavan decided to take a few more (official) disciples, so-called Acharyas. He took seven more, and I was one of them. The others were: Giribabu, Vimalikirti, Kaushika, Ramesh (Bhagavan's brother), and 3 female disciples: Sammadarshini, Akshyamati and Maytreyi. We all changed names: Giribabu became Acharya Sri Anandagiri Bhagavaddasa, I became Acharya Sri Freddy Bhagavaddasa. Bhagavan even asked me to change my name in the passport.
Vimalikirti almost stopped being an Acharya, as he thought of getting educated and lead an ordinary life. When I returned to India a year or so later, Paramacharya told me that Anandagiri, Samadarshini, maybe some of the others too had asked Bhagavan if they could live in celibacy. Therefore Bhagavan had decided that all the Acharyas from now on should be celibate (in thought, word and action).
I was already feeling uncomfortable with this official apostolic title and having to be a guru. Many Indians, especially Bhagavan's devotees, will then ask you to bless them and/or fall at your feet; and how did I know if I could keep celibacy in thought too, I have always wanted to be natural. I did not like when people's actions and attitudes did not match their words or teachings; my heart didn't allow me to live a hypocritical life. So I asked Paramacharya if it was ok if my Acharya title was removed. I added that I was not going to work less hard than before. Even after my title "Acharya" was removed, Bhagavan continued to call me his Western Apostle.
Today only three of the eight Acharyas remain: Ananadagiri, Sammadarshini and Vimalikirti.
In 1993 Bhagavan had decided that there need to be a strict hierarchy: Acharyas, dharma mitras (Indian local coordinators) etc. This was a few years before the monastic order of dasas was introduced. He told me that I was to be his only Apostle for the West, and after the Monk order was born, Bhagavan decided that some others could also do his courses abroad, but he asked me to be single his representative for Europe and former Soviet Union.
This changed over a night. From January 2004 Bhagavan decided to have no more leaders, everybody should be a leader. However, the dasas (monks and nuns) still have a very special role in the hierarchy, they are the only ones that are allowed to see Bhagavan and Amma for free, unless you happen to be a VIP.

Does it really cost money to see A&B?
Freddy: Westerners have no access to get a private meeting or even a one minute private darshan [lit. to see or meet a saint or a god] with Bhagavan. The only way for Westerners, with very few exceptions, to see Bhagavan is to be famous or rich. Indians have to pay a huge amount of money to meet Bhagavan in person, I think it is 2000-3000 US dollars for a meeting of 20-30 minutes.
Amma has regular public darshans in Nemam, near Chennai and they are free. For Amma's private darshans there are two options: a group price where you can see her in a group for a very short time, it costs 150 dollars per person approximately. To be alone with her for 2 minutes and talk to her shortly cost approx. 400 dollars, Indian and Westerners pay the same. For many Indian labourers, 400 $ is 8 months of wages.
The prices for the private darshans I have mentioned are taken from my memory and are from November 2005.

I have heard Swedish devotees saying that all dasas are like angels and they are fully enlightened. Is this also your experience?
Freddy: Not exactly. I was also under the impression that the dasas were exceptionally loving, friendly and extremely unusual until 2003, when I went for a 3 weeks treatment to an Ayurvedic centre in Whitefield, Bangalore. All the young boys and girls giving massage were as sweet, loving and "angelic" as the dasas. I got to know that this is the way many south Indian young people are, especially if they work with alternative health or spirituality.

Have you ever seen strange or suspicious behaviour in the dasas?
Freddy: I did not know all of the dasas personally, maybe it was just 10 or 15 that I knew more closely. They have been very friendly in general, but not always. Some are considered, not only by me, to be egoistic and even rude. I remember that a South American Mukti-3 teacher, Cristobal Wagner, said to me and Ricardo Bravo (the South American main coordinator) that Madhu dasa had become even more horrible now when he was declared enlightened. At that time, I did not comment as I felt that to be silent was a sign of respect to Bhagavan, though it had also been my own experience with Madhu dasa. Many Western participants in the VIP campus complained to me that Pragyanand was highly arrogant and cold. At that time I was good friends with him and I did not agree with them, so I tried to justify his behaviour when people complained to me about him.
Girls from the Swedish group in 2001 (Satyaloka Mukti Yagna) reported that they felt that some of the male dasas looked at them with flirting and "hungry" eyes. To begin with, I did not believe this to be true. I told one of these girls that it is only the brotherly and divine love of these dasas that these girls misunderstood as having something to do with sexual desires.
Later I saw that there was truth to the suspicion of the Swedish girls. Some years later a girl told me that she had become friends with one of the male dasas who were in charge of the Western processes. He was also one of the leading dasas in conducting the Homas, a sacred fire ritual that is being used a lot in the processes. She told him that she likes mysticism, and that she was interested in learning more about homas. She was very surprised when he suddenly offered to teach her some of these mantras and homas personally.
One evening, he came by her hut and asked if he could take some rest in her room. As he is a divine dasa, how could she ever question him! She even felt privileged that she could help a dasa in need.
Suddenly he took her hand, and he started to caress her. He had taken off most of his clothes and later he fell asleep in her bed. Another time when he came to her hut, he told her how fantastic she was, and he started to kiss and bite her ear. I don't remember all the details, but during this visit he got an orgasm in her bed, and he ejaculated on her back. During all this her entire soul screamed NO!, but as she was molested as child, she became petrified within and could not speak out loud.
This dasa liked Bhagavan and that was the reason why he had become a dasa. He once confided to this girl that he never liked to pray and he did not even remember when he last prayed.
Long time before this happened, Bhagavan had told me that this dasa had performed more homas than any of the other dasas, and that his homas were incredibly powerful. Bhagavan used to send him around India to perform big homa rituals for up to 100 000 people. I was even planning to arrange for him to do homas in Sweden and Russia. As Bhagavan said he was the best homa performer in Golden City, he is likely to be the number one homa specialist in the entire world. Bhagavan told me that the homas of his dasas are a new phenomenon in India. Like no one else, they see and speak to the deities invoked in the homas. He added that the homas of his dasas are so much more powerful than all other homas performed in India.
I was in Golden City when all this happened between the "molested" girl and the "excited" dasa (he happened to be very kind hearted and friendly). A week or so before this, hundred Russians had ordered altogether 200 group homas for themselves and for their friends. Each group homa was costing 200 $, so the profit was not bad… A group homa means that a few dasas work on up to seven people for a couple of hours. The people who ordered the homa are not present physically. Bhagavan has told that the dasas know how to make a homa work and be effective from a distance.
Bhagavan used to say that homas are important and a very powerful tool to solve all kinds of karmic problems. Most Russian devotees believed this, of course. The dasas explained that the homa would work within two months.
Later, after this period had elapsed, almost nobody said that the homas had helped them or their friends. Many, however, came and complained that they had given so much money for the homas and they were disappointed that there were no improvements.
A young Swedish woman told me in details how one of the dasas in charge of the Westerners (10 days process) did something "strange" to her. The name of this otherwise friendly monk is Vinodh Bhagavaddasa. Bhagavan had declared him to be in the highest form of enlightenment, and he was also in charge of the Ayurvedic clinic in Golden City. He was very popular among the Westerners.
One day he had arranged for a photographer to take photos from the Ayurvedic massage rooms for the website and a brochure. This Swedish woman had been asked if she was prepared to be photographed during treatment. The masseuses were very particular that no female body parts were seen by the male photographer and the dasa. They covered some parts of her body so that the photos would look decent on this spiritual brochure.
A day or two later, Vinodh dasa asked the Swedish woman if he could take some additional photos as the ones that were taken before were not good enough.
She agreed as Vinodh Bhagavaddasa was a very special and close disciple to Bhagavan, hence being divine, and he had Bhagavan's full trust. Vinodh asked her to remove all her clothes and gave her a "kaupinum", a thin string underwear, but nothing to cover her breasts. He gave her a complete massage (not a short one), also touching her breasts and genital area. She thought that, as he was divine, Bhagavan wanted him to do this, she was only happy to be helpful to Bhagavan. After this long massage, Vinodh dasa finally took the much-needed photos that never were published in the brochure.
After the whole thing was over he asked her not to tell this to anyone, it was better to keep quiet about it, but he was going to tell it to Acharyaji (Anandagiri), he added.
I do not think many Swedish female participants would have agreed to get a massage by a male dasa. However, her devotion to Bhagavan was dasa-like and she had complete trust in the dasas. My guess is that he knew she would cooperate and not question, hence there was little to lose and much to win. That she was young and beautiful – attractive like a Hollywood star – was probably not an obvious minus point to him.
It was only much later that this Swedish woman began to wonder if the massage would have been necessary for the photos. If the oil was needed, she could have smeared it on herself in a second or two.
Now her intense and blind devotion to Bhagavan has passed and she cannot understand how she didn't see the real intentions of Vinodh dasa. She told me that her devotion made her completely blind.

Why did you not speak to the two dasas after hearing what they had done to the female devotees you sent down to Bhagavan's Ashram?
Freddy: I came to know about these two sexual "experiments" by the dasas approximately the same time. I wrote a long email to Ananadagiri and Pragyanand ( he was my guide appointed by Bhagavan) describing what had taken place and demanded that these two dasas were confronted and dealt with. I wrote how disappointed I was, and if they were not asked to leave their positions as dasas, I would get very, very upset.
Luckily Anandagiri did not insist that these dasas shouldn't be "fired". If Bhagavan and his team of decision makers would not have agreed, I do not think I could have remained in the Movement after that.

Have any other dasa been asked to leave the Movement?
Freddy: I do not know. I rarely came to know about any details of problems they had with the Indians. I know that 50-100 of the dasas are no more dasas. If they quit or were asked to, I don't know.
Often Bhagavan and Ananadagiri shared the positive news of the Movement with me. I did not want to ask them to speak about unpleasant things; I understood they preferred to avoid the subject as to why so many dasas dropped off.

Do you also have your own personal experience regarding the dasas' behaviour?
Freddy: During my own 21 days process in June 2004, Pragyanand was my personal guide. He was the dasa in charge of the entire VIP campus.
Little more than a year after my process, we brought up the theme of sexual etiquette in the VIP campus, as a participant had asked if it was ok to masturbate during the process. Pragyanand then told me that everybody in the campus must live in 100% strict celibacy, as the Lord God resides here physically. When I asked if celibacy was only for the participants in the process, he said NO! It was important that this rule was maintained by everybody, even if you were simply a guest in the campus. I had to control myself from smiling too much as I remembered what took place two years earlier…
During my process in 2004, I had a lot of emails to be answered. I also had a website about Bhagavan that needed to be updated regularly. I therefore asked Pragyanand if I was allowed to check emails from time to time, or at least publish my experiences of my process on the website. He allowed me to do that once a week. Sometimes he came and asked if he could borrow my computer, that also had a cell phone connected that enabled it to be online. I had a lot of respect for Pragyanand, and wanted to please him, so after a week or two of regular allowing him to have the laptop for some hours, I gave him a green card: he no longer had to ask me, he could just take my laptop whenever he wanted.
It was the end of the process and he returned the computer after having had it for a day or two. I was utterly shocked to see that, on my desktop, he had left a link to a porn-site. I did not know if I was going to tell Bhagavan that his monk was looking at porn-movies across Bhagavan's house. This was prohibited in the Ashram, even for non-monks. On the other hand, I knew he had been very kind to me during my process, and I liked him as a person and felt very sorry for him, so I decided to keep quiet. He does not even know that I discovered this porn-link that accidentally happened to remain on the desktop after his use.
Sex is of course natural, and many people watch porn movies. Is that wrong? I think it's up to each person to choose. However, to do it as a monk after asking all others in the campus not even to have thoughts about sex, and then hide your own porn-trips and not "walk your talk" – that is a different story.
Pragyanand was very special in Bhagavan's eyes. Anandagiri told me that Pragyanand was for quite some time the only dasa permanently living in the same campus as Bhagavan and one of the very, very few to meet Bhagavan daily.
I mentioned before that some Swedish girls had complained to me that male dasas were looking at them with lustful eyes, and I remember that Pragyanand was among them.

I was told by a follower that the dasas are treating all people equally, that they do not care about money; is this true?
Freddy: My experience is different. I have already mentioned Pragyanand, who was in charge of the VIP campus. In October 2005 Madeleine and I visited Golden City and stayed in the VIP campus. As usual, they asked me if I had any exiting news from USA. He was so happy to hear that Madeleine and I had made so many breakthroughs in the entertainment industry in Los Angeles , where we, at that time, were living to spread Bhagavan's movement.
Pragyanand told us that he didn't like that four other deekshagivers (Kiara, Grace, Buddha and Bhavani) had come to the house of Casper (actor) and Catherine (actress and princess) to give deekshas. Casper and Catherine had initially arranged "VIP meetings" for us. After reading Kiara's book about Bhagavan, they also started to invite him and some of the people he was working with. Pragyanand seemed upset and told me: "I want you and Madeleine to do these VIP deeksha programs in Los Angeles. Kiara and these people do not have enough devotion to Amma and Bhagavan".
A few times Pragyanand said to me: "Please bring lots of rich and famous people to the VIP campus". Another time he told me (something like this): "Once they come here, we will bring them to our fold; and then we won't have problems with money".
If someone was donating money, Bhagavan would spend hours with that person. The more money a person gave, the more time he/she "happened" to get with Bhagavan. These things were never told directly to people, it was simply an unwritten law. I haven't seen Bhagavan have a private meeting (free of charge) with an ordinary person in more than 10 years. I have only seen him meet people that can help him to become influential, famous or rich.
I had been given strict guidelines regarding what kind of people who were welcome (and who were not) to come for the "VIP process" – a 21 days process, free of charge, in luxurious surroundings. I also got guidelines as to who among the VIPs additionally could get a private meeting with Bhagavan. Only VVIP's (lit. very, very important person) were invited to meet Bhagavan: rich or famous people, famous spiritual teachers who could make Bhagavan (world)famous or a possible big sponsor. There were exceptions to the VVIP rule, for example our friends George and Stacy from Los Angeles and other rare followers who were extremely connected and personal friends with VVIP's and were therefore capable of bringing several VVIP's to Golden City.
There were also the "in betweeners"; people who had been invited for the VIP process, but were not enough VVIP to meet Bhagavan personally. In such cases, a shorter group meeting with Bhagavan could be arranged.
I once wanted a Swedish bestselling author from the VIP campus to be granted a meeting with Bhagavan. Her book was a bestseller 15-20 years ago, and Pragyanand said that it was too long time ago to be welcomed for a private meeting with Bhagavan.
I now did something I always tried to avoid: I misused my position. I exaggerated her importance to Pragyanand convincing him that she was still a VVIP; I told about her tremendous potential, how she knew people in the Government and could invite other Swedish VVIP's. After my long explanation she was given a time for a private meeting. There were a few more instances like that.

Do the dasas really share such sensitive information with outsiders, people who are not dasas?
Freddy: Usually the dasas are very careful what to share with non-dasas. However, Pragyanand and Anandagiri and many other dasas treated me more or less as one of them. I loved them as my own brothers and we had so much fun together.
I had been with Bhagavan almost from the very beginning, four years before the dasas started to join the monastic order. Some dasas had come as teenagers to the groups I was guiding; I had also worked individually on a few of them (Murali dasa, Radhakrishna dasa). That might have been the reason they sometimes spoke very openly with me and said things that were never supposed to leak out.

I was told that Bhagavan has prejudices. I cannot believe this, as he is enlightened, and enlightened people do not have prejudices?
Freddy: I read a very interesting article written by one of Bhagavan's old acquaintances; they even went to visit gurus together in the 1980's, before Bhagavan became a guru himself. In this biography it's mentioned that when Bhagavan was an office clerk he used to dislike people from Kerala and called them by bad names. I cannot comment upon the facts mentioned in this article as I haven't experienced it for myself. The extremely detailed article, that in my eyes seems authentic, can be seen on: http://www.freewebs.com/dikshainfo/bhagavansunknownpast.htm
I have been sitting next to Bhagavan innumerable times when he has been meeting people, both private and group meetings. Bhagavan often discussed or commented, with the disciples (incl. me), on the people after they had left. He usually told which people he did not like, made malicious jokes about their, in his opinion, odd ways or shallow questions. I am not used to such discussions where humiliating things are spoken behind people's backs; sometimes Bhagavan was rather sarcastic. This condescending attitude of Bhagavan was one of the major tests for my faith in him as mankind's savior and God Almighty; in fact, it almost made me leave in several occasions in the early stages (between 1994-1998).
Sometimes Bhagavan asked me questions about Sweden. In 1993, for a period of five months, I used to meet Bhagavan 5-7 hrs daily. Often there were just four-five of us with him. It also happened that I was alone with him chatting for hours, even having lunch together.
On one such occasion he asked me about the economical situation in Sweden, the situation with immigrants etc. I said that maybe 10 or 20 % are immigrants; many if not the majority are Muslims from Arabic countries. He immediately said with an irritated tone: "Why do these Muslims have to come and spoil such a wonderful country as Sweden?" Several times he has said that Islam is a primitive religion; one thing I know for sur e, he doesn't like Arabs.
There was a big American group that had come for a course in Satyaloka, I think it was the retreat in August 1998. [It might possibly also have been one of the two following retreats in Satyaloka, in July or December 2000].
After the course, Bhagavan met some of the participants; one of them was Nancy from USA. I think she had been invited to the retreat by Sue Zak, a Reiki master who at that time was one of the active American coordinators. Most of the participants were devotional by nature, Nancy was one of the exceptions though.
Bhagavan met Nancy; after this meeting, we (the disciples) met Bhagavan and he started to speak about her. He became very emotional and, in details, ridiculed Nancy and her country as she had (in Bhagavan's opinion) asked him an utterly silly question.
An important part of the retreat was to develop a personal relationship with the Antaryamin, God within us. The word Antaryamin and Bhagavan were interchanged all the time by the teacher of the retreat, Ananadagiri. Most people, if not everyone, had Bhagavan as their Antaryamin. I do not remember anyone who did not equal Antaryamin to Bhagavan. We were asked to relate to Bhagavan as our father, mother, brother, friend, child etc. Any kind of relationship that came natural to us was ok, we were taught. Love and intimacy was the most important factor in this relationship.
[Bhagavan once told me how he, in the form of the Antaryamin, had regular sex with a woman near Mysore; I think she was a Christian coffee estate owner. As far as I remember her name was Marina. Bhagavan described Marina as a true mystic who had an amazing and very powerful contact with the Antaryamin, with Bhagavan. She could see and talk to Bhagavan (not only as inner visions, but also with her eyes open); and the experience of seeing and talking to him, incl. having sex with him, was real to her.]
During the meeting with Bhagavan, Nancy had asked him: "Bhagavan, can I relate to you as my dog?" She did not mean anything negative or disrespectful with this question.
I do not remember what Bhagavan said he had answered her (as far as I remember, he had avoided to answer her question in a direct way). I had rarely seen Bhagavan this emotional and disgusted. He said something like this: "She asked me if I could be her dog!!! She has absolutely no feeling of sacredness. These Americans are useless people! Nothing is sacred for them". Regularly, for many years, Bhagavan used to give similar comments about Americans. Once he said that he was tired of having Americans come to his courses in India.
I knew how negative rumours spread fast and I was genuinely worried. Bhagavan took a big risk; If his opinion about Americans and their country would leak out, it would easily spread wide and far and make it difficult for Bhagavan's message to spread in USA. Probably it would also have an adverse effect in Europe and other Western countries.
Bhagavan spoke very highly of Europe and Russia, praising them for their advanced culture, seriousness and sacredness; "– …but the Americans: Bah!!!...", he used to say. When Bhagavan used this Indian negative expression (Bah! – frequently used when he spoke of Americans and their culture) with this irritated tone, it meant it was very serious.
Sometimes Bhagavan spoke to us (disciples) about Michael Jackson. Bhagavan described Jackson's dance as disgusting, sexual and demonical. Bhagavan once imitated Jackson's dance with his arms, adding that Jackson was a demon.
Before the 21 days processes started in 2004, Western devotees came to Golden City for so-called darshan tours. These tours took place between 2002 and 2003. A darshan tour lasted for 5 days. On the last day of the tour, the groups had a darshan (=group meeting) with Bhagavan, usually lasting for an hour or so.
I spoke with Bhagavan after one of the Russian groups had met him (donations were given in the end of each darshan). He was amazed that the Russians, a poor country, always donated more than all the other nationalities (coming for the darshan tours). He asked me who I thought donated the least of all nations. I didn't know, I said. He said with a somewhat irritated tone: "The Americans of course".
With a mixture of joke and seriousness, he once suggested that he should make the courses extra expensive for the Americans as they are so rich and can "pay through their nose" (an expression used in India to describe that someone is "stinkingly rich", another expression Bhagavan often used in connection with Americans).

You have mentioned a lot about Bhagavan. What has been your personal experience with Amma?
Freddy: I met her from time to time a few years before she was declared God by Bhagavan. After 1993 I have never really spoken to her in a relaxed home atmosphere, only in big groups or for a minute or two in the Ashram in Nemam to get her blessings.
In the beginning (1991-1992), Paramacharya and Samadarshini were more spoken about as deities than Amma. As she only spoke a few words of English and my Telugu was not much better than her English, we couldn't speak much. To me, Amma was just Bhagavan's wife, in the same way as Bhagavan's father (who happened to be an atheist) was only his father and a god in the Hindu panteon. She was not the one who talked to the people from the courses, she did not meet devotees etc. She was just the head of the kitchen in the school, and she also happened to be Bhagavan's wife.
She looked angry or dissatisfied most of the time, I hardly ever saw her smile. Her voice was not soft and loving, it was rather harsh.
I made a lot of efforts trying to like her because she was the wife of my Master and God, though my instinct was more to keep away from her, I did not trust her and disliked her rough and dominant nature.
She once invited me into her and Bhagavan's bedroom and showed me her and Bhagavan's nuptial photo, he looked very different without a beard. I remember though, that there one occasion when I had a natural and friendly contact with her. I was in their house, as I regularly was, we stood in the corridor outside their bedroom, and she wanted to talk to me. She asked me if I knew any ways for her to lose a lot of weight. She knew from Bhagavan that I had studied healthy living, nature cure etc. I recommended her to do 10 minutes of daily jumping on a bouncing mat. I also showed her some acupressure points in her hands that she could press, to get an increased metabolism. I pressed the points in her hands gently to demonstrate their location. At that time Bhagavan walked by in the corridor; he told Amma something in Telugu, in a somewhat commanding tone. Then she looked at me, as if saying with her eyes: Sorry, my husband does not want me to do this; and she went away.
I saw her as an average Indian house-wife with her own plus and minus points. I never felt anything elevated or spiritual in her.
In 2005 I asked Anandagiri (AG) if I could get some other photos of A&B, as the ones that were used looked rather sectarian for us Westerners. It was AG's and my common passion, we both wanted this Movement to become number one in the world; so he gave me access to hundreds of digital photos of A&B. I had difficulties to find ok photos of Amma, as she hardly ever smiled. When we finally found one, she did not look friendly or relaxed. I recommended him to try and see if he could take some new photos where Amma would look friendly and smiling.
I took for granted that meeting Krishna, Bhagavan's son, would be an amazing experience. I really tried to feel sympathy for the son of my God. We sometimes played sport, I remember how we once played double in tennis against AG and Vimalakirti in Bhagavan's court yard; Bhagavan came outside and watched this match for some time.
What we feel about others is very subjective, but these years with Krishna was not an uplifting experience to me; Krishna with his character and behaviour was a serious test to my faith in Bhagavan as the almighty God.
After having lived in Bhagavan's Ashram for almost two years Bhagavan asked me to start spreading his message outside of India. I soon started to live and work in Russia and did not have the money to come to India for a few years. When I came back, Bhagavan and Amma had moved to Chennai and lived in a house there.
Since then, I have only met Bhagavan, not Amma. As we did not meet in their home anymore, the only time I saw Amma was in public darshans, where hundreds or thousands of people sit and meditate in her presence and sing praises to her. Little by little my old hesitations to her melted away, and the few times I got a private darshan with her, I was trying to see her as God, and she was warm and loving to me. And in my process in 2004, I finally accepted her as equal to Bhagavan.
I do not know exactly how I managed to heal my relationship with Amma, and even feel warmth when thinking of her. Maybe it was because Bhagavan had often told me that I need to become devoted to Amma too as this was my major hindrance to get enlightened. Samadarshini and Anandagiri also reminded me of my problem with Amma from time to time. As this was my only really big block in getting my dream state, I worked very intensely on this, I prayed and prayed and prayed, did so many exercises… I tried and tried and tried, and after 12 years I could finally reap the fruits…
There might have been other reasons too. Maybe it wasn't just me who had changed my attitude towards her; Amma might also have undergone some change and our love suddenly became mutual.
The fact that I did not meet Amma anymore; just a few minutes a year to get blessings for my enlightenment and general success in spreading Bhagavan's message, might also have been one of the reasons for the improvement and healing of our relationship. There may also be other factors.
I never managed to come to feel a natural love and veneration for their son though. I often blamed myself for this and thought that something must be wrong with me. As Bhagavan did not say that I had to feel warm love for Krishna too, I finally gave up trying to force myself to love Krishna. I became sort of neutral to him and tried to not think about this anymore.

I have been reading the history of this Movement where Krishna is described as very unusual, that he was the one who got the first "mystical experience" in the school, where Bhagavan's phenomenon of mass enlightenment. What do you have to say about that?
Freddy: What you share with me is the new version. Bhagavan changed his name at least nine times the first few years I was in the Movement. The nine different names that I know of are: Paramacharya, Bhagavan, Iswaramurti, Ishwara Bhagavan, Mukteeshwar Bhagavan, Sri Sri Bhagavan, Kalki Bhagavan, Kalki, Sri Bhagavan. He also asked me to find a name for him that would mean the Heavenly Father in Russian language, and we called him Tsebaot (or Lord God Tsebaot) for more than a year. I did not dare to do that in Sweden as that would have made many Swedes call our Movement a sect; and Bhagavan had instructed me to be very careful lest we get the sect label, which will be hard to remove once we have gotten such reputation.
He changed teaching and approach regularly. For some time his teaching was very similar to Christianity, with repentance, sinful nature, confession. Suddenly that was changed and the course looked much like a workshop in psychology and cleansing of psychological traumas.
During a 7-days residential "psychology" course in 1992 in Jeevashram, Bhagavan decided in the morning that all psychology should be removed and now the focus should be on devotion to him. We had to change the entire course in the middle of it and the participants were rather shocked at such sudden and radical change. Bhagavan's new message was: the more psychology and cleansing of blocks, the more shallow the results will be. A 180 degree turn.
In the first course I attended (in February 1991), the retreat consisted mostly of long meditations, yoga and some kind of deekshas that were called "infusion of Prajapati consciousness". [Prajapati is one of the sons of Brahma, the creator god]. A few months later, it was centered around the Mahavakyas [=the Supreme Word of the living God], where Bhagavan speaks directly. You can see Bhagavan's Mahavakyas on www.freewebs.com/dikshainfo/isbhagavanthelord.htm
For more than ten years, Bhagavan and Paramacharya and all the assistants told and taught in the courses that it was a Christian student of the school, Vijaysagar (12 years old), who got the very first experience. When Paramacharya and AG spoke about Vijaysagar, they desribed him more like some kind of a prophet.
Nowadays they try to avoid mentioning Vijaysagar, as if he never existed. Naturally questions arise as to why they avoid speaking about Vijaysagar… as to why Bhagavan has radically rewritten the history of the birth of his Movement.
I was quite shocked when I heard the new version for the first time – it was in 2000 – now with Krishna being the first to get the state and then transmitting it to the other students, and not Vijaysagar.
Did Bhagavan find out that Vijaysagar spoke ill of him or his Movement? Did Bhagavan get a revelation to "correct" the history?
What the exact reasons were that made Bhagavan, over a night, rewrite the history of his Movement I don't know yet…

Has Bhagavan ever changed the name of his Movement also?
Freddy: Many times. In 1990, when I read the brochure describing their first ever course that was open for the general public, the Ashram was called "God's Earth". The course was called "Anugraha", meaning Grace in Sanskrit. I remember I did not like the name "God's Earth", it sounded like a sectarian name. I asked why it was called God's Earth. I was told that Bhagavan will give enlightenment to mankind, everyone will be like a Jesus or a Buddha. This will make man innocent again, and the world will once again return to the simplicity that is described in the story of Adam and Eve. Bhagavan was against the destructive modern civilization.
In 1992 the Movement was called "The Temple of God". Soon it was changed to "The Temple of the Light". After some months it became "The Temple of Sri Sri Bhagavan". I think I have even lost track of all the versions of these names.
In 1997, Anandagiri referred to this Movement as "The Foundation for World Awakening". For a short while, probably around 2000 it was called "Living in Joy Foundation". Soon that became Golden Age Foundation, and Bhagavan asked me to call the Movement by that name everywhere, as it had the right energy. It would speed up the coming of the Golden Age, the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth.
For many years it was popularly called the Kalki Movement as Kalki kept on changing the names, and it was pretty confusing for the followers.
When Bhagavan found out that there are more than 300 gurus in India calling themselves Kalki, and one can go to prison by claiming to be Kalki, he became very cautious and tried to make it known that he never wanted to be called Kalki, it was forced on him, people refused to call him any other name even if he protested. Until he found out that one could go to prison for having the name Kalki, he never protested, that is a fact. Even his brother Ramesh called him Kalki, as did I for many years. Ramesh published tens of Kalki Bhajans cassettes (devotional music in praise of Kalki), and the company owned by Bhagavan and/or his son which published the cassettes, was called "Kalki Publishing house".
The trust to whom we donated money was for a long time called "Kalki Trust", that was active until at least 2004.
A couple of years ago, I think it was in 2004, Bhagavan decided to call his Movement a University, the " Oneness University". The word Oneness was inspired and taken from the author Carl Johan Calleman, the creator of Oneness Celebration, after Calleman visited Golden City and met Bhagavan. I know that Bhagavan is very cautious to not get the reputation of a sect. This is, as far as I have understood it, the reason he chose the name " Oneness University". Time will show how long this name will last.

Please tell something about Bhagavan's brother who also was an Acharya/Apostle for some time?
Freddy: I personally loved him a lot. I found him to be very loving, friendly and humble. He wanted to get transformed, to feel the divine presence within.
After participating in a few courses, Ramesh still hadn't got the awakening of the Antaryamin (communion with the divine presence). Bhagavan had told him that he might not be able to get the Antaryamin at all. Bhagavan said to Ramesh that he had problems with the synchronization of his left and right brain hemispheres. I felt very sorry for Ramesh, he seemed to feel left out.
[Remark: in 1991 the awakening of the divine within was not called the Antaryamin, but "The Manifestation"; later that became "Bhagavad Satshatkara Anubhava". For more than 7 years it was called the Antaryamin until that became what it is called today: "The Presence"].
Anandagiri, myself and a few more people were assisting Paramacharya in the courses; Bhagavan never conducted courses himself. We once had a course in Ramamurthy's (Bhagavan's brother-in-law) building in Anna Nagar, Chennai. The upper floor of this office building had been turned into "The temple of Sri Sri Bhagavan". Ramamurthy was one of the few in India who had been authorized to conduct the official courses, the initial courses, only Paramacharya did the advanced courses.
The group was divided into smaller groups. Ramesh was one of the participants. He had asked to be in the group that I was guiding, as he had a special affection to me. On the second or third day of the course, we worked on people's fears.
I was guiding Ramesh through his fears. Suddenly, when he confronted his greatest fears, his body started to shake and he started roll across the hall very fast, bumping into some of the other buddies and bodies lying on the floor in their own processes. I followed after him. As he was lying there completely exhausted, I laid my hand on his head and started to pray for him. Almost immediately he got it; he got what he was told he was incapable of getting. Because of this, he henceforth called me "guruji". He sometimes prostrated at my feet when we met, as a disciple is supposed to do in Hindu tradition. This was very embarrassing for me as he was the brother of God.
Ramesh once shared with me that Bhagavan had told him the following: "Ramesh, you love Freddy more than you love me. Please stop doing that. It is not good for your spiritual growth." [I must add that I have rarely met anyone loving and admiring me as much as Ramesh did].
After finally getting his dream, the divine communion within, Ramesh wanted to join the Movement more actively. He asked Bhagavan if he could become one of the assistants; Bhagavan said yes. Being a novice, Ramesh had to be trained by someone. Bhagavan asked him who of the assistants he wanted as his teacher, and Ramesh chose me.
Ramesh was a fast learner. Soon we started to work as a team and guided the groups together. We loved to work together and had lots of fun. The other assistants didn't work in pairs, but somehow Ramesh and I were inclined to work as a team, even when his training was over and he was allowed to do independent groups. We almost felt like two legs on the same body, such was the oneness and friendship we experienced with each other.
I have many friends in this Movement, many are wonderful people. My life partner, Madeleine, is the sweetest and most loving person you can imagine. She was not less sweet and loving and friendly when she was Bhagavan's devotee and daughter. The major difference is that she is no more mesmerized by Bhagavan. When she was a devotee, she was prepared to do EVERYTHING for Bhagavan, who was God to her. If he had asked her to jump from a mountain or commit suicide, she would have obeyed without blinking an eye; as he was God, that means he had created the Universe and knew faaaar better than her what was right.

You are no longer in the Movement, so what is your attitude to Ramesh, the deekshagivers and all the other friends you had when you were a devotee of Bhagavan? Are you angry at those who are still followers of Bhagavan?
Freddy: I have the same warm feeling towards Ramesh as I had before, irrespective whether he is a devotee to Bhagavan or not. Friendship and religion are two entirely separate things for me. Everybody has the right to believe exactly what he or she wants.
You asked me if I am angry. Not as far as I know J. On the inner level, I still feel the same love towards all the people whom I was close to before, no matter whether they still are in Bhagavan's Movement or not. On the outer level, I'm not meeting them as often as I used to, as I am no longer a missionary of Bhagavan.
Some of the devotees are disappointed in me. Others are even angry with me as I do not believe as I did before. I do not judge them and do not take it personally. I know they are not actually angry with me, but with their own image about me, that (hopefully J) has little to do with me.

Where is Paramacharya now? What is he doing today?
Freddy: After Bhagavan introduced the monk order, Paramacharya's role changed. When I visited India (to be with Bhagavan and Paramacharya), I always spent a lot of time with him. On one such trip to India (in 1996 or 1997), I found out that he was no more in the Movement, it was a shock to me.
He used to be my personal guide (guru), I stayed with him for a year, before I met Bhagavan in person. I liked Paramacharya a lot. I never got any explanations as to why he had left.
From 1997-1998 onwards, devotees and his assistants were not encouraged to try to meet him. Furthermore I wanted to respect him. As he was no longer the leader of Bhagavan's Movement, I wanted to give him 100% freedom and not burden him with a visit.
My longing to see him was sometimes intense. Therefore I once asked for a special permission to call him. I spoke to him for a few minutes. I felt that he did not want me to phone again, as if he did not want to remember his old role as the leader and my guru.
He is now living in Chennai. I have not heard that he attends any satsangs or meeting new or old devotees. He has for many years been engrossed in an intense study of Astrology.

I read in a transcription of Anandagiri's talk (Los Angeles conference, 2006) that, Bhagavan gave him a state of deep inner peace and absence of inner conflict early in his life when he was still a student in Bhagavan's school. A psychic friend of mine once said that she could see blocks in him even today. She felt it is odd that Bhagavan says that Anandagiri's state is tens of times higher than that of the greatest gods or avatars in history, incl. Krishna (the most revered and famous of the Avatars in Hinduism). What do you have to say about this?
Freddy: I lived in the same community of six people as Anandagiri for more than a year; I met and spoke to him daily, sometimes for hours. I know he still had suffering and also conflicts in general, even after completing his studies.
I have seen that the people in charge of this movement are trying to create a story that is mystically attractive so that people will be enthralled. They have one thing in mind – Bhagavan must spiritually conquer the whole world, so that his plan of mankind's salvation will come true.
In 1993, during a week long retreat, I gave different exercises to the group of a 3-5 people that I guided. A few weeks earlier, as I was working on my own blocks, I discovered an exercise that happened to help me a lot. I decided to try it on some of the people in my group and see whether it was useful for them too.
I gave this exercise, it was a kind of confession, to one of these participants, Dr. Sheikar Borgoankar, a computer specialist from Bangalore. He got deeply transformed. A couple of days later Bhagavan declared Sheikar fully enlightened. Sheikar was at that time the assistant principal at Jeevashram school, where Bhagavan was living, being the headmaster.
After his transformation, Sheikar helped the principal (Mr. Kannan) to get enlightened through this confession exercise. Soon there was nothing but confessions in the courses. Bhagavan said that he would give complete and irreversible enlightenment to everybody, or almost everybody, after they had publicly confessed all their secret acts, intentions and thoughts.
Everybody in the 7-days residential course were asked to tell all their secrets – some even confessed murders in front of the entire group.
During the first 1,5 years after this Movement had become public in Feb. 1991 (it started as an esoteric "experiment" in July 1989), Paramacharya was the only one in the world who was authorized to conduct Bhagavan's courses. They were mostly conducted where we lived, in Somangalam village, 10 km from Chennai airport. After some time we went on tours giving these courses, mainly in Tirupati, Bangalore and Chennai.
The courses in Somangalam were conducted in Dhyana Mandir (lit. Meditation Temple). Dhyana Mandir, a 10 by 10 meters hut, was the holy of holies, a place having the same function a Church has for a Christian. It would be still closer to the truth to compare it to St: Peter's Cathedral, as it at that time was the only temple of Bhagavan in the world. There was an altar in Dhyana Mandir where the life size photo of Bhagavan was worshipped, prayed to and offerings were made to "The Living God". Bhagavan had done an Avahanam ritual to this photo. He had charged the photo with his consciousness; due to this, the photo was no longer different in any way from the physical Bhagavan.
In the courses, we asked all participants to speak to and worship "The Living God" on the photo. They should treat the photo – called Srimurti – in the same respectful way as if it was the physical Bhagavan. We and the participants did puja worship to the photo. Several times a day we all prostrated, with our entire body lying on the floor, to the photo, that was Bhagavan himself. Sometimes we (assistants) would remain prostrated for ten minutes or more. This was the outer sign of our total surrender to Lord Bhagavan.
In 1993 (around March) Anandagiri gave a lecture in his home town Nellore. He talked about the new wave of mass enlightenment that Bhagavan had initiated a few months ago; how very, very soon the entire world was going to become enlightened. [As far as I remember, we said that this wave would result in mankind's total enlightenment by the year 2000].
Anandagiri told that he himself was one of the hundreds who recently had become enlightened in less than a day. He shared his own story to enlightenment. He told the thousands in the audience about all the details of a confession he had made a few months earlier, incl. his sexual fantasies in general as well as how he (a year or so earlier) had been masturbating (until ejaculation) in Dhyana Mandir, the main temple, near the altar where the living big Sri Murti of Bhagavan was. He had felt extremely guilty about this, it was a painful secret he had kept within for a long time.
Anandagiri and I were very good friends and I loved him a lot. I remember I was very touched by his humility and courage when I found out that he shared his personal secrets in public. This deepened my love and respect for him.
Anandagiri's massive guilt that he had carried within for more than a year was just one example of his inner conflicts at that time. This happened long after he was a student of the school.
I also saw that he (and his best friend Krishna – Bhagavan's son) was rough towards animals, especially dogs. I saw him being mean to dogs a few times. Once in Somangalam, he was beating a dog and did not even stop when the dog was yelling and becoming extremely scared. I wanted to ask him to stop, as I felt it was very unethical; but my devotion to Bhagavan did not allow me to try to teach Bhagavan's second or third closest disciple such a trivial thing in the important mission of Bhagavan. I "knew" that Bhagavan was anyway going to give mankind enlightenment, and Anandagiri was, after all, one of the main people in Bhagavan's salvation plan.

Wait a second, I didn't understand fully. How many times did Anandagiri get enlightened? What is the chronological order? What came first, enlightenment or confession?
Freddy: I will try to make it more clear. We can divide the story into three stages or ages. Age 13, age 15 and age 16.
• During the Los Angeles conference, 2006, Anandagiri said that as a student (meaning when he was between 12-14), he got his permanent state of deep inner peace, devoid of conflicts.
• At the age of 15 he was no more a student. He was now living in Somangalam with Paramacharya, Nirmal, myself and a few more assistants. This is when he masturbated in the Temple and became filled with guilt because of an act performed in the "wrong place".
• At the age of 16, he confessed his masturbation, sex thoughts etc. in front of a small group – consisting of people near to Bhagavan. A few months later he told, in front of 5000 people, that he was recently, after the confession in January 1993, given permanent inner peace (=enlightened). He also shared what sins he had confessed prior to his enlightenment.
He became fully and irreversibly enlightened many times. Before 14, when 16, between 18 and 20 until Bhagavan declared him a great avatar in 2005.

I have understood from what you just told, that permanent enlightenment need not be permanent. Was Anandagiri's enlightenment getting gradually deeper, from his initial enlightenment as a student, until he was declared a god in 2005?
Freddy: I have already mentioned that truths, teachings, approaches, names, history etc. are constantly being changed by Bhagavan.
At age 13-14, Anandagiri described his state to be similar to what people often understand as enlightenment. [I do not think Bhagavan declared him enlightened at that age.]
2 or 3 years later, in 1993, Bhagavan declared Anandagiri irreversibly enlightened. Soon Ananandagiri and hundreds of other "enlightened" devotees discovered that what Bhagavan said was permanent was in fact impermanent. A few years later, around 1997 or 1998, Ananandgiri was again being projected as an enlightened teacher.
Bhagavan has often declared people permanently and supremely enlightened. When the "enlightened" person gets depressed again, Bhagavan tries to avoid speaking about it.
What Bhagavan calls permanent enlightenment, I would rather call "an altered state that might or might not become permanent, might or might not be what is considered enlightenment".

Please tell me more about the enlightenment process in 1993…
Freddy: Bhagavan started to give mass enlightenment to mankind after New Year 1993. In October 1992, an entire school in Chennai (called Balalok) started to go through our programmes. The school was owned and run by a married couple, Mr. Bhat and Mrs. Vanitha Bhat, who also happened to be its principal and head master.
They inspired or asked all students to attend our courses. Some 200-400 students came to the courses in smaller groups. Some came before New Year 1993, others after. Soon Bhagavan declared almost all the students enlightened. The students were pretty young, between 12 and 15 years old.
Among the assistants and inmates of the ashram, I was the only one who then did not get enlightened. The assistants and Paramacharya visited Balalok school in January 1993 to transfer enlightenment to the students who came to our courses in 1992, before mass enlightenment had started. I was the only one who could not transfer the state as I was not declared enlightened.
Bhagavan's wave of mass enlightenment had now started, and soon the millions and billions were going to make it. Our joy knew no bounds! We had been waiting so long for this!!!
After a few months though, we all saw that the so-called enlightened ashram inmates as well as most participants and students of Balalok school started to complain about suffering and various problems. It was obvious that they were not at all enlightened, and whatever state they had got in January 1993 was only temporary.

Didn't Bhagavan start to give mass enlightenment just a few years ago, after the deekshas were introduced in 2004?
Freddy: It has come and gone in waves; up till now, it has always ended in failure. Bhagavan is not slow in coming up with explanations as to why it will be a little later instead, for instance that mankind is not ready for his Grace etc.
December 3rd, in 1999, I invited a group of 120 Russians and 10 Swedes to Nemam for a 30 days enlightenment course, conducted mainly by Anandagiri. Half way through the course, during the seven days cleansing part of the course that was conducted by Sri Acharya Kaushika Bhagavaddasa, Kaushika told us that Bhagavan had said that EVERYONE in this course were going to be enlightened by the end of the course. There would be no exceptions whatsoever! All of us were rejoicing and celebrating. Everybody started to participate even more intensely in the classes that lasted for almost 18 hrs a day. This was such amazing news. Many of the people had been in deep depressions and enlightenment was the only thing that mattered to them.
I mentally said to Bhagavan, that if I did not get enlightened this time (this was maybe the 4 th time I had been promised enlightenment), I will leave this Movement right away.
When the course was over, I was not only depressed for my own sake. I also felt terrible shame before the 128 out of 130 participants who did NOT get enlightened. I didn't let anyone see my sadness, of course. I was after all their leader who should be their source of faith and trust in Bhagavan! The two Russian women who got enlightened, later told that they actually were not enlightened.
Most of the poor 128 Russians and Swedes were confused and utterly sad. Bhagavan, the one they had trusted and put their faith in, did not fulfill his liberating promise. Many got very angry that Bhagavan had not kept his word, some even left the Movement.
Not all who got angry were angry at Bhagavan primarily. Some were cross with me instead; they had come to the course because I had inspired them to. I was the one who had promised them that Bhagavan was God and we could trust him completely. I had given them my word and they saw me as a person that can be trusted.
In 2006, Bhagavan said that some of his dasas could check psychically in the brain of the participants if he/she had become enlightened (during the 21 days process). They saw how close to enlightenment you were. The parietal lobes of the brain should be open maximum 18% for a person to be declared enlightened. If you were not declared enlightened, Bhagavan would tell, depending on the percentage of the openness of the parietal lobes, when you were going to get it; even the exact month or even date was given. In January 2006, some of my friends were asked to come to Golden City in September the same year for a special process where enlightenment was for sure going to happen to them, but nothing happened.
I forgot to ask my friends what kind of explanations and excuses Bhagavan came up with this time.
I also know people whose parietal lobes were enough closed down (according to Bhagavan) for them to be declared enlightened, however, nothing happened to their state. They felt the same suffering and separation as they used to do; but as Bhagavan had declared them enlightened, they just believed him.
Within these last three years of the "deeksha way" to mass enlightenment, there has been several changes. Here are a few examples:
To begin with, in 2004, Bhagavan said that by 2012, all people on Earth would have become enlightened. A little more than a year later, this was changed. Bhagavan now said that by 2009 or 2010, 64 000 or more will be in Oneness state (highest form of enlightenment) and they will be able to pass on a state of freedom from (inner) suffering to mankind by 2012. [Freedom from inner suffering is a much "lower" state than enlightenment, according to Bhagavan.]
Today the forecast is even less optimistic: I just read on Bhagavan's official website ( www.onenessuniversity.org, see the FAQ) that "… the Golden Age would definitely take birth by the year 2012". This postponement gives Bhagavan several years or maybe even decades to make further changes, if needed.

You said that you felt terrible shame before the participants who did not get enlightened after Bhagavan had promised them. Didn't you regret bringing them to India?
Freddy: Today I regret it. I wouldn't have done it if I had known better. I used to be very enthusiastic about Bhagavan and his plan to save mankind. I spread his message and teaching to tens of thousands of people in more than 15 countries. I am immensely sad that I have been the cause to so much unnecessary suffering and problems and I cannot apologize enough to all of them. I was lead on a wrong track and inspired many to join me. I was a blind man leading others.
When I left this Movement, the easiest would have been not to give any comments and just leave the whole thing, take an ordinary job and disappear. However, I have put up a website and I have answered all these questions hoping to compensate for the wrongs I unknowingly did.
The reason I inspired people to go to the courses offered in Nemam or other Ashrams of Bhagavan was because I wanted to believe that Bhagavan was sincere in his unbelievably beautiful promises. This wanting to believe was subconscious. On the conscious level I thought I really believed.
The Nemam incident is just one out of many examples of Bhagavan's careless behavior. Any such incidents always filled me with pain. However, I could accept and forgive it as long as Bhagavan was going to fulfill his promise: to give mankind full enlightenment. Everything else then became secondary, such as unethical behaviour, incl. the Nemam incident which is a comparatively mild unethical behavior compared to other things that Bhagavan has said and done.
In case Bhagavan would not give mankind enlightenment, everything would crumble down as a house of cards… He would then, in my opinion, have to join the team of today's many charlatans and false prophets.
I hoped and believed till the very end that Bhagavan was for real. One year ago, the house of cards crumbled down… that is at least how I perceive it.

I have heard that some people died because Bhagavan advised his Western devotees to become fruitarians for long periods, am I right?
Freddy: In 2001 four people were trained to conduct the Mukti Yagnas (enlightenment retreats) outside of India. I was one of them. The Mukti Yagna was the same course as the 30 days course in Nemam in 1999. It was just shorter, 7 days. To attend this 7-days retreat (Mukti-3), people had to go through two courses prior to this one. I called those two courses Mukti-1 and Mukti-2. Mukti-3 was a course where, according to Bhagavan, many were going to get enlightened. For those who did not make it (=get enlightened), Bhagavan came up with the 18/36 months program. It was called the 18 months process, and to make it logical for the Western devotees, I called it simply Mukti-4.
Any of the 18 or 36 months processes were for sure going to make the seeker fully enlightened, if the program was followed of course. Before embarking upon the 18/36 months process, one needed a physical touch by Bhagavan ( it looked like a blessing or initiation). It was given, free of charge, during the so-called darshan tours to Golden City in 2002-2003.
Russians are very intense people [whenever I say Russians, I usually refer to the people from the former Soviet union]. I was not surprised that the majority of the Russians were prepared to start Mukti-4 (the 18/36 months process) immediately after completing Mukti-3. I shared this with Anandagiri, who spoke to Bhagavan, and I got relieved when Bhagavan made it simpler. He said it was enough to email a photo and name, age etc. of the people who wanted to embark upon the Mukti-4 programme, and Bhagavan would touch the printout of their photo and initiate them into enlightenment.
The 18 months process included 1,5-2 hrs of daily meditation and it required strict celibacy and 100% fruit diet, not even dried fruits or nuts were allowed. If they ate the wrong food even once, they had to restart the entire process, they had to begin a new 18 months period. Many got into serious health problems (incl. coma). Some were forced into hospital by worrying family members. People lost much weight, some started to look like classic anorectics.
After months of heavy protests, Bhagavan stopped this 18 months process. He asked all the people on the 18 months programme to change over to the 36 months version instead. It had the same amount of meditation, but the diet was less extreme, consisting of healthy vegetarian food, with one or two meals a day. Celibacy was only to be followed the last 6 months of the 3 years. 90% or more of the Russians had originally chosen the 18 months process, as they were highly impatient to become one with the Universe and God. 10 % or less chose the longer version.
People have sometimes wondered what Bhagavan's true intentions are. Questions were posed, such as: Were these experiments not too dangerous and extreme? Was it ethical to use innocent people as "guinea pigs"?
This was a new process including an extreme diet and life style that Bhagavan did not know the possible consequences of. These were not only sweet people: most of them had completely surrendered to the one who had inspired them to go for this tough life style. Bhagavan was for them the long-awaited saviour of the world; his words were law to them.
Not everybody got sick on the fruit diet. Some didn't mind a tough diet and life style, as they were impatient to become enlightened. That is why it was a serious disappointment for the majority of the "fruitarians" when suddenly Bhagavan cancelled the 18 months program.
This is a pattern I have seen many times during my 15 years of being Bhagavan's disciple. Bhagavan comes up with new ways to save the world. When one "experiment" doesn't work, or the temporary results fades away in people, he quickly starts a new project with full enthusiasm and new extreme promises. The fervor he and his disciples have for every new "infallible" approach to give mass enlightenment is so intense that the old failures are easier to forget. Why should we think about the past when THIS TIME Bhagavan will definitely make mankind enlightened?
The "fruitarian" experiment lasted for little more than a year. Some of the Russians, Swedes etc. were only a few months from the completion of the 18 months of extreme living; a few months to go, and they had reached the promised reward: irreversible enlightenment.
In Russia the 18 months programme was extra difficult, as fresh fruits are by far the most expensive of all food there. In Siberia and many smaller places, there is very little variety, especially during winter and spring. Many are so poor that they could not afford anything but the cheapest fruits, and their diet became extremely monotonous.
Some had to take loans to afford this diet, a diet costing up to twice as much as an average salary.

How many got enlightened in the 18 or 36 months process?
Freddy: I did not hear of anyone who got enlightened. Some were not even informed that Bhagavan cancelled the whole system of 18 and 36 months processes, and kept on following them faithfully till the very end. [Many of the Russians didn't have e-mail or internet access at that time.]
Bhagavan cancelled all old courses and processes when the 21 days processes were introduced in January 2004.

You said that many fruitarians complained during the process, and that the majority complained when Bhagavan cancelled them. Is this not a contradiction?
Freddy: The complaints of the majority of the fruitarians were not really complaints. They were more like grumpy sleepy babies, nothing serious at all. The majority of the fruitarians never intended to break the 18 months program. The hardship and possible danger of the fruitarian process was a very, very small investment to them compared to the unbelievable reward of eternal enlightenment awaiting them shortly.
It was the loud voice of the few who got seriously sick, along with concerned family members of many fruitarians, that made Bhagavan decide to stop it.

How did the 21 days courses start?
Freddy: They were a natural continuation of the 18 months fruitarian process. The seekers should first go through a 10 days process in Golden City, the huge Ashram where Bhagavan lives. Those who would not have become fully enlightened after the 10 days process, could come to the infallible 21 days process. However, before coming to the 21 days process, a minimum gap of 6 months had to pass after the completion of the 10 days process.
In October 2003 Anandagiri told me over the phone that I could start to invite seekers from Europe and ex-Soviet union. The price for the 10 days process was decided to be 1000 US dollars. Many, if not most, were expected to become enlightened in this 10 days process, said Anandagiri. I know that when he gives such important information, he is simply repeating Bhagavan's words. He is not supposed to take any important decisions on his own.
In the 21 days process, Bhagavan, with the help of his dasas, was going to remove all karma and blocks that hinder the seekers to become completely and irreversibly enlightened. To my great relief, Bhagavan had said that people didn't necessarily have to be devotees of Bhagavan in order to get enlightened in the foolproof 21 days process.
Less than a month before the first 10 days process that was to start on January 5 th 2004, Anandagiri emailed me and said that the 10 days processes had been cancelled. Bhagavan had decided that people should come directly to the infallible 21 days process instead. I immediately answered Anandagiri that people will become angry and speak very bad of Bhagavan's Movement if this first 10 days process was to be cancelled this late. Most people had already bought their return ticket, and many could not get the money back if they cancelled their ticket. Even if they went to the 21 days process, it would be complicated and expensive to change the dates for their already fixed return flight; and the majority of those who could get the money back for their ticket, especially the poor Russians, did not have the necessary 4000 US dollars that those 11 extra course days would cost.
Some of the devotees who came earn only 100-200 $ a month and they had been saving for years to come to Golden City. 5000 $ is often what you get in 2-4 years in wages in Russia, as long as they do not spend a single dollar on food, clothes and living. In practice, 5000 $ can be saved in 5-10 years of economic living. Most ex-Soviet devotees, however, take loans that will take 5-10 years to pay back, if they ever will be able to. Some have become bankrupt; others have been forced to sell their flat etc.
It was not easy to convince Anandagiri to keep the 10 days process as it was decided originally; but with a lot of pressure from my side he finally agreed. They did two parallel courses, the 10 days and 21 days at the same time, in two different campuses.
Bhagavan declared many from the 21 days process enlightened, but many/most that I know – and I knew half of the group – soon went into depression… To whom did they complain after coming back to their respective countries? They did not have access to the dasas, so they came to me, the one who had inspired them to go to the process. I did my best to console them, inspire them to not give up this Path, to have trust that Bhagavan is after all the most powerful incarnation of the divine in human history. I often added, that if he did not give you enlightenment in this course, he is probably preparing you for an ever deeper state after you've gone through some more suffering; and you could keep on coming once a year for the incredibly powerful deepening processes. By 2012 you would surely have made it. [I "knew" that they would have become enlightened by 2012 as Bhagavan said that everybody in this world would have become enlightened due to his Grace by then]. I did not always believe each and every word I said to console people, but I did not want them to lose faith in Bhagavan and his power to give mankind enlightenment.
People could become very desperate, sometimes even really angry with Bhagavan. Some almost wanted to commit suicide because they were disappointed with the processes and Bhagavan's promises. In order for them to calm down and also not spread bad rumours about Bhagavan, I saw no other way than to exaggerate certain things, such as all the mental suffering that they went through is good for them and it would be helpful on their path towards the soon-to-come enlightenment. I said all this because I believed it was for their highest good and for the best of the world if they believed in Bhagavan. Bhagavan and Anandagiri had let me know that sometimes a white lie is necessary. Whenever a white lie was helpful in the long run and serves a higher cause, it could be wise to use it. What better cause could there be than the final enlightenment of a person and the entire world?
If these seekers/devotees who were upset or disappointed would have spoken ill of Bhagavan, the speed of mankind's getting enlightened would have reduced, I reasoned.
After the 21 days processes, many went into a deeper depression than they ever had had before. To explain why the majority got into deep depressions, Bhagavan introduced a great concept: "The dark night of the soul". The deeper you went into the dark night of the soul, the more profound would your enlightenment be once Bhagavan had given it to you.

Could you give some details of the other side of the medal of these processes?
Freddy: I was in Golden City in January 2004 when the first processes started. I was living in the 10-days-process campus, regularly meeting the 100 participants I had inspired to come to the process, incl. people from my own family.
Anette Carlström, one of the most active and successful spreaders of Bhagavan in the West, was also there for a special process. She had brought a very close family member who got psychotic during the 10 days process. I had to ease people's worries so that they would not leave Bhagavan (or speak ill of him) after they had seen how Anette's family member went berserk – she became really wild and violent, screaming and kicking and blabbering all kinds of crazy things to all and sundry. As far as I know, she was still psychotic a year after the process. She had never taken drugs for her mental health, nor had she been to mental hospitals prior to this, Anette informed me.
The officials of Chennai airport soon began to complain about Bhagavan. They contacted Golden City wanting to know what they do to all these Westerners who come to the airport in psychotic states after going through the 21 days process.
I know that Bhagavan, via his dasas, had asked my friend Annie, a very calm and psychologically balanced and sweet Swedish helper, to accompany some of the psychotic cases (incl. Anette's family member) to the airport so that the authorities should not spread bad rumours about Bhagavan. Annie speaks to the psychotic person all the way to the airport, calms them down and accompanies and helps them inside the airport. One of her important tasks is to try to avoid that the psychotic person mentions that he/she has been to Bhagavan's Ashram, and that it was because of Bhagavan or the 21 days process that the psychosis started.
Even after local deekshas, in Europe as an example, there are people who have become psychotic. Some have to be admitted to mental hospitals, a few have even committed suicide. How many, I do not know.

What makes people develop mental diseases after the processes?
Freddy: The reasons may be many. I can only share what I believe:
Bhagavan and the dasas work a lot with the kundalini power – the powerful life force within. There have been many cases among spiritual seekers from all over the world adhering to various paths, where kundalini tampering has been the reasons for people getting mental disorders (psychosis etc.), some have even died. It is supposed to be very risky trying to raise the kundalini artificially. If it is done, you might enter a more peaceful state – if you are lucky – or become very depressed if you are not so lucky. If you are even less lucky than that, you could become psychotic or even die. Some specialists have said that artificial kundalini work have made people literally burn to ashes, that is the power of kundalini. Many spiritual paths and teachers warn against any kind of kundalini work, as it is considered a risky short-cut.
In my experience, the deekshas (initiations) that people get in the processes involve kundalini tampering. The entire atmosphere is done in such a way to enable the kundalini to raise. They also use mantras, fire rituals and meditations to make kundalini raise.
In the first 9 months of the 21 and 10 days processes, they used "Lehyam" that really made kundalini shoot up like a rocket in the majority of the participants.

What is Lehyam?
Freddy: It is pronounced Le-him. The dasas told the people who went through the process that it is an Ayurvedic medical paste that is given to people, incl. new-born babies, in order for the energies in the body to get purified and balanced. Bhagavan said in my presence that babies who get Lehyam by Ayurvedic doctors are supposed to have their life span increased by an average of five years.
Bhagavan told me that the particular variety of Lehyam that he uses in the processes is made by a family using old secret recipes. It is made of some special herbs that are being cooked in cow-dung for several days on a low heat. People were never informed that Lehyam is basically bull-shit, sorry, cow-dung.
The taste is very hard to describe. One could describe it as herbal figs that are not tasty, with a somewhat unpleasant aftertaste. 30-60 minutes after Madde and I ate the Lehyam ball, we felt nausea. This nausea lasted for a couple of hours. I got Lehyam twice a week. After a couple of times, it suddenly became extremely nauseating even to think of Lehyam. In total, I got it six times or so, and the last two times I almost vomited as I ate it.
It was given in a sacred atmosphere, just after getting the deeksha for enlightenment [By the way, the word Deeksha is nowadays changed (!) to "Oneness Blessing"].
Many participants got high peak experiences after taking the Lehyam. Some felt oneness with the Universe, indescribable ecstasy etc. This peak often lasted for 3-8 hrs, and then it gradually vanished.
Bhagavan said that some participants in the 21 days processes even died for some time (often 30-60 minutes), but then came back to life. He described this "death" as a high of Samadhi state (yogic trance).
The guides/dasas in the 21 days course said that most of the dasas had gotten their profound transformations (Bhagavan called it enlightenment) while vomiting after having taken the Lehyam.
I have a friend, a pop-star from ex-Soviet union. He used to take LSD and other narcotics a few years ago. When he got Lehyam, he told his room-mate that the experience was very identical to his LSD trips. His room-mate then refused to take any more Lehyam.
I shared my Lehyam experience with to two of the most gifted spiritual people Madeleine and I have met. Both of them have incredible intuitions.
They both said the same thing independently of each other: the "Oneness Lehyam" is narcotic substances (one said it sounded like a mixture of LSD, Ecstasy and Ayhuasca). I do not know what Lehyam is, but I know that when they stopped using Lehyam in the 21 days process, people no longer got any peak experiences.
People had been complaining too much about the effects of Lehyam (intense vomiting, diarrhea and nausea), that was one of the reasons they stopped. Another reason was that the Lehyam-peak-experiences did not turn into permanently high states.
Nowadays the new groups coming for the 21 days processes are told that Bhagavan feel it is better for people to enter enlightenment gradually, instead of using the peak experience approach, where Lehyam was used.

I have heard that some people get powerful experiences with Bhagavan. I would not have thought that someone lacking the purest of intentions could give such states. What do you think? Or are you saying that neither you, nor others got high experiences with Bhagavan or deekshas?
Freddy: I have never denied that I or others have had deep experiences with Bhagavan and/or deekshas. I have seen and experienced it for myself.
For some time I was wondering how all this could coexist. On the one hand I knew for sure that people were getting powerful experiences. On the other hand I also knew about all the facts I have shared in these answers: over-promising, rewriting history, denying facts and other fear based activities.
In Russia, there is a widely accepted explanation as to why devotees of inauthentic gurus, such as Sai Baba, get miracles and "divine" states when contacting the guru mentally. Many spiritual teachers and respected healers agree with this explication. It is called " Egregor" in Russian, which approximately could be translated as "The Gregarious Bank" (GB).
The gist of it is: When a group of individuals are praying to or worshipping some unseen deity or a physical person, people are giving away life energy. It is similar to donating money to the bank account of a guru.
For example: The more devotees Sai Baba has and the more intensely they pray to and worship him, the richer and more powerful the GB of Sai Baba will be.
Miracles and divine states can be received through pure faith. This has been described as "you get what you believe" and "faith can move mountains".
The "Placebo effect" is another powerful tool. There have been many well documented experiments in which patients who got ordinary sugar pills had the same healing results as patients who were given the real medicine.
Dr. Joe Vitale has described an experiment in which two groups of people got their bad knee operated on. In group #1, the knee was operated on as usual. The people in group #2 thought they got a real knee operation, whereas in reality they did not. They just got a pseudo-operation where they were anesthetized and similar scars/traces were produced as on a real knee operation etc., but nothing at all was done to the knee. The results were great in both these groups. The effect was almost identical.
If a spiritual authority claims to be God and great miracles start to happen when you pray to him/her, it might very well be due to the Placebo effect and/or the power of faith.
This explains why several "false" gurus, who are far from being in a higher state, can have followers or devotees who are in fantastic states, hundreds of times higher than that of the guru.
Apart from Faith and Placebo, there are other factors that can be the reason for people getting miracles from insincere gurus:
• When a person is praying sincerely to a not-genuine guru like Sai Baba (who might be having anal sex with one of the young boys from his ashram school when the devotee receives the miracle), the Supreme power, God, can answer that prayer, as the devotee prayed to God in the image of Sai Baba. God will even answer if you pray to a fork believing it is the infinite Light who sent all the Prophets. Try to do it with sincere faith and you will see for yourself.
• We also have the Gregarious Bank effect: As tens of millions of people pray to a guru (Mr. X), all this life energy forms the energy bank of Guru X, which Guru X can "download" any time he/she likes to heal, to raise kundalini in followers, to perform miracles and much more. Not only the guru can use his/her GB. All the people who in their respective countries pray to Guru X will also get helped by the Gregarious Bank of Guru X. As they pray to Guru X, they automatically tune into the Gregarious Bank of Guru X, and energy will come from the Bank and create a miracle or make the kundalini rise.
The problem with the Gregarious Bank is that it cannot go on forever to help you, especially spiritually. It is like a boat that has holes in it. The question is not whether the boat will sink or not, but when.
Some experts in the Gregarious Bank theory told me that the "dark night of the soul" which most people get after the deekshas are because the deekshas have their source in Bhagavan's and Amma's Gregarious Bank. This Bank can be used to create temporary high experiences. As it is not the eternal source, the ru(o)bber-effect band will soon turn the high into a low, a depression. The Gregarious Bank of Bhagavan has become powerful as tens of millions feed it regularly with their sincere devotion. An "astral cord" is formed and the guru has become a local internet; whenever you are online with him, part of your energy is donated to his Gregarious Bank account.
Many deeksha takers have the experience that deekshas from certain deeksha givers produce much higher results compared to other deeksha givers. Some experts in the GB theory give the following explanation: some deeksha givers have very pure hearts and very pure intentions; they genuinely want to help people. This attitude opens a direct channel to the divine Source which overshadows the deeksha channel. The Placebo effect as well as Faith will also add power.
Some GB experts have shared about a very good side effect regarding the whole deeksha idea: it opens up people to Placebo and Faith. As Bhagavan promises enlightenment, people (both deeksha givers and deeksha takers) dare to believe more. When they expect powerful results, that is what they tend to get.

Do you think the gurus that make use of the Gregarious Bank effect always do it consciously and to cheat people?
Freddy: I think there are all kinds of combinations. Some gurus might do it with a direct/indirect unloving intention. Others might just suffer from megalomania – they think they are unbelievably special and alone can save the world. Such megalomania can also be partly unconscious. As the followers declare the guru divine and they start to get miracles and high states after praying to him/her – which they probably got through their own Faith, Placebo, GB and God – the guru might actually begin to think he is a god. The step is not far from later claiming to be the God of gods. It is also highly tempting for the ego of the guru. It is said that even angels are capable of falling…
Some gurus have siddhis (supernatural powers) that can be used to help others. Having tasted the intoxicating experience called Power, the siddhi can instead be used to glorify one's own ego and position.
It was not uncommon that sincere seekers and gifted mystics left Bhagavan and the Movement shortly after having attended one or two events (deeksha). A common reason they gave was that they felt the source of Bhagavan's power is not pure. These people often believed in good as well as evil powers, in angels and dark spirits. Evil powers are used in black magic and in some forms of healing, and these evil powers can give powerful results. In their opinion, Bhagavan was not using the power of the Light. That explains why, they maintained, he's making use of unethical tricks and methods, such as: exaggeration, over-promising, over-pricing, hiding facts and so on.
There are people in mental hospitals who claim to be God. Some of them might know they are not God, whereas some of them might sincerely think they are. There are almost no limits to where our ego/mind can take us, if we take it (the ego) seriously.
I do not know exactly how the followers of Bhagavan get their energy and miracle power, it might be a combination of several factors.
In my case, I have seen that when I "plugged out" from Bhagavan and started to pray to the Source directly, instead of to Bhagavan, I got much deeper results; both for myself as for the people whom I prayed for in my courses. I also saw that the participants in my "new" courses did not tend to get the lows, the dark night of the soul, which happened continuously when I was "plugged-in" to Bhagavan.
These observations are of course subjective; they are my personal reflections.
Some people have both a good and an evil side to them. Thieves and murderers can love their spouse and be a good and caring parent for their child.
I think it might be a risk to stay in a broken boat for too long. Up to a point though, a broken boat can even be life saving.
I do not see things as either black, or white. There is only One Life. The Source of life can guide you into a broken boat and can give you lots of Grace, even as you pray via an insincere guru.
That is what happened in my case. I heard a voice from heaven asking me to meet the man who was to inspire me to join Bhagavan's Movement. That is why I all those years felt guided to be in Bhagavan's Movement. This was also one of the main reasons that I "knew" Bhagavan was the God he claimed to be. After all, I got an invitation from heaven to come to Bhagavan's course.
In March 2006, I realized that Bhagavan's "divine boat" was simply Bhagavan's own boat that happened to be holy (having holes).
A few days after deplugging from Bhagavan and Amma, I heard the same voice, this time from within, that once called me to join Bhagavan. The gist of what the voice said to me was: "I sent you to Bhagavan, and I have my own reasons for that. Now the time has come for you to leave it, to be free and unite with me, without anyone standing between you and me".
The ways of God are inscrutable…
Some people have asked if I regretted being Bhagavan's disciple for 15 years. Of course not; I regret nothing in my life. I was born to this world due to divine will. I was sent to Bhagavan by divine will. I left Bhagavan by divine will. I have realized that everything that has happened in my life has been for my own highest good. The so-called mistakes and suffering were just blessings in disguise.
The reason I share the details about the other side of the Oneness medal is not because I am angry with Bhagavan. If I do not, on a fundamental level, accept a person or an event, it amounts to disagreeing with the divine plan for my life. That would be the last thing I wish to do.
I'm sharing about my 15 years with Bhagavan because I love the truth; and the truth always sets us free. The truth has nothing to lose, nothing to hide. I definitely think that everyone has the right to hear more than one aspect of a story.
For more than a decade I was promising people that Bhagavan was going to give enlightenment to mankind, I inspired people to leave all and follow him. This is another reason I feel guided by my conscience and heart to openly share what happened behind the Oneness screen.

Is your motive to stop people from following Bhagavan?
Freddy: Not at all. People have the right to follow whoever and whatever they want. My task is to share my truth. If people still feel inspired to follow Bhagavan, that is their private business. I have no interest, nor any moral right to interfere with that.
I cannot say it is wrong to follow Sai Baba, Bhagavan or any other guru that, in my experience, are not sincere. Some may need to go through a guru experience, with all its plus and minus. I leave all judgment to the Source...

 
At 3/12/2008 3:05 AM, Blogger Swetha said...

Hi
I am glad that you people are trying to change lives of people but what if someone has spoilt their own life because of your kalki dharma...I am talking about the time when you people just threw away lot of dasas from your great kalki dharma! So what about them..Is your teaching only to change lives of people other than those who were dismissed by you?
I know that your teachings lead people to be organised but thats not the only thing people need from you...Every dharshan costs so much..I have come all the way to Nemam when I was young to attend lot of satsangs.I could not see so much of money loot that time..But now what has actually triggered the necessity of so much of money if its for a social cause?
When so many young blooming guys and girls devoted their life extra ordinarily for Kalki Bhagavan in the name of Sanyasm,is it not his responsibility to take care of them before just asking them to walk away for no reason... So many such youngsters left their homes quitting their studies.We know that its ultimate foolishness to leave ur education for the sake of spiritualism..So why couldnt your Kaki Bahagvan lead those youngsters on the right path instead of calling them on board and them one fine nite throwing them out of your premises..?
Whats the answer from your Oneness for that?

 
At 11/23/2010 4:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To Oriole Stine, who pasted the following shit:

"In the early 80s' he met UG and learnt the art of dealing with followers"

UG teaching an 'art of dealing with followers' to someone??? Hahaha! Don't make me laugh! UG debunked the whole spiritual shit, he would never behave that way!

UG was the real [non-]deal, mate. Not a chance of he behaving that way. That source [of that text] is clearly wrong. Please, don't take me wrong, I'm not blasting you, but UG would never act that way. And I recommend you and everybody who really want to be free from all the spiritual burden to read about UG, there are some 'official' sites of people who used to try to live around the world with him which are very complete, with all the books on him and videos etc. But do it with caution, a mere visual contact with a photo of him can infect you like a virus. After 25 years of the most profound spiritual 'search' and UG was the only one I found, the only one. And he would never accept being called a guru, let alone any other pompous title.

 

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