Monday, February 05, 2007

Prude-ru Fears Sex

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sitaramji Kapu uses the accelerating Westernization of India as a springboard to inject his ridiculous (yet sadly traditional) notions about a healthy sex life:
Sitaramji enjoined his followers to follow, Dr Molvil Keith, MD, who proclaims, "This seed is marrow to your bones, food to your brains, oil to your joints and sweetness to your breath and if you are a man, you should never loose a drop of it until you are 30 and then only for the purpose of having a child which shall be blessed by heaven."
Did he just say that backed up semen smells nice out of your mouth?

No thanks. We'll stick with Ultrabrightâ„¢.

46 Comments:

At 2/05/2007 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anon said...

there is something that doesnt smell nice about that article - it seems like an elaborate practical joke. am i missing something?

 
At 2/05/2007 11:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The article cites Bhishma. Is he the hero as is made out to be? His adamantine attitude contributed to his defense of Hastinapura instead of Dharma(m).In another context, when a Brahmachari's presence is called for, it is Sri Krishna who steps forward, not Bhishma.A Brahmachari is one ever anchored in Brahman.

Reminded of another nincompoop called Gandhi with his half baked theories of "celibacy".

When one of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsar's Disciples got married( after taking a vow of celibacy as a Sannyasi) he avoided meeting Gurudev, as he felt guily and shy. Ramakrishna Himself hit upon a strategy to make him come to Him, by whining about two rupees that the married devotee owed him. Eventually when he came to "return the money", Gurudev embraced him wholeheartedly and said:

"My Grace would ensure that even if you were to marry a hundred women, would never ever swerve from BrahmGyan"

 
At 2/05/2007 11:20 PM, Blogger Antarananda said...

Looks like a parody piece. Kricketananda? LMAO.

 
At 2/06/2007 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anon said...

its a parody indeed, but looks like the newspaper fell for it, and so did Jody.

 
At 2/06/2007 2:15 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Actually half those cricketers in that list are married well and made babies too.

The anonymous ahead must be right..
the one who is established in brahma gyan is a bramhachari.

But i read the translation of the
sanskrit definition for ' brahmachari' as 'brahmani charati iti brahmacharihi..'

It could mean
the one who moves towards or walks in the path of BRAHMAN(collective consciosuness) is a brahmachari.

Not necessarily esatblished in brahmadyan but even making an attempt is enough.

If it takes only postponing marriage to make a wise man, i should have been one long ago.
But wisdom appears like a far cry to me despite no marriage(but lots of sex...hehe !!!)

 
At 2/06/2007 6:42 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

"My Grace would ensure that even if you were to marry a hundred women, would never ever swerve from BrahmGyan'

~~~ Grace never belong to anyone!
Perhaps it can be received through someone. But Grace must be a universal thing, which RK wanted to pocket(without pockets actually)!

 
At 2/06/2007 10:33 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...

~~~ Grace never belong to anyone!
Perhaps it can be received through someone. But Grace must be a universal thing, which RK wanted to pocket(without pockets actually)!

.....................

My good friend and spiritual compadre, Semblance is 40 year old living proof that wasting one's seed is a spiritual sadhana in itself. Note the lofty states of mind/heart Semblance is prone to. All of this is the result of being wasted!

 
At 2/06/2007 12:10 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

buddy chuck said...

Note the lofty states of mind/heart Semblance is prone to. All of this is the result of being wasted!


~~~~ Actually i want to type a few things which can be dismissed here as obscenity. So let me put it in some simple words...that the truth is I never like to waste but deposit in the approrpiate places..

But who knows I if had not deposited, I would have been still wiser than Im and perhaps i would not be replying to His holey ness Chuckananada !!!

But since coming from the mouth of my cowboy friend that 'Im wise cuz i waste', I cant contest or refuse it...Finally he realize this !

 
At 2/06/2007 4:06 PM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
I never like to waste but deposit in the approrpiate places..

YES, WE HAVE READ EXTENSIVELY OF YOUR PIPE STORAGE UNIT AND ASSUME THIS ALSO SERVES AS YOUR SEED DEPOSITORY!

But since coming from the mouth of my cowboy friend that 'Im wise cuz i waste', I cant contest or refuse it...Finally he realize this !

THERE IS SOME SEMBLANCE OF TRUTH HERE. YOU ARE IN DEED A WISE ASS!

 
At 2/06/2007 7:43 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Actually this news item would have passed as a silly joke in india and totally went unnoticed. But it has figured in the guruphiliac that it seem to have assumed some importance...that im still breakin' my head and fingerin' my buddy's disfigured cowboy a$$ !!!

Ive heard that cowboys love their horses more than their women that they ride horses even in their masturbatory fantasies?
Chuck you can throw some light on this bestial bond indeed.

Shit ! either im sleepy or terribly stoned. Doesnt make a diff
anyways ! When it comes to my good buddy chuck, I punch my keys for nothin' but crap !

 
At 2/06/2007 7:47 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Semblance is 40 year old living proof...

Chuck ! I did not think you really beleived that im forty. Infact attimes i feel im some 5000 years old...wouldnt know why !

 
At 2/07/2007 8:12 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
Infact attimes i feel im some 5000 years old...wouldnt know why !
...........................

This is one of the most noted side effects of the solitary wasting of seed.

..........................
semblance s and orchestra said... Ive heard that cowboys love their horses more than their women

...........................

As Krishna said to Arjuna, "Not so, not so!" This is only one more myth to be debunked on Guruphiliac. The truth behind that legend is only that many cowboys prefer their women horsefaced. My guides tell me that when a true cowboy successfully conjugates with a horsefaced woman, the results are equal to those produced by the Vedic Horse Sacrifice. I am living proof of this, being that I am one of the most successful sellers of autoparts in Dimebox, Texas!

Quit flogging your own mule for a while and give it a try!

 
At 2/07/2007 10:17 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

CHUCK my demi guru said

This is one of the most noted side effects of the solitary wasting of seed.

~~~~ Ha ha! How i wish im left alone in solitude. Dude! you wouldnt know my scene. Ask your grand poppa angel ! Even he might turn green with envy and your grand momma might blush in her grave. I cant help them anyways !

Certainly the side effects of the
'too much fun' is telling on me.
But what the heck man ! Now with you as my moksha guru and your grand Pa and Ma as the guiding angels, moksha is just a whisper away !

you said

As Krishna said to Arjuna, "Not so, not so!"

~~~ Thats a blatant and bold lie. Just your ignorance. Krishna never said No to arjuna even once in BG. He only responds always and expands further. Thats too much mud in your head friend !

you said

The truth behind that legend is only that many cowboys prefer their women horsefaced.

~~~~ Thats known as
infatuation chuck ! So strong that, they want their women too have a face and ass just like the horses. Never mind chuck. It does not bother anyone on guruphiliac
whether you make love to a horse faced woman or just the horse.
As long as you dont drop horseshit
dimebox is saved.

you said

I am one of the most successful sellers of autoparts in Dimebox, Texas!

~~~~~ When you stop blowing that trumpet and instead blow of one of my pipes i think you would do even better !

-----------------------------------

 
At 2/07/2007 11:38 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

a semblance of the truth said...
As Krishna said to Arjuna, "Not so, not so!"

~~~ Thats a blatant and bold lie. Just your ignorance. Krishna never said No to arjuna even once in BG.
.......................

If all you know of Sri Krishna and the dull witted Arjuna come from BG, then you are even more foolish than your mule!

Not so, not so, semblance. Their dialog is on going, my friend! You, in fact, are the fallen Arjuna... and the cause of your fall is the constant solitary wasting of your seed! Pull the pipe from thine ass, good buddy!

 
At 2/08/2007 5:26 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Chucky said>>>You, in fact, are the fallen Arjuna...

~~~~ Thank you for elevating me to arjuna's position. But bro!
what you dont know is that he cant tell a good prime weed from garbage while i can smell a golden weed from whereever Iam.

 
At 2/08/2007 4:29 PM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
But bro!
what you dont know is that he cant tell a good prime weed from garbage while i can smell a golden weed from whereever Iam.
..................

That's not golden weed, my friend, that's the sun bleached hair on your own ass!

Sorry it took me a while to reply but I had to attend a regional autoparts sales meeting in Lufkin. As I looked around there I was trying to determine if there was a single person who could conceive of the goings on here at Guruphiliac. But I didn't see one and I don't think there's a soul in East Texas aside from myself, who could. All of my success stems from having a horse faced Grandmother, Mother and Wife. Read the Vedas, you'll find something about it in there!

 
At 2/09/2007 12:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the concept is an ayurvedic one - rasa/rakta/mamsa/medas/asthi/shulka, the metabolic cycle of the body, whereby food is digested and ultimately transformed into various body components, the final refinement of which is shukla, the end of the biological imperative, the pollen of the flower... note that for women the situation is different

shukla is then transformed into a substance called ojas, which represents the vitality of the body: the energy you have in your limbs, your capacity to think and comprehend, the vigilance of the your immune system and the strength of digestion - trained practitioners can easily discern the status of ojas in the body

when shukla is depleted through excessive emission the result is a deficiency of ojas - in weak people or folks going through a severe illness it is sage advice to limit sexual activity in order to preserve ojas - in otherwise healthy people frequent sex simply depletes ojas, enhancing the aging process and making one that much more susceptible to illness - so restraint in sexual release is practiced to preserve ojas and be happy

as far as WHEN sex should be introduced, in India the tradition and culture is different, and for many years people have been marrying in their late 20's to early 30s, to ensure they go to school and get a career - thus the admonition to refrain from sex, to follow the path to success and family honor

if you can't understand this then you are simply being a cultural elitist, whose offspring (if he has any), will likely grow up for no other puprose than to serve rich indian business men a double chai latté

 
At 2/09/2007 10:36 AM, Anonymous durga said...

chuck said: As I looked around there I was trying to determine if there was a single person who could conceive of the goings on here at Guruphiliac. But I didn't see one and I don't think there's a soul in East Texas aside from myself, who could"

But not far away there is someone who can! But I suppose where I am, guruphiliac isn't so strange.

 
At 2/09/2007 11:02 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

durga said...
But not far away there is someone who can! But I suppose where I am, guruphiliac isn't so strange.
.............

Hope I'm talking to the real durga, not semblance wearing a dress and having a hot flash!

Yea, Durga, you are correct that the "Eastern" in Eastern philosophy does not equate to the East in East Texas. You guys in Austin are a lot smarter and practically yankees! I'm the only cowboy in Dimebox with a turban under his stetson. It's nice knowing you.

 
At 2/10/2007 1:01 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Amidst My weekend activities (you know what !! its one helluva time having a wild weekend party) I still wish to convey to durga that she needs to get her name registered with blogspot.com. I had been duped a cuppla times too. I wouldnt say it was chuck who forged her name because he has never been that intelligent...


Durga Wake up !
I suggest 'Ma Durga' for your blog nick...how bout that !

---BRB

 
At 2/11/2007 7:25 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
Amidst My weekend activities (you know what !! its one helluva time having a wild weekend party
...........................

Nobody would ever confuse you with old Kricketananda, the "prude-ru", semblance. In fact if you keep trying hard, you might someday be able to blow your own horn!

 
At 2/11/2007 1:57 PM, Anonymous durga said...

Chuck said: You guys in Austin are a lot smarter and practically yankees!

Yea, but when the yankees come here, if they come at all, make fun of our quaint little ways and are embarrassed to be in the state where the FC (faux cowboy) once ruled. But then again, you can wear flip flops here all year long, which gives us something to boast about.

 
At 2/11/2007 4:10 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Just a sharing that was chuck.
You should be happy that atleast there are some people doing good and feelin happy during weekends unlike your wearing out body frustrated mind with those stupid tendenicies...

Its hard to raise a li'l family for you chuck, i understand your fight for survival in that forsaken small town amidst your stolen automobiles. But, now that you found yourself in the good company of the guruphiliac,
your salvation aint too far away !!
Please smile chuck. You forgotten that for a long time !!!!

 
At 2/11/2007 4:30 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

P.S - chuck you are simply jealous ! Not good for a sucker..er..oops sorry, seeker like you !

 
At 2/11/2007 9:36 PM, Blogger CHUCK said...

semblance s and orchestra said...

Please smile chuck. You forgotten that for a long time !!!!

chuck you are simply jealous ! Not good for a sucker..er..oops sorry, seeker like you !

..........................

Not so,not so semblance. I actually smile, grin, and guffaw a lot. Around here they say I smile like a jackass eatin' cactus! But just because I smile like one doesn't mean I would ever be jealous of one.

 
At 2/12/2007 7:55 AM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Around here they say I smile like a jackass eatin' cactus!

~~~~ Chuck! Yes it is! yes it is! It must be the hallucinogenic cactus for all I know. Your illusions stem from that cactus only. I have suffered that illusion for awhile a few years ago because i ate that cactus in san diego outta ignorance. I can tell you that it aint do nothin good to you and will twist your brain a li'l more.

 
At 2/12/2007 11:59 AM, Anonymous durga said...

semblance said: i understand your fight for survival in that forsaken small town...

Semblance, I think you should pay a viit to that godforsaken town before condemning it. Sometimes people who live in places like that have a lot more integrity than city sophisticates like yourself with all your partying and gettin' it on with the chicks, as you claim. And if you didn't know, most of the best writers from the US are from the south, (but of course, most had a long stay in my hometown). And ya know, I think Chuck has talent as a writer, seriously.

 
At 2/12/2007 3:16 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Sometimes people who live in places like that have a lot more integrity than city sophisticates like yourself

~~~~ Im city slicker but have my getaways in the deepwoods. I belong to the big mountains, beneath the loud claps of thunder and a million stars. Im alone always, even in a crowd.

But two texans glorifying each other does not amount to any integrity than just being parochial and clannish.

In a small town theres always a need to stay together out of fear and dependency. As jeff foxworthy puts it, the rednecks are 'gloriously unsophisticated'. They dont even know that they are thick skinned.

durga said>>>>
And if you didn't know, most of the best writers from the US are from the south,

~~~~ Thats what happens when a community just ate and slept. Nothing much to do than write and publish.

Durga said >>>And ya know, I think Chuck has talent as a writer, seriously.

~~~~ I am aware of that one. The credit must go to me for triggering his writing abilities through guruphiliac. Who knows someday he will write a cheap paper back version of a pulp fiction, set in dungbox TX based on a true story about selling stolen cars. You can write a foreword to that.

Joke apart, chuck seem to have a way with the words. I agree.
But we cant stop rubbing each other in the wrong side
because it is some fun none can figure.

 
At 2/12/2007 3:25 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Semblance, I think you should pay a visit to that godforsaken town before condemning it.

~~~~ Texas was one state i have always avoided consciously. But after chuck, im curious to drive through dungbox only to fill some gas and buzz off before my car is stolen.

 
At 2/12/2007 5:37 PM, Anonymous durga said...

semblance said: But two texans glorifying each other does not amount to any integrity than just being parochial and clannish.

i'm not from Texas, Semblance, I just live here. My identity doesn't derive from Texas or from where I grew up cause I'm a bedouin at heart. But Chuck is a cowboy and has a right to praise his state. . At least he tells us where he lives, which can't be said about any of the other bloggers here. Why don't you tell us about your place of residence and its virtues?

 
At 2/13/2007 7:58 AM, Blogger CHUCK said...

Dear Durga,

You are too kind to an aging rednecked semblance of a Shaivaite.I'm afraid all this sillimess with my friend ss&o has taken up too much space here at the guruphiliac home ranch. I should should pack by saddle bags and go out to the lineshack in the back 40 for a while and give this blog a chance to be taken seriously by such as Blade, Stuart, Antarananda, On the Other Hand, and your own kind self. You all are the ones who shine in the dark here, not this bow legged, knocked kneed, cross eyed, toothless, dull witted, half deaf old cowhand who's missing a finger on the left hand and nearly shits hisself every time he needs to break wind!

All this hacking up of nonsence has clouded my mind and made it hard to practice what Jody has told me to do. I must go into the Big Thicket and ponder who is and who is not this wrinkled son of the soil.

Adios, Durga! Kiss my patoodie Semblance! Jody, I'm buying a lottery ticket tomorrow with a prayer to send you on that ski trip. If I win, the check will be on its way!

 
At 2/13/2007 8:07 AM, Blogger jody said...

I must go into the Big Thicket and ponder who is and who is not this wrinkled son of the soil.

Hurry back, Chuck, and send your email address to tips@guruphiliac.org before you go.

 
At 2/13/2007 9:45 AM, Anonymous durga said...

chuck said: All this hacking up of nonsence has clouded my mind and made it hard to practice what Jody has told me to do. I must go into the Big Thicket and ponder who is and who is not this wrinkled son of the soil.
Well chuck, if you are going, I will miss you. Your silliness is part of the reason I hang out here so much. I am not really qualified to be making meaningful comments on this blog, but do so out of a need for some sense of cyber community since I am spending most of my time in a little library study with no windows. (yes, I am kind of a geek, Blade). So, farewell, friend, I will keep semblance busy with non sense.

 
At 2/13/2007 2:42 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Chuck said>>>>>> I'm afraid all this sillimess with my friend ss&o has taken up too much space here at the guruphiliac home ranch.


~~~~~ you are wrong chuck. You added so much color to the otherwise grey thang here.
You have shoed away many from the guruphiliac for weird reasons and now i hope this is not your turn being nudged.


chuck said>>>>not this bow legged, knocked kneed, cross eyed, toothless, dull witted, half deaf old cowhand who's missing a finger on the left hand and nearly shits hisself every time he needs to break wind..

~~~~ Ha ha ! you sound like dirty harry.



Chuck said>>>>>> I must go into the Big Thicket and ponder who is and who is not this wrinkled son of the soil.

~~~~ If What you say is true, then, I would not be coming here any more too. Not much here, despite durga's promise to keep me busy. But i dont figure how does a cowboy give up so easily in life.
but then, so long buddy !
when you are back, I'd be gone and you can get back to your laying off people again on the blog...

 
At 2/13/2007 5:42 PM, Blogger CHUCK said...

Dear Semblance and Durga,

I am deeply touched by your good regards. There are other raggedy assed folks who write here and can keep the nonsense quota goin. Don't forget Betty and Puky. They are at least as full of shit as I am. I've also noticed that Blade can become childish himself if provoked. But instead of talking like a snotty little cowboy, he talks like a snotty little city 7 year old, wearing a little 3 pieced suit and tie, a little overcoat, and a tiny little fedora.

Adios!

 
At 2/13/2007 6:56 PM, Anonymous mule puky said...

Thanks for the compliment, Chuck, but I don't believe I will ever be able to fill your boots with my shit.

 
At 2/14/2007 8:14 AM, Anonymous Betty said...

CHUCK said...

Dear Semblance and Durga,
Don't forget Betty and Puky. They are at least as full of shit as I am.

I disagree. Nobody is quite as full of shit as you are chuck. Puky and Blade are not full of shit at all. They are full of cured compost. Too bad all your fathers didn't practice celibacy a little better. You will not be missed, chuck (much)...

 
At 2/14/2007 2:58 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Betty said>>>>>Too bad all your fathers didn't practice celibacy a little better.

~~~ Thats probably because the fathers had encountered women who were a total turn on. Then the creative juices were flowin' thick and full. Someone like you could have crippled 'em for a lifetime
and forced celebacy on'em easily !

 
At 2/14/2007 3:13 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Durga said >>>>>> i'm not from Texas, Semblance, I just live here. My identity doesn't derive from Texas or from where I grew up cause I'm a bedouin at heart.

~~~ Thats interesting durga !
Which kind of bedouin ? I have met a sedentary bedouin community that drifts a bit in the west coast of India. But they said most of them are settled well and dont drift anymore.

But they still retain much of their original practice and beleif.
I had a memorable pot session with them on a particular moonlit night.
But surely i have little idea about their origin and how the scattering happened....

 
At 2/15/2007 9:20 AM, Anonymous Betty said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
Betty said>>>>>Too bad all your fathers didn't practice celibacy a little better.

~~~ Thats probably because the fathers had encountered women who were a total turn on.


In your case, semblance, this is proof that your "father" is not your father, unless, of course, your mother is as horsefaced as chuck's.

 
At 2/15/2007 10:46 AM, Anonymous durga said...

semblance said: Thats interesting durga !
Which kind of bedouin ?

I'm a sedentary bedouin now. But actually, I did spend time with bedouins in Sinai desert some time ago. I had tea with them in a garden near santa catarina while they smoked pot with my egyptian friends. They do like that pot. I would have become a bedouiness but had to return to civilization. I hope things are going well for them. It used to be safe to go there and hang with them for months on end for about $1.00 a day. Don't know if it's still like that. Pretty place, though- near the red sea.

 
At 2/15/2007 12:37 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Petty said

In your case, semblance, this is proof that your "father" is not your father,

~~~~ In anycase petty, your scatterbrain should know that it takes a 'father' to have a 'baby'.
im the baby of my father which my mother had no qualms to hide about unlike your momma who dumped you in the trashcan and vanished.


petty said>>>>unless, of course, your mother is as horsefaced as chuck's

~~~~ A donkey ass like you need not even bother about it petty !
From the way your face looks now, I can tell how crooked your ass can be ! But shit 'who cares'?

 
At 2/15/2007 12:49 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Durga ! I had a live in room mate for a brief time while i was in Tampa FL, who was a stunning beauty with some brains too.
Now when i look back i suspect if she was a bedouin babe for certain reasons. I want to know if sometimes bedouin people are shy to disclose their identity for special religious reasons?

 
At 2/15/2007 3:12 PM, Anonymous Betty said...

semblance s and orchestra said...

which my mother had no qualms to hide about unlike your momma


Yes, I have noticed your interesting attachment to your mother. I believe you described her as "sexy". Very interesting... A possible side effect from so much pot smoking? Mommy starts looking so sexy...

 
At 2/15/2007 4:18 PM, Blogger semblance s and orchestra said...

Petty said>>>>>> (her) Mommy starts looking so sexy...

~~~ yes petty... i can hear your mom back in da ghetto squeakin'
"Watch out pardna bee-atch, yo sista is 06'n with my gearl"

Bo Bo ! Go back to your ghetto, they been waitin to bust your ass in yo grill...

 
At 2/16/2007 8:06 AM, Anonymous Betty said...

semblance s and orchestra said...
~~~ yes petty... i can hear your mom back in da ghetto squeakin'
"Watch out pardna bee-atch, yo sista is 06'n with my gearl"

Bo Bo ! Go back to your ghetto, they been waitin to bust your ass in yo grill...


You have revealed your true colors all too well, semblance. Guess what many have noticed about Indian males may be true. Do you also beat your mother, I mean your woman? Or can you be satisfied just beating what passes for your meat?

 

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