Finally.

File under: Real True Gurus

We doubt Alan really goes for the title "guru," but this is the best video about enlightenment we've ever watched, so it sticks if you pin it on him.

How to experience enlightenment from Alan Chapman on Vimeo.

The Bored Guru's Tips Of The Trade

File under: Real True Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

We always love us some Bored Guru. His latest story is about another devotee's silly beliefs—this time it's enlightenment radar in dogs—but what caught our eye was this helpful tip for burgeoning big-time gurus at the end of the article:

Do you want to show the world that you are potentially a universal guru?

Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living.

In the interest of empowering any burgeoning of the inner guru, we bring you all 12 (so far) of the Bored Guru's tips:

1. Allow the disciple to prattle whatever he/she wants. Listen to it with a smile and admiration on the face.

2. Sharpen your skills in the area of human psychology and brand it as 'divine power' every time you get a chance.

3. Every time a female seeker expressed her stupid love or passion for you, you will say YES. Tell her also that in the past life she could not express her love to you and now you have taken that special birth to fulfill that (without batting the eye lid).

4. Don't deny any healing powers attributed to you, accept it gracefully. Tell that it requires total surrender for total healing, so that even if the healing did not happen, you can blame it on the same person that his surrender is not complete.

5. Smile 'compassionately' and also brush aside 'gently' any aura stories weaved around you. You can also make references to your aura as to how only evolved people can see your aura and the rest may see it soon as they all are evolving.

6. Drop a word casually about how some ancient gurus are coming in your dreams and blessing you to do the same with others as a divine mission.

7. Always smile meaningfully; use often expressions like "I know, my child" if any miracles attributed to you, just shrug your shoulders and chuckle.

8. Tell people, how guru's grace can bring luck in one's life, without batting your eye lid.

9. Design your robes carefully. They should be long and flowing and even as you go to bed, make sure you are robed well. If you try out a turban and wooden sandals, you may attract lot more attention, especially at airports.

10. Project yourself as a ghost-buster with divine powers. Make sure you've learnt some ghost related mantras and shout them loudly, as you smoke out somebody's house.

11. Divide people as insider and outsider. Tell how blessed are the insiders and how unfortunate the outsider for remaining still in the outside.

12. Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living

A billion new Sri Sri's can spring forth from these wise aphorisms, now gathered up here for your and our great enjoyment... and sad reflection on the state of ignorance that is perpetuated by big-time gurus every day.

The Anonymous Saint

File under: Final Samadhi and Real True Gurus

She apparently was the real thing, that combination of spiritual understanding and compassion that Sri Sri Ravi Shankar so skillfully emulates in the masquerade of his false sainthood:

Pushpa Anand, a Hindu guru and social activist who worked ceaselessly for the health of Indian villagers and the empowerment of women, has died. She was 83.

None of the hundreds of thousands of people who benefited from her charitable work knew her name. Nor, indeed, did many of her disciples. She was known simply as Ma, whose dedication to the poor, especially women, inspired followers from around the world.

From the age of 34, she dedicated herself to several years of intense religious study and spiritual practice, and thereafter became known as Param Pujya (Her Holiness). But she always preferred Ma.

While the false saint Sri Sri spends millions upon millions celebrating himself, a real saint like Ma would have plowed that money right back into charity. Think about that the next time you attend another AoL birthday celebration.

Stuart And The Zen Master

File under: Real True Gurus

Our friend and fellow gurubuster Stuart Resnick has been talking about his experiences with Zen Master Seung Sahn, a Korean Zen guru, at his blog Random Thoughts:

"What is your name?" ZMSS asked. "Stuart," I replied. "No, no, no," he scoffed. "That's just body's name." It was confusing. I'd given a clear, simple answer. His words, though, were a philosophical idea, the type of unnecessary thinking I'd been told to throw away. But what could I say? How could I question his teaching, when he was the Big Zen Master, and I was the new kid?

After some awkward silence, ZMSS explained, "Now you must say, 'You are incorrect, Zen Master.' When I make mistake, you must correct it." Wow. After all the years I'd spent meeting gurus who claimed perfection, here was ZMSS, right from the get-go, saying that I had to watch for his mistakes.

This may be obvious to y'all, but those kind of mistakes are just another level of the discourse rather than anything that would sully a guru's perfection, if there ever was such a thing in existence.

Every time we read Stuart we learn something new. We blame our pop culture fetish for not having ever heard the story of the birth of Zen:

Buddha was set to give a discourse, and many hundreds had gathered to hear the Renowned Holy Teacher explain enlightenment 'n' stuff. But when he faced the assembly, Buddha said nothing. He just stood there a few minutes, and then held up a flower.

No one in the vast audience understood. Then a monk named Mahakashyapa looked at that flower and smiled. Buddha saw him smile and said, "I have got the Wondrous Dharma Seal of the Supremely Enlightened Mind, the Gateless Gate to Formless Nirvana. I now transmit it to Mahakashyapa."

All Zen schools and Masters trace their lineage back to that transmission incident. What was it about? What was transmitted? Damned if I knew. It was a puzzle, and I like puzzles. Maybe with intense contemplation and special experiences or something, I'd figure it out some day.

Well, certainly the idea of transmission was transmitted. But also transmitted was Buddha's recognition. Mahakashyapa already knew. Buddha merely acknowledged that fact.

Our ass-talking analysis aside, we can't recommend Random Thoughts enough for those readers who like their nonduality straight, yet still kinda sweet.

A Junkyard Full Of Gold

File under: Real True Gurus

The Moksha Junkyard is a gold mine. Finally, a clear-thinking, straight-talking presentation of the spiritual truths of India by an authentic realizer to his student. We are extremely heartened by the presence of Swami Akshara's words on the blogowebs. It makes our efforts here all the more worthwhile to be able to direct your attention to them:

Master : Let me start with indications, which are NOT the signs a of man in bliss.
he is NOT seen sitting and prattling meaningless words,
he is NOT drifting around without clothes,
he is NOT always grinning and chuckling
he is NOT muttering some god's name endlessly,
he is NOT watching ants biting his body,
he is NOT blessing every one passing by,
he is NOT performing miracles or magic,
he is NOT giving free ideas to everyone even unasked,
he is NOT claiming to be the savior of this world,
he is NOT promising heaven or liberation,
he is NOT always walking on the wooden sandals,
he is NOT always seen in the ochre robes...etc,

In other words, just another fool like you and we, and NOT any of the fame farmers otherwise known as the big-time guru.

We like this swami, but weren't able to find much about him on the Googles. The only blemish we detected was this website, which he's definitely got to lose quick. It simply stinks of the same hero manufacturing all the other BTGs inflict on us and stands to destroy all the good works he's projected by keeping it real.

The Swami's poor marketing choices aside, we'll leave you with this bit of wisdom, one coming directly from the mouth of a guru, and one that shows this guru to be as real as they come:

The formal initiation by a guru into seeking does not make a disciple more special in any manner than those who walk the path without a guru.

Like we said last night, it's horizontal now. Gurus may surely help, but only when they direct the student to their own divinity, rather than getting them hooked on the idea of the guru's.

The Really Rare Real. Or, Is Really Real Rare?

File under: Real True Gurus

A search of the blogs produced this article by John Cain, who has a new book out (just elevated to our reading list) called A Rare and Precious Thing: The Possibilities and Pitfalls of Studying with a Spiritual Teacher. As real writers are wont to do, John actually spoke to different spiritual teachers about what they were doing and why. Thankfully, he found a few who actually know what they are doing, too:

I asked Reverend Mother Sudha Puri (teacher in the renowned Hindu lineage of Ramikrishna, of the Bhakti Yoga sect, which is very devotional) how she handled her student’s intense emotions. “I find I have to reduce a student’s devotional attitude so they are not dependent on me in that way,” she told me. “The teachings state that God-Guru-Vedas (the scriptures) are all one, but for a student to have me as their ishta (ideal) is, I think, awful for them and for me too. So I try to be very honest and clear with them, to accept their love and their gifts and their appreciation. But the fact of the matter is that if they get caught up in personality, it’s very damaging for them. I really don’t encourage that kind of devotion.”

Adyashanti, the dynamic Advaita Vedanta teacher, explained a similar method. "I tell people I’m not in a babysitting program. I’m not here to crush your ego. I don’t do that. Life’s going to do it for you. I’m not here to correct you. I can understand the value of it for some people at some time and why teachers play that role and all that, but I’m just not interested,” he told me. Sister Joan Chittister writes, “The role of the spiritual leader… is not to make martinets out of people; it is to lead them to spiritual adulthood where they themselves make the kind of choices that give life depth and quality.” Amen!

And Hallelujah!

Here are three examples of the real deal, at least in terms of how these folks handle the overwhelming transference and descent into infantilism that occurs in a guru's satsang. Like Adya (sorta) said, "I ain't no babysitter."

Compare and contrast this approach with that of the Kracki, the Babaster, Sri Sri, Ammachi, Gurumayi, etc. Practically all of the big-time gurus seek to engender a state of spiritual dependence in their devotees. It's what keeps the tills heated and the heads full of nonsense about the Truth... rather than anything that could ever really be called the Truth. Because, like it or not, ignorance has always been very good for business in this business.

Conway's Way Is No Con

File under: Real True Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

This morning we got a nice letter from a guy named Timothy Conway. He's got a slew of good stuff up at his Enlightened-Spirituality.org, including a nice little bit about the importance of critical thinking, the precious water and commodity that's sorely lacking in the infernal desert of ignorance known as New Age™ spirituality in the West:

Many people mistakenly think that being critical—critiquing any form of thinking or behavior—is “being negative” or “coming from the head, not the heart.” (Actually, a true sage utilizes both head and heart.)

Yet critical thinking is the ancient art of assessing or evaluating beliefs and consequent behavior for the sake of the individual and common good, that which fully serves us, not weakens or imbalances us.

Critical thinking is direly needed 1) to identify any faulty thinking, self-deception, blind spots, distortion, misinformation, propaganda, and prejudice on the cognitive level of our views, and 2) to identify external attitudes and behaviors that are not functionally appropriate for private and public welfare—the commonweal; i.e., attitudes and behaviors that don’t truly free us and empower us and/or fail to accord with an ethics and value-system promoting authentic liberation, justice and fairness.

It's good to see someone out there upholding the legacies of Shankara and Vivekananda, especially in these days of enlightenment pyramid scams and lame-brained channelling schemes designed to separate the psychologically needy from their dollars in exchange for a boatload of false hope and occluding nonsense about the truth of the Self.

So give Enlightened-Spirituality.org a go when you've got a minute and the desire to cleanse your palate of all the superstitious nonsense that chokes the truth right out of spiritual culture in these times.

U.G. Obit

File under: Real True Gurus

Here is a recent obituary for U.G. Krishnamurti by someone who was close to him. Even as he was about to expire, the dude remained true to the truth 'til the end:

UG did not show the slightest signs of worry or fear about death or concern for his body even at the end of his life. He did not leave any specific instructions as to how to dispose of his dead body. ‘You can throw it on the garbage heap, as far as I am concerned,’ he often would say.

If we had a few hundred U.G.s around, we might be able to shovel away all the mind-disabling sewage the big-time fame whores poop out on to the world. We're talking about you, Sri Sri, Sai Baba, Kalki Bhagavan, Ammachi, Maharishi and all the other delusion factories polluting the world with their self-aggrandizing bullshit.

As it is, a valiant solder in the war against spiritual ignorance has fallen. God help us all!

R.I.P. U.G.

File under: Real True Gurus

A reader alerted us to the fact that U.G. Krishnamurti is no longer for this world. A true anti-guru guru, U.G. seemed to make every effort to demystify the truths of self-realization, something we're attempting to hack away at as well.

Our friend Bruce Morgen encapsulates U.G. this way:

Never underestimate the power and value of one who delivers a kick in the ass(umptions), even if (s)he is personally quite insane...

The world is minus one good, crazy ass-kicker now.