Monday, November 03, 2008

The Bored Guru's Tips Of The Trade

File under: Real True Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

We always love us some Bored Guru. His latest story is about another devotee's silly beliefs—this time it's enlightenment radar in dogs—but what caught our eye was this helpful tip for burgeoning big-time gurus at the end of the article:
Do you want to show the world that you are potentially a universal guru?

Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living.
In the interest of empowering any burgeoning of the inner guru, we bring you all 12 (so far) of the Bored Guru's tips:
1. Allow the disciple to prattle whatever he/she wants. Listen to it with a smile and admiration on the face.

2. Sharpen your skills in the area of human psychology and brand it as 'divine power' every time you get a chance.

3. Every time a female seeker expressed her stupid love or passion for you, you will say YES. Tell her also that in the past life she could not express her love to you and now you have taken that special birth to fulfill that (without batting the eye lid).

4. Don't deny any healing powers attributed to you, accept it gracefully. Tell that it requires total surrender for total healing, so that even if the healing did not happen, you can blame it on the same person that his surrender is not complete.

5. Smile 'compassionately' and also brush aside 'gently' any aura stories weaved around you. You can also make references to your aura as to how only evolved people can see your aura and the rest may see it soon as they all are evolving.

6. Drop a word casually about how some ancient gurus are coming in your dreams and blessing you to do the same with others as a divine mission.

7. Always smile meaningfully; use often expressions like "I know, my child" if any miracles attributed to you, just shrug your shoulders and chuckle.

8. Tell people, how guru's grace can bring luck in one's life, without batting your eye lid.

9. Design your robes carefully. They should be long and flowing and even as you go to bed, make sure you are robed well. If you try out a turban and wooden sandals, you may attract lot more attention, especially at airports.

10. Project yourself as a ghost-buster with divine powers. Make sure you've learnt some ghost related mantras and shout them loudly, as you smoke out somebody's house.

11. Divide people as insider and outsider. Tell how blessed are the insiders and how unfortunate the outsider for remaining still in the outside.

12. Take as many pictures possible with you posing along with cows, dogs and birds and post it on your home page of the website. Let the world know how much the animals love you for your enlightened state of living
A billion new Sri Sri's can spring forth from these wise aphorisms, now gathered up here for your and our great enjoyment... and sad reflection on the state of ignorance that is perpetuated by big-time gurus every day.

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17 Comments:

At 11/04/2008 6:59 PM, Blogger yomamma said...

again i can't understand why one would spend their time this way, i just don't get it. If you know better why waste your time? get a real job.

 
At 11/04/2008 10:28 PM, Blogger Matt said...

So, just what is the real identity of this Bored Guru?

When I read BG's blog, Kalki/Kraki comes to mind. Rather unlikely though, I suppose.

There must be several contenders though.

 
At 11/05/2008 3:13 PM, Blogger bORED gURU said...

again i can't understand why one would spend their time this way, i just don't get it. If you know better why waste your time? get a real job.

You said the right thing. But presently the job market is doing pretty bad and till things brighten up a bit, BG likes to bide his time writing a memoir.
But if your question is to Jody then he might want to deal with it himself. Best thing you can do is to JUST IGNORE IT and focus on your job at home.

 
At 11/05/2008 8:34 PM, Blogger yomamma said...

"Best thing you can do is to JUST IGNORE IT and focus on your job at home."

Dear Bored-Ji , you have entered the public forum, it's not likely frequenters of this blog will follow you advice, that's your day job. Glad to hear you are considering other avenues.

 
At 11/05/2008 8:37 PM, Blogger Matt said...

My new theory:

Bored Guru is Jody.

 
At 11/05/2008 11:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

cant beleive a guru can write this but if he did, then its like wowowow....

 
At 11/05/2008 11:56 PM, Blogger jody said...

Bored Guru is Jody.

No, I'm not. BG is from/in India.

 
At 11/06/2008 8:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"No, I'm not. BG is from/in India."

I second that. How can anyone claim to be a Guru without the I- word in his/ her resume?

 
At 11/06/2008 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Bored Guru is Jody.

No, I'm not. BG is from/in India."


ok...so if he's Indian he should be used to the whole "guru biz" schtick by now, shouldn't he? When I read his blog (when you first called it to our attention) it's like...this is news!!!...but, if you are from/in India, it's just general knowledge..the way the whole charade works. Is the blog for the "benefit" of Westerners? if so, then alot of what he presents is not relevant to Westerners at all and, actually, specific to Indian devotees with traditional attitudes towards "the guru"..just my opinion. Maybe he is trying to reach "Westernized Indians"? or "Hinduized Westerners"?

wondering but not a whole lot

 
At 11/06/2008 8:39 PM, Blogger Matt said...

On the other hand: if it wasn't for people like Jody, the enigmatic Bored One, and Sri Sri Swami Kevindanda - perhaps some of us might have fallen prey to some mystical scamster somewhere.

For example, I know an otherwise intelligent person who sincerely believes that Kraki's ostentatious Temple of Babel is going to help 'save the world' as 2012 approaches.

 
At 11/07/2008 6:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought I knew who Bored Guru was until you said he was from India. Otherwise, he's a dead-on match to Swami Shankarananda of Melbourne, Australia. Shanks is an American disciple of Baba "Jail Bait" Muktananda, now plying his trade in the lucrative Down Under guru market. Each paragraph depicts Shanks in excrutiating detail. But Shanks is from Brooklyn, not India. Are you sure Bored Guru is from India? Have you seen his papers?

 
At 11/07/2008 7:43 PM, Blogger jody said...

Are you sure Bored Guru is from India?

I know exactly who BG is. He's quite official in India, although not nearly as famous as those who come in the line of fire here.

To be honest, the advent of the BG blog was a big moment in my life. It basically confirms most of the critiques presented in this blog from a point of view settled in the trenches, rather than from my position in an observation tower way in the rear.

 
At 11/07/2008 9:59 PM, Blogger s e m b l a n c e said...

Boredji is a totally indian guru. Many know his BG blog within his closed ranks, who follow here at GP too. He is sort of famous, but due to his non stop attacking style, he kinda never got up there. I dont think he would ever make it to the top. Potentially big time, but destiny knows better. He knows me too but he would ask my name every time as if seeing for the first time. All such arrogance will not let him rise to the top slot.

 
At 11/08/2008 9:12 AM, Blogger Naturally High said...

Thats not correct. I think BG and shanks are a worold of difference. I would rate BG far higher compared to shanks who is plain amibitious and just academic. I get a feeling BG's (whoever it is)enlightenment is far more deeper.

 
At 11/10/2008 12:19 AM, Blogger bORED gURU said...

He knows me too but he would ask my name every time as if seeing for the first time. All such arrogance will not let him rise to the top slot.

Someone asking your name again and again or the fact you have to introduce 'you' again and again ? Which one hurts the most ? Forgetfullness is just a poor memory and not arrogance. Whats your name anyway?

 
At 11/16/2008 2:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May be Yoga is also a real person! See I am a person who have tried some of the commercial gurus discussed on this blog and have come away knowing better. Since the projection of BG, I have been trying to get touch with BG to get guidance or pointers or even buy books and such. I even gave my email to prove that I am not trying to do any exposing. BG wrote that the blog was not the place and nothing can stop me from finding out the forums of his for the guidance/ pointers by digging into the internet resources. been there done that. no luck. So now I am thinking is this guy for real or is he somebody's mental creation? I just don't get it.

 
At 7/06/2009 2:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JA JA JA SO tRue!!!!!missin up my spiritual life.....

before gurus i had good qualities now who knows LOL

 

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