Note To Sri Sri: Peace Ain't For Pussies

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Recently, an Osho swami blasted Sri Sri Ravi Shankar for being a complete pussy and wimp for backing down from a debate with a loud-mouthed Muslim speaker who criticized a book Sri Sri had just published:

Zakir Naik also picked on Sri Sri Ravishankar for publishing a book on comparitive Islam and Hinduism. This book had Sri Sri Ravishankar comparing some Islamic ideas and concepts and claiming that it originated from Hindu culture. Sri Sri Ravishankar not anticipating the confrontation tried to play it down and looked like he wanted to rush back to the cave in his Ashram. He also was openly apologetic about the publication of this book and tried to escape from the awkward situation by claiming that this book was printed in a hurry and it was written with an intent of bringing the two religious communities closer in the context of a Muslim-Hindu riot. He also pledged that he would not allow printing of further copies of the book.

For the famously fame-lusting seeker of his own PR, "peace" is a mere code-word for "phame", and all Sri Sri's talking about bringing peace is nothing more than an excuse to distribute yet another self-aggrandizing press release.

One of the first of our many posts about Sri Sri Ravi Shankar makes mention of his complete failure to censure a murderous Hindu politician who was complicit in the Great Muslim Massacre of Gujarat in 2002. As we recall, Sri Sri used "I don't comment on individuals because individuals are just part of one wholeness" as his utterly lame excuse.

In truth, Sri Sri was playing to the murderous Hindu nationalist right, which makes up a good portion of his own satsang's population. Given the choice between standing up for peace or his own interests, you know which way Sri Sri's gonna to go.

Sri Sri and His Siddhi For Being A Hypocrite

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Yesterday, we reminded you about the time when Sri Sri Ravi Shankar threw away a golden opportunity to share his message of peace by taking a stand against the murderous actions of Narendra Modi, the prime minister of Gujurat during the Great Muslim Massacre of 2002. Here is how it was reported by Rediff on March 26, 2005:

[Sri Sri] provided the organisation with a show of support for its controversial decision to invite Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi and took a dig both at the Bush administration for declaring Modi persona non grata in the US and the coalition of groups that successfully lobbied to bring about the US action to ban Modi's entry.

Sri Sri goes on to openly praise the killin' politician that day:

Sri Sri then went on to talk about the unprecedented progress that was occurring in Gujarat under the Modi administration. He noted that more than 40,000 dams had been constructed in just one year. "The water level has come up in Gujarat so much. People are so happy," he said.

Those not violently murdered in the Modi-sanctioned pogrom against Indian Muslims, that is.

Since then, the origins of the affair have fully come to light in an astonishing exposé by India's Tehelka magazine. This no doubt has Sri Sri wishing for a time machine to take him back to that conference to take back those words of praise and support for a genocidist. But until he manifests one for himself, Sri Sri be doing flips and cartwheels for the Indian press in an effort to keep them from remembering his not-too-far-in-the-past strong show of support for the murderin' Modi:

"I congratulate the reporter (of Tehelka magazine) who has done this (the sting operation in which the perpetrators of the violence have been caught on camera admitting to the killings) and would like him to undertake similar operations on the anti-Sikh riots (of 1984) and Naxalite violence in the country," Sri Sri said.

Describing the Maoist violence in Chhattisgarh, Andhra Pradesh and Maharashtra as the biggest threat to the country's internal security, Sri Sri urged the media to address the serious problem.

"I would appeal to the media to insist on the introduction of moral and spiritual instruction in the school curriculum as that would ennoble the young, impressionable minds," he said, attributing violent tendencies to the disappearance of spiritual content from instruction at homes and schools.

Did you catch that somewhat deft redirection of attention to other religious conflicts? Why worry about this itty-bity (and implicitly endorsed by Sri Sri) government-sponsored pogrom? There's a lot more to worry about out there, folks, with Sri Sri likely to continue reminding us all about it.

We've been told we're foolish for trying to discuss Indian politics. Our ignorance of its subtleties (and perhaps generalities) aside, it's all in the black and white: Sri Sri supported a politician who was at least partially responsible for the death of some 800 people or more. Now he's flipping and headspinning like a champion Bronx breakdancer to keep you from remembering it.

Will the amazing Sri Sri Ravi Shankar be able to escape this harsh light and the resulting neck-snapping hypocrisy he's now caught in? Fingers and toes are crossed that he doesn't. But unfortunately, from somewhere deep inside, we regret that he probably will.

Sri Sri Saves The Day 2

File under: The Siddhi of PR

EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC - TWILIGHT

Heroic guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar looks southeast toward the island of Sri Lanka. He knows there is potential danger ahead, but with brow furrowed in stern determination, he walks toward the waiting aircraft.

INT. LARGE AUDITORIUM IN JAFFRA, SRI LANKA

Sri Sri addresses a large crowd of thousands, one which he characterizes as all being victims of the Hindu/Buddhist ethnic conflict taking place there.

SRI SRI
I have come here to take away all your worries
and problems. I want to see a smile that never
fades on your face.

INT. GOVERNMENT BUILDING IN COLOMBO, SRI LANKA - A FEW DAYS EARLIER

Sri Sri is received by members of the Sri Lankan parliament and the Indian high commission. An exchange takes place as Sri Sri scores PR hero points and the politicians score the belief that Sri Sri's followers will vote for them in the next election.

EXT. NEW CHILDREN'S HOME FOR TSUNAMI ORPHANS

Sri Sri meets several Buddhist monks and leading Sri Lankan politicians, grabbing photo ops with the young tsunami victims and scoring some more hero points in the process.

INT. TAMIL TIGER REGIONAL HEADQUARTERS IN JAFFRA

A Tamil Tiger fighter with an AR-15 strapped to his back is on the phone with officials of the Art of Living center in Jaffra.

FIGHTER
I am telling you, you must cancel the meeting...
or else. It is an affront to our cause as
two of our political allies have been recently
assassinated.

INT. ART OF LIVING CENTER OFFICE IN JAFFRA - MOMENTS LATER

The 3 of the 4 AoL staff members in the office look at each other in fear. The fourth staff member leans back in his chair with a smile on his face.

STAFF MEMBER #1
Oh no! What can be done!

STAFF MEMBER #2
We must cancel the meeting, of course!

STAFF MEMBER #3
I will go inform Maharaj.

Staff Member #4 rolls his eyes.

STAFF MEMBER #4
Go wash the pee out of your pants, you
pussies. This will work out perfectly. We will
let the press know that we held the meeting under
the threat of an attack. It will bring much glory
to Maharaj and increase his chances for the
Nobel Prize.

EXT. AoL OFFICE IN JAFFNA - NEXT DAY

A small group of reporters are gathered on the front lawn.

STAFF MEMBER #4
Peaceful and calm as ever, Sri Sri went
ahead with the event, where he led
thousands into deep meditation,
despite the danger to his person.
After the 20-minute meditation, many
shared that they have never experienced
such peace and joy in their life. Sri
Sri is now ready to meet Tamil Tiger chief
Velupillai Prabhakaran and bring this
horrible conflict to an end.

Staff Member #4 turns to walk back into the building. A smile is on his face as he figuratively pats himself on the back in the knowledge he's helped his boss look even more the hero once again.

Sri Sri Stakes Peace Prize On Sri Lanka

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Sri Sri's March on the Prize

Take one aggressive Hindu insurgency, add a former prime minister's plea for help, mix in a tenacious pursuit of the Nobel Peace Prize and you have the makings of a potential PR miracle: Sri Sri Ravi Shankar could possibly bring peace to the ongoing ethnic conflict in Sri Lanka.

However, we suggest he tweak his message a bit before he embarks on the next of his perilous missions:

Our basic principle is that your action is based on the quality of your mind,' said the Swami. 'If your mind is irritated or angry, your actions will be like that. Our expertise is to help people handle their minds.

We don't imagine the committed revolutionaries of the Tamil Tigers taking kindly to that pabulum. It reduces the entire conflict to just some folks' bad moods rather than the struggle to improve conditions for a politically-marginalized ethnic group.

This is Sri Sri's big break, one that gives the appearance of being orchestrated by some bright political minds indeed. If he is able to bring about an agreement which holds, his chances to win the Peace Prize will skyrocket. Those chances are going up just in the anticipation of it, and a failure to secure the peace will not significantly hurt those chances. Whatever the outcome, Sri Sri will get propelled even further toward that wide avenue of global acclaim he believes awaits him.

At that point, his AoL organization will have to book two planes whenever Sri Sri flies, one for his body and support staff and one for his ginormous head. A developing story for sure.

Sri Sri Peace Prize Watch

File under: Back Room Gurudom and The Siddhi of PR

After about a half-year's worth of blowing, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is about to find out if the Nobel Peace Prize committee heard him tooting his own horn. Speculation is running high in the Asian news media, but a recent Associated Press report makes no mention of the self-pimping prophet of the Art of Living Foundation.

Two prominent names that do get mentioned are rock stars Bob Geldof and Bono of the Boomtown Rats and U2, respectively. Bob Geldof was the brains and brawn behind the very successful Live Aid and Live 8 benefit concerts, and Bono has been hard at work as a freelance statesman, negotiating the reduction and/or elimination of third-world debt.

Up against the likes of these guys, Sri Sri's chances are looking about as slim as a triple-threat (cocaine, laxatives and bulimia) starlet after a month at a pro mia retreat, and it will be a big bummer for his org if he loses. Handing the Nobel Peace Prize to Sri Sri would be like Oprah going Kaballah for Madonna. It would blast him way past Amma, Sai Baba and the various Kalkis and put him at the absolute top of the heap of Indian godfolk.

But we're not giving odds on him. The fact is that Sri Sri hasn't done much except provide a bit of tsunami and hurricane relief and grandstand around some rebels for a few days. And his occasional out and out hypocrisy probably hasn't helped, either. If any Indian guru deserves it, it's Ammachi and her $22 million tsunami relief effort.

We're sure Sri Sri's got all his devotees praying for him, but we don't think a Nobel is on the karmic schedule this time. He's going to have to kick it up a few notches if he's to get any traction next year. And with the Maharishi's peace palace program starting to kick in, Sri Sri's going to have to do a lot more than grandstand and horn toot—like grandstand, horn toot, and spend a whole lot more money.

March for the Peace Prize

File under: The Siddhi of PR

This year's march to obtain the Nobel Peace Prize for Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is in full swing, on point and apparently on fire in Southeast Asia:

Indian spiritual guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar drew huge crowds during his recent tour of Southeast and East Asia and was also honoured in Taiwan with an award for spreading his ideas on healthy living...

He was welcomed by top dignitaries in each of the countries he visited, apart from drawing huge crowds in his public appearances, said a press release issued here by his Art of Living Foundation.

That's huge crowds. Twice. That can only mean he finds an adoring public wherever he goes. What more could you want in a Nobel Peace Prize nominee?

Awards. Sri Sri is quite the collector of those:

In Taiwan, he was awarded the "Fervent Global Love of Life 2006" award by the Cultural and Education Foundation of Human Life. While honouring him, Chou Ta-Kuan, founder of the organisation said: "Over 30 million people in over 151 countries have been blessed with love and health from Guruji. Through his own actions, Sri Sri has shown us a way of life that brings out human values in all of us, which is beyond religion."

And the clouds broke, the birds flew and the sun of wisdom shone on them all.

But once he got to Hong Kong, Sri Sri had to get serious:

Addressing a large gathering in Hong Kong, Ravi Shankar expressed concern over the alarming level of domestic violence in the country. According to him, the city's rampant pursuit of material wealth had taken its toll on happiness levels.

He said: "I see a high stress level. There is social pressure, competition and to cope with this, people need to find inner strength. Material gain is okay, but not at the cost of your happiness. You need to find a balance, inner peace and happiness. I want to make people realise that life can be fun."

And all it will take to have some of that "fun" is a bit of that material gain, the more the better... for you of course.

We expect a lot more of this sort of thing, Sri Sri being made out as a saintly promoter of peace by his PR flacks while he shills his product in new markets. There's a lot of ground to cover between now and when they announce the Peace Prize winner. Even if he loses again, he'll still have the exposure and perhaps a better chance next year. At the very least, he'll have acquired a few more customers for that pranayama retread he calls the Sudarshan Kriya.

Sri Sri Seeks Fame Peace In Sri Lanka Again

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, the war-mongering guru who's up for a Nobel Peace Prize this year, has gone back to Sri Lanka in a second attempt to bring an end to the ethnic war raging there. (It will also probably help remove some of that tarnish off his burnish he got lecturing Indian army cadets recently.)

If Sri Sri somehow manages to bring peace to that clusterfuck, even we might think he deserved the prize. But whether or not this comes to pass, in the end, it's always and only about Sri Sri:

"Change of opinion can only be brought about by spiritual people," Ravi Shankar told IANS on telephone from the Katunayake airport near Colombo shortly after landing from Kilinochchi, where he met representatives of the Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE) for a couple of hours.

The last time he was there, he told the Tigers they just needed to be less irritated. That didn't go over too well, as the conflict raged on to the tune of several hundred more deaths, most of the them on the Tigers' side. But since he apparently has the respect of both sides in the conflict, Sri Sri seems somewhat well-positioned to get both parties to the table once again.

It's another well-played move by a man hellbent on world renown who has the PR muscle to make it happen. If he fails to bring peace, he can blame it on one or both parties. But if he actually has some success in Sri Lanka, he's got crowing feathers to last a lifetime, not to mention the tremendous boost it will give to his celebrity and chances at that Nobel.

He's a juggernaut of ambition hiding in humble white robes, a quintessential self-aggrandizing politician operating under the cover of spirituality and philanthropy. Like the Madharishi, the Babaster and the Kracki, Sri Sri wants to rule the world. We're beginning to worry he's got the best shot out of the bunch.

Nah. His missing hypocrite suppression gene is going to see to his eventual fall from the pedestal he's built under himself. And you know we can hardly wait to gleefully describe the pieces and their dispersal.

Sri Sri To Conquer Sri Lanka

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Like the cock-of-the-rock he believes himself to be, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has been crowing to the press about how he is about to bring peace to Sri Lanka. Somebody better stick a pin in the man's head soon, because he's got so much ego inflation occurring there that what's left of his tiny brain is about to be shot out his ears:

Art of Living is about peace. We will train the youth, speak to them. They will become role models in removing misconceptions and prejudices among the people of Sri Lanka. I speak Tamil. The pride of Tamils has to be restored.

As usual, Sri Sri glosses over the complexities of the situation in favor of his facile stylings on morality:

The main reason for conflict in Sri Lanka is lack of communication between the two sides, a narrow understanding of issues - some basic mistrust and fear. In fact, there it is a lack of values...

So that little bitty issue of the wholesale slaughter of Tamil civilians by the Buddhist-dominated Sri Lankan army doesn't quite rate in Sri Sri's eyes. That's understandable. Such harsh realities don't play very well out of the mouth of the man who can solve all the world's problems by just making education fun again.

We imagine the Sri Lankan political machine and the Tamil Tigers both putting up with Sri Sri the same way they'd put up with the village idiot. Just smile at him while he's talking to you, but don't worry about paying attention to anything he's saying, because he never says anything worth listening to anyway (except to promote himself for the Nobel Peace Prize.)

Sri Sri Ravi Hype-more

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

A few months back, we were interviewed by London's Financial Times about that boogieman of delusional, self-promotional personality cult-making, the personal fame-seeking and glory-hunting Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. We've included the highlights here:

[The Art of Living org] is also, however, given to hype. Its brochure celebrating the “One World Family” boasts of all kinds of programmes and workshops that the Art of Living runs around the world. There was a “workshop for Afghan women refugees” organised through the Afghan Coalition in Fremont, California, which left its participants feeling a “sense of great joy and peace”. Rona Popal, the executive director of the Afghan Coalition, says that the Art of Living ran a single demonstration of their Breath-Water-Sound workshop about three years ago, and nothing since. The brochure also features photographs and gushing quotes from prisoners in Ohio’s prisons, where the Art of Living ran a course. The Ohio prison service said that those courses have not been run for at least the past two years.

Jody Radzik, the creator of Guruphiliac, an American blog which keeps tabs on various gurus and mystics, is sceptical of the Sri Sri cult. “In public,” he says, “Sri Sri repudiates his divinity – he puts on the humble show. But in private, and in his organisation, there’s an assumption of his divinity and his ability to perform miracles.” Radzik says that the physiological experience of Sri Sri’s breathing technique is genuine, but no different from that of many others. What Sri Sri offers is a format for incorporating that experience into your life, via a cult built around his own personality.

Sat Bir Khalsa, an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School and an expert on the health effects of yoga and breathing, says that the Art of Living technique “really is very similar to a lot of breathing techniques in Hatha yoga practice. There’s nothing super-remarkable about what they’re doing.” He adds that there is a growing, but still scarce, body of research into the link between the mind and body and the positive benefits of breathing. There was certainly nothing to justify the “evangelical” approach of the Art of Living. He had witnessed “obnoxious and aggressive” behaviour from members of the Art of Living organisation insisting their technique is the only one worth following. “But I’ve also seen these things wax and wane. There was transcendental meditation in the 1970s, then the Hare Krishnas, and for the past 10 years Vipassana meditation has been very strong because of the Buddhists.”

“It is soft power,” says Rengaraj Viswanathan, India’s ambassador to Argentina, after attending a meeting between Sri Sri and the mayor of Buenos Aires. In his view, Sri Sri is simply an excellent Indian export. “You see yoga centres on every street corner here. In the 1970s, this was a fad, a fashion. But now it has reached serious proportions. You see younger people, professionals, business people all looking to this.” What about the ambassador? Did he meditate or breathe in order to relax? “No,” he said, rocking back with laughter. “I salsa!”

We'll save our dance for the day it becomes clear to the world that Sri Sri is really only in it for his Me Me. Until then, we'll try to keep shoveling his bullshit out of the way of the nondual truth getting covered up in the promotional pollution of his Art of Living org.

Note: Thanks, Gregory!

Sri Sri's Art Of War

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the world-wide Art of Living organization and a (politically nominated) Nobel Peace Prize nominee, was reported to tell a group that:

...a weak person’s sacrifice has no meaning.

Maybe we're not completely up to speed, but isn't the Peace Prize for folks who help the weak and suffering?

Sri Sri said this in a speech to army cadets in India. The Nobel Peace Prize nominee giving a pep talk to the future brains of a war machine. But, it's classically Sri Sri, who never met a hypocrisy he didn't like if it advanced his interests for name, fame and political gain.

Sri Sri seems to think he'll stay off the hook by quoting the Gita. As a Hindu guru, perhaps... but as a Nobel Peace Prize nominee, no way. Sri Sri needs to leave the war-mongering to somebody else if he really wants to win the thing. lt looks like he just scotched his chances for this year's prize [Ed.note: As if he were actually ever a serious candidate.], and maybe next year's and the year's after that. We imagine it will take much more than a couple of trips to grandstand in places of ethnic conflict to undo the damage he just did with this little attempt to perhaps cultivate a political base in the Indian Army.

Just Call It Sri Sri Lanka Now

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has been busy lately indoctrinating politicians from Sri Lanka at his Bangalore Art of Living headquarters, and boy has he been effective. Take it from his newly-minted PRbot, Sri Lankan MP Jayalath Jayawardana:

"There is religious harmony (at the ashram). I met a Catholic teacher from Kerala. There are Muslim teachers, Catholic teachers, teachers from different ethnic groups. This is a novel experience I can take back to our country. There is some kind of distance between religious groups in our country," he added.

"We have been leading a very busy life and a tense and stressful life. These three days we were able to learn how to lead a relaxed life. We have a demanding profession, especially because of the ethnic conflict. We have learnt how to be patient, how to be compassionate, how to be tolerant, how to be natural."

Jayawardana, who also heads UNP's relief and human rights committee, said more Sri Lankan MPs would certainly make it to the Art of Living Centre in the months to come.

Already a few of the nine MPs had decided to become vegetarian, he said, without revealing their names. "A couple have indicated to me they will give up alcoholic consumption."

It looks like Jayawardana drank 10-gallons of Sri Sri's Nobel Peace Prize Kool-Aid and he's pissing soundbites to order. We wonder what the quid pro quo is here. Perhaps Sri Sri offered to mention him in his Peace Prize acceptance speech, an international recognition sure to boost Jayawardana's profile at home. Or maybe he just stuffed some pockets with "donations" at the laundry.

The likelihood of Sri Sri ever giving that speech is on a par with his success at peacemaking so far. And with the Sri Lankan government still bombing the Tamil Tiger rebels and civilian population of northern Sri Lanka, Sri Sri's going to have to do a lot more than convince a few junket-whore politicians to favorably spout off about him to the press.

Sri Sri's Slanted Health Advice

File under: The Siddhi of PR

We were more than mildly disappointed when we encountered this uncritical republication of a health article from an Indian press release service on Lance Armstrong's livestrong.com. The article in question is little more than an advertisement for Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living cult, and we find it to be almost dishonest in its claims about Art of Living health practices. For instance:

Elaborating on this, Dr. Manikantan and Dr. Nisha Manikantan, senior ayurvedic doctors at Sri Sri Ayurveda centre said, “Swine flu invades the body because of a breakdown in immunity. Ayurveda offers simple and effective remedies to boost immunity and build resistance. Tea made from Laxmi Taru (botanical name: Simarouba) leaves, Tulsi, Amla and Amrut (Giloy) acts as an immunity enhancer.

First of all, these clowns aren't medical doctors, Lance. And their oversimplification of how the flu works is very misleading. You'll get swine flu with a perfectly healthy and normal immune system as well. While a weakened immune system is more vulnerable, folks get the flu because they lack immunity to a new virus, not because they have weak immunity. But to cast the problem this way allows Sri Sri's shills to hawk their own products as the solution to the swine flu, and that could be more than a little dangerous.

The article goes on to make more completely uncritical claims about ayurvedic flu remedies:

“To counter air-borne swine flu viruses, Sambarani dhoop (loban stems) should be burnt in the house twice a day. Sambarani is a very potent atmospheric sterilser”, the doctors added.

It doesn't take a medical publisher to know there is no conclusive proof that Sambarani dhoop has any anti-viral properties at all in the air. Just because it's too stinky for mosquitoes doesn't mean it's going to have any effect on semi-alive microscopic disease particles.

You wouldn't expect this article to end without a little pranayama pimping by Sri Sri:

Sri Sri also said, “In addition, our mind also plays an important role in our immunity. Whenever we panic and have fear, our immunity level goes down. Practices like pranayama and meditation play a vital role in reducing panic and keeping ourselves calm.”

Independent studies conducted at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences, New Delhi (AIIMS) and National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences, Bengaluru (NIMHANS) have empirically proved that practices such as pranayama and meditation boosts immunity at least three-fold, he said.

While we are quite convinced of the many health benefits of meditation and adjacent practices, the last sentence clearly suggests that Sri Sri's meditation products will treble the effectiveness of your immune system. What they fail to disclose is exactly what they were measuring as immune health. Perhaps meditation was shown to increase a certain chemical marker that suggests immune health. This still doesn't mean that the whole system is three times more healthy than it would be without joining the Art of Living cult.

Which is exactly what this little PR stunt is about, to use fear of the swine flu to position Sri Sri as a savior. He does this all the time, usually by showing up at the site of conflict to grandstand in an attempt to better position himself for the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

We watched Lance Armstrong win the Tour 7-times, and podium this year. We are in just as much awe as anyone else, but he really needs to tighten up his editorial policies a bit. As it stands, he's allowed his site to be invaded with the Art of Living virus, an organism that hosts all manner of myth, ignorance, superstition and one man's continuing quest to climb up to worldwide fame on the backs of the poor, downtrodden, and easily duped.

Sri Sri's Big Jubilee Blow Out

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Gurus Clockin' Dollars

We touch our head to the feet of the great Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. The man is a public relations genius and a veritable god of self-promotion. Case in point: hundreds of thousands of people are invading Bangalore to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Sri Sri's Art of Living Foundation. It's putting Sri Sri over Ammachi, Sai Baba, Kalki Bhagavan and Swami Ramdev as India's most beloved guru.

As a service to our readers, we'd like to bring you the impressions of someone who was for a time close to Sri Sri:

Many people follow Ravi Shankar. They follow him blindly, knowing very little about him except the sometimes blissful feeling that can come in his presence. Where that comes from, who knows, and I frankly don't care. Once I privately questioned him how that feeling was any different from a drug, since it needed repeat contact over and over and over again with him. I told him that drugs do the same thing, often without doing nearly as much damage to one's life! (I had watched many successful people throw their careers away for him and become destitute, like drug addicts, and never gain anything except that poverty and lack of self-respect that comes from slavery to a "guru".) He was dumbfounded with my question. He sat helplessly and changed the subject. Questions like these often threw him.

Let's not forget about the time he failed to censure a genocidal politician using an excuse he forgot about when it came time to make another smart political move.

The magic of Sri Sri lies entirely with those people who believe in him. His seemingly many faults don't register because folks just don't want to see them. Instead, they want to see an omnipotent space daddy who can protect them and help them prosper. It's craven spiritual materialism. This is not so unusual any more in India with the advent of the tele-gurus like Sri Sri and Ramdev. They, the Babaster and the Kracki are dragging the whole of Hinduism away from self-realization and into income realization (to make for those generous donations.)

They do so by making themselves gods. It's such a clear ploy for name and fame, and yet nobody even blinks over it. The devotees want to ascribe their own altruistic feelings to these megagurus. It's what drives the whole enterprise. Throw around some platitudes about peace and oneness and watch those dollars clock.

Our hat is off to Sri Sri. He's managed to make a bit of yoga into a multinational corporation, with himself as the CEO. The man has ambition in gallons. We pray that it will one day translate into balls and a desire to live up to his image.

Sri Sri Cons The Iraqis

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Sri Sri's Eyes on the Prize

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's Art of Living org has brought 43 Iraqis to Bangalore for a 40-day sabbatical to learn AoL meditation techniques:

Instructors at the Art of Living Foundation, established by the spiritual guru in 1982, are holding lessons for the Iraqis on spirituality, yoga, breathing and how to lead a tranquil life even under difficult circumstances.

Those Iraqis would have taken a 40-day sabbatical to the pit of Hell if they knew it was going to get them out of Iraq.

As is his custom, Sri Sri takes out his box of crayons and renders a complex socio-political problem as a child's pretty picture. All you have to do is add a few butterflies and flowers and presto! All the troubles and problems of the world are solved!:

'The basic task before us is to empower the Iraqi people and that cannot be possible unless we remove the stress and pain from their hearts and minds,' said Al-Rayes, who was a part of the committee that framed the new constitution.

Don't pay any attention to those raping and murdering U.S. forces, or the horrific inter-sectarian civil war raging there. Sri Sri will solve all that with another of his pretty pictures.

Meanwhile, taking a cue from his former mentor, the Madharishi, Sri Sri is pushing his brand of meditation as a business productivity enhancer. And once again, the crayons come out:

"If we work in an atmosphere of pressure, tension with a lack of sense of belonging, can the work flourish? It is like driving a car with brakes on, said Sri Ravi Shankar.

Emphasizing on spirituality, he said people should focus on cosmology, commitment to truth and compassion and suggested the people to have trust in others.

A few more pretty flowers and butterflies and his work here is done.

Sri Sri's ostrich approach (head-in-the-sand denial) is a very effective way to appear as a problem-solver in a world that sees avoidance as a superior strategy. Just sweep everything under the rug as a result of inner turmoil, all the hard social and political realities be damned. That is, until those Iraqis return to Bhagdad and have to duck bullets and bombs just to get a coffee on the corner. Then they will know just how effective their funny breathing will be in keeping them alive, not to mention all the peace it will be bringing to those around them.

Sri Sri Sides With The Rich And Well-Casted

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Sri Sri's March on the Prize

In a move that stands as a black mark against his Nobel Peace Prize chances, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has sided with the monied and high born by standing against admission quotas by caste at Indian universities. It turns out most of India's poor are born into the low castes, leaving very few of them with access to higher education. The "reservation issue" appears to be about preserving a more equitable distribution of India's educational resources. Sri Sri's stand against this precisely mirrors the Republican fight against affirmative action in the States. Not very Nobel behavior if you asked us.

Watch as a PR wizard spins the issue like a top:

"Caste-based reservation will not end disparities in the society. While being born in any particular caste should not be a curse, reverse discrimination is not the way for justice"

Notice Sri Sri's deft use of the term "reverse discrimination." It throws a negative cast on the issue and attempts to turn the blame on the victims of caste discrimination for reversely discriminating against the discriminators.

It's another example of Sri Sri sticking his head in the sand for political benefit. One can only hope the Nobel Prize committee sees how transparently Sri Sri stalks notoriety in the form of the Peace Prize while playing to whatever political wind that blows in India.

A Soft Landing For Sri Sri

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Fresh from his failure at peace-making in Sri Lanka, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's PR machine rolls on, snatching victory from the jaws of defeat by placing a symphony of sycophancy to Sri Sri in the pages of Yoga Journal:

Latimer had taken a basic course in England in 1994 and now is one of many Shankar followers who believes his guru has something supernatural going on. "Someone special has come to earth," he gushed, eyes bright. "In The Art of Living, there are people who think this could be Krishna, this could be Jesus." You'd think that such talk wouldn't sell well with Americans, who are wary of charismatic gurus, familiar as we are with the well-chronicled excesses of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, David Koresh, Jim Jones, and Baba Muktananda. But it does.

When will we ever learn? The most self-aggrandzing media-manipulator the guru scene has ever seen is lapping it up as he is being proclaimed the second coming of Christ. Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing funny to say about that.

But wait... it gets much, much worse:

"There was a moment when he just locked on, looked me in the eye, and stopped . . . and I went into that classic description of pure bliss, pure peace, just everything was light," says Nancie DiSilverio, who first heard Shankar speak in person at a satsang in Connecticut in 1992. "It happens because he's established in being, and he runs around in unbounded space-time. In his presence, if you can let go, that's available."

Big-time guru hysteria in full effect. It is frightening to behold, a complete abandonment of one's good sense in deference to a comforting space daddy who is nothing at all like how they imagine him to be, and all just because he knows how to work the "kind wise man" look.

Sri Sri is beginning to carve his slice of America's satsang pie, and he's doing it with a PR department who are unrivaled in the history of the big-time guru game. Amma may have gotten here first, but with the aggressive push Sri Sri is poised to make in the States, he could easily surpass her fame with a well-munitioned and sustained PR attack.

But he still has to catch the Kracki, who has got the advantage of a "do nothing but pretend" practice. With Sri Sri you've got to breathe yourself to the point of passing-out to get the "effect," that being nothing more than to believe whatever you'd like about what it's doing for you. But since there are millions of people looking for a Divine Space Daddy to make it all better in this land, both of the vainglorious pedestal prancers have plenty of market to harvest between themselves.

Pass us the hibachi and charcoal. These be the end times, folks, and we're going to go celebrate with a hot dog barbecue, all in the comfort of our duct tape-sealed vehicle.

Sri Sri PR Overdrive For 50th

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Sri Sri's March on the Prize

Those busy beavers at the Art of Living PR department have truly outdone themselves for Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's 50th birthday. They've managed to place 3 different articles in the Indian press that are little more than love letters from dazzled, frantic fans. This is what passes for "objective" reporting when talking about bigtime gurus in India:

He is popular both at home and abroad. His charisma flows from his accessibility, unconditional love for all and his simplicity—you feel he is closest to you...

At 50, this tall and handsome spiritual guru has a fan following that will put any film star to shame...

One evening in Satsang, someone asked Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, "Guruji, when is your birthday?" Flashing his famous smile, he replied, "Main tera!" (I am yours).

That last bit is an instant classic. It's something he could say to anything asked as it would likely be heard as profound.

Sri Sri's Peace Prize lust is just beginning to wax. Still going out on tour, still touting himself and still pretending that folks know who he is outside of India; we predict more PR frenzy right up until the Nobel announcement. It looks to be a long, hot summer for the folks in Sri Sri's PR machine this year.

Sri Sri Skates Again

File under: Back Room Gurudom

Nobel Peace Prize-nominated Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has dazzled us with his political skills once again by skating around a loaded question at an Asian business conference. When asked about his views of Narendra Modi, the chief minister of the Indian state of Gujarat, home to violent anti-Muslim riots which Modi implicitly supported, and who was recently denied a visa to enter the US for his involvement in those riots; Sri Sri replied, "I don't comment on individuals because individuals are just part of one wholeness."

Way to skate, Sri Sri! Nominated as an individual for the Nobel Peace Prize, he doesn't comment on other individuals, even when that individual (Modi) has seemingly fomented anti-Muslim terror under his political leadership, or at the very least has been caught looking the other way when horrific violence was being done to people in his territory.

This has definitely put Sri Sri at the front of the pack for the Most Hypocritical Guru of the Year Award by having his cake and eating it too. That is, nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize while he supports genocidal politicians. Cheney, Rumsfeld and Bush could definitely take a few pointers from this guy. We believe he'd be awesome as the guru of the Republican Party if it wasn't already infested with obnoxious fundie Christians.

Sri Sri's Inflation Unabated

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Gurus Clockin' Dollars

Still flush with the success of his Art of Living's "Silver Jubilee," Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is gellin'... and once again there are reports his of Nobel Peace Prize nom. We reported a few months back that he got some U.S. congressman with a lot of Indian folks in his district to do the favor of the nomination.

And just like before, Sri Sri is up against the likes of U2's Bono and LiveAid's Bob Geldolf–and all by being the little yogi who could. He took a few common breathing exercises and turned them into a multinational yoga concern and massive non-governmental agency [read: grant vacuum.]

Because Sri Sri plays the charity game as well as any other guru, he's got the public eating out of his hand. All the popularity of an Ammachi with none of the back breaking hugging. Nonetheless, that popularity is still translating into stacking cheese in a bank vault.

Welcome to the Sri Sri Nobel Peace Watch of 2006. Due to the his tireless self-promotion, we're sure to have plenty to discuss and analyze as the AoL PR juggernaut goes into "look at our living saint" mode. Expect grandstanding at places of political strife and wherever disaster strikes.

The needs of people to have an omnipotent space daddy in command of their lives assures Sri Sri's continued success. That is... until he gets caught not being able to keep it in his pants. That's certainly not the only way he might fall, but statistically it's the most likely.

The "Peace" That Sri Sri Brings

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Way back in June, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was characteristically confident [read: excessively grandiose] about his chances to bring peace to the ethnic conflict that rages in Sri Lanka:

"We have established contact with the LTTE. We have sent taped messages to their leaders. We will bring peace to Sri Lanka soon. There is a bit of stagnation now in thrashing out issues," the spiritual guru said.

It seems things were a bit more stagnant than he realized:

Sri Lankan troops and Tamil Tiger rebels exchanged mortar and artillery fire across their northern front lines Monday, as the military said the death toll from five days of heavy fighting rose to 148.

Wha' happened?

Granted, two and a half months is not very long in terms of a peace negotiation. But then again, you wouldn't expect such a violent uptick in the war with Sri Sri on the job, right? Perhaps he's moved on to other things, like war-mongering. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!