The Kracki: A Multiple Personality Divinity

File under: Wackadoo Gurus and Gurus Clockin' Dollars

A friend passed along this transcript of a darshan given by the Kracki, as Bhagavan Kalki will henceforth be referred to. We'll try to step it down from the high loka it must surely emanate from:

Questioner: What comes after enlightenment?

Bhagavan: God-realization. You can be truly God realized only if you are enlightened.

We've heard this before, and it's definitely the province of grandiose avatars. They have all transcended mere enlightenment, and now they are God Him/Herself made manifest to the world. All for its care and salvation, with your kind contribution, of course.

Questioner: You say we can choose to be filled with divine entities. How can we be a help to the world if we are just a container for divine beings?

Bhagavan: If you are enlightened you can be a help to mankind. If you are filled with divine beings you can be a great help. You become a divine being, not just a container for them! When you talk of divine beings taking over, it is the descent of higher consciousness, not like a spirit possession. You experience life as Christ experienced life, not as one possessed by a spirit.

That sounds great! Trade one illusory entity, the sense of individual self, for many illusory entities, these so-called "divine beings." It's God-realization as a multiple personality disorder!

Questioner: How many divine beings can come through in one body?

Bhagavan: There is no limit. In the course of time, perhaps a few weeks, one being could become more dominant. But it is not like we think. They do not fight like us!

They must flip a coin or roshambo for it.

Questioner: How will our relationships be once divine beings take possession?

Bhagavan: They will then be directing all affairs, will do things effortlessly. It will be much easier for them to handle even worldly things.

How diabolically simple! First you get people to believe they are a collection of divine beings, and then you tell them what the divine beings should be doing. Like collecting money, for instance. Truly chilling.

Questioner: Is there a maximum level for enlightenment?

Bhagavan: There is no maximum level, it is endless. For example, for some people, "you" will be reduced and the divine beings will also be there. For the dasajis you see with unshaven heads, they are there with their conditioning and memories, but the person is no longer there. For the dasajis you see with their heads shaven, there is no person, no memories. You are looking directly at a divine being. They do not know where they were born, or who their parents are, although of course if they needed to know or were talking with their parents, the divine being could access this knowledge. But that state we will not be giving you! For that kind of state they need to be taken care of. For those who want those kinds of states we need to certify that there are people who could take care of you.

That sounds transcendent: lose all memory and idea of your being in the world and wander around like a vegetable. Sign us up!

Questioner: Could you please prove to those who are still not sure you are an avatar?

Bhagavan: Certainly I will prove in the course of the process. The best thing will be for you to devise the proof, and I will meet you on your terms.

At this point the questioner suddenly finds themselves covered in bucket-loads of steaming bullshit.

Questioner: In the West, there is little faith that enlightenment is easy. There is a need for proof. Will you give a few miracles to help it along?

Bhagavan: We certainly will do it.

The floor under the questioner proceeds to give way under the weight of the bullshit onslaught.

Questioner: As an avatar what realm do you prefer to be in?

Bhagavan: This question has no relevance for you because you have no idea of those realms, or lokas. But if you are willing I could take you along to those lokas, and you could spend some time with me there. I believe in giving experiences and not just talking about it.

In other words, I'll make you every bit the wackadoo I am.

As you might imagine, we're floored by the Kracki's blend of cynical con and make-believe spirituality. Unfortunately, the fact that people actually believe it gives us a great reason to use a Ditch Witch for our next back massage.