The Secret Is On Oprah

File under: Gurubusting and Satscams

While it's not really within the ambit of this blog, our attention fell on an article about the newest New Age™ craze to sweep the population of needy morons who fall for the claptrap termed "prosperity consciousness." Apparently, the back story is one filled with avarice and greed. Who da' thunk that?

Ms. Byrne had promised Ms. Hicks 10 percent of DVD revenues to appear in “The Secret,” both parties said. But they had a falling out, and Ms. Hicks could not even bring herself to watch Ms. Byrne this month on “Oprah,” the movement’s moment of triumph.

Which brings us to this interesting tie-in to something more down our alley. From a recently emailed tip:

Tilak's latest fling is the woman who produced "The Secret". Ronda [Byrne] bought him a fancy watch and gave him about $15,000 (so he does have a price!) He couldn'’t make a move without calling her. He even went with her to the Oprah filming like a little puppy. His "students" got the shaft during this time along with his now ex-girlfriend, the Doctor from Austria. And now the chick in San Diego is haunting him on the news.

I guess he will be packing up and leaving town again.

His #1 sidekick, who he calls "lovebird," [who] was planning to stop being his personal assistant and take up a new life, is now being treated for cancer. Being around [Tilak's] "light" may not be good for your health!

Or your bank account, by all accounts.

While our pal Cosmic Connie has been on the Tilak/"The Secret" connection for a while now, we wonder if Oprah has any idea who her new protegé has been making time with. Given his status as a suspected satscammer, the stink of the investigation on Tilak may waft right up into the offices of America's most beloved saint, perhaps even making her stink a little bit, too. That would be a significant event in the culturescape of the States, and perhaps the realization of Tilak's dreams to finally hit the big-time, even if it is as a big-time phony.

The "Perfect" Guru

File under: Myths About Masters

Recently gleaned from GuruRatings, one devotee's ice-cream-and-marshmallows imaginings (with just a tiny bit of piss and vinegar thrown in) about the characteristics of a "perfect guru." No, he's not kidding. Now you know exactly why this blog exists:

The Perfect Guru

1. All teachings, recording, books etc are given freely. No copyrights on any materials.

2. No contributions or gifts will be accepted. If any are submitted they will be forwarded to the following. The local Nazi party. The KKK. Or the U.S party that won the recent elections.

3. The perfect guru is celibate and never can have children to take over their mission. A woman guru will her tubes tied, a male guru will have a vasectomy or be castrated.

4. The perfect guru shall never be in a room or auto alone with only one person. I got that one from the Rev. Billy Graham.

5. The perfect guru will always be available 24 hours per day. When s/he is sleeping devotees may touch her/him.

6. The perfect guru shall bless same sex marriages as well has hetero ones.

7. The perfect guru if s/he has an ashram will fund it entirely with stock market or futures money.

8. The perfect guru will take on all the negative karma of her/his initiates.

9. The perfect guru shall have no secret teachings.

10. The perfect guru will accept all those who wish to be her or his sheep.

11. The perfect guru will tell all that s/he is the CHRIST and that the Second coming is here right now.

12. The perfect guru will specify that no religion may be created after departing.

13. The perfect guru will answer all questions that are submitted.

14. The perfect guru shall submit to testing by the scientists.

15. The perfect guru will tell in great detail about their meditation experiences and the Order of the Universe and the creation.

16. The perfect guru will either perform or assist in ABORTIONS if the woman becomes pregnant because of rape or incest or to save the life of the mother.

17. The perfect guru will have humility as demonstrated by her/his proclaiming that s/he is not different or separate from all beings.

18. The perfect guru will never correct anyone's data or opinions only drawing a longer line for explanations.

19. The perfect guru will never let anyone bow down to them or kiss her/his feet.

20. The perfect guru will bow down to all that appear and kiss their feet.

21: The perfect guru will never take anesthetic for dental work or any operation.

22. The perfect guru will take no medicines for any illness even one that is terminal like Cancer

23. The perfect guru will never cry out because of pain.

24. The perfect guru will have a complete understanding of the creation; God and the first cause and be able to communicate it.

25. The perfect guru will have periodic fasts of 40 to 180 days at least once per year. This is a demonstration that s/he is not the body and is able to live with out body sustenance.

26. The perfect guru must have siddhis (powers). Those powers may include healing the sick, curing all mental problems including schizophrenia, levitating, having all the knowledge of the universe available to him or her, wiping out negative karmas for devotees and the ability to transmit Enlightenment with a glance. And if any of the above should occur the perfect guru will deny that they had anything to do with it.

27. When it is time to depart the guru's body will become a rainbow body and return to the Infinite

We feel more than a bit sorry for this guy. He is certainly going to his grave before he meets such a person, and these ridiculous beliefs about self-realization will certainly prevent his ever coming to his own. But at least he's insisting that the "perfect guru" will accept gay marriage. It's one of the few sane things he was able to come up with on an otherwise utterly insane list.

The Kracki's Sober New Year's Shilling

File under: Satscams and Gurus Clockin' Dollars

It's already a couple of weeks late, but someone just sent us the Kracki's 2006 New Year's message. Please make a note of the words in bold italics near the bottom of the page:

A Message from Sri Amma and Sri Bhagavan [Kalki]

Dear Friends,

In a world where mankind feels threatened by social upheavals, over population, wars, terrifying violence, callousness, each human being is more than ever concerned with his own survival.

Survival has implied living sanely, happily without great pressure or strain. Each one of us translates survival according to his own particular concept. The idealist projects a way of life which is not the actual; the theoreticians, whether Marxist, religious, or of any other particular persuasion have laid down patterns for survival; the nationalists consider survival possible only in a particular group or community. These ideologic differences, ideals and faiths are the roots of a division that is preventing human survival.

Men want to survive in a particular way, according to their narrow responses, according to their immediate pleasures, according to some faith. All these can in no way bring security, for in themselves they are divisive, exclusive, limited. To live in the hope of survival according to tradition, however ancient or modern, has no meaning. Partial solutions of any kind scientific, religious, political, economic­ can no longer assure mankind, its survival. Man has been concerned with his own individual survival, with his family, with his group, his nation and because all this is divisive it threatens his actual survival.

The modern divisions of nationalities, of color, of culture, of religion are the causes of man's uncertainty of survival. In the turmoil of today's world, uncertainty has made man turn to authority ­ to the political, religious or economic expert. The specialist is inevitably a danger because his response must always be partial, limited. Man is no longer individual, separate. What affects the few, affects all mankind. There is no escape or avoidance of the problem. You can no longer withdraw from the totality of the human predicament.

We cannot possibly survive if we are concerned with our own survival. All human beings the world over are interrelated today. What happens in one country affects the others. Man considers himself an individual, separate from others but psychologically a human being is inseparable from the whole of mankind.

There is no such thing as psychological survival. When there is this desire to survive or to fulfill you are psychologically creating a situation which not only separates but which is totally unreal. Psychologically you cannot be separate from another and this desire to be separate psychologically is the very source of danger and destruction. Each person asserting himself threatens his own existence.

This assertion of separateness destroys our capacity to work together; to work together with nature, the living things of the earth and also with other human beings. As social beings we exist for ourselves. Our laws, our governments, our religions all emphasize the separateness of man ­ which during the centuries has developed into man against man. It is becoming more and more important, if we are to survive, that there be a spirit of cooperation with the universe, with all the things of the sea and earth.

One can see in all social structures the destructive effect of fragmentation taking place ­ nation against nation, one group against another group, one family against another family, one individual against another, religiously, socially, and economically. Each one is striving for himself, for his class or his particular interest in the community. This division of beliefs, ideals, conclusions and prejudices is preventing the spirit of cooperation from flowering. We are human beings, not tribal identities, exclusive, separate. We are human beings caught in conclusions, theories, faiths. We are living creatures, not labels. It is our human circumstance that makes us search for food, clothes and shelter at the expense of others. Our very thinking is seperative, and all actions springing from this limited self, must prevent cooperation. The economic and social structure, as it is now, including organized religions, intensifies exclusiveness, and separateness. This lack of cooperation ultimately brings about wars and the destruction of man. It is only during crises or disasters, that we seem to come together and when they are over we are back to our old condition. We seem to be incapable of living and working together harmoniously.

Is it because our brain, which is the centre of our thought, our feeling, has from ancient days become through necessity so conditioned to seek its own personal survival, that this isolating, agressive process has come about? Is it because this isolating process identifies itself with the family, with the tribe, and becomes glorified nationalism? Is not all isolation linked to a need for identification and fulfillment? Has not the importance of the self been cultivated through evolution by the opposition of the me and you, the we and they? Have not all religions emphasized personal salvation, personal enlightenment, personal achievement, both religiously and in the world? Has cooperation become impossible because we have given such importance to this sense of separateness? Is it because human cooperation has centered on some kind of authority of Government or religion around some ideology or conclusion, which then inevitably brings about its own destructive opposite?

What does it mean to cooperate not the word but the spirit of it? You cannot possibly cooperate with another, with the earth and its waters, unless you in yourself are harmonious, not broken up, non contradictory; you cannot cooperate if you yourself are under strain, pressure, conflict. How can you cooperate with the universe if you are concerned with yourself, your problems and your ambitions? There can be no cooperation if all your activities are self centered and you are occupied with your own selfishness, with your own secret desires and pleasures. As long as the intellect with its thoughts dominates all your actions, obviously there can be no cooperation, for self-centered thought is partial, narrow and everlastingly divisive. Cooperation demands great honesty. Honesty has no motive. Honesty is not some ideal, some faith. Honesty is clarity the clear perception of things as they are. Perception is attention. That very attention throws light with all its energy on that which is being observed. This light of perception brings about a transformation of the thing observed. There is no system through which you learn to cooperate. It is not to be structured and classified. Its very nature demands that there be love and that love is not measurable, for when you compare ­ which is the essence of measurement­ self has entered. Where self is, love is not.

When the truth of all this is seen and understood man's responsibility undergoes a radical change not only towards his immediate environment but also towards all living things. This total responsibility is love. This love acts through intelligence. This intelligence is not partial, individual separate. Love is never partial. Love is the sacredness of all living things. We have stated the problem, the cause and now we must find the solution. Through no effort of his, could man possibly make it. All this is possible only when your heart is filled with the Presence. The Presence flows into you through deeksha.

Deeksha would thus help create a new generation of human beings, with a new outlook, with a new sense of being citizens of the world, concerned with all the living things of the earth. It is your grave responsibility to help bring about this Oneness.

Thank you.

It was an impassioned plea for peace, oneness and brotherhood until we got to the part about deeksha. At that moment it becames the shrill shilling of a pair of flimflamming narcissists.

They may be selling "Presence," but all their victims are getting is a little emotional experience and the idea that they are a part of something big. The fact is that their "Presence" is nothing more than an idea they install in the minds of those who take deeksha, which is itself an idea being used to con the unsuspecting and superstitious into thinking they're getting something.

Hiding behind declarations of love and oneness doesn't negate the fact that the whole thing is based on one man's hideously grandiose fantasy of bringing about the next Golden Age. That doesn't make him any more crazy than any other wack job who believes they're doing the same thing. But the Kracki's clear lust for money, name and fame belies the rotten core of what can otherwise sound like sound social reform.

Don't be fooled by all the "love" talk, folks. You don't need to love the Kracki and what he says he's trying to do to be a creature of love and oneness yourself. As benign as his stated intentions may seem, all he is really bringing to the world is a sickening haze of occluding nonsense and superstition about the Self and self-realization. He may say he is for oneness (under his command), but he is definitely not for truth as it exists in each of us right now, completely outside of his influence and that of his pyramid-scamming deeksha givers.

Reasons To Leave Ammachi

File under: Amma-All-Over-The-Planet and Satscams

These are the reasons Gail Tredwell, Amritananda Mayi's (Ammachi's) closest personal assistant for 20 years, felt she needed to escape the ashram:

1. Loss of faith
   
2. Not happy for years
   
3. No harmony amongst seniors
   
4. No manners from the seniors
   
5. Too much politics between the seniors
   
6. No love between the seniors
   
7. I felt extremely unloved
   
8. And unsupported
   
9. And untrusted
   
10. Absolutely worn out on every level
    
11. Too much stress
    
12. Routine too gruelling
    
13. Never any concern given for physical well being nor emotions which are also a very important part of spirituality
    
14. Partiality shown between the men and women, east and west, rich and poor
    
15. Swamis arrogance, back stabbing, cruelty, hatred, power struggles.
    
16. Amma's obvious favouritism towards them
    
17. Giving too much money and gold to her family members and at the same time denied Suneeti private hospitalisation.
    
18. Too many secret things going on.
    
19. Too much scheming, plotting, planning and suspicion
    
20. No sweet spiritual feeling of love or compassion from amma behind the scenes only anger, gossip, criticism, revenge, suspicion, business, violence or secret meetings with the swamis.
    
21. Terrorism - in a subtle sense not with guns or anything.
    
22. Violence (mental, emotional, psychological and physical.
    
23. Horrible yelling and shrieking like a demon
    
24. Constant accusing me of being a good for nothing and always angry at me which always would make my guts cringe and constantly putting me down.
    
25. Not allowed to feel happy, if you do you should be guilty
    
26. Guilt if you rest, laugh, take care of your body
    
27. Money, money, money that is the main aim and you are good if you try and make as much as you can for the ashram even if you squeeze. Amma used to praise people for this
    
28. Lying, cheating
    
29. Copying from other writers and books then using amma's name on them and calling it her teachings. Also none of the speeches which were made at U.N. or Chicago were her own, they were Swamijis from some books or possibly his head that I don't know.
    
30. Having to tell untrue miracles in talks, she herself would make them up for us.
    
31. Worn out from heat and crowds and the culture of India, also the jail like lifestyle in the Indian ashram
    
32. Suppressed and oppress and even hit and abused constantly by the swamis.
    
33. Too many institutions and projects but not enough capable people to run them, therefore endless problems which would then fall on my head.
    
34. Never been understood, or acknowledges for any participation which I had in the ashram. Never been considered in any major decisions to be made even if it was which girls should get yellow. Even that swamiji would try and decide, until I would put my foot down.
    
35. Not enough protection given to girls sent to branches. Just go! Whether they have a place to stay or not no problem, whether they are by themselves in a huge school overnight, no problem.
    
36. No questions allowed. Just shut your mouth or you will be considered for treason, betrayal and a cheat, you are unloyal to amma and the ashram.
    
37. Scandalous the way the flats have been built, so much money charged, no maintenance even though the people pay the same. D block has been built right in the face of A and B. The buildings were not even finished properly with cracks everywhere and sloppy cement everywhere. Plumbing stinks and leaks all over the steps. Try and maintain and keep clean the existing ones before starting more skyscrapers.
    
38. The residents i.e. Indian are not fed properly. They are also overworked. Even amma would criticize that some girls were drinking milk, she would tell to sell all the fruit and not to give the residents. I would still give it now and then. They all look so anemic.
    
39. Amma's obvious revenge and hatred towards anybody who has left the ashram. Getting even with them, not allowing them to move on or get a job `let them suffer for a while' her famous quote. Where is understanding and forgiveness, compassion that she teaches so strongly about. Okay, yes she doesn't want to encourage anybody to leave but is keeping them in the ashram by fear of the future or the consequences healthy.
    
40. Only Hinduism is any good, narrow minded attitude of the swamis against Christianity. Only your guru (Ammachi) is any good.
    

As some of you may suspect, we are not surprised by any of this. The org could not have grown as much as it has without a ruthless monster at its head.

Ammachi is no Kali, she is Godzilla.

Secret Scammer Sued

File under: Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

The Secret author Rhonda Byrne is being sued by one of her producing partners:

The lawsuit alleges that Rhonda Byrne, executive producer of "The Secret," and Robert E. Rainone Jr., a Chicago businessman, conspired to deny [film co-creator Drew] Heriot's rights to co-ownership and profits from the movie and related works. The combined gross revenue from DVD and book sales of "The Secret" currently may exceed $300 million.

The Secret, making greed good for all (except those not willing to be greedy enough to get theirs.)

After The Secret Gets Told

File under: Satscams

Guruphiliac fave Steven Sashen and his The Anti-Guru Blog bring a new word into the lexicon, necessitated by all those dumb dupes who paid thousands for seminars helping them to use The Secret:

Manifrustration (man·i·frus·tra·tion ; pronunciation: \ˌma-nə-frəs-ˈtrā-shən\) Noun.

1) The unhappiness associated with not getting what you want after attempting to influence the universe with your thoughts

2) The displeasure that occurs when the manifestation “master” says you haven’t gotten what you want because there’s something wrong with you

2a) The added confusion when this alleged imperfection is some unprovable or vague theory, such as: the level of your intention or “vibration”; unconscious “resistance”; or the type and/or number of certain thoughts that spontaneously arise in your mind

3) The depression that follows the times when, if you do somehow manage to get what you want, you find that you’re not actually any happier

4) The sadness arising when, after not getting what you want through the use of a particular manifestation technique, you go into debt to take another manifestation course that promises better results… but only delivers one or more of the 3 states listed above

It's no secret that it's all claptrap now. It's too bad folks can't un-manifest their money back out of the bank accounts of the con folk who flimflammed them.

Our Own Anti-Guru Gets Press

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Our very own anti-guru, Steve Shasen of the Anti-Guru blog (and the comments section of this blog), a gem we came across a few weeks ago, was interviewed by the Toronto Star for an article about Rhonda Byrne's flimflam book and DVD entitled The Secret:

For Steven Sashen, it all amounts to the same thing. A self-described "recovering guru," Sashen, who studied cognitive psychology, adhered to all the self-help he could glom on to for 30 years, He even taught and ran classes. "It took me that long to get less stupid," he says, laughing.

Based in Boulder, Colo., he runs a web site, http://www.anti-guru.com, where he addresses what he calls "the compulsion we have to believe, and the aversion we have to critical thinking."

He would know. After a lifetime spent looking for the answer, "I had this `oooohhh' moment," he says. "I was looking for ever more subtle notions of what was wrong. And when one didn't work, I would look for whatever the next thing was. And I realized, `Why should I think that the next grand solution to come along will be any more effective than the last?'"...

The "secret" – it's an enticing notion, Sashen says. "It's the carrot on the stick. If someone says, `I know the answer,' you're going to want that. If you tell people that the answer has been there all along, and it's been hidden from you – well, people will beat down the doors to get that."

Kudos to Sashen for speaking out against this monstrosity of infantilism that threatens to turn the world into a sandbox full of entitled little shits, all operating under the woefully mistaken impression that spiritual realization has anything to do with material prosperity.

It does... just as much as our dog's ass.

Cosmic Connie Kicks 'Em In The Can

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Guruphiliac pal Cosmic Connie writes for the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry about that disc full of half-baked, lame-brained, superstitious claptrap, The Secret:

Although The Secret producers advertised the DVD as revealing the ultimate wisdom of the ages – everything anyone needs to know to put LOA to work – it seems that there are still more “secrets” in the offing. In addition to the new and improved version of the original DVD, an upcoming sequel will take people to “the next level.” Yes, there is always a “next level,” and yet another “next level,” and there always will be until a new “ancient secret” comes along. For now there’s the book, a companion workbook, an audio CD featuring music from the DVD…and on and on.

C.C.'s got your number, Byrne & Company. Please click on over to read her excellent analysis and debunking of yet another in that very long line of New Age™ scams which reflect the exceedingly greedy (and still, utterly ignorant) age in which we live today.

Are T & M Headed For Splitsville?

File under: Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

[Ed.note: This is the sort of thing we want to post now. If we got more tips like this, there'd be more good content on this site. :::hint:::]

CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE

Girish Varma is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's nephew. He runs the TM Movement in India.

Although King Nader Raam (an MD from Lebanon) was appointed by Maharishi as his official successor, he is hardly recognized as such by Girish who obviously fashions himself as the next Maharishi (my gosh, the family resemblance is eerie!). See the following link for more details:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FairfieldLife/message/241161

Nader is now happily ensconced in a beautiful home in a fashionable section of Paris with a wife and two children (a fact he has kept secret until recently) and this has really pissed off Garish who fully expected to be the successor. Girish's reasoning is that since he, Girish, is a celibate AND Maharishi's blood relative it simply isn't fair that someone who is living inthe decadent West and has two daughters and a wife and all the creature comforts gets to be boss! The top position should be kept in the Family Business, seems to be Garish's reasoning.

A year or so ago, one of the higher-ups in the TM organisation, Bevan Morris, started to question Girish's fealty to Nader when private emails were released but this was quickly hushed up. Bevan's doubts were raised because Girish had started an entirely new major project in India without ever mentioning Nader or any of the "official" TM catch-words that were in vogue at the time. Work of a real rogue element.

Girish is on the precipice of separating himself and the Indian TM money (Maharishi sent the bulk of the TM fortunes to India to be under Girish's watchful eye before he, Maharishi, died) from the international organisation and starting his own TM Movement. It is a full time job for the TM higher-ups to appease this guy and continually please him so he doesn't bolt, which is what they had to do in a major way with the Bevan dust-up.

But one look at the photographs Girish enables to be taken of himself pretty much tells the whole story. Odds are that it is only a matter of time when an official scism occurs, Girish flies the coup, and the spoils divided. Of course, Girish has absolutely no idea what that will do to the already greatly diminished credibility of the TM organisation in the West. He simply doesn't understand that it will be on the order of what happened to the then 13-year-old Guru Maharaji back in the '70s when his mother disowned him, effectively destroying their worldwide movement forever.

The Madharishi: Still Losin' It

File under: PP COM, Wackadoo Gurus and The Siddhi of PR

The poor (well, maybe not so poor) old Maharishi is still showing signs of age-related dementia, this time by declaring the Vedas to be the "Constitution of the Universe" and claiming to be able to eliminate all war with a few old men chanting some mantras:

The Constitution of the Universe contains within it the secret procedures to create a golden age of freedom from war. Within the chapters of the Constitution of the Universe are all the procedures that can take any negative influence that is predicted to come to any nation and prevent that from reaching the nation, so its citizens do not have to face that misfortune.

Maharishi concluded by saying: 'You don't have to face misfortunes. That is the proud privilege we have from Guru Dev. We design the destiny of every country; we prevent any forthcoming disaster for any country. Doesn't matter what the past has been. We design a new sunshine. These are the days of the dawn of a new civilization on earth.'

It's quite a sight to behold, a sick old man's delusions playing out on the world stage, accelerated by the fact that he's facing his mahasamadhi any day now. His rampant ethnocentrism may play well with his muddle-headed minions and Hindu fundamentalists, but the rest of the world ain't buying it. We again pray that the Global Country for World Peace–his attempt to take over the world–is only playing along with a sick old man's dying wish, and that they come back to reality once the old coot is gone and actually do some good with all the wealth they've accumulated.

Update: Master Rick Ross breaks it down much further for y'all.

Eckhart Tolle Hates Your Ego

File under: Gurubusting

We just can't bring ourselves to read a book by Eckhart Tolle. We know, it's a disservice to you all, but to be completely honest, we find our divinity more in pop culture than spiritual culture these days.

But the effects of Tolle echoed from the Niagara Gazette today, and it was an ugly sound we heard:

Not too long ago, however, I realized that my ego was getting louder and louder, yammering at me from the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, my hair askew and my face still wrinkled from my pillow, my ego was already in full boar.

This writer is confused, and it's Tolle's fault. That's not the woman's ego criticizing herself, it's a tiny piece of it, one of probably many sub-personalities. She's still identified as an ego, only attached to a different piece of it, the one that thinks it's not the ego, the one that Tolle is locking people into by giving them this horrible idea as to what ego really is.

We can agree when Tolle lays the blame for most evil with the ego, but he also wouldn't be able to charge you more for sitting closer to him if he didn't have one himself.

Put Tolle's ideas into the head of a person who has the wrong idea of ego, like this woman, and suddenly you've got folks who believe their ego is just their bitchy side. There are plenty of supposedly enlightened gurus who have a bitchy side, so that's obviously not a problem. In fact, the problem ends up having nothing to do with the personality (the defacto definition of 'ego' in the West) at all.

Of all the things we have going on in our heads, our living truth as the Self is the secret hiding in plain sight. But something is getting in the way of seeing what's always right [t]here. We like to lay some of the blame on the ideas about enlightenment that get projected into our heads by spiritual culture, but that can't be all of it. Apparently, Tolle wants you to think it's your mean and bitchy side, and he's now on a world-saving tear in support of his book that tells us about it.

We're all for a bit more peace, and perhaps Tolle has a greater chance of bringing it than TM™ ass-bouncers, but the confusion about ego and personality he's introducing along the way will always be piss in any peace he can bring.

The Cult Guru Playbook

File under: Satscams

A commenter named "h" just graced us with what we're calling the cult guru playbook:

1. Have a set of group rules they expect the followers to adopt and self impose
2. Be charismatic leaders who self-proclaim enlightenment
3. Have a drive to recruit as many people (especially westerners) into their organization as possible. Recruitment is often labeled as sadhana, or spiritual practice to help the devotee
4. Enjoy tax-exempt status—hidden behind charitable works without any proof where the donations go
5. Insist upon dropping the mind and ego with full surrender to the leader
6. Brag about their devotees spiritual progress, as if in a marketing campaign for more souls
7. Employ chanting to Hindu deities in their meditation practices
8. Employ questionable breathing techniques, usually some form of hyperventilation, inducing mental foginess mistaken as altered level of consciousness
9. Use contracts, or fear, to ensure their meditation techniques are kept secret from the outside world
10. Charge money for programs while insisting they do charity work for the less fortunate. If someone can not afford to pay for the program, they are not allowed in
11. Encourage followers to share their experiences—a form of group control
12. Have their own group lingo or slang terms
13. Perform rituals, chants and devotional songs to not only deities, but to the guru him/herself
14. Questions regarding the group or leader are not allowed
15. Devotees all insist that their master is the true master and has the only path to enlightenment. These devotees use vague personal experiential stories as proof
16. Devotees believe and accept everything the guru says
17. Donations encouraged. A way of giving back to the guru who has given so much to the devotee
18. Guru quite pleasant and jovial with the newcomers. Yet easily angered and volatile in closed quarters or with the inside group
19. Group meditation practices, clothing styles, food choices, music, books, knick-knacks, etc, gives the group cohesion. Establishes an us vs. them dynamic
20. Fictitious anecdotes of the leader to ensure devotees see him as holier than them. Stories are based in myth and beliefs with no way to prove they are true
21. Have crazed devotees that worship them
22. Encourage (or don't discourage) families to break up to persue spiritual advancement under the guru
23. Instill a form of fear to discourage devotees from abandoning the guru/group. The devotee is basically told that to abandon the group means losing all his/her spiritual progress made under the guru
24. Have some form of meditation on the guru or his photo
25. Start with an affordable entry level form of meditation practice. Benefits of which are usually peace and health
26. Insist on additional meditation levels for spiritual advancement—often with higher costs
27. Volunteerism is considered spiritual practice and often costs money to volunteer
28. Have lots of stories of enlightened devotees, but you never seem to meet one
29. Have ties to politicians, high ranking officials and authorities. Celebrities are a bonus
30. Put followers through intense physical, emotional and mental challenges (i.e., sitting in painful positions for extended time, emotional sharing with strangers, fancy words with quick witted tongue), thereby lowering normal judgment process

That's a fairly comprehensive list that reeks of ex-insidership. Pranams to h for sharing his or her insights here.

Kabbalah Wars: Revenge Of The Rav?

File under: Satscams

The big Kabbalah throw-down may be about to go down. Fitness producer Kevin Weaver has invoked the names of Madonna, Demi Moore and Ashton Kurtcher in a press release for his DVD series: Kabbalah Yoga™: Ambitious Beginners and Attainable Advanced. That's sort of like Weaver taking a walk in the Bergs' mansions and pissing on every object he encounters.

We seriously doubt Philip "The Rav" Berg and his boy are going to allow this urinating on their celebrity property to continue. We pray that Weaver has a lot more than his experience as a fitness guru to go up against the red string-fueled Zohar-power of the Bergs. Already adept at stealing children in exchange for filial love and financial support, we imagine the Rav has a few more tricks under his yarmulke. Rumor has it those over-priced red strings are actually quite a bargain. They are allegedly packed with a top-secret nanotechnology that absorbs evil-eye energy and transmits it back to a huge ball of red yarn under the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, where it lies at the disposal of the Bergs and their agents.

Should they decide to hurl this energy at Weaver, he could suddenly find himself subject to massive feelings of extreme self-loathing over his weight, his body shape, the lines on his face, the profile of his nose, the size of his breasts, the color of his hair, the labels of his wardrobe, the car he drives, the jewelry he wears, the places he eats and the fact that he hasn't had a good role in ages. Depending on how much LA evil-eye energy they zap him with, Weaver could potentially shrivel up and die like a salted slug before he has a chance to get properly worked out, lipoed, botoxed, rhinoplastied, boob-jobbed, highlighted, shopped, pimped, blinged, dined at the right restaurant and switched to a new agent.

And if all that doesn't work, there's always the vicious lawyers kept in cages in the Centre's basement, raised on raw red meat and Kabbalah Energy Drink—all Kosher of course—straining at their leashes with lawsuits, summons and subpoenas, driven to abject insanity by the music of Madonna and Britney Spears played incessantly at high volume. They are soooo ready to "Oops, Do It Again" and "Justify Their Love" for the Rav by getting all "Toxic" on anyone bold enough to step on their beloved leader's money kibbutz.

As they say, developing...

By way of [Cult News]

Sri Chinmoy Cooks Up Some Good Ones

File under: Wackadoo Gurus

Strong-man showoff guru Sri Chinmoy must have popped a few blood vessels in his brain from lifting all those weights. From his new book, The Wisdom of Sri Chinmoy:

“When one disciple’s father died, he was asked if he had known any spiritual people in his life. He said, ‘Yes, I know my daughter’s friend,’ who happened to be me. When my name was said, he was then able to leave the world of torture and go to a very good higher world.”

“One of my sisters died when I was 18. I followed my sister’s soul for about three hours in the world of death. With your consciousness you are flying like a kite. I was fighting with three death forces that wanted to snatch away three of my close disciples…”

“A young wife was terribly afraid of staying alone at night, so the Master said to the husband… I shall take care of her. That night she saw the Master in a corner of the room, not the Master’s physical body but his luminous subtle body. The Master said to her, ‘My child, until your husband comes back, I will be here to protect you.’”

“If one enters secret domains where the inherent powers of the cosmic realities exist, one can get the capacity to do anything” but he basically believes, “My teaching is not a kind of miracle-mongering. My business is to help the aspirant to reach God.”

A name that takes souls to heaven? Chasing ghosts in the afterlife and fighting with Death? Bi-locating in a luminous form to comfort the wife of a disciple? Er... last time we checked, those were all full-blown miracles... or symptoms of acute psychosis. Yet it's just your standard holy man hyperbole, courtesy of the Hindu mythology concerning godmen and their own desire for name and fame.

Chinmoy is playing a very well known tune. But it's just so goddamn old. And more importantly, it's basically just a fairy tale. Gurus use this fairy tale to dress themselves in the drag of a fantastic being and thus make themselves more attractive to potential devotees, at least those who are willing to believe in this nonsense. [Ed.note: We once did ourselves. See where we are coming from?]

We suppose the guy is getting old and looking for one last hurrah. Who can blame him for pumping some fantasy into his story as a way to kick up the adoration and adulation around him... before he says his own name and goes on to his own "higher world".

It would almost be quaint were it not for the fact that these ideas are preventing his devotees from becoming self-realized themselves. Instead of pearls of wisdom, Chinmoy is serving up hot, steaming plates of stinking occlusion, the sewage of gurudom. Out of his need to be a big man, his devotees suffer yet more delusion; their own awakening delayed by what they've been led to believe by the likes the lying Sri Chinmoy, and quite a few of the rest of those you could call big time gurus today.

"Holosync" Harris Holohammered On Twitter

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and The Siddhi of PR

As the regular reader of this blog knows, we generally go after spiritual teachers who claim to be God and use this claim as their primary marketing conceit. Woo-woo noise peddler and "The Secret" star Bill Harris doesn't appear to quite fit that bill, but like most others who make your spirituality their business, it has become quite clear that he's all about the money. At the moment, he's threatening legal action against Gp pal Duff McDuffee, a personal development industry critic and partner with Eric Schiller in a blog called Beyond Growth. A post McDuffee made on November 13 this year criticized the way Harris markets his "Holosync" sound meditation cds, also noting that up until the Death Lodge incident of October 8, 2009, James Arthur Ray was an enthusiastic endorser of Harris' products, (as well as being his ex-partner.) [Ed.note: As it turns out, James Arthur Ray had Holosync sessions scheduled during the days leading up to the Death Lodge tragedy.]

The result of all this is now a cease-and-desist letter demanding the removal and retraction of McDuffee's blog post, all at the approval of Harris and his lawyers. The heavy-handedness of the move belies a man desperate to protect a shaky business, and while it's definitely not pleasant to receive a letter like this, its claims appear to have more holes than a 20-year-old tin pail at the bottom of Lake Erie. [Ed.note: According to those in the know, Harris did about 20-million last year, so the shakiness isn't preventing him from getting his grind on.]

Since this gauntlet has been dropped there has been a Kelvin wave of support for McDuffee and against Harris on Twitter. The viral nature of this bad PR has the potential to do a lot more damage to the claimant than the defendant, but somehow, we don't think Harris has enough of a view around his own self-image to recognize bad PR if it took him out to an expensive dinner and then back to a hotel room for an all-limits-transgressed romp.

Our Shame In The Senate

File under: Backroom Gurudom

We regularly get accused to being anti-Indian, anti-Hindu, a hate site and various others distortions and amplifications of folks' projections and need to demonize any critics of their holy heroes. We also get accused of ignoring Christianity here in the States, as if we were on some kind of secret mission for Christian missionaries in India.

None of these things is true, of course. What follows is one of the most depressing things we've read about politics in the States in a time when there are mountains of depressing things to know about:

Senate aides have said that apparently the protestors who disrupted the beginning of Hindu chaplain Rajan Zed's history-making opening prayer in the US Senate July 12, belonged to the American Family Association. The association had been waging a vicious campaign to torpedo the invitation to Zed, ever since it was announced that a Hindu chaplain would deliver the opening prayer.

Three protestors identified as Ante Nediko Pavkovic, Katherine Lynn Pavkovic and Christan Renee Sugar by Capitol Hill police, who however, did not provide their hometown, ages and affiliations, were arrested, handcuffed and taken away when they shouted complaints from the gallery, including, "Lord Jesus, protect us from this abomination," as soon as Zed was introduced and began his prayer.

The Associated Press reported that the only male protestor among the three had told its correspondent before being handcuffed and hauled away by police, "We are Christians and patriots."

From the time reports began appearing in the mainstream media that a Hindu chaplain had been invited to open the US Senate session July 12 as a guest chaplain, the Tupelo, Mississippi-based American Family Association has been sending action alerts exhorting its members and other Christian fundamentalists to "send an e-mail to your Senator now, expressing your disappointment in the Senate decision to invite a Hindu to open the session with prayer."

So you see, we have our own RSS-like goons and the same kind of utterly ignorant, grandstanding and self-aggrandizing monsters of hubris known as fundamentalist-aligned elected officials.

Swami Premananda In The Pokey For Life—Twice

File under: Gurus Doin' Time and Hands Where They Don't Belong

The Supreme Court of India upheld the double life sentence of the little girl rapin', devotee murderin' Swami Premananda. Convicted in August 1997 of 13 counts of rape against teenaged girls and the murder of a person staying at his ashram; Swami Premananda makes Al Swearengen look like a schoolmarm in a little house on the prairie. We imagine the Swami's ashram must have been a real "gem."

Coming to the rescue like the Sheriff of Deadwood is an old favorite of ours—Maitreya, "The World Teacher." The fictitious "messiah" and his minions, Ben Creme and Share International, are engaged in a pro-Swami Premananda publicity effort on their website.

It has us scratching our heads. What does Swami Premananda have on Maitreya that would cause New Age™ con man Ben Creme to stick his neck out like that. Did the Swami steal the key to the secret inner chamber deep within Mount Shasta where the Great White Brotherhood meets, forcing Maitreya to listen in on meetings by para phone? Or could there have been some hot, hunky avatar action between the two. Maybe the Swami got sick of being the World Teacher's bottom and took it out on those poor girls, leaving sad Lord Maitreya with no one to lord his avatarship over in those games of "daddy" and "son" he enjoyed so.

If that's the case, all the big M has to do is show up in Tamil Nadu, India, a rootin' an' a tootin' an' a shootin'. A few bodies later and he's got multiple life terms, a joyous reunion and some hot, hunky, avatar, prison action!

When The Stink Just Stunk

File under: Gurubusting, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

Another former AoL teacher comes forward with some miracle-mongering that failed:

As an AoL teacher, I was told how [Sudarshan Kriya] can cure cancer. So, one time a participant with cancer came to take my course. I contacted the ashram and was given many instructions. That this participant should do SK seperately, not with the rest of the class. That fresh flowers and a bowl of water and SRISRI's picture (all this would absorb the cancer vibrations) should be placed near him while he's doing SK and the teacher (me) should not remain in the room after the SK cassette has been switched on (because the teacher could get the cancer). The ashram also told me that many patients had been cured of cancer. But my student died. When I questioned the ashram, they did not have a logical reply, saying it was the destiny of that man.

It's the fail-safe clause of all miracle-mongering: when it works, it was "Guruji's" grace; when it fails, it was destiny, or the patient's sins. Over here we call that The Secret, the primary engine of ignorance that keeps so many New Age™ gurus' coffers full. Ignorance dressed up as spiritual truth is the only product that we can see produced at AoL.

TV Station's Cannon Aimed At Master Charles

File under: Gurubusting, Hands Where They Don't Belong, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

Fantasy apparition-employing fauxru Master Charles Cannon has been keeping himself in the local news in Virginia with his "Blessed Mother" scam. Now, a Charlottesville, VA, TV station news department is looking to dig up some dirt:

***WCAV WOULD LIKE TO DO ANOTHER STORY ON SYNCHRONICITY. IF YOU WERE EVER A MEMBER OF THE ORGANIZATION AND ARE WILLING TO GO ON CAMERA TO TELL YOUR STORY ABOUT YOUR POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EXPERIENCES PLEASE SEND AN EMAIL TO INTERVIEWS@WCAV.TV.***

Master Charles was once Swami Vivekananda in the employ of the little girl diddling Baba Muktananda:

Ex-devotees told Rodarmor that Muktananda used a specially built table at the South Fallsburg ashram for his sexual encounters, that in India he had a habit of visiting the girls' dormitories at night, and that it was his custom to bestow gifts of money and jewelry on young women whom he summoned to his room. (If a young woman suddenly appeared wearing new jewelry, the ex-devotees said, it was understood that she had been tapped by the guru.) Michael Dinga, an Oakland contractor and a former SYDA Foundation trustee and devotee, who was in charge of construction at South Fallsburg for many years but became disillusioned and left SYDA in 1980, told Rodarmor that "it was supposed to be Muktananda's big secret, but since many of the girls were in their early to middle teens, it was hard to keep it secret."

Charles also hooked up with two other ex-SYDA swamis to form a Three Stooges of enlightenment a few years back. And based on some of the comments about him on the WCAV website, it could be that MC has been playing rather loose with the T(ax) C(ode). He also appears to have had some trouble keeping his hands from where they don't belong.

It looks like MC better get with the BM and have her KO the TV ND that's gunning for him now. We're looking forward to reporting just what they turn up in their investigation.

More Post-Secret Terminology

File under: Satscams

Still feeling burned by The Secret? You are not alone, and The Anti-Guru Blog author Steven Sashen feels your pain:

Successhole (suc·cess·hole; pronounciation: \sək-ˈses-(h)ōl\). noun.

1. A person who, upon achieving some dramatic change in status or income makes it abundantly clear that s/he thinks this change is primarily a result of her/his actions and discounts the role of luck, chance, and the myriad other factors that had much more to do with it;

2. A person who can’t help but tell you how they achieved some goal through the practice of influencing the particles of the universe with their thought, intention, vibration, manifestation, or some other unmeasurable characteristic (e.g. Jim won the lottery and now he’s such a successhole about how he “attracted it.” It’s the LOTTERY, Jim!);

3. Someone whose attainments should engender awestruck gratitude, but instead, continues to bitch and moan about petty things and insists on doing complicate restaurant check math so as not too pay an extra $1.00.

Related:

Sucksassful (sucks·ass·ful; pronounciation: \sək-ˈas-fəl\ or, in certain areas \sək-ˈses-fəl\ ).

1. Noun - The unpleasant emotions one experiences upon discovering that achieving a long-desired goal has not delivered the imagined and anticipated happiness. (e.g. If I wasn’t spending all those years visualizing becoming successful, I could have been having fun… instead of having spent all my weekends in workshops and now being sucksassful)

2. Adjective - The achievement of a goal that results in the above-described experience (e.g. La-dee-da, I’m a sucksasful millionaire. Now shoot me, please.)

We are SO up for experiencing sucksassfulness for ourselves, so please send your bank account and routing numbers, along with your PINs and any loose cash you have lying around, to tips@guruphiliac.org.