The Guru And He

File under: Blogs of Note and Gurubusting

This morning's first batch of email included a note from South Africa resident, Avarim, author of a blog called The Guru and I. He was happy to explain essentially who the "guru" is, but isn't ready to tell us his name yet:

The blog relates to a group in the Rosicrucian/Golden Dawn genre, claiming disciplic authority from an ancient mystical tradition. (Like 20 zillion other groups out there.)

The guru is the usual egotistical admixture of complementary urges for money, power and ass. People have been abused, hurt, and financially damaged through their connection to him. The techniques he uses to cement his hegemony are textbook strategies in suggestion and mind control. As always, his groupies are too scared to ever call him out on his failed prophecies and insights - a fear rooted in their belief he is in possession of special powers and has connections to high spiritual places. He is always reluctant to demonstrate his powers (for obvious reasons) but is very quick to take the credit when something happens which is potentially attributable to his mostly non-existent abilities.

The membership is relatively small and the impact of the group negligible. But it remains an interesting, if not entirely unique, study in how ordinary people make assholes of themselves (including myself) when there is a guru in town.

A name won't tell you what this "guru" really is: a self-deluded narcissist who is convinced he has "spiritual power" due to some unfortunate referential dementia supplying deep and powerful meaning to random events – and that's the best case. At worst, he's a criminal who has gotten good at playing the guru game: claim to be God, or in possession of God's powers, and watch 'em drop like maple leaves in Maine, in the Fall, at your feet.

There's a whole lot more at the blog, for which the turban comes off in thanks and praise.

Sri Sri and His Siddhi For Being A Hypocrite

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Yesterday, we reminded you about the time when Sri Sri Ravi Shankar threw away a golden opportunity to share his message of peace by taking a stand against the murderous actions of Narendra Modi, the prime minister of Gujurat during the Great Muslim Massacre of 2002. Here is how it was reported by Rediff on March 26, 2005:

[Sri Sri] provided the organisation with a show of support for its controversial decision to invite Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi and took a dig both at the Bush administration for declaring Modi persona non grata in the US and the coalition of groups that successfully lobbied to bring about the US action to ban Modi's entry.

Sri Sri goes on to openly praise the killin' politician that day:

Sri Sri then went on to talk about the unprecedented progress that was occurring in Gujarat under the Modi administration. He noted that more than 40,000 dams had been constructed in just one year. "The water level has come up in Gujarat so much. People are so happy," he said.

Those not violently murdered in the Modi-sanctioned pogrom against Indian Muslims, that is.

Since then, the origins of the affair have fully come to light in an astonishing exposé by India's Tehelka magazine. This no doubt has Sri Sri wishing for a time machine to take him back to that conference to take back those words of praise and support for a genocidist. But until he manifests one for himself, Sri Sri be doing flips and cartwheels for the Indian press in an effort to keep them from remembering his not-too-far-in-the-past strong show of support for the murderin' Modi:

"I congratulate the reporter (of Tehelka magazine) who has done this (the sting operation in which the perpetrators of the violence have been caught on camera admitting to the killings) and would like him to undertake similar operations on the anti-Sikh riots (of 1984) and Naxalite violence in the country," Sri Sri said.

Describing the Maoist violence in Chhattisgarh, Andhra Pradesh and Maharashtra as the biggest threat to the country's internal security, Sri Sri urged the media to address the serious problem.

"I would appeal to the media to insist on the introduction of moral and spiritual instruction in the school curriculum as that would ennoble the young, impressionable minds," he said, attributing violent tendencies to the disappearance of spiritual content from instruction at homes and schools.

Did you catch that somewhat deft redirection of attention to other religious conflicts? Why worry about this itty-bity (and implicitly endorsed by Sri Sri) government-sponsored pogrom? There's a lot more to worry about out there, folks, with Sri Sri likely to continue reminding us all about it.

We've been told we're foolish for trying to discuss Indian politics. Our ignorance of its subtleties (and perhaps generalities) aside, it's all in the black and white: Sri Sri supported a politician who was at least partially responsible for the death of some 800 people or more. Now he's flipping and headspinning like a champion Bronx breakdancer to keep you from remembering it.

Will the amazing Sri Sri Ravi Shankar be able to escape this harsh light and the resulting neck-snapping hypocrisy he's now caught in? Fingers and toes are crossed that he doesn't. But unfortunately, from somewhere deep inside, we regret that he probably will.

Note To Sri Sri: Peace Ain't For Pussies

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Recently, an Osho swami blasted Sri Sri Ravi Shankar for being a complete pussy and wimp for backing down from a debate with a loud-mouthed Muslim speaker who criticized a book Sri Sri had just published:

Zakir Naik also picked on Sri Sri Ravishankar for publishing a book on comparitive Islam and Hinduism. This book had Sri Sri Ravishankar comparing some Islamic ideas and concepts and claiming that it originated from Hindu culture. Sri Sri Ravishankar not anticipating the confrontation tried to play it down and looked like he wanted to rush back to the cave in his Ashram. He also was openly apologetic about the publication of this book and tried to escape from the awkward situation by claiming that this book was printed in a hurry and it was written with an intent of bringing the two religious communities closer in the context of a Muslim-Hindu riot. He also pledged that he would not allow printing of further copies of the book.

For the famously fame-lusting seeker of his own PR, "peace" is a mere code-word for "phame", and all Sri Sri's talking about bringing peace is nothing more than an excuse to distribute yet another self-aggrandizing press release.

One of the first of our many posts about Sri Sri Ravi Shankar makes mention of his complete failure to censure a murderous Hindu politician who was complicit in the Great Muslim Massacre of Gujarat in 2002. As we recall, Sri Sri used "I don't comment on individuals because individuals are just part of one wholeness" as his utterly lame excuse.

In truth, Sri Sri was playing to the murderous Hindu nationalist right, which makes up a good portion of his own satsang's population. Given the choice between standing up for peace or his own interests, you know which way Sri Sri's gonna to go.

Pop Star's BSing Guru Can't Keep It Up

File under: Gurus to the Stars, Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

Since he's appearing in the San Francisco Bay Area on Nov. 3rd, Australian pop singer Ben Lee has been getting press in the local news. And when Ben Lee gets press, so does his flimflamming fauxru, Narayani Amma, aka "Man Amma":

As soon as I met Amma, he said, 'Where's your guitar?' although I'd never told him I was a musician. And he said, 'When humans are born, the reason we're here is to do service. So what will Ben's service be?'"

"And Amma said, 'Music. Ben's service is music. But has Ben ever been Top 10?'" Lee says. "And it was so funny to see this religious Indian man sitting there, even knowing the phrase 'Top 10.'

"So I started laughing and said, 'No, I'm not that successful.' And he replied, 'Ben will put the message of joy into music, and Amma will bless Ben to be Top 10.'"

You bet Man Amma knows what "Top 10" means. It means the sweet, sweet sound of "cha-CHING" and many new dollars finding their way into his org's bank account.

Amazingly enough, Lee's new album, Ripe, debuted at number 8 on Billboard's Top Heatseekers chart last week. But Man Amma's "powers" of magical pop sales persuasion appear to be somewhat lacking at the moment, because Ripe dropped like America's credibility as a democracy to number 39 in its second week.

The Maharishi Wants Your Kids

File under: Satscams and The Siddhi of PR

Simply stated, the TM™ organization wants to indoctrinate your children. They would like to teach every child in the U.S. their meditation technique, to the exclusion of all other methods. They'll whip out all their famously-slanted pseudo-science to make the case theirs is best, but the bottom line is that they honestly believe they are going to take over the world, and they see your kids as their last resort to make it all happen.

Also, it is a religion, with a leader who believes he is God. It's really just a simple and overt world-domination scheme, [Bonus horror: mouse over the world map at the top of this page to meet the God and the "king" he has appointed to lead you.] all behind a smoke-screen of "lower crime rates" and "Maharishi effects" propaganda they're perpetually spewing.

Seriously, folks, especially those of you with children. Beware.

Maharishijuana

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Iowa is letting TM™ers take over 84 acres adjacent to their little heaven on the plains, Maharishi Vedic City. Apparently, it's a lot more heavenly than we imagined, but only if you know how to read the code:

The city of 420 is considered a spiritual center of the Transcendental Meditation movement in the United States.

No wonder that little old coot is so interested in organic farming! And then there's where he lives: Lelystad, The Netherlands, right next to Amsterdam.

Suddenly, it's all so clear. The grandiose vision of world domination, his hiding from the world, the denial of his many failures... it's all just simple pot paranoia.

Keep firing it up, MMY! We know we will.

Stuart And The Zen Master

File under: Real True Gurus

Our friend and fellow gurubuster Stuart Resnick has been talking about his experiences with Zen Master Seung Sahn, a Korean Zen guru, at his blog Random Thoughts:

"What is your name?" ZMSS asked. "Stuart," I replied. "No, no, no," he scoffed. "That's just body's name." It was confusing. I'd given a clear, simple answer. His words, though, were a philosophical idea, the type of unnecessary thinking I'd been told to throw away. But what could I say? How could I question his teaching, when he was the Big Zen Master, and I was the new kid?

After some awkward silence, ZMSS explained, "Now you must say, 'You are incorrect, Zen Master.' When I make mistake, you must correct it." Wow. After all the years I'd spent meeting gurus who claimed perfection, here was ZMSS, right from the get-go, saying that I had to watch for his mistakes.

This may be obvious to y'all, but those kind of mistakes are just another level of the discourse rather than anything that would sully a guru's perfection, if there ever was such a thing in existence.

Every time we read Stuart we learn something new. We blame our pop culture fetish for not having ever heard the story of the birth of Zen:

Buddha was set to give a discourse, and many hundreds had gathered to hear the Renowned Holy Teacher explain enlightenment 'n' stuff. But when he faced the assembly, Buddha said nothing. He just stood there a few minutes, and then held up a flower.

No one in the vast audience understood. Then a monk named Mahakashyapa looked at that flower and smiled. Buddha saw him smile and said, "I have got the Wondrous Dharma Seal of the Supremely Enlightened Mind, the Gateless Gate to Formless Nirvana. I now transmit it to Mahakashyapa."

All Zen schools and Masters trace their lineage back to that transmission incident. What was it about? What was transmitted? Damned if I knew. It was a puzzle, and I like puzzles. Maybe with intense contemplation and special experiences or something, I'd figure it out some day.

Well, certainly the idea of transmission was transmitted. But also transmitted was Buddha's recognition. Mahakashyapa already knew. Buddha merely acknowledged that fact.

Our ass-talking analysis aside, we can't recommend Random Thoughts enough for those readers who like their nonduality straight, yet still kinda sweet.

Selling Out For TheOur Higher Good

As some of you may have noticed, we've finally introduced advertising to the blog. We resisted this for 2 1/2 years, but the siren song of the extra bill-paying power has grown too strong to resist. (Fun fact: today we've made $1.33!)

Due to the way online advertising works, you may notice some links to gurus we've criticized in the past. Not surprisingly, we've no qualms about advertising the jokers we lambast, mostly due to the fact that we need the cash, but also because we just never had those kind of scruples anyway.

We'll still be doing our thing the way we like to do it, only now, you'll be able to buy into the fun. That's right, we've decided to sell sponsorships on Guruphiliac. We haven't decided what to charge yet, so make us an offer and we'll consider it, that is, until we learn the true value of our marketing power and jack everything up to Perez Hilton prices.

Until then, please click on the sponsored links incessantly. Daddy needs a new timing belt in his truck and a weekend at the Wynn in Vegas.

Sign Us Up

File under: Gurubusting

Today we made friends with the nice folks behind the noMinnows blog. They're shining a bit of critical light on the Indian press and their influences, including gurus:

Just as communism is a dead doctrine, so are these heads of religious organizations, who call themselves Gurus - incarnations of God or God Spawn, irrelevant, as the world has proved it can move forward and scale new heights of human accomplishment - in technology, and bringing freedom to the people who were long oppressed - by individual endeavors.

But then he gets crafty and realizes it's better to join them:

But if venerate you must then what's wrong with me? I can drive a Rolls, I can talk a lot (can't you tell) and be surrounded by glazed eyed followers chanting my name, and I promise I will share my wealth - at least 22% of it as a form of dividend to everyone who puts money in my coffers.

Sounds good to us. Where do we sign up?

D.L. Parties With Bush, Flips China The Bird

File under: Backroom Gurudom and The Siddhi of PR

The Dalai Lama has been in Washington D.C. this week, picking up a Congressional Gold Medal while partying with that very bad dream known as the President of the United States, as well as pissing off the People's Republic of China in a grand manner. Now we know why they attempted that lame little potshot a week ago.

Of course, many are spying the D.L through glasses rosy like Bette Midler playing Janis Joplin:

And there it was: bottled enlightenment, released. The laugh is pure warmth and joy, filled with the happiness of a child and the wisdom of a guru. He laughs like that because he knows a lot of things we don't.

He's laughing because he's enjoying everyone eating out of his hand, girlfriend! All he has to do is smile and spout simple similes and platitudes, and everyone automatically assumes it's based in the highest wisdom on the planet.

You can't fault the D.L. for having a great gig. And he is working it, child! But unfortunately, the PRC is just not going to give Tibet back. That train done already left the station, honey!

Ammachi Collects Another Movie Star, New Delhi Ashram Still Amok

File under: Amma All-Over-The-Planet, Ammachi's Goongate, Gurus to the Stars and The Siddhi of PR

Ammachi got another world peace award recently, this time presented to her by cougar hottie movie star Sharon Stone from the "the renowned French film organization Cinema Verite." We have to admit, these two look cute together.

Meanwhile, her gangster-employing New Delhi ashram is still taking legal action against the Green Avenue neighborhood residents for letting themselves get beat up by crowbar-wielding Ammachi devotees. A New Delhi ashram violence victim's update:

I am making a commitment that I shall not breach the peace and tranquility of the neighborhood and in case I do, I will be penalized to the extent of Rs.10,000/-which means roughly 250 USD plus a surety of the like amount implies that I produce another person who undertakes to pay another penalty of Rs.10,000/- in case he can not ensure a good behavior on my part.

Anyways, that process for which I was called has begun and we expect that it will reach a logical conclusion soon and justice would eventually prevail.

With the silence from Ammachi's home office cranked up to a deafening nothing, it appears their head-in-the-sand approach is going to be their final word on the matter.

The lady just won a global peace award despite the fact her employees in New Delhi are known to hire violent goons to accomplish surprisingly trivial goals. What a crazy world this is!

Apparently, Ammachi has two faces; one for the West and one for those who get in her way in India. Like her newest rich and famous Western devotee once said: "If you have a vagina and an attitude in this town, then that's a lethal combination."

The Green Avenue residents now know that truth all too well.

Strongman Guru Strokes Out

File under: Final Satsang

Famous health nut guru Sri Chinmoy often performed public feats of "strength" with a group of his devotees around him to reflect back his glory just in case the regular folks didn't get how awesome he was. He also messed with Carlos Santana back in the day. And he's been busted with his hands where they didn't belong. Now he's showing off in heaven, or wherever look-at-me-type gurus go when they die:

Chinmoy Kumar Ghose known as “Sri Chinmoy,” died this morning from a stroke at the age of 76.

Not surprisingly, he's turned a few folk off in his time. One of them happens to be famous cult-buster Rick Ross, who isn't very sentimental about the fact Sri Chinmoy is with us no more:

No doubt the guru’s dutiful devotees will want to canonize him or somehow lionize their dead leader. But the legacy that the man has left behind is dubious at best.

There is certainly a residue of sizable assets though, which Chinmoy’s loyal lieutenants will be vying over.

However, wouldn’t the best use of whatever money and property the guru left behind be setting up some sort of fund to help the many people and families he reportedly hurt?

It's all in Rick's farewell to a man he considered a manipulative cult leader. It's hard not to agree, yet we still feel we should take off the turban for a sec to honor the passing of Sri Chinup. He may have been a dirty old man who loved to show off, but he did establish a sizable movement around himself which he promoted effectively. As misguided as this effort may have been at its worst, Sri Chinmoy has surely left an indelible print (some might call it a stain) on the fabric of yoga culture in the U.S. today.

TM™'s Stinky PR

File under: Gurubusting, Satscams, The Siddhi of PR and Wackadoo Gurus

Observe the TM™ PR machine bend the facts to provide another glorification of their product:

The principal of an American public high school in San Francisco, California has been awarded the prestigious title 'Principal of the Year'. The award was presented following a nationwide competition encompassing principals from 30,000 schools. The winning principal attributed his success to the fact that his students and faculty practise Transcendental Meditation, with daily group meditations held during school hours. The comprehensive benefits of the Transcendental Meditation Programme for students at all levels of education have been extensively documented by scientific research.

Applauding the principal's achievement, Dr John Konhaus, Raja (Administrator) of the Global Country of World Peace in California, commented that his success would pave the way for the introduction of Consciousness-Based Education throughout California.

So, the guy who just won Principal of the Year doesn't get mentioned by name, but the asshole who thinks he's the king of California does?

As it turns out, there is a principal from San Francisco who did win this award. His name is Jim Dierke, and he's been doing some wonderful things with his middle school students, many of whom are victims of post-traumatic stress disorder because they live in the very tough Bayview district of the City. But hell if we could find any quotes from Jim attributing any of his success to TM™. Not a one.

This all kinda reeks of some serious desperation at the home office in Holland. We understand. There's just not much to hope for in TM™ after 40-plus years of a continuous failure to meet their own expectations.

Lady Guru Spanks Bling-Bling

File under: Gurubusting

"Mystic master" Anandmurti Gurumaa recently spanked yoga-in-a-hot-room guru Bikram "Bling-Bling" Choudhury for attempting to patent the sequence of yoga postures he teaches. It seems a lot of India is pretty pissed off at the flashy purveyor of traditional yoga postures in an untraditional hot room setting:

"Knowledge is not anyone's property or right. Everyone has a right to it. Yoga is a discipline that has been handed down through the ages, through time, and it has taken generations of people to understand it, propagate it and derive individual benefit from it," [Gurumaa] said.

She apparently was reacting to Bikram Yoga founder and US-based Bikram Choudhury's move in May this year to get a copyright for his method of teaching yoga, which has shocked yoga enthusiasts and experts in India.

There is a unanimous feeling in India that the idea of patenting knowledge like yoga is absurd and violates the ancient Indian art.

That's gotta hurt. Imagine, your whole home country turning against you. It makes us feel a little sorry for Bling-Bling. His greed has brought him the distain of an entire nation, and his own people to boot, as well as giving Gurumaa an opportunity to get her name and a mention of her product in the press at his expense.

China Lambasts Dalai Lama For Supporting AUM

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The People's Republic of China hates them some Dalai Lama, mostly because they covet his overwhelming popularity in Tibet even though he hasn't been there since 1959. Thus, they feel they have to come up with these propaganda missives against the guy:

The Dalai Lama supported Shoko Asahara and his Aum Shinrikyo cult, who carried out a sarin nerve gas attack on the Tokyo subway in 1995 which killed 12 and made thousands sick, Xinhua said, in a piece signed by somebody calling themselves Shi Shan.

"It was the support and connivance of the 14th Dalai Lama who took the foe for his friend that made Asahara feel secure in the knowledge that he had strong backing," Xinhua said, in typically strong language.

We imagine the poor D.L. was just being a nice guy when he backed the AUM loonies and their death row guru. He probably gives the same recognition to many spiritual organizations out of a general courtesy rather than a specific endorsement of their ideas or leadership.

Since the D.L. is no psychologist or psychiatrist, he couldn't have known just how out there the AUM folk were about to go. So, nice try, China, but no lollipop for you this time.

Another Dumb TM™er With Too Much Money

File under: Satscams and Wackadoo Gurus

Another extremely rich idiot wants to build another monument to the Maharishi's towering sense of his own self-worth. Fools, both of them:

The idea for the tower, Abramson said, came from Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the purveyor of Transcendental Meditation who was a guru to the Beatles in the 1960s. Plans for similar towers, Abramson said, are underway in New Zealand, Germany and Canada.

It's his 10 million dollars, and it's going straight down the drain, along with all the other money the insane little old wackadoo has wasted for his devotees on his various global domination projects over the years.

Wake up, TM™ numbskulls. Your Maharishi is going down in history as nothing more than one the most grandiose gurus who has ever lived.

A Junkyard Full Of Gold

File under: Real True Gurus

The Moksha Junkyard is a gold mine. Finally, a clear-thinking, straight-talking presentation of the spiritual truths of India by an authentic realizer to his student. We are extremely heartened by the presence of Swami Akshara's words on the blogowebs. It makes our efforts here all the more worthwhile to be able to direct your attention to them:

Master : Let me start with indications, which are NOT the signs a of man in bliss.
he is NOT seen sitting and prattling meaningless words,
he is NOT drifting around without clothes,
he is NOT always grinning and chuckling
he is NOT muttering some god's name endlessly,
he is NOT watching ants biting his body,
he is NOT blessing every one passing by,
he is NOT performing miracles or magic,
he is NOT giving free ideas to everyone even unasked,
he is NOT claiming to be the savior of this world,
he is NOT promising heaven or liberation,
he is NOT always walking on the wooden sandals,
he is NOT always seen in the ochre robes...etc,

In other words, just another fool like you and we, and NOT any of the fame farmers otherwise known as the big-time guru.

We like this swami, but weren't able to find much about him on the Googles. The only blemish we detected was this website, which he's definitely got to lose quick. It simply stinks of the same hero manufacturing all the other BTGs inflict on us and stands to destroy all the good works he's projected by keeping it real.

The Swami's poor marketing choices aside, we'll leave you with this bit of wisdom, one coming directly from the mouth of a guru, and one that shows this guru to be as real as they come:

The formal initiation by a guru into seeking does not make a disciple more special in any manner than those who walk the path without a guru.

Like we said last night, it's horizontal now. Gurus may surely help, but only when they direct the student to their own divinity, rather than getting them hooked on the idea of the guru's.

Baba Breaks Into Bigtime, Leaves Critic Wanting

File under: Gurubusting

Today we learned of another spiritual leader from India who is playing themselves as a consultant to a Western governmental organization. But instead of the usual United Nations, this time a guru is working the European Parliament. Satguru Baba Hardev Ji seems like a nice enough chap*, one seemingly promoting the idea of the common brotherhood of all (wo)mankind with his Sant Nirankari Mission. But hearing the same old drivel spoken by another Indian guru to a group of important folks who are probably impressed by it is just too depressing to ignore today:

Many say that there is a crisis of spirituality in Europe, associated with a decline in attendance at traditional churches. In your view, does this make it harder or easier to achieve a peaceful multicultural society?

It makes things a bit more difficult. People give more importance to materialistic achievements. They visit traditional places of worship less. But religion in its true sense is the religion of humanity, love and compassion. A poet in India once wrote: "One does not need religious places as such, because one can worship God by loving mankind."

We have to ask ourselves: do we love and have compassion for others, are we humble, are we able to help others not out of greed or selfishness but out of love and selflessness?

We've heard it eleventy billion times. Not that it doesn't need constant declaration, just that there is not one single insight spoken here. It's just the same old "rap" of gurudom from India to the West.

For instance, the question provided an excellent opportunity for Baba to point out the fact that the various cultural forms of religion have been among the first to globalize (along with the tools of war), well before the advent of the Hollywoods and Bollywoods. People don't go to church anymore because religion is moving from a vertical to horizontal orientation. The need for intermediaries between devotee and the Lord has evaporated, despite the fact few gurus are picking up on (or are afraid – for business reasons – to express) this.

But instead of any kind of analysis or insight into the problems of the world; the same old, banal boilerplate gets foisted on the West once again. Any good person knows to love your neighbor, and while it does bear repeating, we should expect more from our spiritual leaders than a constant stream of rote pabulum that seeks to salve a fear of change rather than point the way to an embracing of it.

If the Baba is to hit the public recognition heights of a Sri Sri or Ammachi, he's going to need more than the same ol' - same ol'. He's going to need an A-class shtick. Amma's got her hugging you into a state of infantile submission, and Sri Sri's got his gleaming white teeth and look of serene stupidity, so the Baba needs to come up with a gimmick of his own. Perhaps he could give pats on the head, mimicking Amma, but with a paternal flare. He gets the power that comes with the infantiliazation of his devotees, yet coming at it from the gender-opposite position gets him out of being seen as a knock-off artist.

That one's on the house, Baba. Good luck!

*If you like assault rifles with your babas.

The Kracki Is Kinksteriffic!

File under: Satscams

[Ed.note: While we appreciate the intent to distribute reliable information about sexual matters in a neutral and forthright manner, we just couldn't resist taking this crack at you know who.]

An angel alit to show us how Kalki Bhagavan's youth outreach website, experiencefestival.com, is a balls-to-the-wall how-to for kinksters:

Anal masturbation is autoeroticism focusing on the anal area. For humans, common methods of anal masturbation include the insertion of fingers or sex toys such as butt plugs. Stimulation with a finger or fingers is most common. Anal masturbation - Method. Anal masturbation can be pleasurable for men and women of any sexual preference.

Oneness and sodomy, straight to you from Kalki Bhagavan.

Maybe 2012 isn't going to be such a disaster after all.

Maha-Dummies, Away!

File under: Wackadoo Gurus

Did anyone finally ascend and learn to live on a strictly gaseous diet? We kinda doubt it. And now, their year-plus vacation on the Pacific island of Niue has come to an end:

The group arrived on The Rock more than a year ago saying they wanted to buy Matavai Resort and build top notch spa resorts.

But they soon ran foul of locals after taking block bookings for accomodation, supposedly for conferences and meets, and failing to front.

They continued to run up more debt .... all the while staying hidden in their hotel room.

The wacky frau who leads this bag of nuts came up with close to half-a-million dollars to clear accounts and launch aloft to who knows where.

Could this be the end of the Maha-Devi Ascension Association? Not as long as their "devi" still believes she's the highest being of light on the planet.

But she's gonna have to get in line with all the other highesty nut bags out there.

Update: Sydney, Australia is where.

Ammachi New Delhi: The Al Qaeda Of India

File under: Amma All-Over-The-Planet and Ammachi's Goongate

A Green Avenue resident's wounds, courtesy of Ammachi's devotees.

Back in April this year, employees of Ammachi's New Delhi ashram placed an illegal sign in the Green Avenue neighborhood of New Delhi, India. The local residents didn't mind the sign being up for the duration of Ammachi's visit, but requested that the sign be removed after the visit was finished.

But instead of taking down the sign, employees of Ammachi's ashram violently attacked some of the Green Avenue residents in an act that was nothing less than attempted murder. With the local police department completely in Ammachi's breast pocket, the Green Avenue residents turned to the internet to get some justice. The vicious attack also got coverage in Society magazine, the Indian Vanity Fair.

After receiving no official apology or communication at all from Ammachi's home office, the illegal, offending sign was finally removed. Case closed, you'd think... Think again.

The harridan who runs Ammachi's New Delhi ashram, fronted by someone calling themselves S.K. Nair, is bringing a suit against two of the Green Avenue individuals who were viciously attacked by a bus load of Ammachi goondas. That's like being sued by the terrorists who attacked you for being attacked by them. Put another way, you tell your linebacker friends to hurt your ex-boyfriend, and then you sue your ex-boyfriend for getting in the way of their fists:

Another shocking revelation to all of us in Green Avenue Vasant Kunj are the attached notices received by Vikas and Ashwani.

Can lies ever get more blatant!!

Just when one starts believing that Amma must have put some sense into her Delhi Ashram, they again revive our memories of their vicious deed of 19th April this year when my husband was nearly killed.

Since the law enforcement and judicial establishments near Green Avenue appear to be wholly-owned by the hugging "saint", the Green Avenue residents who were viciously attacked and almost killed have to put up $250 each, just because they've been public about the fact that they were almost murdered.

Would you want a hug from this person?

Another twisted tale portending the end times? Who knows. But it does reveal that Ammachi's organization in India has a lot more in common with Al Qaeda than most of her American devotees are aware of.

Daddy Yoga Speaks

File under: The Siddhi of PR

He's the undisputed original gangsta' of hatha yoga. It all started with BKS Iyengar trying to cure himself of TB:

Guru ji started practicing yoga to cure his own illness, tuberculosis. But a fortuitous meeting with violinist Yehudi Menuhin in 1952 opened his doors to the West. He simplified complex yoga asanas, or poses, and performed thousands of demonstrations for the benefit of his new audience, transforming a mystical secret practice into a science, therapy and art accessible to everyone. The focus is on precision and proper alignment of the body.

And now we've got "Bling-Bling" Bikram Choudhury shoving himself down our throats as he attempts to copyright what BKS Iyengar brought to the West for free. Surely, another sign of the end-times.

Sri Sri's Note To Sincere Patsies

File under: Gurubusting


It's all so very clear now:

We attach meaning to words and we distort them, too. For example, the word 'brainwashing.' Like your body, your brain needs washing sometimes. You don't want to walk around with a dirty brain, a dirty mind. What is wrong with the word 'brainwashing'? It indicates a clean brain, a clean mind, but it is used in a derogatory manner.

With Sri Sri Ravi Shankar et. al. deciding what constitutes a "clean" or "dirty" brain, you could see this as one of the "smoking guns" of the Art of Living org's cultish psych-ops.

Kaka Maharaj Teaches Shit

File under: Gurubusting

We call it truth in advertising: a guru named Kaka that teaches shit about the Self:

This Chaitanya (spirit) merging with [the] brain is, "Self Realization," he explained.

The Self, that nondual truth that we all are, has as much to do with spirit as it does with mind, body or our dog's ass, according to Vedanta.

We realize Kaka is just teaching what his guru taught, which we can imagine was designed to keep the devotees subjugated:

He said anyone desirous of initiation does not have to do anything but request the Guru and pray in all earnestness with complete faith in the Siddha Guru and follow his simple instructions at the time of initiation.

There's a lot that has fallen under the heading "simple instructions" over the years that had a lot more to do with pleasuring the guru than the enlightenment of the student. While we're not saying this is the case with Kaka or his guru, it certainly opens the door for those kinds of mischief and is reason enough for this blog to exist.