Guruphiliac: May 2007

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Sikhs Still Gunning For Baba

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Baba Gurmit Singh Ram Rahim of the Dera Sacha Sauda blew it when he dressed up like the 10th Patriarch of Sikhism, Guru Gobind Singh. The whole Indian state of Punjab quickly exploded into violence over it. You best not mess with the Sikhs where their religion is concerned.

The Baba had been expected to offer an apology, and he did... eventually. However, the Sikhs in charge are not satisfied with the contrition by press release:
Lashing out at the sect for their "indirect apology" over the row surrounding 10th Sikh guru Guru Gobind Singh, the Akal Takht said the Dera head was an "egoistic and shrewd person" to apologise through a press release.
But hey... we all sure know who Baba Gurmit Singh Ram Rahim and the Dera Sacha Sauda are now, which may have been his primary intention all along. Perhaps he was seeking to step himself up to Swam Ramdev, Sri Sri and Kracki levels of notoriety. If so, he got his wish. Too bad for him it's turned out to be more or less a death wish.


Monday, May 28, 2007

Worthy Of The Wall

File under: Notable Quotes

We are compelled to tell you that some of the people who leave comments here rock harder than Woodstock:
I think that Amma is a placebo which helps folks to marshal their own inner forces for psychological repair. In this way she is doing a lot of good. The downside is that folks believe it's by the power of Amma that the healing occurs. This is bad for two reasons. One, it's just not true, and two, it leaves people with the impression that self-realization comes with magic healing powers. That's where the occlusion arises

There is a third way in which this belief in Amma exacts a devastating cost. It further alienates people from their own inborn resources of love, which most of us have long experienced as diminished and insufficient (otherwise why go to Ammachi?) and about which we've succumbed to a lot of half-baked theories as to why that's the case. The blissful experiences in Amma's presence will then only ratify and reinforce the belief that one is indeed so benighted and deficient that only a miracle, grace or divine incarnation can deliver the lost or longed-for love. This is not true but we are deeply conditioned to believe in this particular lie, in this scarcity - and thus we hardly notice falling prey to all its logical sociopolitical consequences, nor notice how it entrenches even more deeply the disenfranchisement from our own divine resources.
We're not lying when we say we love the "love" angle, which hadn't occurred to our bitter little minds until now. We find it an excellent deconstruction of the artificiality of Amma's act and the definition of the term satsangtainment.

Update: Another brilliant reader outdoes us:
"Satsangtainment" or "sat-o-masochism"? This may be the single best description of the phenomenon (and pitfalls) of "guru feel ya" that I've ever read. Bravo, brava to whoever penned it.


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Shme Shme Gets Slammed

File under: The Siddhi of PR

While on his self-aggrandizement peacemaking mission in Iraq, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar wanted to take his show to the holy city of Najaf. Nope:
"Why this yoga? You can conduct tailoring and computer classes. You can also contribute monetarily," Bashir Hussain al-Najafi, head of one of the world`s biggest Shia schools, told the Indian spiritual leader.
Looks like al-Najafi saw right though the white-robed preenster's charade.

Allahu Akbar!


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Here She Comes: The Big Mamma

File under: Amma All-Over-The-Planet

Astral milk junkies are rejoicing all over the States in anticipation of their big-time space mommy's visit, where all their infantile spiritual needs will be met at that traveling circus of occluding bullshit about self-realization known as an Ammachi satsang.

Arrive a broken being beat down by the troubles of life, leave with an internally projected sense of peace and happiness and a head full of superstitious nonsense about your own nondual truth.

Gee! Thanks, Mamma Amma, for extending everyone's delusion for another whole year. You may not be doing a damn thing for anyone's self-realization, but you sure know how to keep 'em coming back for yet another empty hug.


Monday, May 21, 2007

How The Kracki Became A Criminal

File under: Gurubusting, Gurus Clockin' Dollars and The Siddhi of PR

Once again, our readers prove that they rock. While described as a "brief" biography, this reader-supplied missive lays it all out in plain text just how much of an unrepentant con man Kalki Bhagavan really is.

Wake up and spit out that Kool-Aid, folks. Your Golden Age-bearing avatard is nothing more than a self-glorifying narcissist. Please excuse us for not being the least bit surprised:
This is a brief biography of Kalki Bhagavan, as I have come to know him over the years. I used to be a friend of Dr. R. Shankar and Kalki Bhagavan, or Vijay, as I knew him.

I feel it is my duty to share the experience that I've had with them, as they have influenced the lives of large number of people in India and abroad. I have done all I can to be as objective as possible. From my point of view I have not exaggerated or said things that did not happen, having said that, I must add that this is indeed a subjective perception of events and personalities.

When I met Kalki Bhagavan he was still called by the name his parents had given him: Vijaykumar [hereafter I shall refer to him as VK]. VK and his middle-class family speak a kind of colloquial Telugu that is neither Telugu nor Tamil. His Naidu caste has its origin in Andhra Pradesh, in the south of India. VK did not hail from an intellectual, spiritual or noble ancestry therefore his natural cultural inclination was to find security in a secure government or public sector job.

After finishing his basic education, the clever and creative VK joined Life Insurance Corporation of India [LIC] as an office clerk. When he had reached marriageable age he was quickly married off to Padmavathy, a woman from his own caste and clan. Though Padmavathy did not attend college, she could read and write but could not speak English. Padmavathy [Amma] is not what we in India call a sophisticated or a cultivated lady.

She had a great female instinct and could sense her husband's appetite for other women. She often quarrelled with him when he showed excessive interest in other women. There was even a time when a friend of mine intervened to calm the quarreling couple. Padmavathy is a very straight-talking, no-nonsense woman who often unhesitatingly confronted VK in public. Her language, while shouting at VK, was rough and somewhat disrespectful.

VK was alleged to have had a relationship with the then headmistress of Jeevasharam [in the mid 80s'] and had her dismissed when he thought it would affect his launch of a promising career as a Guru.

Padmavathy is the one person capable of embarrassing or frightening him into submission. One is not at all surprised by the strategy adopted by VK in including her in the launching of Kalki Bhagavan and Amma Spiritual Company Private Limited. This would ensure that the public know of his marital status and keep Padmavathy comfortable. Her title as Amma has also given her a sense of supreme authority in the organizational hierarchy.

Vijaykumar meets the faithful Dr. R. Shankar
It was only a year, by sheer chance, that VK went to Don Bosco Matriculation School in Chennai. Here he felt like a fish out of water as most of the children in this school came from upper middle-class or class-conscious bourgeois families of Chennai. In this brief one year stint he managed to befriend R. Shankar. Shankar was a very sympathetic and friendly lad who was warming towards this rather isolated and fish out of water, VK.

VK got introduced to J. Krishnamurti's [hereafter JK] teachings as a young man. It is not clear if Shankar's mother introduced VK to JK. Shankar's mother, Mrs. Kanaka Durga Ramachandran, as a child, was educated and influenced by J.Krishnamurti. She continued to keep all his letters and showed them to those curious about this enigmatic Indian philosopher.

Shankar's father Mr. A. Ramachandran studied law at Cambridge University and later practiced as a lawyer in "Rao and Reddy", a popular law firm in Chennai.

Mr. A. Ramachandran abhorred the idea of caste or class superiority and so started off as a communist sympathizer; he helped workers and fought for their rights. Shankar's parents were poles apart. Father an atheist and his mother a somewhat confused believer in everything that claimed to be religious or mysterious. VK was also quite clan and caste conscious, his initial interest in Shankar may have been because Shankar's mother's parents were of a mixed caste. Her mother a Brahmin and father of a Naidu caste. This was very unusual as Brahmans of those days were very caste conscious and almost never married out of caste.

Shankar, a studious and somewhat naive young man, studied science and went over to do a PhD in Theoretical Physics at Tata Institute of Fundamental Research. Vijaykumar, who had lost touch with Shankar, had moved on to start a little shop in Perumbur (area in Chennai) selling rice, while working in the Life Insurance Corporation of India as an office clerk.

Learning from J. Krishnamurti and Hindu Tradition
Shankar, after completing his PhD, moved on to Germany, worked there for a few years and returned to India to marry Dr. Prema, a medical doctor. Prema, a faithful and cultured lady, kept off the spiritual "fog" that surrounded Shankar. She continued her support and loyalty towards her husband through thick and thin. Shankar, like his mother, went through much of oscillation and conflict between science and belief. He found J.Krishnamurti (JK) an ideal bridge; JK satisfied his need to close the gap between his doubts and beliefs.

Shankar went to Brockwood Park in U.K. where he met J. Krishnamurti [it was not the first time he met JK] and JK being impressed by Shankar's dignified looks and scientific education was not late to invite him to join his foundation and head his school in Bangalore. It was this same dignity and grace that Shankar was used by Vijaykumar. A credible looking man can always sell a sub-standard product, this is a well known fact that any good marketing or sales expert would vouch for.

Vijaykumar [Kalki] exhibited some narcissism but always felt he lacked the handsome looks or charisma to attract a following. Shankar, on the other hand, was very articulate, had scientific credentials and very good looks. VK found people trusted Shankar and were prepared to donate land and offer financial support. When Shankar spoke people listened with rapt attention. Here was his ideal marketing manager; Vijay sprang at the opportunity of using Shankar.

Vijaykumar had a great ambition to become a Spiritual leader and this required no verifiable qualifications or education. Knowing how Indians think, I believe, with his looks and manners, he needed a man like Dr. Shankar to promote him. All he needed was an intelligent, trustworthy and sincere man like Shankar, a person who believed in him more than he himself did, to launch him on his brand name: Kalki Bhagavan. He mesmerized Shankar and possessed him and made use of him until he no longer had any need for him.

I often heard VK saying that we need people to do things and help our cause, and after they have served their purpose they can just go on with their lives. In short he meant he would use people and discard them when they have outlived their usefulness.

People, who know VK well, know he can be very opinionated and even rude when speaking about others. But when actually speaking with the person, he would always be very charming and friendly. After this person leaves, VK generally, among his "trusted" friends, had no problems saying anything derogative about the person.
I never posed any threat to VK's ambition, he perceived me as pawn in the game and so he was always friendly to me.

Vijay Kumar works at J. Krishnamurti's school
Vijaykumar was very impressed by JK; he even named his son [Krishna] after this respected teacher. Dr. Shankar offered VK a job as an administrator in the Valley School office, (as VK did not possess teaching diplomas). Vijaykumar maintained the office files and quickly knew all the confidential information related to people's salaries and private correspondences, he even, without asking permission, read letters JK had written to Dr. Shankar which JK had specifically asked Dr. Shankar to keep private.

Vijaykumar had worked in the LIC (Life Insurance Corporation) branch offices of Kancheepuram and Coimbatore. He seemed to have had quite an unpleasant experience with his work mates. He was particularly allergic to people who hailed from Kerala. He used to call them "Malayalathaans", this aforementioned swear word is generally used by uneducated xenophobic Tamil chauvinists and thugs...

He often said that Malayalees, that is people of Kerala, are not to be trusted and to be watched!

Vijaykumar [Kalki] was rather distrustful of people and often charmed people to get things done. He was charming, treacherous, tactful and a master manipulator of events. He knew how to sideline people when they had outgrown their usefulness or have taken ideologies too seriously or sincerely and had unwittingly obstructed his personal agenda.

Bhagavan never forgives
After reading the personal letters [in 1983] of JK to Dr. Shankar, Vijaykumar felt deeply hurt as JK, in his letters, was very suspicious and dismissive of VK's various claims to have had special mystical experiences. Shankar, who totally believed Vijaykumar, had shared VK's so called mystical experiences with some colleagues, who in turn informed JK. JK then wrote to Dr. Shankar of his opinion about entertaining "mystics" or letting them work in his school. Reading this letter deeply hurt VK's pride and he never forgave JK. From then on his desire to become a guru in his own right got fully strengthened. He began visiting U.G. Krishnamurti. [U.G. Krishnamurti is considered an "enlightened" person by his followers, he used to bad-mouth JK, Buddha, and Ramana and says vile things about them]. While UG was visiting Bangalore, I once accompanied VK to meet UG. In the early 80s' he met UG and learnt the art of dealing with followers. He gradually started showing his dislike for JK and even went to the extent of always addressing JK as "Avan", a very disrespectful and derogatory Tamil term.

Foundation for World Awakening and Jeevashram
In 1983 KFI [Krishnamurti Foundation of India] was running several schools for children of the influential rich people of India. Krishnamurti was impressed by Dr. Shankar's academic background besides his culture and international experience. As JK's Valley School lacked cohesion, structure, stability and proper direction he decided to appoint Dr. Shankar as the Principal. Shankar knew he would not be easily accepted by the political heavy weights in that school. He brought in some loyal friends to support him. Vijaykumar was placed in the office. Krishnan Kutty Nair [hereafter KKN], a former IAS officer [a very respected title in Indian bureaucracy] had given up a promising career to join the KFI [Krishnamurti Foundation of India] in 1976. He was also invited in as a friend by Dr. Shankar.

KKN was educated and deeply interested in philosophy and Dr. Shankar invited KKN, another of his friends. KKN and VK often disagreed; VK could not tolerate Shankar appreciating KKN. VK maneuvered and gradually got KKN out of the way by gaining the most influential place in Dr. Shankar's mind and heart. This was also the time when KFI was going through a crisis and people were leaving. VK found KKN an obstacle and a threat to the trusting and bonding relationship he was developing with Shankar.

Dr. Shankar, KKN and others wanted to propagate JK's teachings. Many people responded to their advertisement in "India Today", a mainstream national magazine, and wanted to join this movement. JK was appalled as he was against this way of going public with propaganda. He wanted them all to tow the line or leave the organization. This led to the exit of Dr. Shankar and all who had been brought in by him.

There were several people, most of them unemployed youth, who responded to this advertisement and had came over to offer their services, and find a way of making a meaningful living, but by this time VK and Dr. Shankar had moved on to a different agenda as they were disappointed by JK's response. JK was also upset by the fact that Dr. Shankar had brought in many people who had no cultural affinity to JK's approach. A sizable section of JK's disciples are from the more educated class of India.

Dr. Shankar had in him a bit of his father's egalitarian compassion which made him want to serve the common man. VK was a very different character; he was practical, a strategist, and a quick learner. He, unlike Shankar, was suspicious of people's motives. His aim was to launch a universal programme acceptable to most people. VK wanted a mass based global movement to attract maximum number of people.

VK [Kalki] never revealed his real agenda. Once, when we were discussing the future, he let us know that a movement that is broad based and all inclusive would be necessary to attract large following so that followers would not feel any need for other complimentary systems, therapies, religions and could be easily weaned off from their original faith.

In 1982 there was no place for Dr. Shankar and others to go and at this time VK had been on a long leave from his LIC job. If he hadn't turned up in 90 days he would have lost his job. Luckily he went back and joined LIC on time.

But, in the meanwhile, a piece of land was available; this land was gifted by Dr. Rajasekar Reddy, a surgeon at Stanley Medical College Hospital. He met two former teachers from JK's Rishi Valley School, and offered them his land in Rajupeta. As these two teachers did not know what they should do with so much land they called Dr. Shankar to talk to Dr. Reddy. This was how Rajupeta land, near Kuppam, was acquired. After acquiring this land VK and Shankar started an organization called: Foundation for World Awakening. The land donated by Dr. Reddy was taken over on a 99 years lease period and converted into Jeevashram; a school modelled to imitate Rishi Valley School but soon it was used as a launching pad for Kalki's coming to save our world. It was here that Kalki's story from rags to riches began. Though he initially began to dream of Gurudom to rival JK, he ended up creating a hierarchy and started "enjoying" the perks of unquestioned authority and complete obedience from his devoted followers.

Ex-followers and true believers of Bhagavan
There were several other people who had trusted Dr. Shankar's belief that Vijaykumar was destined for "Stardom". This higher education or PhD in physics is no guaranty for wisdom in all fields. In fact, Dr. Shankar wasn't that balanced emotionally and sought a foster father in JK and later in VK. Most people who knew Vijaykumar are indeed very shocked to read about his claims that he and his wife, Padmavathy or Amma, had created the Universe. If people were to meet his acquaintances in Valley School or ex-colleagues in the LIC, they could learn much more about VK's evolution.

Decent people like Loganathan, Captain Kumar or Dr. Shankar would probably not dare to discuss their doubts about or suspicions of Vijaykumar publicly; there is always this fear of their own safety and that of their families. In India, it is quite common that Gurus use their thugs, hoodlums and hit-men to orchestrate an accident and kill off people who are critical of them.

Dr. Shankar was the one arranging the Movement around Kalki Bhagavan and for a long time was the only disciple of Kalki Bhagavan. He is no longer in Kalki Bhagavan's Movement and avoids commenting. Today he is living a quiet life in Chennai studying astrology.

Bhagavan's plans for the Universe
This is how a con-man transformed himself to an opportunistic manipulator of events. He called himself Acharya and gradually maneuvered to make people call him "Paramaguru" [roughly translated: the supreme teacher] and later graduated into Kalki Bhagavan [meaning roughly "The Lord God Messiah"].

In India, people tend to ignore thousands of budding Gurus, this makes Gurus go around scout for credible people [like Dr. Shankar, Judges, successful people, politicians, actors, artists, scholars], to endorse them. When Westerners gather and show devotion to a budding Guru, his Indian following increases manifold, because the average Indian thinks highly of the white skinned affluent truth seeker. Moreover, Westerners are in general unaware of the lurking greed for money and power in the Guru's mind. They themselves like the special attention and feel elated and euphoric when the Guru glances or smiles at them. Gurus are often clever, they offer very useful courses to comfort the [budding] follower. When the prospective follower finds some benefit, he/she is encouraged and made to feel a sense of hope and feel very important, he/she is told that enlightenment is not far away. This makes the fanatic follower go around scouting for new recruits to spread this "divine mission" which he sincerely believes in.

People looking for security in their not-so peaceful lives, might benefit from the courses Vijaykumar has put together. He has borrowed most of the ideas from the teachings of JK, meditation techniques of S.N. Goenka of the Vipassana foundation, several other teachers like Ramana Maharishi and yoga teachers, besides generously borrowing from the goldmine of Indian Hindu and Buddhist traditions.

These disciples, desperately longing for enlightenment or to put it differently: want ultimate power or understanding of life, or desperately seek answers to their burning questions, give their hard earned money and labour to this "Master". It would be sad if they live this lie and do not discover the real Vijaykumar Naidu behind the Kalki Bhagavan mask. If they dare to question, doubt and seek real truth they would be freed from living a lie.

These kinds of false prophets bring shame and disgrace to India! One thing common to most popular gurus today is that they do not want you to renounce the religion you were born into, all they ask is gradual acquaintance with their system and once you fully get conditioned or indoctrinated they suck you into their inner circle. After you are found to be a loyal follower they ask you to promote, spread and bring in new converts to their brand of pseudo-spirituality. When you bring in many converts you are subtly rewarded by granting you special private interviews, promotion in the hierarchy and a fast lane to enlightenment!

I do not want to risk my life or that of my loved ones so I prefer to stay anonymous. I, as a fellow traveller in search of truth, feel a compulsion to share my perceptions, it is up to you, the reader, to interpret, misinterpret or perceive as you like.
Good old Vijay is slime, folks, and not fit for residence on the bottom of your shoe.

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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Sri Sri To Surf Bhagdad

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is about to fail as a peacemaker again, this time in that ocean of disaster brought to you by a bunch of really sorry Americans and the nincompoop they elected president:
"He is visiting the conflict-ravaged country as an ambassador of peace on the invitation of Iraqi prime minister. He will hold discussions on restoring peace in Iraq with the prime minister," [said] Sangeeta G Anand, media coordinator of the Art of Living.
Leave it to the primping preenster to surf on the waves of unrest all over the world, like a bearded Miki Dora wearing a white dress. Too bad the only "good" to ever come of it is more PR sheen on Sri Sri.


Friday, May 18, 2007

Deepak Does Buddha (In The Butt)

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The General Motors of Vedic-based spirituality, Deepak Chopra, has got another product to sell you: a fictionalized account of the life of Gautama Buddha that's chock full of advice to make you happier. Too bad that's already been done (less the more happiness bullshit) – and we're sure much better – by Herman Hesse over 80 years ago. And too bad the only way to be happy, according to Buddha, is to stop wanting to be happy.

It's really just another opportunity for Deepak to pocket your cash in exchange for more facile self-improvement advice. He's done it multiple times across multiple market venues for a good number of years now, recently stepping it up to include major studio motion pictures.

Of course folks will keep on buying it... because everyone wants to be happy. That's the current in hunanity that Chopra has latched onto like a lamprey. And now he's using the memory of one of the world's greatest spiritual figures – most notable for eschewing happiness – as a Trojan horse to get you to buy more happiness advice.

We gotta take the dust of Chopra's feet for that one.


Thursday, May 17, 2007

Extravagant Guru Pisses Off The Punjab

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Baba Gurmit Singh Ram Rahim is known to be a sartorial wonder of a guru, but lately he's taken it a step too far. The Baba has been dressing as the 10th Patriarch of Sikhism, Guru Gobind Singh. Usually, you just don't mess with the Sikhs, but when you claim to have 15 million devotees belonging to your cult, you'd probably feel empowered to do just about whatever you chose.

That didn't stop angry Sikh's from taking to the streets in riotous protest, nor did it stop the local authorities from launching an investigation into allegations of murder and a cover up. It seems the Baba has been taking liberties with the ladies.

But that could all be a politically-motivated frame-up. The Baba threw his weight behind the liberal Congress party in Febuary, which also pissed off the Sikhs, who have their own party in the Punjab.

It looks like the Baba blew it with the wrong folks to make angry, and right where they live. We're thinking a quick relocation may be in order, before the Baba finds himself forcibly relocated to the nearest funeral ghat.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Me Me Turns 51

File under: The Siddhi of PR

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is 51-years-old today. It's just another in a very long line of excuses to be at the center of attention for the master of self-aggrandizement.

At least he's a few rungs up the ladder from that flimflamming scumbag we posted about earlier today.


Chillin' Criminal

File under: Gurus Clockin' Dollars and Satscams

Wanted: For crimes against the Self, the Upanishads and spiritual understanding all around the world.

The Kracki (Kalki Bhagavan) fakes a samadhi with a thousand-yard stare and dollar signs dancing in his head.

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Sunday, May 13, 2007

Worthy Of The Wall

File under: Gurubusting and Notable Quotables

Eric Paroissien is a longtime gurubuster among the eTopic/Yahoo Groups mailing lists. Today he broke it down for us regarding the glamorization of spiritual "truths" over the essential truths they poorly imitate:
Modern spirituality produces epiphany-based psychologies; we are collectively responsible for our propagation of spirituality which pivotal meme is: "it is a happening, a wondrous happening that revolutionizes what was before, suddenly ... it is there, like a sun after centuries of darkness, dazzling and obvious."

We have been serving that cold stale soup to beginners for centuries now, we are responsible for turning the younger ones into frozen numb guards with eyes only alive expecting the miraculous as sole possible happening in a human life; revolutionaries whose drive is a half-sleepy expectation instead of a burning intensity to jeopardize everything that one has at one go.

So no wonder a historic, synthetic, cold look on what is called liberation bears no interest, it would show all masters hesitant, stuttering and incoherent.

Relying on one's intensity alone, out of any meme, messages or religion, without any help or any meaning or direction to the concept "intensity" itself, is an unwelcoming effort and dull prospect for one's life; it does not look gorgeous, does not make an exciting topic in forums or at parties, does not make the character in the story glow.

Books like Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi" did not help.
How true. That book was the most damaging thing to happen to spiritual understanding in the West since Alice Bailey decided to make up a bunch of crap about ascended masters so she could be the toast of the parlor rooms of her day... stupid bitch.

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Friday, May 11, 2007

A Day In The Life Of Me Me

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

We've got to say it again: the folks who comment here rock! Over the last couple of years we've had one person who used to be very close to Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. This person wishes to remain anonymous as they know full well the extent to which Sri Sri and his handlers will go to discredit and otherwise make uncomfortable those who dare to question his motives and divinity. We, on the other hand, love this stuff, so we'll share his latest exposure with you:
A midnight call to his "favs". "hmmmm? (in his high voice)" And then, who knows...... Little sleep for the little guy. And that makes sense -- his conscience should be bothering him with all the mischief he has caused others over the years. Strenous meetings with guests coming to ask him questions. Poor thing. Food brought by his worshiping minions. Travel first class on to the next place, welcomed in high style and housed in luxury. Poor guy! He must be so tired by now! Afternoon nap. More food brought by worshipping minions. Evening satsang. Sitting, swaying while others sing for some time. An hour talking (oh my, that was very tiring!!). Whisked away in comfort of a private car. Sit around and do the famous "gossip session", putting down with laughter anyone who doesn't believe in him, and some of those who do. (Have you not been in those sessions 5ri 5ri? tsk. Hope you are not fat or ugly or sincerely affectionate -- everything is up for grabs with good ole Sri Sri -- he'll make a joke at anyone's expense! And everyone just LOVES it!!! They gush with giggles and join in the bashing fun without any embarrassment at all! Lovely bunch really.) Retire to bed with or without company.
We're sure the girlie man's little minions are going to be all up in our face with the denials. Don't waste your time, folks. We've got our finger on the delete button and we're not afraid to use it.

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Insuperable Wisdom Of Chuck

File under: Gurubusting

The treasure of this blog are the people who comment here. One of the most entertaining of this bunch is Chuck, an auto parts salesman from Dimebox, Texas, who is one part Andrew Harvey, one part Andy Griffith playing Sheriff Andy Taylor... and a whole lot of Hunter S. Thompson, a literary hero of ours.

Today Chuck chimes in on Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's plans for world celebrity domination peace:
  1. She She becomes a multi millionaire! Check!
  2. She She becomes world famous and has weak minded people thinking that he is God! Check!
  3. She She says, "I'll show him!" and tries to make his poor old daddy guru [TM™'s Maharishi Mahesh Yogi] take a back seat to his peace accomplishments! Check!
  4. She She gets to dress up like the bearded lady, only more feminine! Check!
  5. She She actually brings peace to anywhere... Still waitin'!
For those of you so inclined, Chuck has an enlightened mule in Dimebox that gives out shaktipat in the form of a swift kick in the ass... for free! It couldn't be any worse than giving the Kracki $5,000 to learn how to fool yourself and others into believing you are enlightened just because some dumb ass touched your forehead.


Joyu Gets Jammed Up... Again

File under: The Siddhi of PR and Wackadoo Gurus

What happens when you take a bunch of loonies who once believed their mass-murdering guru was God? You get the cops raining down on your head to placate a paranoid Japanese public:
Intelligence agents swarmed the offices of the new "Ring of Light" religious group to scrutinize its activities, authorities said. The group on Wednesday announced its split from a successor to the deadly Aum Shinrikyo cult of the 1990s.
Even though new sect leader Fumihiro Joyu claims they have nothing to do with their former wackadoo brothers and sisters, the authorities are determined to nip any terrorist activities in the bud:
The raid, part of continuing surveillance of a cult designated by law as a terrorist group since the subway attack, was aimed at inspecting teaching materials and interviewing members for traces of apocalyptic teachings.
We said it before: take on a bunch who supported mass-murder, and folks are gonna think you still have murderin' on your mind, despite what you may be telling the press.

Joyu has got his work cut out for him. He may as well remove all the locks from the doors of his HQ, 'cause this ain't the last time the cops are going to bust them in.

Update: Oops! Some folks must have missed the memo and kept their Asahara pictures after the purge. That ought to be worth five or six more police raids in the next few months.

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Indian Press Is On To Sri Sri

File under: The Siddhi of PR

The quote marks say it all. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is back in Jammu & Kashmir acting holy and expecting everyone to fall at his feet over the majesty of his "brilliantly rendered" plan for peace. But this time some folks appear wise to his PR shenanigans. It's as if a bit of light is starting to peek out of that dark hole known as Indian press coverage of gurus.

Will Sri Sri bring peace? Has he ever?

But his "tireless sacrifice" in its name will polish his plaques and perhaps even fill the coffers a bit... but only for the world's downtrodden masses, of course. [Ed.note: As if!]


Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Another "Lord Of The Universe" Jackoff

File under: Gurubusting, The Siddhi of PR and Wackadoo Gurus

Another day, another nutbag self-declares his supremacy over all of reality. Meet Sat Guru Maharajji, an avatard based in Nigeria making a big stink over himself:
LEADER of One Love Family, Ibadan, Oyo State Sat Guru Maharajji has called on Nigerians to jettison various religions and religious teachings that tend to project one race as superior to the other.

The self-acclaimed Lord of the universe stated this recently in Ibadan during a press briefing to mark the 20th anniversary of the Sat Guru Maharajji village and its importance to the world.

Sat Guru Maharajji, who described Ibadan, the location of the Sat Guru Maharajji village as the highest spiritual centre of the Universe added that it has placed Nigeria as the new destination for the new world.

He said "Here is where you meet the Lord of the universe Sat Guru Maharajji face to face physically, and have 13 years added to your life span, plus the highest gift of life (divine knowledge), the key or panacea to all human problems free of charge."
Of course, he pumps his own place up at the expense of all others:
Enjoining Nigerians not to travel to other parts of the world in fulfillment of religious obligations, Sat Guru maintained that such places outside Nigeria were products of years of manipulation. "There is absolutely no need to travel to any so called holy lands in the middle East, Europe, USA, far East etc because they are hybrid plastic monuments faked up through the ages by our oyibo brothers to create division between the human race, through scandalising the blacks," he said.
Nice little racist touch there, Maharaj!

Apparently, empty promises and the ability to lie right through your teeth is all that is required of Lords of the Universe these days. Too bad the line of these losers is like a mile long at this point.

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Kashi Creeps Westward

File under: Gurubusting and The Siddhi of PR

Atlanta's The Sunday Paper takes a look at the controversial Ma Jaya and her Kashi Ashram, which is based in Sebastian, FL, but is apparently starting to spread to points west.

We know Ma as the lady who had Bhagavan Das' ass kicked when he decided to bail on her, (as well as the guru who encouraged him to visit brothels when he was with her) [Ed.note: She scores a few good points for that one.], and also as someone who gave Ram Dass a reason to write this mea culpa. She's well-known in certain California gay communities for her pioneering work with AIDS victims, although some in those communities see her more as an exploiter of AIDS rather than its Mother Teresa. And like many upcoming big-time gurus, she's left a trail of folks who think she's got her head up her ass.

But regardless of what you think of her, the woman lives large, which is the number one reason we have a problem with her:
“Her personality is large,” says Sita Gange, spokeswoman for the Kashi Ashram. “It encompasses all facets, from the funniest to the most compassionate.”
In other words, she's cultivated a cult of personality for herself, which basically means self-realization is left in the basement with a broomstick up its ass. [Ed.note: There's a lot of ass in this post, don't you think?]

But that suits Ma just fine, it seems. Why would she want to create an internal critique of everything she is doing, because that's exactly what would happen if anyone was actually getting self-realized around her.

Look Ma: it's not about you, and it's not about you being a vehicle for Kali or whatever. But that's what it's about for everyone around you, which basically means you are screwing them all with impunity as far as their nondual understanding goes.

We suppose we should just be happy that everyone is getting what they want and leave it at that.

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

One Blog Closes, Another Laughs It Up

File under: Gurubusting

A few days back a reader informed us that the What Enlightenment??! blog has ceased publication. Founded to expose and investigate the abusive narcissist known as Andrew Cohen, the publishers of this excellent chronicle of the troubles which have constellated around Cohen feel that the work is complete, despite the fact that Cohen is gonna keep being Cohen, and that means plenty of troubled people are going to still be coming out of that head-screwing mindfuck, some with a lot less cash than they had going in:
In the more than two years since I personally "broke the code of silence," all of these disturbing events, and many more, were documented and corroborated on this blog, over and over again. Three former editors of What Is Enlightenment? magazine, including myself, spoke out strongly here about the abuses in Andrew Cohen's community. Other close students have also put their names on the line to attest to what went wrong with the community's beautiful dream of creating heaven on earth. The woman who financed Cohen's Foxhollow EnlightenNext world center wrote about how he unfairly took advantage of her vulnerability and largesse. Numerous other students have also contributed here, both named and anonymous, shedding light on the authoritarian abuses around Cohen, their causes and their harmful effects. In contrast, not one specific or credible factual denial has emerged from Andrew or anyone associated with him about what has been reported here in great detail and depth. Instead, we have only heard the refrain that we have failed to include the "context," as if any overarching purpose could justify the abuses described here and the pain they caused. No cry of "context" could obscure the devastating truth that the participants in this blog have had the courage to reveal...

But I think that this particular forum has run its natural course. The essence of what needed to be expressed has been said. Most of the former students I know have moved on, or are in the process of doing so—they have regrouped or are regrouping, they value what they learned, both good and bad, and they have ventured into productive new lives. Those lives now may be less filled with drama, buzz and high romanticism, perhaps, than their lives with Andrew Cohen. But they seem, to me, to be lives that are far more genuine, lives that are making, or have the potential to make, greater contributions to this world.
We're sorry to see the end of this parade of horrors, as it is a mightily-instructive journey into the heart of the pathologically-generated self-image of a guru. We suppose Cohen is never going to get it, as such is the fate of the habitually self-regarding souls who are convinced by their interpretation of their spiritual experience that they are special, rather than coming to know and promulgate the much less glamorous yet more accurate rendering of the truth, that self-realization and enlightenment do not make you special; they only reveal your utter ordinariness as a being – to yourself, others and the universe at large.

Just as the door shuts on What Enlightenment??!, another has opened for us. Today a reader revealed the existence of YogaDawg, which is described as a snarky cross between The Onion and Yoga Journal. Seeing as we are decidedly outside the yoga "scene", a lot of it flies clear over our heads. But other folks seem to like it, and as we get more of a sense of its style, we find our admiration increasing. We're adding a permanent link, and if we miss anything that applies to what we're doing here, please give us a nudge in that direction.